100 Greatest Inventions Fail

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Per Telegraph.co.uk

A study of 4,000 consumers also placed the Apple smart phone – which has sold 42 million units since its launch in 2007 – ahead of the car, camera and flushing toilet.

fail

nope. not even close

Way to go, Britan. You bunch of ninnies.

Check the full (asinine) list

100 Greatest Inventions

1. Wheel
2. Aeroplane
3. Light bulb
4. Internet
5. PCs
6. Telephone
7. Penicillin
8. iPhone
9. Flushing toilet
10. Combustion engine
11. Contraceptive pill
12. Washing machine
13. Central heating
14. Fridge
15. Pain killers
16. Steam engine
17. Freezer
18. Camera
19. Cars
20. Spectacles
21. Mobile phones
22. Toilet paper
23. Hoover
24. Trains
25. Google
26. Microwave
27. Email
28. The pen
29. Hot water
30. Shoe
31. Compass
32. Ibuprofen
33. Toothbrush
34. Hair straighteners
35. Laptops
36. Knife and fork
37. Scissors
38. Paper
39. Space travel
40. Kettle
41. Calculator
42. Bed
43. Remote control
44. Roof
45. Air conditioning
46. SAT NAV
47. Wi-Fi
48. Cats-eyes
49. Matches
50. Power steering
51. Tumble dryer
52. Bicycle
53. Sky+
54. Tea bags
55. Umbrella
56. iPod
57. Taps
58. Crash helmet
59. Wristwatch
60. eBay
61. DVD player
62. Nappies
63. Ladder
64. Sun tan lotion
65. Lawnmower
66. Make-up
67. Chairs
68. Sunglasses
69. The game of football
70. Sliced bread
71. Sofa
72. Razor blades
73. Screwdriver
74. Motorways
75. Head/ear phones
76. Towels
77. Push-up bra
78. Binoculars
79. WD40
80. Mascara
81. Hair dryer
82. Facebook
83. Escalator
84. Hair dye
85. Wellington boots
86. Spell check
87. Calendars
88. Cheese grater
89. Buses
90. Post-it notes
91. Gloves
92. Satellite discs
93. Pedestrian crossing
94. Baby’s dummy
95. Curtains
96. Bottle opener
97. Food blender
98. Dustpan and brush
99. Desks
100. Clothes peg

I don’t know where to begin. What a effin joke. Curtains? Ladders? IPhones? Pain killers and ibuprofen both listed? I’m not mad, Englanders, I’m just confused and disappointed in your effeminate asses.

How about beer, robots, and swantron.com. In that order.

Best News on the Interwebs

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I spend a fair amount of time blathering on about technology and current events. I figured I should put together a post to divulge some of my sources. Think of this either as a master “works cited” reference, or as a “read like Joe” document, of sorts.

holy smokes

holy smokes indeed

Take note, I have not had a newspaper or magazine subscription for years. Years and years, actually. All of my sources are online…for better or worse.

I’m all about my news…the more varied, the better. I typically begin by checking local online sources, namely the Bozeman Daily Chronicle and Billings Gazette. The Bozeman Police Reports alone make the Cronicle worth checking, for comedic value alone.

When it comes to national news sources, I typically stick to drudgereport.com and news.google.com. Drudge is fairly conservative, (some might argue that he is uber-conservative, but I disagree) but fairly thorough. I have Google filtered to give me a ton of national and science-based stories. All in all, these both serve to collect news from a large variety of sources. It serves to keep the reader on his or her toes, by keeping fresh points of view present.

I have a few more specialized news sources I check on a daily basis as well. I keep up with our neighbors across the pond with euro news, and stay current with my nerd news via slashdot. Euro News fills in the spaces missed by mainstream media regarding Europe, and slashdot fills in the things that media deems too obscure on which to report.

I also check a few other random sites on a frequent basis. The Onion is the best, and their sister site AV Club offers some good reviews of music, games, movies, etc. Geekologie is quickly becoming a favorite as well…sort of like swantron, oddly enough. I keep up on my beloved Chicago Cubs on viewfromthebleachers.com, and to a lesser extent cubs.com.

Consider yourselves warned…but please don’t cut out the middleman and stop checking this site out. swantron.com FTW!

Wrigley Field /vs/ Cashman Field

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Well, baseball season is in full swing. The Cubs have some high points and some low points, and are playing sub .500 ball at this point. Good starting pitching, shaky bullpen, sporadic hitting from the middle of the line-up. D-Lee and Rami are playing poorly, while Soto and this guy…

Alfonso Soriano aka Fonzie aka $oriano

…are absolutely tearing it up compared to ’09. Marlon Byrd and Carlos Silva have proven to be good additions to the team; Marmol is coming around. All in all, exciting year. Win/Loss record, considered.

Here is the issue. I live 700 miles from the closest Major League stadium. In fact, I am equally far away from the two closest, Coors Field and Safeco Park. As much as I would love to jump on StubHub and line up some tickets to Wrigley…it is not financially in the cards. Nay, it is not possible to get a week off work to slide over to Chicago, Denver, Seattle, et al. Stupid work.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, however. Remember that Vegas wedding Katie and I have coming up? That’s right…bring on some 51′s.

Last summer we hit a game at Cashman Field.

cashman

Cashman Field in sunny Las Vegas

See that orange line? That was the route to the beer garden. We were fortunate enough to hit dollar Bud night at the field. Muy bueno!

Anyhow, hopefully the wedding trip will find us at Cashman again. If you manage to find yourself in Vegas…I would highly recommend it. In fact, here here is a StubHub coupon code, for your ticket-getting pleasure.

Maybe work will settle down, the Cubs will get in the win column more often, and I’ll be able to make it out to Wrigley this fall. I’m not holding my breath, though, as I have been watching the Cubs crash and burn for 25 years now. I can always dream…I can always dream.

How to Fix a Paper Cutter

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I walked into my designated printer room at work today to find the paper cutter broken. What a tragedy, right? I have absolutely no idea why we need a paper cutter, let alone several paper cutters, at our software shop FWIW. Regardless, I took it upon myself to remedy the problem. Sleep tight, thy co-workers…rest assured that you can again transform 8.5″ x 11″ paper sheets into 8.25″ x 11″ paper sheets, thanks to my pro bono paper cutter fixing skills. Observe.

What You’ll Need:

*Broken Paper Cutter
*Tape (Scotch)

Steps:

1) Locate Point of Failure

You can see that this particular cutter has malfunctioned due to a broken cutting arm.

paper cutter

brokos

2) Procure a section of tape

(If you are unsure with what to do with the tape at this point, don’t worry…this will come into play in step 3)

paper cutter

tapos

3) Place tape section on the displaced cutting arm

fix

applyum

4) Place displaced cutting arm on cutting arm articulating housing; secure tape

paper cutter

fixdos

That’s that. Leave it in the printer room for the next idiot who actually uses a paper cutter…I bet bewilderment will ensue

Zenni Optical | Very Zen-Like

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Consider this my official heads-up to the drivers in Southwestern Montana: I am practically blind behind the wheel. Especially right around dusk…something about the indirect light makes my eyes tired to the point where everything is a blurry mess. Not good.

Welcome to my thirties, I guess. Turns out I am badly in need of some eyeglasses…and none too pleased.

My first thought was to get some contacts. Hide the fact, so to speak, that I am ageing. But then I start thinking about it…I really don’t need correction at work. I also don’t need help when I read…so why not just bite the bullet and get some eyeglasses, that I could toss in the car? Here is why. I absolutely destroy sunglasses. If I have glasses that I wear ‘on occasion,’ I will get only a few occasions to wear them before they are either lost or scratched to bejesus. Same goes for my cell phones, but I digress.

So, looking at the mall and at Costco, it turns out that eyeglasses are break-the-bank pricey. Enter stage left…Zenni Optical. Check the price on this guy…

zenni

$8.00? Cheaper than lunch.

As my caption so nicely states, that is cheaper than lunch at the danged deli. For good looking frames, to boot. Eight bucks is for the pure prescription lens, but they also offer bifocals, progressives, you name it. For dirt cheap. Problem solved, the problem being my need for several pairs of specs. I could grab an armful of these for less than the price of one pair at the mall, and therein have a pair in the SS, Yukon, Kate’s Camry, the living room, work, etc.

Plus, for eight bucks, I could have a next year’s Halloween costume knocked out…

great balls of fire

Goodness Gracious

Buddy Holly baby. Or the guy from Major League played by Charlie Sheen. Decisions decisions.

Ubuntu Naming History

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I started thinking about my first Ubuntu experience…8.04, Hardy Heron. Good stuff. I got curious and looked up the previous version names…and found them fairly interesting.

ubuntu FTW

gimpy

Warty Warthog 4.10
Hoary Hedgehog 5.04
Breezy Badger 5.10
Dapper Drake 6.06
Edgy Eft 6.10
Feisty Fawn 7.04
Gutsy Gibbon 7.10
Hardy Heron 8.04
Intrepid Ibex 8.10
Jaunty Jackalope 9.04
Karmic Koala 9.10
Lucid Lynx 10.04
Maverick Meerkat 10.10

The trend is self-apparent. Now, the names are alphabetically similar, and in a descending order. Shitty sentence, yes, but too is this sentence shitty. The numbers correspond to the year of release, and month of release…meaning that the Meerkat drop that I have will remain beta for another 5 months. Nerd points.