iM tiRed of lazy tech journaliSm

Tech writers are the best. I most certainly don’t read the stuff that hits news aggregates because of informative banter and notable content, I read it for comic value.

Well… comic value and insight into human nature. Most notably: laziness

It seems to me that the easiest way to get published is to talk about a i* killer. Replace the wildcard with either “pod”

pod

(expensive media player)

“pad”

pad

(expensive tablet)

or “phone”

iphone

(sort of like an Android, but worse, except for battery life, which doesn't matter)

…and write a half-assed article about a new product. Guaranteed Google, MSN, Yahoo, Drudge, or whoever else will have that bad boy on the front page.

Protip: Next time you are charged with the task of covering a new Samsung product’s press release, save some time and just go with “End of Apple???” and be done with it. The whole killer angle was spent several years ago…when we nerds were buying Sandisk players, loading Ubuntu on netbooks, and making wild guesses on forums what RIM was going to do with the next generation of BB phones. Oh….the good old days.

FWIW, I’ll put a Droid X up against all three of those products. For the price point, nothing can touch that machine…my Droid 2 included.

iPhone 4 The Loss

Five million Pounds…that is roughly eight million USD. If you happen to have that sort of loot sitting around, like diamonds, and have bought into the iPhone hype…this son of a gun is right up your alley.

bling bling

blingbling

I’m struggling to come up with some sort of joke involving Dustin Diamond. Not coming together. Just think about Screetch being broke or something. Saved by the Bell was uber-syndicated…how the crap did Double D blow all of his money? Maybe he commissioned someone to diamond-up a Zach Morris phone back in the day. I bet that would cost well more than five million Pounds. Even with inflation taken into consideration.

iPad Updates

Yesterday marked the official iPad release in the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and Switzerland. And our neighbors to the North, Canada. I’m trying to think of an insult to Canada, but all I can come up with is ehPad. I think I’ll go with that…Apple ehPad.

We Yankees have had these around for what seems like a long time. What is the current state of the latest Apple buzz-inducing product?

robo

little robot dude looks happy

Well, apps, for starters. Apple managed to get a huge bump due to the iPhone developer core. Granted a bunch of the available apps are ‘iPhone ports’ so to speak, there are tons and tons of them. I really like a few of the ideas that have been thrown around. From the simple-ish ideas, like an air hockey game…

air hockey

Pong 2.0

…to the hholier than though less than two iPhone and an iPad having squares need not apply apps…

scrabble

what do you do with Zs...or Xs

…there are some very entertaining apps for purchase. I like that Scrabble notion quite a bit. I bet I could do that with a pair of Droids and a Linux tablet, but I digress. I need to make more money writing paid posts like this, before I can think about two Droids. Fail.

The one thing that has fallen off the radar is the marketing point that the iPad was to be the Kindle killer. I have not seen any press regarding using an iPad as an e-book reader, which on the onset was one of the primary selling points. It could be an issue with battery life, with respect to the Kindle’s battery kind e-ink. More likely, it is easier to show flashy things like gaming on the units…makes for a more interesting story, I suppose.

I guess I’m still on the fence. As is the case with all things techy and new, I still want one. You can keep the iPhones though…I’m not biting there.

In the mean time, I’m going to see if my ehPad meme takes off.

Diamond iPad | Bling Fail.

And here I stand, thinking that Apple fanboiz were at the pinnacle of pretentiousness…turns out there is a far worse type of consumer:

diamond-ipad

pinky rang werth bout fiddy bling bling

I think there is a joke to be made about polishing a turd, but I don’t think this particular turd is polished. Maybe if they made it multitask or run Flash…however, this is what some dipshits at Mervis Diamond have done:

This gorgeous diamond studded iPad features 11.43 carats of diamonds, hand-set in a micro-pave styling. The diamonds are graded G/H in color and VS2/SI1 in clarity.

Price tag: $19,999.

Very limited quantities available. Orders will be available June 1..

Good luck with that. I’m holding out for an emerald-studded iPhone. Not. Like that? Bringing back the not.

Worlds Colliding: Considering Mini 9 Hackintosh

It almost seems like a crime to own the most hackintosh-able netbook w/o hackintoshing the sumbitch. Ideal chipset…ideal ease of solid state HD and RAM upgrade. The only downside is my Linux fanboi-izm…and affinity to The Gimp. Ubuntu FTW.

MINI 9

Still a Gimp dude

I’m uber-serios-ly considering making the bump. I really hate iTunes and anything else with a small i preceding a word, but think that iPhone/iTouch app dev might be worth the hassle. More to come…I have some contemplation to contemplate.

iPad: iThe iDeal iB-iB-iBreaker

The iPad doesn’t multi-task
The iPad is less powerful than my Mini 9
The iPad is twice as expensive as my Mini 9
The iPad still requires tethering sans WiFi
The iPad is Flash-free
The iPad…

gay

iDo Not Want.

…ups the iTunes bullshit ante with some asinine iBooks bullshit. Dealbreaker.

Honestly, this thing is basically an entry level netbook with a touch-screen and a whole grip of proprietary junk. No HDMI out, so you cannot use your glorified e-book reader as a portable media center. No thanks. Maybe once this thing is jail-broken it will be worth a look, but as the iPad sits in Gen I, this thing is going the way of the Macbook Air…straight to obscurity.

The Apple fanboiz should be all over this stupid thing. I’ll stick to the smartphone / netbook for the time being.