Tag: Useless

I’m pretty sure the printer room in a software company is where obscure office shit goes to die. There are always random dried-out hi-lite markers, cap-less ballpoints, and roughly seventy staplers sitting amongst the unclaimed recipes in each of the printer stations. Which of these of the least value? You decide.

Entry 1___Stapler Remover. You know what? If your initial staple fails, perhaps you should not be stapling in the first place. Either you stapled incorrectly, and suck at stapling, or attempted to staple far too many papers together at once, and suck at stapling in that regard. Regardless, extra ‘worthlessness’ awarded due to setting…no staples required in software production.

Entry 2__Paper Clip Holder. Had one of these at the old cube…LOVED IT. Great to fiddle with. I can hold, in my possession, a paper clip for about 45 seconds before I have the straight outside part bent out and underneath a fingernail. Paper clips make getting potato chips fragments out of keyboards a snap. As far as the holder…useless. A non-magnetic box of toothpicks would be economically far more feasible.

Entry 3__Electric Three Hole Punch. You know what really sucks? When your goddamn coffee maker at work is out of commission, yet there is a fully functional, electric, 3-hole punch sitting there. Look how full that collection bin is ^… it really makes you wonder what the fuck people are 3-hole binding, again, at a software company.

What an absolute toss-up! It is a good thing that I am not in the printer room often…guaranteed I’d have a paper clip jammed in that 3-hole punch in no time. Or a staple-remover-pierce marks on the webbing of my hand…