swan tron dot com

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Fri, 27 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Super Mario Galaxy 2 dropped a billion years ago. Simpler times. The Wii was so much fun.. Sunshine was perfect and somehow Galaxy was better. Galaxy 2 was not better for me.. it was a game I dropped and I do not do that. I think I got around 80 stars and dropped it. I don’t quit books and finish the games I go in on. Weird stuff.. life happens.

Wrenchtron: DIY Vehicle Maintenance Tracker

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 04:00:00 +0000

Kendall Ford in Bozeman books out three months. I have a 2021 F-150 under powertrain warranty.

Those two facts are incompatible, so I’ve just started doing everything myself.

I was already servicing most of the fleet at home—RZR, old wheeler, mower on its last leg, a snowblower. DIY is usually faster and cheaper, and to be honest fun. The warranty situation just made it urgent to actually document everything, and a glovebox full of Costco receipts wasn’t going to cut it.

The Midi

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 08:34:00 +0000

NYT_Games: check it out.. new daily crossword.. the ‘Midi!’

jswanson: welp, there goes another four minutes of my day

NYT_Games: huzzah!

jswanson: s/four/slightly over two/

Self-Hosting a Bluesky PDS

Thu, 29 Jan 2026 20:15:00 +0000

I’ve been sitting on a Bluesky Personal Data Server (PDS) for a few months now. Why? Great question.. I guess because a few of my privacy-nerd friends were asking if anyone had tried to set one up. I like setting stuff up so I did, and am finally getting around to documenting the thing. I put together a guide for others who want to do something similar: bluesky-pds-guide.

Why the AT Protocol?

The AT Protocol (Authenticated Transfer Protocol) was created by the Bluesky team. When you use Twitter or Facebook, your data lives on their servers. You’re locked in. A platform changes policies, gets acquired, shuts down—you lose everything.

WordPress to Hugo Migration

Sun, 18 Jan 2026 05:00:00 +0000

This is the first time in decades I haven’t had a WordPress instance live. Lordamercy…

WP Trucker Logs: From Shared Hosting to Code-First

Over two decades, swantron.com hopped through several hosting trends:

Phase 1: Classic – Traditional shared hosting (Siteground)
Phase 2: Cloud Ops – VMs & DBs (EC2 & RDS / GAE & not RDS)
Phase 3: IaC-adjacent – Dockerized one-click pets (GCP, but mostly DigitalOcean)
Phase 4: The End State – Static delivery via Hugo + GitHub Actions

Each previous phase was just a different way of babysitting a server. This migration is different. It’s not just a new host; it’s a fundamental change in philosophy from ‘managed system’ to code-first delivery.

vinnila

Tue, 06 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

12 year old provided bath bomb to 14 year old

(12 year old is in the ET program and was the 6th grade spelling bee runner up)

Chomptron: AI Recipe Generator

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Do you hate cooking blogs? Sure, we all do..

Inane story, some ads, ingredient somewhere, more adds, quatities somewhere else, another ad. Like and subscribe..

It is embarrassing to say that I bought the domain name with that sort of thing in mind. I have some of our go-tos in texts from Katie and others that I have emailed to myself (from texts from Katie). I parked some stuff on WordPress and promptly remembered that I hate WordPress about as much as I hate cooking blogs. We know what we have and what we like—it wasn’t a very practical idea. No reason to host that sort of thing.

Secure Base Images for Docker

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 04:45:00 +0000

Do you hate insecure base images? Sure, we all do..

I built a thing: secure-base-images. It’s a minimal, security-hardened Docker base image for static Go binaries.

Issue

Most Docker images are bloated. They include shells, package managers, and a ton of dependencies you don’t need. This creates a huge attack surface that your security team loves to talk about, and drives fast pipeline guys like me insane. For static Go tools, you literally just need the binary and some certs.

tronswan update

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 03:05:51 +0000

I’ve been busy with tron swan dot com.

It’s still just hammering on stuff and learning, with a robot motif. The robot spins.

Reminder: the site is a playground, and is sort of stupid. It is also a nicely done React site with modern patterns and a legit pipeline. I run a bunch of health checks for other services.. there is a nice weather feature.. I use it to stream Spotify while I work. It is all over the place.

Eclipse Colander

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 20:25:31 +0000

strain noodles: ❌
strain sun: ✅

40%-ish solar eclipse in Bozeman. Time to make crescents.

cidamin

Sat, 09 Mar 2024 20:41:25 +0000

10 year-old provided jellybean feedback to 12 year-old..

tron swan dot com

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 19:08:15 +0000

Alex from Peloton likes to say something along the lines of “you don’t have to get ready if you stay ready.” Its pretty good advice.

Along those lines I decided to put together a react app to stay fresh. I’ve been hammering on (gitlab) pipelines and api frameworks at work for most of the year.. time for a project.

It is live on tronswan.com

The goals were to:
- hit some APIs from react
- mess around and build some components
- implement playwright on a project
- write GH Actions to handle build / test / deploy
- POC CI/CD to DigialOcean

About

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000

This site started in the late 00s as ‘bouncerblog.com’ when blogs were popular and the internet was fun. I was a blogging bouncer.. blogging about bouncing. I started dating a bartender.

Then the bar blew up.. literally. My gf and I were still working at the American Legion in BZ super part time, early into our careers. It was an interesting way to retire from that sort of thing.

At some other point ‘bouncerblog.com’ morphed into ‘swantron.com’. I was really into microcontrollers around that time.

Hall of Fame

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000

MT is Cold

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 22:59:00 +0000

➜ ~ curl -s https://api.openweathermap.org/geo/1.0/direct\?q\=Bozeman\&limit\=5\&appid\=$WEATHER_API_KEY | jq .
[
 {
 "name": "Bozeman",
 "local_names": {
 "en": "Bozeman",
 "ru": "Бозмен"
 },
 "lat": 45.6794293,
 "lon": -111.044047,
 "country": "US",
 "state": "Montana"
 }
]
➜ ~ curl -s https://api.openweathermap.org/data/2.5/weather\?lat\=45.67\&lon\=-111.04\&appid\=$WEATHER_API_KEY\&units\=imperial | jq .main
{
 "temp": -18.99,
 "feels_like": -31.59,
 "temp_min": -21.44,
 "temp_max": -15.3,
 "pressure": 1022,
 "humidity": 71
}

MT 5G

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 22:55:52 +0000

1/19/2023 - Bozeman gets Verizon 5G

It is both fast and several years late.

ooh zap!

Fri, 26 Aug 2022 23:07:14 +0000

I mentioned in the previous post that the lightening picture would possibly look nice on a canvas, or
“It would, without any doubt, look fucking awesome on a sleeveless shirt if I crop out the neighbors’ houses.”

Here’s the crop..

.. go nuts.

Montana Lightening Photo

Thu, 25 Aug 2022 15:18:26 +0000

I don’t think there’s a contest, but here’s my entry.

Cellphones are pretty amazing.. that pic was taken through glass via Google Night Sight. The camera operator basically just has to aim at an area and keep the device still for a minute or so. Crazy storm, crazy technology. I would say something like ’the future is here, but the skies are angry’, but that that would sound very stupid.

Wildly Innacurate Map of Montana

Sun, 08 May 2022 16:09:07 +0000

COVID era

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 04:49:50 +0000

Welp 1. I finally bit the bullet and fixed the site

The issues were really straight forward.. I had ssl issues after juggling the wordpress install across several (4?) cloud platforms over the past several (4?) years, and a directory issue that took some time to resolve. There are still some broken photo links from the early-early posts, but I can say with certainty that nobody needs to revisit. Assume we all had fun and move on.

is shart a valid wordle word?

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 14:31:00 +0000

Yes. It turns out shart is a valid Wordle word.

side table production

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 02:26:59 +0000

Work from home?
Starving after your midday workout?
Arguably snack too much?

You need a little-ass end table.

I picked up a few sticks of 3/4" copper pipe and broke out the torch yesterday. Little side tables are great.

This design is minimal enough to look sharp, and sturdy enough for the kids to drag around for such things as ‘sit on a side table and watch Full House’ and ‘argue with your sister while she serves you breakfast on the side table in front of the couch while you sit on the couch and your dad asks you if you can possibly turn off Full House or at least turn the volume down to a sensible level.’

It's Been a Minute

Sun, 22 Aug 2021 01:07:48 +0000

..and a half. Life is busy.

Since the previous post, I’ve had this site (generic WP install) on several hosting providers. The exercise was mostly for me to test crap out, live, with a *bit* on the line. Do it live.

Containers with backups have been the best.. Digital Ocean was pretty great, somewhat surprisingly. Things ran there uninterrupted for quite a while. I bought a few domain names and consolidated, and shit sort of hit the fan.

Aggressive TV Repair: Baking a Motherboard

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 13:43:39 +0000

My 6 y/o reported on Saturday that our a-bit-older-than-the-six-year-old LG TV was broken. My first thought was soccer ball.. turns out the thing just wouldn’t get past the boot sequence, and was just feezing on a giant LG logo. Unresponsive to reboot.. the old unplug for however long trick didn’t work.. web search told me that the motherboard was toast, and stupid expensive to replace. So that was mostly that.. trip to Costco for a new TV on Sunday and the whole works. It was bugging me though, so I started digging into YouTube videos. One guy managed to get his TV past the start screen by popping the back cover off and cranking on the motherboard with a hair dryer. Huh.. I could do that better. I remembered that people ‘fixed’ gen 1 xbox units by throwing the thing in the oven.. let’s try that. The kids were home from school for President’s Day, so we had a PTO day project.

chorizbro

Thu, 13 Oct 2016 16:28:12 +0000

aw hell yeah

Palm-face Phishing

Wed, 17 Aug 2016 09:04:52 +0000

I’ve been phished… ineptly

CubeSat Ground Station

Tue, 26 Jul 2016 12:23:55 +0000

Some questions are out of left field. Then there’s this…

Dear Mr. Joseph Swanson, My name is Marco Gomez and I am project manager of a CubeSat project that is being developed in Costa Rica. We are currently working on the ground station design, among other things, and are thinking whether to use an omnidirectional antenna for the ground station. Our plan is to use a similar setup as to what is described in the paper attached to this email about the MEROPE ground station. It consists of an M2 eggbeater antenna and a Kenwood TS-2000 radio working on UHF for uplink and downlink (we are using a half-duplex system). Additionally, the spacecraft will be launched from the ISS, so we are assuming a 400 km altitude circular orbit for our analysis. I am contacting you because I read that you worked on the ground station design and wanted to know if this setup worked. Any comments about the design and operations will be appreciated. Thank you for your time. Best regards, Ing. Marco Gómez Jenkins Irazú Project Manager Asociación Centroamericana de Aeronáutica y del Espacio (ACAE) +506 7058 3848 http://www.acae-ca.org/ … so naturally > Hey Marco, I haven’t attempted satellite communications for roughly 15 years, but presumably the MEROPE ground station setup would still be a viable option for CubeSat tracking. The antenna technology is probably the same, so ensure you pair an excellent radio (Kenwoods were great around 2000) with whichever tracking software you employ. The CubeSat I did the research for blew the hell up over Kazakhstan in 2006… I had graduated and was no longer working for SSEL. I hope your payload finds orbit. Good luck…Joe

Just This Thing

Sun, 10 Jan 2016 14:59:44 +0000

Zelda 3D

Sun, 10 Jan 2016 14:52:26 +0000

Majora’s Mask. Check.

Fall Wallboard

Tue, 10 Nov 2015 12:28:56 +0000

The Fall Wallboard at work is coming along nicely…

Not a Popsicle

Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:04:14 +0000

Cheese sticks, while delicious, are not popsicles.

Not a popsicle.

Cubs WC

Wed, 07 Oct 2015 17:47:00 +0000

Need more views…go Cubs

Step One

Sun, 04 Jan 2015 16:05:24 +0000

From now on, this is step one:

There were tens of steps before that step in the actual Shark hand-vac fix-it effort, but it really should have been step one. For this post, let’s call it step n. This was step n+1, which led to me assigning ‘whip out the multimeter’ as the new step one…

Yep. Didn’t need to do this step:

Didn’t need to do any steps < n actually. Just step n, which is now step one.

Wheelin'

Mon, 22 Dec 2014 09:09:45 +0000

…been doing some wheelin'

…wheelin’ around my assistant…

…wheelin’ some junk to the junk store…

Gaming

Mon, 22 Dec 2014 08:46:23 +0000

Been doing a little gaming…

Custom Copper End Table 2

Mon, 02 Jun 2014 16:06:15 +0000

I had a 10’ stick of 3/4" copper pipe in the swan tron global HQ, so decided to make another end table. Same amount of torch…

This time with more symmetry…

My goofy lab partner wasn’t available for a stress test photo op, but it would withstand the weight and destructive damage of scores of toddlers. Probably.

Rooting Stuff

Fri, 02 May 2014 08:07:16 +0000

Devices everywhere. With root.

Over the past month, I’ve tackled two root projects…Emma’s Kindle Fire HD, and my Asus Transformer. My motivation was pretty straight forward for each. The Kindle worked perfectly fine but with an awful UI. The main use case is YouTube for a 2 y/o, and the stock launcher doesn’t do that well. Root and a custom launcher gets you there, so I did that. The specific version of Fire I have was supposed to be tricky to root. There were forums of people bricking them, and the general workaround seemed to be reverting to an older firmware and then trying the root exploit…which seemed to be generally available as a windows executable. Not happening. I decided to give rooting a shot by pushing the su binary and Google apk set over via ADB on my Mac, which worked perfectly. Not sure what the issue had been. Play Store achieved…Nova Launcher installed. Happy 2 y/o. The Asus was a different story…and the toughest root project I’ve had to tackle to date. The Transformer was a refurb from Woot, I think. I could look that up but I’m not going to. The combination of JellyBean and my particular firmware made any exploit attempts moot. I could not push via ADB, but the device acted like the files were invalid. Same method as pretty much anything else, but simply failing. I tried several methods I found online, but they all yielded the same outcome…except one really sketchy one. I managed to use a really, really iffy Chinese root manager called 授权管理. The download and exploit were all in Chinese. Awesome. It worked, and I immediately replaced that with su. There was a good 10 minute window running who-knows-what. Sort of disconcerting. Bloatware wiped, and the tablet runs crazy fast finally. I’ve been checking my logs, and nothing fishy has popped up…looks like the hack worked. Anyhow, two devices, each more usable. Go root.

Lab Assistants

Tue, 01 Apr 2014 10:01:46 +0000

Seriously, you two.

Robotic Arm Assembly

Tue, 31 Dec 2013 12:45:34 +0000

The small lab assistant and I tackled the robot arm project last weekend. Fifty percent of team swan tron embarked upon the assembly phase wearing bunny slippers…

We did this in two big chunks, due to attention span limitations and nap purposes.

Testing Phase 1)

Testing Phase 2)

Emma figured out the remote pretty quickly, especially considering she has interfaced nearly exclusively with touch screen UIs. That may be next, in a round-about way. I’d like to stick some rPi brains in this and build a web UI, so the small assistant can run this with a phone or tablet. We’ll see where we end up with this.

DIY Copper End Table

Mon, 02 Dec 2013 15:20:10 +0000

At some point, I volunteered to make us some end tables for the house. It turns out that I really don’t like end tables…everything I came across was either way to big or too flimsy to take any kid abuse. The main level in our house is basically wide open, so keeping foot traffic lanes open is key. Long story short, I ended up in the copper area of Lowes and came up with a solution…

Custom LED Matrix Project

Thu, 14 Nov 2013 14:56:06 +0000

I stumbled across something potentially amazing…cheap Chinese LED modules:

For $35USD, I now have everything I need to assemble a 64x64 LED matrix, provided I stay off the coffee long enough to knock out a billion solder joints. This should be fun, and potentially challenging. I’m guessing these were initially spec-ed out for a consumer with something pretty specific in mind, but going about this DIY is going in blind. There are no libraries to leverage, so the software will have to be written from the ground up. Time to blow the dust off of the Arduino…

Lab Weather

Wed, 30 Oct 2013 12:48:15 +0000

My small lab assistant and I have our anti-cabin fever project figured out…

Phase 1: Assemble as is
Phase 2: Go nuts for a while
Phase 3: Sever wires / attach to breadboard
Phase 4: Automate with Arduino

I forgot Phase 0, which is a refresher course on ‘soldering irons being very hot: “ouch”’ As long as there are screwdrivers and wires involved, Emma will be into it. Could be very fun…

Poor at Mailing

Mon, 07 Oct 2013 12:51:25 +0000

My attempt to mail a physical letter had mixed results:

Mail mailed: none Resultant coasters: one

Poor at Mailing

Mon, 07 Oct 2013 12:51:25 +0000

My attempt to mail a physical letter had mixed results:

Mail mailed: none Resultant coasters: one

How to Code

Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:21:31 +0000

I snapped a picture of a coworker’s “script” he is working on utilizing the object libraries we develop. Apparently, I’ve been doing it all wrong.

How to code

PrtScn a bunch of stuff
Paste into MSPaint
Add giant headers for reference
Print
Highlight the shit out of stuff
Strike-out any redundancies stemming from poor MSPaint-ing
Break out the pink highlighter
Locate someone to do your job for you
Ship it

Ubuntu 13.4

Tue, 25 Jun 2013 20:09:16 +0000

It has been a busy several days. I decided to upgrade the fleet to Ubuntu 13.4…and everything that a non-long-term-supported distro involves. Step 1_: backup data Step 1a: reevaluate backup regimine Step 1b: realize backup system is non-sustainable Step 1c: implement cloud storage solution step 1d: place eggs in cloud basket Step 2_: upgrade machines Step 3_: fix a whole bunch of junk Step 3*: junk fixing Step three got ugly. Canonical blacklisted a whole bunch of stuff that ran and runs well. Thumbs down. The upgrades to my machines were simple, but significant issues arose in updating from 12.04 to 12.10 and from 12.10 to 13.4. The former was mainly in ’not compiling video card drivers’ and the later was primarily pertaining to neglecting Dell’s primary Wi-Fi drivers. I went manual and had boxes that were mostly functional, but decided to roll the dice on fresh installs…which, predictably, worked well. That gut feeling in doing something of that nature is very Window-y, and I don’t like it one bit. In short, poorly played by Ubuntu. It might be time to get some real QA going on these upgrades…I spent enough time researching this stuff to be upset, and I debug issues similar to this professionally. There was a ton of noise on forums, so it is safe to assume the user base was significantly disheartened by this process. On the flip side, 13.04 is slick…Unity is improved a ton…all of that. The marketing is not cool, and I’d be better off with pure Debian if this wasn’t one of my hobbies. Worst upgrade of all time, but still something I look forward to and will likely do again. D+

Encabulating Photon Emission Interface

Thu, 16 May 2013 20:58:35 +0000

My small lab assistant and I tossed our hats in the ring and were invited to compete in the 2013 Red Bull Creation competition. In short, it was great. Team swan tron didn’t make it to the finals, (this year, suckers) but had a great time and learned a ton. Dual hats off to the six teams heading to NY for the last phase…you all earned it. Team swan tron entered for consideration an Encabulating Photon Emission Interface. Red Bull’s concept was simple and brilliant…the accepted applicants were given custom Arduino shields, a whole bunch of LEDs, and a path to a git repo containing a library with which to make them crank. That, about four weeks, and a nudge to do something awesome with lights. We did this… We used all of the PWM channels at our disposal to handle the colors on our Encabulating Interface, and tossed in some analog stuff for good measure. Our software utilized the Encabulator’s accelerometer values as the interface’s interfacing variables, which is nice. Most of the board’s function was exercised, as was my brain, Emma’s brain, and Emma in general. She liked the feedback in a belly laugh way…so that is that. Pretty sure she and I both came out ahead on this effort. Here’s to 2014…look out for team swan tron.

rbcreation

Wed, 01 May 2013 20:08:03 +0000

In the home stretch… …which I thought would be a slam dunk. As it turns out, the programming phase for team swantron is a laborious thing at best. Code is boring. I knew that coming in, but Emma picked up on my ruse…we do a lot of jumper-ing breadboards in programming phase. Saturday should be interesting.

Encabulation

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 21:00:22 +0000

Quick update on the Red Bull Creation status. We’re turbull encabulating… I’m lacking a sufficient power source to push a ton of these LEDs simultaneously, so that is that for now. Power brick and a back-up strip are in the mail, so ambition will dictate how bright we go with this. The physical stuff is largely roughed-out, so now the challenge lies in refining the UI to this thing. Well, the secondary user’s interface is the thing that needs attention. My user is ready to roll. Time is running short…tune in soon. *** **PROTIP** ~~burn the shit out of the copper contact tabs if you chop a RBG LED strip…the remnant rubber is a solder contact’s worst nightmare~~ ***

Red Bull Project Update

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 09:58:16 +0000

Yesterday was fruitful. We are mostly done with the non-electronic portion of the build. I have a very tired jigsaw and a new-but-already-stress tested Dremel Multimax cooling off on the bench. Oh yeah…and there was spray paint. A lot of spray paint… No Red Bulls for the small assistant. She’s good to go. Heating up the soldering iron during the next nap. On to the next phase.

Oblig Red Bull Check-in

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 20:30:26 +0000

Thinkin’ of a master plan Timely song placement, Pandora…well played. Thinkin’ thought. Profiled and ready to implement. I can see the finish line beyond a bunch of Dremel-ing and a bigger bunch of .cpp. We’re close…stay tuned.

The Calm Before the Storm II

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 20:47:53 +0000

Materials, purchased. I’m a bit further down the road as of this posting, and already in a tool crunch. It looks like Lowe’s is the winner of this round…I’ll be back there tomorrow on my lunch break. “You wore that apron yesterday Lowe’s bro! j/k! Throw ’er on the tab!” Anyhow, this goal for the weekend is to have the base infrastructure in a rudimentary complete status. I have a bunch of question marks at this point, but a sharpening picture of where Emma and I will end up with this thing. I need to get saws and edible stuff out of the picture, so I’m hoping to be in the hardware / software phase of this thing in a few days. The generally awesome people at Adafruit have a new Arduino heading towards the Rockies, and I have a bunch of LED strip-centric things to study before that happens…tons to do. Sensors to study…screws to drive…Fruit Loops to eat. We’re busy. Need some Red Bulls. Stay tuned.

TurBull Encabulator Unboxing

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:13:50 +0000

Big news. Team swan tron made the cut for the 2013 Red Bull Creation competition. Sweet and I made an unboxing video to signal the official start of awesome junk… –kit guts– As the video demonstrates, the mood in global HQ is babblingly excited. Grabby and frantic, but excited. The competition in these sorts of things is typically a lot tougher than the balsa bento box this kit shipped in. Maybe Emma and I can pull out an upset.

The Calm Before the Storm

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 19:25:03 +0000

swan tron Global HQ is about to get really real. Tune in soon.

BSOD – TGIF

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 07:53:45 +0000

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy developing on Windows?

Dr. Whom

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 12:04:08 +0000

My primary motivation for elliptical-ing… An Asus Transformer perches nicely upon the ledge of a Schwinn elliptical trainer. Entertainment value is increased, and the view of the timer is obscured…two-for-one.

Gallatin Valley Four Wheeling

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 14:54:21 +0000

The only thing I’ve been doing pertaining to the site has been to polish off the resume and get a new job. That sort of stuff. I did run around the Gallatin Valley last weekend…chasing D-Rock and his gigantor ATV. 1000 cc…seriously. I really like the northern part of the valley: Nice little Saturday. More to come about the job…I’ll post some details when I start.

EE Feature

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:16:03 +0000

swan tron dot com recently made the front page of EEWeb. Well I’ll be. ~~ENHANCE~~ ~~ENHANCE~~ I appreciated the bump in traffic. I am more appreciative of the recognition by an EE site. Don’t underestimate we hacky math types. Thanks to EEWeb…

rPi Hardware Servo Control

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:19:57 +0000

Today’s lunch consisted of cold chicken and some fun with servos. Servos, Python, Linux, IO, chicken…nice little Friday. The goal of this abbreviated session was to figure out how PWM works in the trenches. However sold I am on the rPi in general, I have an uneasy feeling that the CPU is going to be a pain in my ass with respect to stuff I’ve taken for granted on simpler hardware. Whereas the Arduino platform and my beloved IOIO were effectively real-time operating systems, the rPi’s IO pins’ calls are no different from any other PID that is spawned. The amazing Linux-y stuff does in fact have a downside…i.e. no guaranteed execution times. Anyhow, this is what I am currently poking at. Today’s session was a case-in-point as a matter of fact. The setup is as simple as it gets…what I call the ‘junior servo’ hooked up to 3.3V, a ground, and to the single PWM-capable pin (18) on the rPi. I have previously pushed Servo Jr. with 3.3V with the IOIO, so I had a level of confidence I wouldn’t tear down the box. On a bit of a side note, I did verify that ripping 5V off of the board and attempting to push a full sized hobby servo did in fact take the rPi to its knees. Be sure to power any servos externally for any real tests or prototyping. I again chose to use Python to mash around. Two data points aren’t many, but will definitely allude to a trend you will likely continue to see here: I’m more comfortable with Python than C, and that is our chosen rPi workhorse at Swan Tron Global HQ. Sadly, as opposed to playing around with LEDs from my last rPi post, the GPIO library doesn’t have any PWM support at this point. The workaround is to call out the pin directly…this is pretty easily done with any of the main rPi distros. I am *fairly* certain I am still on Occidentalis v0.2 from Adafruit. Here is another non-snippet-but-here’s-a-screenshot-worthy two minute py script I put together to push the servo: As I feared, the hardware instance is begging for well-designed software in order to produce anything predictable. The following video was taken from a fresh boot (READ: after I wiped the thing out with a continuous drive servo) sans any networking. As bare-bones as you can get…the OS executing a Python script and writing to one pin…what you see is:

Python IO on rPi

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 17:01:52 +0000

My next ‘real’ project involves implementing a web interface to control some of the things around swan tron global HQ, the half of the garage I reserved for my lab. I’ve been a huge fan of the Raspberry Pi since the mission was announced. Linux and IO…you have my attention. Add in the $35 price tag and my penchant for destroying hardware…huge fan is correct. Before I start planning my real project, I need to figure out how this differs from the microcontrollers I’ve used in the past to deal with similar implementations. I know the CPU is going to show itself, but not to what extent. Time to start poking around. I decided to horse around and knock out a few birds with one stone…python library, digital out, and basic pin function. Oh, and LEDs. Everyone loves LEDs. Prior to this effort, I have mainly explored the rPi via x. I’ve spent a decent amount of time inspecting the file structure (Debian, no surprises) and the xwin UI. It is no speed demon, but it does the trick. I have the wireless adapter configured and set to auto-start, which was most of the battle. It basically performs as advertised, which on paper is very awesome for the price. My general setup for this was very simple. I bought a cobbler set from Adafruit, which acts simply to pull the IO pins out to a breadboard. Two LEDs, two resisters. A few jumpers. Very simple. I booted the device, and used aptitude to update and snag the rPi GPIO library. sudo apt-get update****sudo apt-get install python-rpi.gpioThat does the heavy lifting with the python implementation…sample code is available on the main python site. The update was I used vim to create a dirty python script…unworthy of a repository, but worth a pic: The digital outs worked as anticipated. Timing was a bit odd…I ended up playing around a bit with some pauses in order to tune the blinks as I wanted. It looks like coordinating pin outs might be tricky for more complex operations, but at least the library and hardware is up and running. Don’t take my word for it: The next steps will be interesting. Figuring out how to ssh into the box in order to run a script of this magnitude will be next, followed by profiling the voltage on the pinout. It should be able to throw my 5v relay with a little tweaking…if not I’ll figure out PWM and tackle the switching mechanically. Fun stuff to come…happy to be playing with the rPi finally. Stay tuned.

Unbricking an Android Tablet

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 16:59:04 +0000

This whole thing began innocently. D-Rock had picked up an Arnova 9 G3 tablet, and wasn’t satisfied with a few things. I wasn’t satisfied that he bought an off-brand tablet, at a truck stop, for 300% its value without asking me for advice, but that is a different story. Maybe truck stop tablets are mostly great…I don’t know. I suspect most are like the Arnova 9G3: shit.

So, the main two gripes were:

Variable Soldering Station

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 08:35:05 +0000

My trusty old Aoyue digital soldering device has seen better days… I’m putting together a wine cork decoration for Katie. It turns out that a Dremel with a cutting head is the easiest way to bisect corks. It also turns out that cutting seventy corks makes a ton of cork-dust. Corks. This stuff is everywhere…my soldering area is hardest hit. I’m not sure whether the more appropriate clean-up tool is my shop vac or leaf blower. Who am I kidding…definitely going leaf blower.

2012 Sandwich of the Year

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 16:19:39 +0000

Introducing the 2012 Sandwich of the Year: triple decker bacon w/ cheese 50% more delicious than 2011 champ, bacon w/ cheese. Still busy, still no RazPi progress. Been working on a side site in the spare time…more on that to follow. Happy holidays.

Adafruit Raspi Kit

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:37:58 +0000

Time to blow the figurative cobwebs off my figurative Python skill set… Adafruit RasPi kit has arrived…the cobbler kit is the final piece I’ve been waiting for. I have a USB hub and my wifi configured…time to cut code.

Wii U

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 16:52:15 +0000

First impression: the software update phase takes way_too_long at 17 down My guess is that hundreds of thousands of pimpled tweens are likely prepping their systems, in preparation for handing me my ass in Black Ops 2. Should be good times.

Busy

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 14:30:25 +0000

Busy at work upgrading the RightNow site. Busy at home chasing our mobile baby. Not too busy to throw a thumb up…

New blog content will follow shortly. I have a RaspberryPi Cobbler kit and case on order from AdaFruit, and a Wii U reserved at GameStop. Automated garage door opener is in the planning phase for the former, and Mass Effect 3 sitting in wait for the later. Stay tuned.

Galaxy SIII as an E-Reader

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 15:58:30 +0000

Maybe the most pleasingly unexpected aspect of the Samsung Galaxy S3 is it’s e-reader usefulness. I have a tablet collecting dust…the size / resolution of the S3 screen knocks it out of the park. The iPhone 5 is a pretty nice piece of hardware, but that screen is a joke compared to the Galaxy. Take a look at the phone if you have not…best piece on the market hands down. Even more pleasing than the e-reader function is the fact that I am done e-reading this boring piece of shit… Scratch that off the old to-do list. Stab five at this thing was finally a success, with the four previous (print form) attempts failing after a short bit. I finally ‘get’ the book, but really think the thing is overrated. Whatever…on to something new. Go Samsung.

Re-Imaging Windows (For Work)

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 12:57:50 +0000

The Bozeman Oracle branch doesn’t have desktop support. As luck has it, I am a talented enough sleuth to troubleshoot Windows issues. Me: “I have a virus that has infected a library used by IE. McAfee isn’t picking it up, and I can’t find any remedies online.” Me: “Did you try rebooting?” Me: “Yes. Several times.” Me: “From the Control Panel, you can disable Windows features. Disable IE and use an alternate browser.” Me: “The product I develop requires IE for installations.” Me: “Curious. Re-image your machine.” See…no need for the middle man. I haven’t horsed around with a Windows install for ages…getting a nice sense of nostalgia.

brobot

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 18:11:12 +0000

Cool brobot, bro… Brobot thought the couch was ubersketch… Broski totally already snarfed my small niece’s small sock and some wrapping paper from under the guest bed. Party foul, brobot. Slow your bro-roll.

The House of the Future

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 16:55:39 +0000

*to be determined If this thing can digest puffs and Cheerios, we’ll be happy, futuristic parents. Bring on the bots.

New Shovel

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 12:18:21 +0000

We have 180 linear feet of sidewalk. Reason enough for a new snow shovel… Thanks to D-Rock for parting with his toy. I’m sure the sorrow will be history once the CanAm deal works itself out.

Legend of Zeltron

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 22:37:52 +0000

Per tradition… After a nine month parenting hiatus, I’ve managed to wrap up Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. Bonus points awarded to the developer who was tasked with reddening up the final boss’s hair in the final fight cut-scenes to keep it distinguished from the fire sky… That bright red flame mullet doesn’t look ridiculous. At all. I have an urge to take on Majora’s Mask, but estimate that the game would take me approximately three years to beat at my current clip. Might have to wait for the WiiU Zelda title to drop, and hope Emma likes watching Zelda more than the Disney Channel.

Occidental Distro Setup

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 08:12:19 +0000

I’ve wanted to play around with Adafruit’s Occidental distro since it was announced. The whole gist of the release is that it better caters to the hack-y types…they have taken Wheezy and built in some utilities. Especially cool is Bonjour, which *should* allow ssh access from my other networked machines. Still getting to that point, but I have installed the thing for experimentation. Thus far I have been poking around…my small assistant did some stress testing… I have some battery packs in the mail, and I need to configure my WiFi dongle. The idea is to let the machine run headless, and see what I can stand up with Python. I need to play around with the pinouts a bit and come up with some ideas. I could bring Clocky back from the dead…we’ll see what shakes out.

H44x0r-ed

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 08:08:24 +0000

It looks like the script kiddies are back in class. I’d recommend taking a look at http://www.college-paper.org/, in order to figure out how to better “zero day” a site The infiltration consisted of two scripts placed onto my index.php. Named…you may have guessed…[some stuff]zero-day[some more stuff] Well played.

Delusional Cubs Fans

Fri, 14 Sep 2012 13:06:20 +0000

Only one of us knows that the Cubs are fighting to keep from losing one hundred games this season… …go Cubs

Munitions Robot

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 10:07:16 +0000

Pretty self explanatory.

G+, FB, & TW

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 10:04:25 +0000

I have a strong suspicion that all of this shit will fade away. A webpage about a website, made for posting things about website posts. Really neat. Anyhow, some idiots who sell ads have this as a checkbox of sorts. Having facebook, G+, and Twitter integrations is important, for some reason. I don’t know…let me blog and get off my lawn. swantron.com/tw swantron.com/fb swantron.com/+The Twitter link is my personal feed, which is basically an occasional link to a post (on this goddamned site.) The other two are unused, and shall likely remain that way. Happy interneting.

Office-ial

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 11:38:41 +0000

New office.. …same old tricks

Back in the Lab

Thu, 30 Aug 2012 06:58:23 +0000

Blow the dust of the multimeter…project time… Mission: resurrect an electronic stapler from the dead. You have to start somewhere.

Casa de Tron Swan

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 19:59:33 +0000

Now with 100% more sod…

Unfortunately, I ordered and slapped down 6500 ft^2, which was short by 15%. Project status: ongoing.

Developing Hand / Eye Baby Coordination

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 17:24:33 +0000

I mean listen, we’re sitting here talking about practice. Not a game. Not a game. Not a game, but we’re talking about practice.

Million Dollar Idea

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 08:06:23 +0000

Spam filter for physical mail. Somebody run with it. We must have been inserted into some sort of new homeowners database. Each day, several ‘official looking, if this was 1983 or so’ letters show up in the mailbox. Most of them are attempting to bilk me out of money for ‘special homeowner’s life insurance’ or something of that nature. Thanks, but no thanks. There is a bright side to this spam…they all have return postage. Hence: Fighting the system, one crude drawing of a robot flipping off spammers at a time. You’re all welcome.

Android Spy App

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 09:14:40 +0000

Suppress for a few minutes any issues you may have about invasions of privacy. I’m going to talk about something very cool from a technology point of view…namely an Android Spy App. The theme alone may send the paranoid looking for their tinfoil hats, but at the core is something pretty impressive. So, from a technical standpoint, Mobile Spy is awesome. Once the app is installed upon the tracked device, it will run under the radar. It spins a PID and runs undetected. The viewing interface is a live control panel…you can view the remote device’s screen, see the GPS info (overlayed onto a map…you bet) in real-timne, send silent SMS commands… The next level of interaction is even more involved. Via Mobile Spy, you can view the photos on the device…see Gmail messages…see Facebook and other social network activity. You can view the apps installed onthe device, URLs that the browser has hit, and phone contacts. Sort of creepy. Perhaps the two items that have been incorporated into the feature suite involve the exit path. You can initiate a block on any of the applications. This would be useful for something along the lines of blocking Astro File Manager, to keep hidden files and apks from being exposed. The second is nothing short of brilliant…a built-in remote uninstall. End of story. Snap back to reality. This is powerful stuff, and not to be taken lightly. If the usage is legit, this tool is amazingly legit.

Giant Shades

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 19:26:29 +0000

First trip out with the new shades… …Vulcan Salute-worthy.

Star Trek Glasses

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 08:56:48 +0000

Ever since the announcement of the Google Glass project, I have had an image of Geordi La Forge in my head. Good old Geordi… Honestly, the project is pretty cool. The prototype units are sort of reminiscent of Star Trek, but they serve a unique function. Merging computing and vision is not an easy thing, once the whole ‘rest of the world aside from the text written to screen’ comes in to play. Where will this end up? I have a strong suspicion that the goofy looking units will end up being swept under the rug. The future, my friends, is in the contact lens. The small, not very obtrusive, disposable, can still wear sunglasses, little contact lens. The kicker is the link between contact lenses and high tech stuff that already exists. If vision correction isn’t enough to float your boat, how about Microsoft’s past work to implement a glucose tester into contact lenses. You don’t have to be diabetic to appreciate that. You don’t have to be a Microsoft fanboy to give them credit for a cool project. Swap Microsoft out for Google, who is arguably way more bleeding edge. Add in the fact that the Google Glass project has been declared an early success, and that the contact lens makes more sense down the road. I’m guessing we see Star Trek Glasses, and then shortly behind Star Trek Contacts for sale before too long.

Debian on Raspberry Pi

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 13:06:47 +0000

Up and running on the 47 inch Vizio… So cool. Next item: get WiFi configured and working. Next next item: poke around with the pin-outs. Next next next item: something awesome involving Python.

Swantron Global HQ

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 22:33:04 +0000

2.0_beta V2.0 features a window, giant banana plant, and on-desk fire extinguisher. Action item #1: drop Debian on SD card for RPi. Status: in progress.

Raspberry Pi Unboxing

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 08:23:12 +0000

It has arrived… My condolences go out to my Arduino and IOIO boards. This thing is very amazing. Long story short, we have a full blown Linux box with a bunch of interface options. Stay very tuned. My small sidekick and I shot an unboxing vid out of excitement: Need to put the new house together quickly so I can play with this thing.

True American

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 20:49:34 +0000

Ford, Montana, Stars, Stripes, Bald Eagle. Bunch of guns. Just missing a PBR and one of the Hank Williams in the background.

4G LTE in MT

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 09:05:19 +0000

4G device-having Bozeman residents awoke to a nice surprise today…Verizon flipped the LTE switch a few months earlier than anticipated. They must be calibrating the network, as my speed tests are all over the board. I have one run that was 14M down / 4M up, but several that sit in the 3G range. Either way, exciting stuff and incredible timing.

Four Corners Corona

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 22:29:12 +0000

This was bound to happen.

Samsung Galaxy S III

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 19:46:22 +0000

I haven’t had the best phone on the market in my posession since the LG flip-phone era. Until this afterlunch… Samsung Galaxy S III. I’ll post plenty about this good-looking thing. This stock ROM is solid, but I’m fighting the urge to dump JB on this sucker and go all out. Stay tuned.

Cruz Tablet Review

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 20:16:23 +0000

As much as I love hanging out at root, there is no way to justify doing so for the sake of a piece of shit eReader. Velocity Cruz…Android 2.2, awful firmware, and laughable hardware… …sum to a bunch of bullshit. This tablet is the worst. I’ve made this thing usable by removing the stock apps via ADB, disabling javascript (really?) from the stock browser, and manually pushing the strangely nonexistent Google app set over via the SD card. The confusing part is the fact that Velocity’s latest firmware update fails to solve the issue that chokes both the stock Android browser and Dolphin HD…I updated thinking my refurb was dated. Nope. Apparently this is exactly the product that the clowns at Velocity intended to hit the market. Hats off. I’ll extract function out of this thing..the price-point pretty much ensures that. I tracked down a MIPS version of Opera that should work out, and have some ideas with respect to custom ROMs. It will browse, eRead, and serve some games with a great battery under the hood. A bunch of hacking later.

Expensive Tree

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 16:39:29 +0000

Our offer for this giant tree was accepted. Pending an inspection and some title work, this tree should belong to us on the 14th of July.

The Cheapest Android Tablet in the World

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 13:15:52 +0000

Fifty bucks. Fifty. This thing is almost as rad as a Transformer. Except that it is 7" and *probably* too under-powered to run Flash. It has killer battery life, so I will put this to use as an eReader. Not until I can maximize the performance…see if I can flash a ROM on this thing and overclock some stuff. Rooting and getting the Android Market will be the first step. Could be fun.

Old Man Truck

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 13:07:24 +0000

I would be lying to say that it wasn’t disappointing to see my Silverado SS from the rear view mirror of my new Old Man F150. Emma outgrew the SS about a year and a half earlier than I had anticipated. This 07 showed up on craigslist with 40k miles. Couldn’t pass it up. I’m not kidding about putting some stars and stripes on the license plate. I can’t picture anything else on this big white thing.

Script Kiddie

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 17:29:06 +0000

Good times with dad… …Linux VM on the work Win7. We don’t really mess around.

The Crappiest Woot Bag of Crap

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 21:28:08 +0000

Hefty? In need of a red shirt? My third Woot BOC showed up, and lived up to its name. Incredibly crappy. Unboxing… Sort of sad that the Fuji 1.5V long life AA was the surprise hero of the box. I’m serious about the shirt. I’ll ship.

More Gruel, Please

Mon, 28 May 2012 21:28:34 +0000

Rice cereal. By definition, gruel. +1 tasty

Bag of Crap 2012

Tue, 22 May 2012 16:27:41 +0000

Woot! Things are coming up Milhouse…stay tuned for the un-boxing.

Bonus Bacon Lattice

Thu, 17 May 2012 14:38:44 +0000

The only thing better than bacon is bonus bacon: the bacon left over from a bacon feast. The only thing better than bonus bacon is the ellusive bonus bacon lattice… Stack while hot, refrigerate, and enjoy.

Webcam Control Via Android

Sun, 06 May 2012 16:32:21 +0000

Webcams: 2 Foscam FI8918W Android App: IP Cam Viewer Baby: Emma

Android IP Webcam Demo

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 14:24:25 +0000

Poking around on the Android Market for an app to control my Foscam IP Webcams, I stumbled across a cool app concept. Long story short, someone wrote some code to serve the live camera feed…effectively turning an android device into an IP cam. The app is free on the Market…just search for IP Webcam and it will pop up. Here it is in operation, serving from my Droid 2 for viewing on my Linux machine… This would pair nicely with my IOIO project, provided I can bring it back from the grave. I could mount the phone itself on the payload, giving this sucker on-board video. A second device (Galaxy…) could provide the board control, and I could implement a web view into my app. Might be on to something here…stay tuned.

Invoking the Triforce

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:30:33 +0000

The three constituents of the Triforce are Power, Wisdom, and Courage… … …I’ve got wisdom and courage on lock, but am hoping the Baum Bat customization lends itself to more power. Baseball and Zelda, for the wins.

Spark Fun

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 15:22:00 +0000

Fire and brimstone…

IOIO #1 is fucking toast.. Close call with the new 3-cell LiPo. It took some time to get the singed plastic smell out of the *lab…all three cells appear to be intact. Making progress on the IOIO project, before the setback.

IOIO on LiIon Battery Power

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 20:55:00 +0000

I finally bucked up and picked up a few Li-Ion batteries for my dust-collecting Clocky mod project. A two cell, a three cell, and a suitable charger for the two arrived in the mail yesterday. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…lithium ion battery tech is crazy. I can’t believe how deprived we were, or more accurately, how pumped I am to utilize this stuff at a decent price point. Anyhow, I managed to spec out a high quality, thrifty Li-Ion that will fit on my payload… …and, the little sucker screams… I have a hard connection from my phone to the IOIO in the vid. I need to configure the new ROM with bluetooth, and wanted to test the power function stand-alone. That will be the next step. The next next step will include piecing the payload together as a drivable unit. The next next next step will be tweaking the UI for some more realistic control units. After that is next next next next, and will involve a video of the unit in action.

DIY Baseball Trainer

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:56:59 +0000

With men’s league baseball around the corner and a new Baum Bat in my garage, I got antsy to hit some baseballs. Since the sidekick keeps me close to the house on weekends, I had to improvise. Enter, DIY Baseball Trainer…

Step one: Drill hole in baseball

*Fun fact…I still haven’t had to charge this lithium ion battery pack, after a whole bunch of baby furniture assembly and random tasks in the *lab. Battery technology is great.

Android Curtain Call

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 09:06:43 +0000

I spidered my D2 a handful of weeks ago. The replacement phone I received shipped with Gingerbread…which with my previous version of CyanogenMod was built on top of. I rooted the new device immediately, and dumped all of the garbage apps. My thought was to keep the stock ROM on the device, in order to have a stock testing device once I moved on to a new device. Well, even stock Gingerbread is borderline useless by comparison. The most annoying tic that developed was with the camera…the flash stopped syncing with the camera shutter, rendering the flash useless. Change of plans…dev device will run CyanogenMod 7.1. I falsely assumed that flashing a ROM would work the same on Gingerbread as it did on Froyo for the Droid 2. Way wrong…I honestly thought I had bricked the phone. I ended up having to get creative with ADB and flashing an older firmware version, and standing Froyo back up on my device. From that point, it was the same old song and dance…testing ROMs, pulling batteries, hanging out on the recovery screen. I wound up settling on an old nightly build of CG7.1. I am due for a phone upgrade right now…my wait for ICS is way more tolerable with a usable phone.

11 Days to Go

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:14:57 +0000

My sidekick doesn’t seem to care that the Cubs are going to be lousy again this year. Season starts in eleven days…we are tied for first place until then.

Android IP Webcam Screenshot

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 23:11:10 +0000

I have to admit that I’m pretty impressed by the Foscam’s IR capabilities. I snapped a screenshot on my Droid last while we were getting the princess ready for her bath… The lab was light-free, and I was connected to the camera’s web server via my 3G connection. Controls are fairly snappy, and the image looks good even when pushed via cellular. Response time is very quick on the network itself…but remoting in to the router does the trick nicely. I’m keeping my eyes peeled for a second cam…set designated choppable. We’ll see…I’m growing attached to this guy, but really want to get into its guts.

Android Controlled IP Webcam

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 07:01:52 +0000

New toy alert… The price of IP webcams has dropped to a pretty ridiculous level. My cheap little Foscam can handle audio and has eleven sweet little IR LEDs for nighttime footage…should have taken this route over the Samsung baby monitors, hindsight being what it is. I configured my router and have this cam connected to my home network wirelessly, so I can access via my router’s URL, the local network, or via free apps on my Droid or Katie’s iPhone. Sort of ridiculous. Full pan and tilt controls and the works. The further beauty of this IP dude is full hackable controls. In addition to the IR LEDs (eleven indicating a decent amount of juice) on this unit, there is a light meter, speaker, microphone, and two servos. All triggerable with this thing’s API over WiFi. I just need to find some time…this thing is sweet.

Vernal Equinox 2012

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 08:08:33 +0000

Not-so vernal-y…

Quick Salsa

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 18:20:20 +0000

Recently, I found myself in a bind at work. I had chips, but no salsa…a true doozy of a predicament! Being a daft culinary whiz, I improvised a work-around:

QUICK SALSA

How to make Quick Salsa:

Find a flat (or nearly flat) surface
Arrange chips in a single layer upon the flat (or nearly flat) surface
Nail those bitches with sriracha
Enjoy!

Project Demo

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 21:19:20 +0000

One step closer… This thing screams with wall wart power. Watch… Now comes the hard part…choosing a decent battery and mounting the circuit board savely on the chasis. I have found a few good candidates, but they are a little bulky for my application. Still looking… The UI should be fairly straight forward. Just need a few more garage sessions, and I’ll be good to go. The cordless Dremel was a super purchase FWIW. One of the best tools I’ve used.

Upgrading DC Motors to Servos

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:46:50 +0000

A whole bunch of Dremel work and some hot glue… The Clocky conversion to servo motor control is mostly done. I still need to make the servo mounts more secure, but the initial test runs look promising: Getting close. I determined that the IOIO board will not fit inside the casing, so I will have to come up with an external mount. Which will change the balance, so I might end up having to add some counterweights for balance. It should shape up, mechanically, in another garage session or two. The UI work will be another session, thereafter, but look for a finished product within the next week or so.

Working for Oracle

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 22:17:47 +0000

Same title; different managment; same cube; different name on the virtual paystub. The M&A is complete…I’m officially working for Oracle. Excitedly working, in fact. I find it amuzing that my employer is holding the reigns of Java. I initially started doing Android dev half-ly out of curiosity, and half-ly for career protection / growth. Now I am testing dot netty stuff for the guys who win most enterprise contracts and prevent dot nettiness from occurring in the first place. Sort of crazy, in a good way. Cheers to new things…

Chrome Robot Wheels

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 08:45:42 +0000

These rims are hotter than the combination cutting and grinding bit on my new cordless Dremel (after I’ve been cutting and grinding servo fittings with which to secure the rims in question.) For a project that is being tackled in five-minute-sleeping-baby sessions, it is shaping up. I am not quite sure if the IOIO board will fit in the enclosure, but it will sure be close. I suppose if all else fails, I can chop the thing up a bit…as much as I enjoy Dremel-ing, I’d like to avoid that if possible. Maybe next five minute session…

Rattle Can Makeover

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 22:04:45 +0000

Impatiently awaiting my Dremel from Amazon, I made an executive decision that Clocky’s bright orange motif had to go. Clocky already had some big rims; sort of like my SS. Sort of too like my Yukon. Hmm…black and chrome…sort of a no-brainer. Step 1: teardown / spray paint Step 2: Re-assemble Much better. Hoping to have the little guy rotary-drilled and souped-up before too long. Check back in soon.

Custom IOIO Enclosure

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 11:09:11 +0000

My conversion from DC motors to continuous drive servos is going to be a little more involved than first assumed. The idea is to keep the speaker, upgrade the drive-train, and re-purpose some buttons for power and possible function modes. Oh, and perhaps the toughest item…enclosing the IOIO itself…without nuking the bluetooth function. Here goes nothing… It became quite clear that I need to gear up before proceeding. Shipped and on the way…hoping to get a chance this weekend to get my grind (and glue) on.

The SEO Web Ninja Incident

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 09:36:36 +0000

So. I sell some links on my site from time to time. The people who do the actual purchasing of said links tend to be sketchy…some are just penny pinching scumbags, while others are outright nefarious. I had the opportunity to interact with the former type recently, in an email conversation / offer that turned a little sour. For purpose of reference, the ~~SEO genius~~ sketchball from this post works here (as a web ninja) and here (as a shirtless starfighter.) See what I’m talking about? Without further ado…the email thread:

Epic Time Battle

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:58:01 +0000

Here is a little fun-fact. As of a few months ago, there were more cellphones than people in the United States. Millions more, in fact. The trend is the same for all Western countries, but let’s take a look at the US numbers specifically…roughly 311,000,000 people and 328,000,000 cell phones (per wikipedia…take that for what it is.) Guess what they all have in common? The ability to tell time. Sorry watchmakers…you are fighting a battle of epic proportions. Fortunately for the watch guys, they have style on their side…like this good-looking piece: Seiko watches provide a great example, or counterpoint per se, of why watches are still as relevant as ever. A watch of this quality both works great and looks awesome. Win / Win. Another great thing for the watchmakers’ collective arsenal is the fact that the consumer now has purchasing power on their sides. Online watch shops like BlueDial beat the brick and mortar shops on price… embarrassingly so for the most part. Case in point: Free shipping to boot…free two day shipping in fact. Unless you decide to go with a very fancy cell phone holster…thinking something colored with some bedazzled beads…you are likely to get better style points by going with the watch route. You’ll thank me later.

IOIO Project Revamp

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:37:23 +0000

A while back, I put together a project that added remote control via an Android. I broke out the leads to the DC motors that were existent, and left the structure largely intact…resulting in a monster of a build. I would like to clean the build up a bit, but to do so will need to go with a different approach. I am looking into gutting the existing components entirely, and implementing continuous drive servos as my powertrain. This will likely get messy. Servo motors will add big gains in the power consumption realm, and provide added control. I am not looking for speed, so I think this option might work out well. Stay tuned…

Beer 101

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 14:18:40 +0000

New hobby: applied chemistry Alright Mr. Beer…it is you and I. Game on.

PDF to Word Converter

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:41:52 +0000

PDF files have all sorts of great implementations. When security is a concern, it is pretty much a standard in the software industry to go with PDF…as much as I love a plain text file, sometimes they just don’t cut it. External facing documentations? Think PDF. The downside of the standard comes in the conversion factor. Doing business on different levels undoubtedly will end up with different departments using different file types. Standardizing via pdf will end up involving pulling a full gambit of extensions into the desired form. It can get messy. I recently stumbled across a solution that I am glad to see exists…namely, a pdf to word converter. No joke…it took me by surprise to see that it is easily handled. Quick-PDF (as the name implies) provides a solution that can do PDF to Word Converter easily. I have struggled in the past to find a way to drop PDFs into .doc files, .rtf files, etc. on Windows machines. Not anymore. They have even worked in a command line mode…which, needless to say, really pleases a *nix guy like me. High quality to boot. I’m a big fan. I’m glad to report that I will no longer be maintaining my docs in multiple formats. +1 efficient.

Benefits of a Paperless Office

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:32:15 +0000

1) Reduced overhead expenses 2) Environmentally friendly 3) Ample pretzel storage

New Workspace

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:25:37 +0000

Now with more baby…

Woot Customer Support

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:31:33 +0000

Mr. Beer. That name again is Mr. Beer I bit on the Mr. Beer home-brewing kit last woot-off. Much to my dismay, the kit arrived in a giant brown cardboard box, with a sizable puncture would in the side. Opening it verified the damage: The brewing container was smashed inward, and the plastic was too thick to pop back into shape. I tried contacting FedEx, as the damage was definitely done in shipping. As it turns out, after creating an account with FedEx | submitting a claim ticket | waiting | waiting, FedEx has you contact the sender when the item is shipped via “Smartpost.” Whatever that entails. Not very helpful…just a reply email sending me back at woot. I was sort of pissy, and ended up forwarding the email from Fedex to the primary woot returns email. Details are as follow:

Online Hiring Option | On-the-Job Trials

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:46:36 +0000

Consider the following set: S = [ outsourcing, crowdsourcing, trialsourcing ] You probably have heard of the first two elements of set S. Each of the first has merit, and each has its drawbacks. Whereas one gives you a desired quality at the cost of time, the other gives you a desired timeline, at the cost of quality control. The third item, trialsourcing, bridges the gap. I stumbled across a company called vWorker that has come up with a truly novel idea. Their solution is On the job trial: crowdsourcing, trialsourcing. The principle idea at the heart of the approach a project by letting potential employees provide actual code, for both small (crowdsourcing) efforts and larger (trialsourceing) implementations. It effectively takes the guessing game out of the equations, allowing the person issuing the contract to have confidence in the quality of the contractor’s work. Hit one of the links to take a look. It is very novel.

New Samsung Device

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:13:39 +0000

Samsung kills it when it comes to hardware…Galaxy S 2 is high on my list, and I’m fairly certain I will end up snagging a Galaxy Tab at some point. Turns out Samsung makes one hell of a baby monitor too… Only the best for the nerd princess…

V-Day Eyeglasses

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:40:08 +0000

Cranky baby. Not a whole bunch of sleep. Shifted sense of humor, or some sort of tiredness induced insanity. Either I have completely blasted past any sort of touch with reality, or this is really funny… A bit of a side note. I was poking around for some new frames, started looking at some online prescription frames, and got fully side tracked. Somehow looking at basic options found me checking out [link removed], and ultimately dropping a pair of V-Day glasses on top of a sweet robot jpeg. One must admit, the frames are both completely conducive towards Valentine’s day cheer, and for robotic…oh I don’t know…something. Zenni kills it, regardless of the style. Take a quick look at the source of the image… I think they would look equally amazing on a human. Preferably a female human. Tired stupor aside, it is very amazing how far the internet has brought certain industries into the hands of the consumer. Glasses provide a terrific point. I have purchased three sets of frames from Zenni, and can say with a great deal of certainty, that my time in a brick and mortar spectacle shop are done. Have prescription, will go. Anyhow…sorry about the tired ramble post. It still cracks me up though…

Android Dev Teaser

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:15:32 +0000

Before the rugrat showed up, I managed to make some progress on my next project. I just realized that I hadn’t put together a teaser post, hence this quickie. I started thinking about how to make a better UI to control my remote control via Android project. Instead of going with a touch base, I figured I could implement control utilizing the on-board orientation sensors. This ultimately led to figuring out how to break said values out…a la this little app: I wrote a simple app that dumps the sensor values of each x, y, and z axes, for values between -90 and +90 degrees. The next step would to be to clean up the display, provide some visualizations, (graph-ish perhaps) and use the values to control something physical. No promises on the timeline, but if it gets to be too far out, I will dump this code on GitHub for general public perusal. Back to diapers…

New Droid 2

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 12:08:47 +0000

Unboxed and rooted… …bloatwear wiped. Going to research ROMs a bit, but will likely be on CGM7.1 in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

Spidered Screen

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:04:39 +0000

We had a great run… …the old D2 finally met its match. Broken and bruised, the little guy is still working like a champ, bulging battery and all. New phone soon…going to have to figure out how to root Gingerbread I guess.

WWF Royal Rumble

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 07:20:21 +0000

Zig and I have been having some heated Words with Friends battles recently. I had to snap a screenshot of this ridiculous game status… It was bullshit that Ziggy wasn’t awarded more points for playing his handle, and bullshit too that Europa wasn’t an acceptable play. We both got over it. We are pretty evenly matched…I might be ahead by two games. Sad day in Mudville when I am addicted to a Zynga game…too bad the Scrabble app for Android was borderline unusable. Zynga would kill it, score-wise. Mental note.

SOPA Day

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:38:05 +0000

I stumbled upon a SOPA protest last night…I first thought Wikipedia had jumped the gun, but realized it was after midnight on the Eastern side of things. Elsewhere for some entropy info…which will show up shortly in a post. Anyhow, this morning I found some good info on the reddit blog that concisely runs through some technical details of SOPA and PROTECT IP. Take a look…it is important.

Managed Service Provider

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:52:24 +0000

So, I’ve been doing this software thing for a while now. It is a strange, strange industry. It is becoming more apparent that every implementation of a generic service ends up falling into a similar life cycle. They all start with an idea, mash together a product, and go to market. The tricky part lies in new features, new connectivity, implementing the product on new technology as it arises, etc. That et cetera is sort of the name of the game. As the playing field changes, the product must too change. To make matters worse, things move at a quicker pace now more than ever. It is pretty shortsighted to assume your product will ever hit a true support phase. When that happens, you are likely no longer a player in your industry. The name of the game is managing your services… From time to time I check out hosting and virtualization providers on the nets. I stumbled across NCC Data, a [shitty company who bought a link] offers a product that essentially addresses my rant above. The key word is, undoubtedly, manage. Once you hit a certain level of critical mass, you must make the decision weather to support your goods in house (custom code, legacy systems, chopped and screwed…) or take on somebody to hammer out your details. NCC can handle your virtualization, support, security, and the whole other range of hosting headaches. Hit the link to take a look.

RBG LED Controller

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:10:52 +0000

My off-the-cuff remark about building an auxiliary bilirubin light manifested itself into a quick project.

In order to approximate the specific color of the bilirubin lamp, I figured that I would need to provide a means of setting PWM values for the three inputs. I had hard-coded values in Arduino code in the past, so thought about taking that route initially. I blew the dust off my Duemillova, fired up the Arduino IDE, and promptly decided to modify my Java servo PWM code to do the job.

Tron Baby

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 14:19:52 +0000

My sidekick is already dabbling in solid state physics… …namely, the optics around the 440 nanometer range. She is oxidizing some bilirubin into biliverdin. I have a bunch of RBG LEDs on my workbench…maybe I should go slap together an auxiliary biliblanket. DIY neonatal hack…

Sidekick

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:44:10 +0000

Android Side Project

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 06:12:21 +0000

Much like the girl has decided to keep at the in-womb thing, I have decided to keep at the Java thing. Little brat. I decided to figure out how to dump accelerometer / orientation data off of the phone, for use with the IOIO. In short, I am roughly attempting to see how the data exists in its natural state, in order to figure out how to scrub and interface with my physical components. So far, I have nice looking code that blasts a force close scenario. Great. Anyhow, I’m hoping my time on this effort comes to a close and the girl decides to join us. Teamwork…I’ll code, she can practice her singing.

Rural Satellite Internet

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 19:35:27 +0000

For a long while when we ~~buffering~~ used to stream YouTube ~~buffering~~ videos our inter… ~~buffering~~ …net connection used to be sort of ~~buffering OoO buffering OoO buffering~~ lousy. It would randomly stop ~~buffering~~ a movie for several seconds, which does ~~buffering~~ not seem like much of a deal unless you are trying to ~~buffering OoO buffering OoO buffering~~ concentrate on ~~buffering~~ something. Buffering. Well, fortunately for us, our issue was an easy fix. As the technician did the normal technician thing, whereas he checks line levels at the modem and works backwards to the stub in, he (we) found a splice into the neighbor’s place. Must have been an inside deal at some point…an inside deal that would have gone unnoticed a few years ago. Once I moved in and started cranking high speed internet and two digital cable connections on the coaxial, it became a sore thumb. The question of the day is this…what do you do in a place without the physical connections that we have? Are you just s.o.l. and stuck buffering? Nope. Whereas dial-up connections were the status quo, the future is now here, my friends. Satellite Internet is your answer. It is pretty amazing if you stop to think about it…jumping up to broadband speeds from dial-up, using technology that is superseding that of the cellular industry. Leaps and bounds, when comparing geosynchronous orbit to the height of a cell tower. Think about that. Anyhow, hit that link above to see how a good provider does it. Or buffer…your choice.

Still Waiting

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 13:56:11 +0000

Our daughter has not arrived yet. Stubborn like her dad, who has somehow been able to keep out his hospital bag jerky… I am ready for both…baby and jerky. Soon, hopefully.

IOIODC Project Details

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:24:54 +0000

Consider this the conclusion of the IOIO DC motor experiment until further notice… I’m chalking this up as a success. Even though it is ugly and raw, I learned a ton mashing this thing together. Very fulfilling project from a nerd standpoint: I learned more Java, had to buckle down and do a little EE, kicked up the soldering skills a notch, and introduced a few more components’ features into my ghetto skill set. My code is live on github with a preemptive v1.0 push… I also dumped the apk to the Android Market as promised. Pins 21 though 26, wired through the usual candidates on an H-Bridge. Contact me with any details…it should be very spec sheet-heavy though. The main stumbling point is with the power source, so keep that on the front burner. Cheers. This may be my last time intensive project for some time. Hardware is time-costly…I am planning to take on the software project I have been contemplating between diaper changes and feedings. Look for some dad stuff in the mean time…

Nerd Broom

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 08:09:47 +0000

Better sweeping through technology:

Still really enjoying this leaf blower…

Nerd Shovel 2

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 12:04:37 +0000

Better snow removal through technology:

Good times with the Hitachi.

How To Fix a Hitachi Leaf Blower

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:52:51 +0000

A few months ago, I picked up a killer leaf blower on Woot. Our yard is devoid of leaves. Last week, I tried to fire it up to clean the pine needles off of our steps…no dice. The thing wouldn’t fire up. I checked everything obvious…pulled the spark plug to see if it was flooded…ensured the kill switch circuit was intact…checked the fuel line for a vacuum…nothing. I came to the conclusion that the issue was with the primer bulb, as it was ‘pushing’ but not ‘pulling’ air when depressed. I was getting a bunch of pressure in the fuel tank, but no fluid was making it to the primer bulb itself. Time for leaf blower surgery. I figured that I could take apart the air filter and figure out how to bypass the primer bulb somehow. It turns out that the filter assembly is pretty accessible. Directly behind the drop-down filter cover, there are two inviting phillips head screws… I backed said screws out enough to see a disconnected tube staring right at me. Sure enough, it was the rubber tube that feeds the primer bulb. See below—-v It looks like the engineers at Hitachi sunk a spring in the end of the hose to avoid kinks, and relied upon friction to keep the hose in place. It looks like a design flaw, as the two-stroke’s vibrations had the thing rattled loose in much less than an hour’s worth of operation time. Quick fix though…the unit fired up immediately upon reconnect and priming. Back in business. It might get old pulling the filter assembly off if this hose becomes a nagging issue. On the plus side, this thing was a steal and is crazy overpowered. I hate to say that I would still recommend this even with the flaw…it really does blow.

Festive Eyewear

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:45:38 +0000

I’ve made it pretty clear that I have been mulling about regarding my next cell phone. It is a tough decision. Compared to the jump in technology from my previous leap out of BlackBerry-ville, this is a lateral move. I will end up with a more mature stock operating system, better screen technology, a second (better dust off my Skype account) camera, and *hopefully a more capable battery. That said, I am having a tough time making a decision. Two years and three hundred dollars sits in the back of my mind. Too bad I’m not considering instead a purchase of eyeglasses. That decision is a no-brainer…Zenni Optical is my place on that front, no question. Check out these marvelous holiday-themed beauties… I like the frames, and love the price: Here in the States, Zenni ships for free on orders over fifty dollars. You could pick up twelve pairs of glasses for the amount of money I am going to drop on my phone. Seriously…a dozen pairs. That is pretty crazy. At that cost, you may as well splurge on some holiday frames. They sure make that robot guy look dapper ^^^

Droid 4 vs Droid Razr

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:15:22 +0000

Flashback to 2010. A simpler time. I was finally abandoning my BlackBerry, which is basically one step above bag phone by today’s standards. I was torn between two devices: the Motoroala X and the Motorola Droid 2. I opted for the physical keyboard, and have not looked back. Flash back to present. A time less simple. With Katie’s iPhone 4S in the mail, it is nearing my turn to make a decision regarding my new device. The best phone on the market, in my book, is the Droid Razr. The kicker is the soon to be released Droid 4… This thing has the same stuff under the hood as the Razr, very, very similar to the duality between the Droid 2 and X. Trading .3 inches and AMOLED for a smaller qHD screen…sort of a tough call. But…the good news is that I have a few months left before I need to make the decision. My Christmas wishlist instead is one involving [link redacted] this year. I am a sucker for strange electronic devices…that should be apparent from the remote controlled clock. I’m hoping to pick up some hackable gizmos that I can chop apart, and leave the phone decision for another day.

Remote Control Via Android

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 15:40:45 +0000

The motorized orange thing project is a wrap. Well, as wrapped as it will be for the time being…Katie is full term, so we are working on borrowed time. I managed to introduce remote control to the orange thing via Android and my IOIO board. I found a goofy motorized alarm clock, Clocky, on Woot a while ago. My first thought was something along the lines of ’that looks like a great thing to tear apart.’ The unit is designed to make a lot of noise, and drop off the nightstand when the alarm is triggered…key features are its ‘ruggedness’ and two-wheel design. Pretty slick platform for horsing around with my IOIO. Once it arrived, I began ripping it apart: My focus points were fairly straight forward…keep the drive train system intact, and gain control of the motor function. The stock power was via four AAA batteries, so I did some testing with my 3.3V outputs on the IOIO: My 3.3V connections really made the unit crank. The on-board DC motors were fairly snappy…looked promising. I broke out the leads from the battery holder as well, figuring that I *may be able to drive the IOIO with the 6V. That is when thing got sort of dicey…I could run over a hard connection, but the current needs of the board / bluetooth setup was too great for this application. I determined that I would need to introduce some technology, which ramped up the complexity of the build by a bit. Luckily, I had a Adafruit MotorSheild collecting dust on my bench. I scrapped one of the H-Bridge chips, and mounted it on a simple test board: This approach worked. DC motors are power thirsty little bastards…keeping my power sources isolated was the key to getting everything running w/o issues. Basic setup became this mess: Zip ties, electrical tape, Altoids tin, some swearing, etc. later… …weird orange thing is ready to roll. Check the video: Down the road, I would like to turn orange thing into a mobile mount for the phone itself. The end-goal of this whole bizarre project would be to have a web-controlled vehicle with on-board video streaming. I need to do some research and figure out how to mash around the video feed…going to have to step the Java game up a few notches. That takes time, and spare time is not abundant…it could happen though. I will dump this code on GitHub and throw the apk on the Android Market. Stay tuned.

My Weekend Aspiration

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:43:12 +0000

I aspire to clean this mess up. I have an app tossed together that provides my six digi-outs. I just need to spend some time welding my soldering iron, and figure out how to mound this stuff on the platform. Expect a video post Sunday.

Project Progress: H-Bridge

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:20:54 +0000

I thought I could get away with utilizing the onboard 6V from my cannibalized motion platform…aka the orange thing…in order to power both the DC motors and my IOIO. My bluetooth connection was cutting out…indicating that I needed to introduce a separate power source for the board and for the motors. My workaround didn’t pan out…time to rethink the build. Guess what I have on my desk: Adafruit Motor Shield for the Arduino. Two good looking H-Bridges staring at me….that’ll do. I never thought I would find myself treating my Arduino gear as a scrapheap, but the day has come. The H-Bridge will allow me to cross over (think of a capitol H) and provide bi-directional motion from the hardware level. 3.3V digital outputs…no more open drain needed (bonus.) Anyhow, I ended up putting together a little test board…socket, some male pins, and eventually some wires for a more secure connection. Sucking some serious soldering fumes… It looks sloppy, but here is the hardware in its entirety: Here is a quick video of my testing. I fired up my IOIOSeek program, which has two simple digital outputs triggered via buttons… Early success? Yep. Except for the early part…this has been more work than I had assumed. More EE work…hoping the UI and hardware containment goes smoothly. Tune back in.

Quad Monitors

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:32:12 +0000

The only better thing than one nice monitor is two nice monitors. The only thing better than two nice monitors, is one really nice monitor and a hi-res laptop monitor. The only thing better than one nice monitor and one laptop monitor is that, in addition to one sort of lousy monitor. So, I guess I am winning that game…my work setup is equally that: I need to step it up and go for quad monitors. Quads would be great…I get sort of jealous when I see something like this when I am daydreaming of the perfect work setup: Imagine something like that, with three of my 24"s from work sitting perfectly on my desk. Symmetrical, clean, and awesome. I found myself on Mulitiplex’s site looking at some of their setups…I am completely in awe of this guy: And hence the title of the post…I have an itch to put together a quad monitor setup. Big time. I am up in the air as to whether a single monitor on top of the triple monitor setup would be better than the giant quadrilateral, but either one would be amazing. Maybe I can get this up and going…

Spotify on Linux

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:19:55 +0000

Hey nerds. Guess what? Spotify on Linux. Super easy too…fire up a terminal [ctrl-alt-t]

Step one: cd /etc/apt

Step two: sudo vim sources.list

Step three: add “deb http://repository.spotify.com stable non-free” to the file

Step four: sudo apt-get update

Step five: sudo apt-get install spotify-client-qt

That is that. It is not a supported version, but I doubt anyone installing via aptitude will really care about that item.

Project Hardware Wrap Redux

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 07:44:52 +0000

So close… I hit another snag with respect to my IOIO specs butting heads with actual power yield. An early success: …followed by being unable to replicate via battery control, despite higher voltage. I might be running into a similar incident that I saw when putting together the PowerSwitch Tail project. I’ll get there…might have resisters coming out the ass, but I should be able to solve this issue with a creative open-drain setup as well. Tune in again…

Project Hardware Wrap

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 19:57:35 +0000

The hardware phase is complete… … …now I just need to mash together some code and awaken this orange beast.

Precision Soldering

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 08:58:47 +0000

I am going to have to wait until my caffeine levels are at some sort of equilibrium before I tackle this series of wire joints… …this is where I stopped. I may be spending more time playing the new Zelda, and less time freezing balls in my lab working on my IOIO project. I’ll get on it.

CIQ Revisited: Root Your Phones

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:47:57 +0000

If there hasn’t been enough reason to root your phone and flash a custom ROM in the past, this whole CarrierIQ mess ought to be the death blow to factory junk. It is a rootkit, and it is ridiculous. What does this thing do? All of this stuff from Verizon’s website:

Verizon Wireless will use the following categories of information: Mobile Usage Information: • Addresses of websites you visit when using our wireless service. These data strings (or URLs) may include search terms you have used • Location of your device (“Location Information”) • App and device feature usage Consumer Information: • Information about your use of Verizon products and services (such as data and calling features, device type, and amount of use) • Demographic and interest categories provided to us by other companies, such as gender, age range, sports fan, frequent diner, or pet owner (“Demographics”) How is this collected? CIQ logs it. In plain text, disregarding https, etc…read this article to be blown away by the degree of privacy infringement. Moral of the story: root your phone. This garbage is unacceptable.

Carrier IQ Rootkit

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:10:04 +0000

I’ll update this thread first thing in the AM, but there is some major unbelievable nonsense going down with Carrier IQ and assumed secure connections. Consider this article a primer until I can dig in more completely…

Conquered it.

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:31:10 +0000

Oh? Zelda Twilight Princess? Conquered it. The hardest part of snapping this pic was avoiding eye contact with Katie, who was on the couch laughing at me. Tradition is tradition. As I was preparing the shot, I noticed that my phone was picking up the infrared LEDs from the Wii sensor bar… I had pegged the Wii bar as a passive unit…a la IR receivers only. I guess I was wrong, and now have an urge to rip one apart. But I digress. This game took me ages to complete…feels good to be done with this one. Not quite as fun as Ocarina, but Twilight was a good time. Rumor has it that the new Zelda for Wii is borderline unreal…look for me to post a ‘conquered it’ picture on this site in 2016.

Project Preview

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:23:52 +0000

My new IOIO project is in the ‘bunch of pieces’ state. It also happens to be in the ‘my effing hardware works’ phase as well.. I’ll keep mum on this for the time being…a bunch of coding and refinement remains to be seen. Stay tuned for this one…

BOC Unboxing

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 19:47:29 +0000

It (still) never rains… The second woot bag of crap is equally as crappy. …as much as I like refurbished ethernet routers, I think BOC round two wins. Winning being on an inverted scale, whereas less crappy is awarded more points. I can chop up USB Guard Dog for its infared sensor, and the small Swanson girl will play with the caped monkey. Win win for the win…

Bluetooth Servo Control Redux

Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:11:24 +0000

The project is wrapped. I have fully shown servo control via bluetooth, via Android, via IOIO. +3 via The easiest way to test this, by far, is to snag the app on the Android Market. Here: This does require a newer version of the IOIO bootloader than is currently shipping from units at Sparkfun, but details can be tracked down at this Google Groups area on how to update. It will work standardly, with a USB cable. From there, you can take a look at my code on GitHub. I haven’t included the IOIO libraries, but that will be part of the Eclipse setup if you decide to start hammering out some code. I can provide some guidance if anyone is in need of any. Take a look. I bumped the SDK minimum again, in order to ensure that this function is intact. If this causes any hardship, I can relax the requirement. Anyhow, take a look at the app in action in the previous post. Cheers.

Bluetooth Servo Control

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 13:55:04 +0000

Taking it up another notch…servo control via bluetooth

Watch the video to see the Andoid / IOIO / servo in action:

I’ll get app updated on the Android Market and on GitHub this weekend. Happy Friday.

24/7 IT Support

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 18:17:11 +0000

As a dude who makes his living in the software-as-a-solution CRM software world, I appreciate the subtleties of Application Hosting when it is done right. I am in SaaS engineering, or as every “tech” reporter likes to spew, cloud-based services. It is what it is…and often times it is helpful. One good thing about the whole notion is the upside of not dealing, physically with servers… Hosting, IT support, consulting, troubleshooting, guaranteed uptime…the whole thing becomes a mess when you are attempting to serve basic business needs. Serve some pages, offer some interfaces, transact. It all adds complexity by the bucket-load when taken from a concept to an implementation. There are serious gains to be had with cloud hosting…take that complexity off of your books. To the cloud!!!! ComputerSupport.com does what its name implies…namely offer computer support. Instead of paying a team to maintain your back-end, you focus on your interface design and workflows, and let them mash out the details. Guaranteed, and supported. Best of both worlds.

IOIO Servo Controller v2.0

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 18:58:18 +0000

I’m preparing to publish a project utilizing the new bluetooth library for the IOIO. I started horsing around with my IOIO Servo Controller application, and finally got frustrated with the lag that was existing between my slider bar and the servo. I never pulled my improved function from my IOIOSeek work over…it was overdo. Anyhow, I sort of cleaned house and put together an improved interface, and pushed it to github. Here is a quick vid of the new app in action: I pushed a new apk to the Android Market as well. If you have it installed, it should update in the morning. Here is a sneak peek of the updates: *Optimized code to alleviate lag between slider bar and servo positions. *Increased minimum version requirements, for future bluetooth connectivity *Added function to keep slider in an inactive state until IOIO connection made *Cleaned up code to remedy force close situations *Remapped PWM pin from 5 to 10 for consistency with my other apps *Removed text field of slider position / on board LED *Simplified layout for smaller screens I pulled some function, but am more than willing to reintroduce the relative readout and/or on-board LED display. I am trying to go simple with this one, and ramp it up once I can figure out the lag that the bluetooth connection will introduce.

Wooot!

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:18:12 +0000

It never rains… …another Bag O Crap. Expect another unboxing when number two arrives.

The Bozeman Bear Incident

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:49:42 +0000

Sunday morning, I popped around the side of our house and entered a crime scene… … … …after careful deliberation, I concluded that the garbage perpetrator was a bear. That was sort of a cool story and the end of the road, until the Bozeman Daily Chronicle reported that “hunters [were] cited for killing [a] black bear with bow on South 3rd Avenue” on the same night our trash was raided. They were ‘hunting’ two blocks from our fucking house. Our house is about a five iron away from campus. Fortunately, they caught the ‘hunters,’ and the Chronicle found someone less idiotic to write the follow-up article. At the end of it all, two MSU students stuck four arrows via compound bow into a black bear that most likely weighed less than they do, at a less-than-intimidating 150 lbs. They both pleaded guilty, and were each sentenced to eight days in jail. One was fined $2700, the other $2500…hunting privileges revoked for 5 and 3.5 years respectively. At least the guys didn’t fight the charges. It was a dangerous, asshole maneuver to pull the stunt in the first place, but they pleaded guilty and got it over with. The worst part of the whole thing may have been the bear’s choice of last meal. If he would have gone with our other dumpster, he would have found himself neck-deep in leftover Chinese, Mexican, and spare ribs. Could have gone out with a bang…

IOIO Bootloader Update

Sun, 06 Nov 2011 17:41:16 +0000

Well, I made some progress this weekend with respect to hardware, firmware, and bootloaders. My bluetooth IOIO implementation is still giving Eclipse shit-fits. I am seeing an error with the bluetooth library…it fails on compilation. Unfortunitely, I am running out of weekend, so will cut this one short and make a statement about the backend. In order to replace that pesky USB cord with a sleek virtual cord, aka a bluetooth connection, one must update not only the IOIO application, but also the IOIO bootloader. The application is easy enough to flash, but he bootloader requires a programmer for updating. Luckily, Ytai was kind enough to design a ‘programmer by second board’ option, and incorporate that into the same UI as he utilized for flashing apps to the board. The first step was off to SparkFun for a second IOIO. I kept the second bare bones, except for the pins I would need to do the actual programming. The key was to have both boards up to date enough to function as programmer and target, so I first loaded the newest application versions to each board. The rest was a matter of utilizing the IOIO Manager app on the Android, and letting the programmer do its thing. For reference, the setup was power to power, ground to ground, pins 37|38 to pins 37|38, and pin 36 to mclr…with mclr being on the target board. USB connected to the programmer board…that is that. Unfortunately, my IOIOSeek app ended up stroking out when I attempted to load the bluetooth library. It works fine with the newest general library version, so I know that my bootloader indeed was a success. Back to the Java drawing board before I can demonstrate the new feature.

Montana State Satellite

Sat, 05 Nov 2011 13:34:52 +0000

In 2001, I was part of a team that set out to replicate the space science performed by Explorer-1 in 1958. Explorer-1 was 25 pounds, and our solution was a 2.2 pound, 10cm by 10cm cube called MEROPE. I was on the payroll for a few summers, working on the grounds station design, researching tracking software and antenna theory. Our launch provider was set to launch another twenty some cube sats like ours atop a converted intercontinental ballistic missile payload. After getting pushed out past my graduation date, the launch finally went down from Kahzikstan in July of 2006. Though the Dnepr rockets had a 97% success rate, our satellite ended up in a crater of parts and pollutants during the second minute after liftoff…

MSU Satellite Spoiler

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:28:49 +0000

Ten years and a few months ago, I became a licensed HAM operator… That means, without any doubt, that the satellite that MSU stuck in orbit last week has indeed been a long time coming. I’m running up to campus for the mission statement and a possible down-link tomorrow afternoon…stay tuned for this one. We have entered full-on geek mode.

Virtually Awesome

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:23:29 +0000

You may be wondering how I could one-up my work setup. Probably not, but play along. We are too .NET-y for me to nuke Windows, but Oracle-y enough to get carte blanch on a whole bunch of new stuff. Item one: VM Virtual Box Manager I have an Ubuntu box rolling on the far right and an Oracle Linux box dead center. DropBox setup on the base machine and virtuals, for quick file mashing…diffing…command line python…grepping, etc. Good stuff. The only thing that could be more virtually awesome would be a fourth monitor running Arch Linux. Virtually unbeatable.

Repair Center in U.S.A.

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 20:11:45 +0000

We have notebooks all over our house. Not notebooks in the traditional sense, but notebooks in the sense of ’the future of computing’ notebooks. You know, laptop computers. The future is upon us…especially how even notebooks seem too bulky for everyday use. Tablets and Androids man. Tablets and Androids. That was the longest, least-sensical lead into a post ever. Probably. It is like I am trying to avoid writing about a topic like finding a [link removed] around Bozeman. Which I surely am not… I found a good site that I have been using to research service centers… The bad thing about sites of this nature is over-saturation. Most locator sites have a gaudy front-end, and zero results. On the other end of the spectrum, service-center-locator.com has focused on the results, which is what I value in a site. Case in point… I was searching for a repair site for Katie’s Toshiba notebook. Guess what…Toshiba has a certified repair shop in Bozeman. I would not have come to that conclusion without contacting Toshiba directly, or bringing the unit back in for a warranty claim at Office Depot. Unexpectedly cool. So hit that link above to see for yourself. I am a tech guy, so I stuck mostly with computers and phone stuff, but the site will let you track down services as widespread as you can imagine. Take a look…

Leaf Blower POV

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 16:00:39 +0000

Trees and leaves, man. Trees and leaves. Good thing I picked up a new Hitachi two-stroke leaf blower from Woot. Video one: Droid meets concrete Video two: Leaves meet street I’ll fully admit that video one wins.

Pushing to Master

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 19:39:22 +0000

Just hanging out. Committing a little Java. Introducing IOIOSeek v2.1. In preparation for my next project, I have beefed up my app to support four simultaneous servos, three real-time analog readings, and two binary digital outputs. I cleaned up the UI, and added some README details. You can snag the app or update on the Android Market (search for IOIO) Pop over to the Android Market and give a review if you have it going v As the commits hint, I have pushed my code out to my GitHub page. Fork that thing. Stay tuned for the next project…I just need to find some time to smash together the hardware and we’ll be good to go.

Android SDK / Eclipse / Ubuntu

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 14:05:45 +0000

I updated to Ubuntu Oneiric Ocelot last week. For some reason, the automatic upgrade process botched pulling over my Android Development Tools (ADT) components. Chalk this one up with the strange camera issue I am seeing, as two votes for bailing on a fixed release cycle. Canonical has pushed out two consecutive iffy builds…but I digress. It had been a while since I had set my Android development environment up. I had to start from scratch, so figured I would spell out the process. Note the lack of “Android *” from the list of installed components: I’m starting from the point of having Eclipse installed. That part is straight forward…I snagged it off of the Ubuntu Market, but you an do it with Aptitude or however you like. Same goes for the JRE and JDK, the Java Runtime Environment and Java Development Kit. Snag those from the Market, Sun’s site, or apt - get…verify you have the correct version by running “java -version” from the command line. Mine is currently:

Upgrade to CyanogenMod

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 12:10:45 +0000

My relationship with Motorola’s firmware has ended. It was a good run…well, no. That is a lie. It was certainly better after rooting my Droid 2 and wiping out Verizon’s boatware, but the Moto* junk had to go too. I finally decided to gut everything and install Cyanogenmod yesterday. It is plus one awesome. Although the process of flashing Cyanogenmod’s firmare involves a little work, it is no more difficult than rooting the phone in the first place. Since I did that a while ago, I really wasn’t concerned with blowing up my warranty…I figured bricking the thing would either result in some sweet haxxing or a new phone. Win / win. I would suggest an upgrade to anyone. My phone finally screams, as it should have from day one. My battery life is better | everything imaginable is configurable | my apps and Google accounts all work | and, wait for it, I don’t have to kill processes all day. In fact, I don’t have a stand-alone task killer going…that is pretty surreal still. Well, as with any exercise of this nature, backing up is imperative. Astro File Manager is great…Titanium Backup is great. The other players are the same too…ClockworkMod Recovery makes snagging the MODs easy. I am actually running a daily build, since there is not an official stable build for the Droid 2 yet. No memory leaks though, and everything so far has been functional. Anyhow, on to the actual firmware stuff. I downloaded the zip file, and booted into recovery mode… …during game one of the World Series. Not sure if that is Pujols or Furcal in the reflection. Either way. Great picture, huh? This is the first time I have used my webcam since upgrading to Ubuntu 9.11. Whoops…screwed up the camera, fellas. On the screen is a ClockworkMod selection for Google’s bits. I imagine that this was done for legal reasons. Anyhow, I had to go back and install this from recovery, as I missed it at first. Hi Katie. ^ I also managed to get stuck in a boot loop of sorts during my first attempt. It turns out that I cleared the data but not the cache from the recovery menu. No good. A pulled battery and some troubleshooting and we were good to go. I spun up the Android market, and did fresh installs of my apps. For the important stuff (the Angry Birds Trilogy, 9 Innings Pro Baseball, et. al.) I pulled the backup data back over top of things. No issues. I had been wanting a landscaped workspace since I got my phone. .. now I know why… It just makes sense. CM7 allows this to be configured. Like basically everything else. Want your menu on the bottom? Put it there. There are options all over the map…like the camera exposure, for instance. Sweet. It is tough to beat the performance gains in general, but it is wholly possible. Check this out: One stop overclocking. Disregard that popup and go nuts. One part of me wishes that mobile carriers would take note of Cyanogenmod’s presence and push Android updates to customers. The other part of me likes to void warranties and do things that the clowns from Verizon frown upon. Either way, my phone is now awesome…that is all that matters.

Quantum Levitation Explained

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:01:26 +0000

Quantum Levitation is all over the webs. It is way easier to find videos than it is to find explanations…it all boils down to this: You may want to kill the sound for the video…pretty obnoxious. As speculated, the main thing in play is the fact that at areas of the superconducting material that are not uniform, (defects) flux tubes exist as the material is cooled to extreme temperatures. These tubes act to ‘pin’ the item, with respect to the permanent field. Physics rules. I really need to track down some liquid nitrogen.

IOIO Seek Redux

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 13:35:17 +0000

I published my code for the IOIOSeek project to GitHub. Here it isFork it, do what you will. My next step is to refine the project, add some automation, and make it cooler in general. I grabbed a few thing to make that happen: Second IOIO board for bootloader work…which will allow for bluetooth communications between the board and a phone. Two additional solar panels…to increase the complexity of my sensor setup. Stay tuned…things should be in the works.

Online Tech Auctions

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:10:23 +0000

I spend too much time online…I’ll fully admit it. It is absolutely necessary, however; I test SaaS for a living. My physical computing projects do not lend themselves to non-online research. Non-online…holy smokes. I think I just coined a new term: nonline. I should trademark that. Anyhow, I spend a ton of time staring at screens. That has changed the way I conduct myself, in general. One of the fall-out things I have noticed is in shopping. Where I used to do product research at brick and mortar stores, now I do all of my research online. Most of my purchases are now done online too. I never thought I would buy jeans online, for example, but now I do, without fail. Certain items are foolish to buy at a physical storefront… especially anything tech related. There are the conventional online stores, but if you have some patience and a good eye, online auctions can be the best source of deals. My favorite auction site is DealFun…case in point: A super cheap PS3 is par for the course. DealFun has all sorts of screaming low prices that end up winning auctions, but they also have the customer service aspect to boot. As the dealfun.com reviews indicate, they are reputable in addition to providing good deals. You want that…trust me. Another cool thing about that site, is the notion of beginner’s auctions. You can learn the ropes without spending a fortune on bids. Pretty cool. Take a look…holler if you see a Kinect.

Ubuntu Update Day

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 12:55:56 +0000

The Dell Mini 9 always draws short straw. The little guy once again gets to play the part of guinea pig, and be the first to upgrade to the new version of Ubuntu. V. 10.11 a.k.a. Oneiric Ocelot We’ll see if they sharpened Unity up a bit. Preliminary reviews are pointing at a good release. Expect my review before long. FWIW, ‘oneiric’ is a mouthy way to say dreamy. I don’t care for the word, and neither does my spell checker.

Work Monitor Upgrade

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:49:58 +0000

Add another 17" monitor to the boneyard…I’ve upgraded to a new 24" widescreen. One step closer to my end-goal of two 24" screens to supplement my 17" notebook. Big glowing rectangles, FTW.

Precedent Setting

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:25:03 +0000

I may be guilty of child abuse before the small Swanson girl makes her first appearance…

Android IOIO Project | IOIOSeek

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 04:01:05 +0000

I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and stepped it up a few notches. My newest project brings my end-goal a few steps closer. I now have the pieces in place to put together an actual robotic implementation with the IOIO…since things have officially reached the cool stage, I decided to drop this as a stand-alone project. Complete with pics, a vid, and an app. IOIOSeek: What I have here are two slider bar controlled servos, an analog input-read solar panel, and some LEDs toggled via a button. The control is via the IOIO / Android. The pictures, however nice, don’t really tell the story. Take a look at the video to see this thing in action: As the video alludes to, I am going to run with this concept. The automation (robotics) lies in the analog reading with respect to the servo positions. I plan to ‘scan’ the panel…that is the piece that is missing. Once I can implement that mess, I will have a tracking system. Implementations will fall out of that. As with the last few projects, I have dumped the app on the Android Market for general perusal. The app’s description provides the details of the pin configuration, which is straight forward. I have two PWM outputs, a pure 3.3V digital toggle, and a pin configured for analog input. That is that. I will push my code to GitHub as well eventually, and provide a link therein. I still need to polish my generic servo code, since my latency was borderline awful in retrospect. Look for that in the near future as well. As always, drop any questions to joe[at]swantron[dot]com. Feel free to share your IOIO projects with me…

Futuristic Looking Sinks

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:53:36 +0000

What is the term? Form follows function? Not sure; I’m not a classically trained sink designer. I can tell you what I look for in Undermount Sinks… they should vaguely resemble robot eyes: Amazing. Katie and I rent. We cook a lot, and intend to buy or build before too long…mix that up and it is no stretch to think that we are into sinks. Mr. Direct sinks are great, functional, and have the added bonus of being cool to boot. When we make a move, suffice to say we will have an Undermount Sink like the bad guy pictured above. Cool looking, big, and easy to clean…the price is actually lower than the boring guys from Lowe’s and Home Depot as well…pretty much a done deal.

Stock Control System Info

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:25:19 +0000

disclaimer > I am not clarivoyant < / disclaimer > I’ll make a bold prediction. **You are reading this post on a web-connected device!**Cunning, righf? I will do you all a favor and cut to the point. We all have access to the internet, nearly always. Why not put that to use for difficult problems, in general? Like stock control. Pretend, if it helps, that the stock management software is the robotic overlord, and your staff constitutes the minions… The take away in my whole rambling post lies in a centralized control system for hard goods. A system such as OrderWise allows you to handle arguably the most fundamental business need, inventory, in a convenient digital manner. When you have the same system in place for inventory, order processing, web integration, etc., you will know what your snagging points are. Manage your physical goods, intelligently. That just might be part of business 101. I would have zero idea…I studied math. Anyhow, hit that link and take a look. Computers really pay for themselves in managed applications like inventory…I do know that much for a fact.

Online Mind Fitness

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:24:23 +0000

Fun fact: math guys find math stuffs in non-math stuffs Fun tip: don’t study number theory Fun tip bonus aside: If you think of numbers as things instead of numbers, they will take on funny little characteristics. Fun anecdote: I was taking a look at a sweet site about Mind health, and noticed they had an awesome number on the page… I have no idea whether or not Cognifit was trying to slap that particular number on their site on purpose, but it is a good math number. Do explain…okay. 353 is both prime, and a palindrome. Remember “Madam, I’m Adam.” from school? Take that, make it a number, and moreover make it a number that is only divisible by one and itself… you have a crazy little thing like 353. How do I pick that up? Mental fitness. How does one pick that up? Practice. Plain and simple. Your brain works much the same way that any other of your body systems work. Want big swollen biceps? Grab some dumbbells, do some curls. Want a big, awesome brain? Grab some mental dumbbells, do some brain curls. Curls get the girls…be them brain or biceps. Joking aside, it is proven that you must keep your memory and problem solving skills working in order to fend off getting old, slow, sluggish, etc. That link above is of some serious value…fun brain fitness activities are the best type. Stay sharp, readers. Holler with any palindromic primes…I’m on the hunt.

Managing Multiple WiFi Access Points

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:01:54 +0000

So, every once in a while, my home WiFi connection will drop an error bomb on me. It always seems to be at a horribly inopportune moment; I am trying to do some actual work at home, and all of a sudden my wireless router is showing itself to be frozen. I will admit wholly: I find ethernet cables to be creepy reminders of horrible computing times past. Long story short, when my WiFi decides to dump out, I find myself digging through the ghetto tupperware containers in the garage, in search of a physical cable with which to connect. Hard lines are for the birds. It is easy to take wireless tech for granted. Between 3G/4G and WiFi, we can be connected pretty much wherever. The mobile companies bear the burden of maintaining the cellular connections…what about the WiFi? A single access point can be troublesome…what about multiple WiFi points? It doesn’t take much to create a messy situation. Put yourself in the shoes of an IT manager for a second. Say you have a few hundred users, and a dozen access points. Chances are pretty good that all of your WiFi routers are not the same version…chances are also good that you are tasked to juggle multiple companies’ routers. Easier said than done. Take my word as truth…you need a management system. More particularly, you need something like Tanaza Cloud WiFi Management SaaS. I work in the SaaS game…this is a solution for which you are better off buying software for. Your lack of headaches will signal the significance of said purchase. Take my word or take a look at that link. If it saves someone a wasted weekend on the phone with Netgear, I’ll consider this post a success.

Jobs Found Dead

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 09:37:32 +0000

Triple Monitors at Work

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:47:57 +0000

It kills me a little bit inside every time I boot into Windows at work. Just a little bit. It seems like Microsoft is following Canonical’s lead, by introducing an Ubuntu-like hover bar deal to the taskbar in Windows 7. I won’t bother myself with figuring out who is doing the aping…we’ll just leave it at that. Anyhow, the first real impressive feature I have found with Windows 7 is seamless handling of multiple monitors. Getting triple monitors was *nearly plug and play. A few resolution tweaks and a reordering was all it took. For what it is worth, that monitor placement is strategic. Suffice to say my view is much, much better now. (shutters)

Prototyping Phase

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:22:02 +0000

Code…check Components…check Once I sew this all together, I’ll have a good one to post. Shooting for Sunday evening…

IOIO Servo Project Recap

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 19:55:01 +0000

So, good news and bad news in regards to my IOIO servo controller project. Good: I have published my code to GitHub. See… Bad: Ytai, the creator of IOIO itself, let me know that my code is in need of an overhaul. Big time. I am experiencing too much lag…losing a ton of time in the writing phase of my app. Expect an overhaul of said code, in preparation for my next project. I have seen some activity on both of my apps on the Android Market. I feel some moral obligation to fix both apps, cite some versions, etc. This one could take some time, but should result in a pretty sweet project. On a strange note, Ytai has a sample app that handles the analog input that I need for my next effort. I should be able to stand up a project before too long…pretty pumped. Anyhow, check that code if you are bored. Really bored. I will update when I get some decent code committed…until then…

IOIO Servo Controller

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 16:30:27 +0000

I just doubled my Android Market presence with one fell swoop. IOIO project number two is in the books: IOIO Servo Controller. This project is a one-off of the PowerSwitch Tail relay project I have out in the wild. I took the button out of the mix and implemented a slider bar…removed the relay and am now driving a hobby servo. Displayed is the relative level (zero to one) of the slider, the slider itself, and a shameless plug. The onboard LED also fires with a brightness relative to the slider position…which I implemented in the coding and sort of left in there. The basic concept was to get the PWM output configured correctly, in order to control the servo positioning…the slider function is pretty much just the stock slider from the Android Development docs, widened a bit for the sake of video capture. The rest was just mashing around the code I had out there…not too bad. Check the thing in action: This project is available for download in app form on the Android Market. Right next to my other guy…search for IOIO. I will toss the code on my GitHub account as well. Fun project…I may branch and see If I can do anything cool with a few servos. We’ll see. Shoot any comments to joe(at)swantron(dot)com. I can help with any setup issues, if they may arise. Good luck…

More IOIO Headers

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:38:36 +0000

Proof of concept stage has passed…we are full on code cleanup and prep for video on the servo project… I should have the app polished and on the market Saturday afternoon. Tune in.

IOIO App Redux Time

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 09:09:43 +0000

I put together a simple proof of concept using a slider to control a PWM pin out…simple is an understatement. Nice, right? In doing this, I did a fresh download of the IOIO example apps, as I had gutted the Blink example for my 120V relay app. It turns out that there is a fresh firmware version…I grabbed the new IOIO library that is associated with that. So, my proof of concept doesn’t function…I tested it with an LED to no avail. So, I have a few items to address before I push out another project

Nursery Furniture Assembly

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:26:33 +0000

As I mentioned in the post that precedes this one, I have been assembling things on a larger scale lately. Well, larger scale for a smaller scale person…getting the nursery ready, namely. Both the crib and changing table came together nicely. Enjoy some pics and protips.

Protip: Although the product may merely require “a screwdriver” for assembly, this will take all day. You will want an electric drill.

Output Lull

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:24:25 +0000

Not sure where this picture came from exactly…trying to get video working via Cheese on Ubuntu is my best guess. It has been sitting on my desktop for a while, ready for something. There it is ^ My new job has kept me busy for the last three weeks. FWIW, RightNow Technologies is a great place to be…check them out by all means. I have been putting together baby furniture like a boss, expect a post on that soon. Had a few gotchas to share. Katie is still doing well, and things are falling into place; we may have a daycare picked out, which will be nice to have in the books. Exciting stuff…ready for this little girl to show up. Project wise, I’m going either one of two ways. I still have a boat-load of white LEDs to put to use. I am either thinking of banging out a quick Arduino (sorry for the neglect, little guy) project on that front, or trying to do some metering with the IOIO. I thought about doing a quick Ping sensor project for the IOIO as well, but figured that may turn into another multi-month ordeal. Might tackle some LEDs…debugging LEDs is pretty much a binary process. Works or does not work. Time will tell. But until then.

Joseph Swantron

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:49:03 +0000

Possible pen name…

Bonus Content: IOIO Circuit Diagram

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 18:39:11 +0000

My new amigos at Ytai’s Google Groups IOIO page and I are still spit-balling my project details. I am providing a circuit diagram to help the discussion. For the fuller project in detail, check the original post. Cheers.

Watch Out

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 17:36:24 +0000

Nerd cred is nerd cred, right? Not necessarily. Take, for instance, gaining nerd cred via unboxing a Woot BOC…pretty nerdy. That is contrasted by more nerdy nerd cred, like trading messages with the IOIO designer on his Google Groups page. Huge nerd cred. Another level of nerd cred comes via gadgets. Gadgetry is the best…on of my favorite things in the world. There are overt ways to geek out…like a screaming fast notebook running an obscure, maybe stable version of Linux. Bonus points for sure. Blogging is sort of credulous, but blogging the crap out of stuff and posting apps…gigantic nerd cred. Then comes watches. Nerd cred on the down-low. I’ll go on record saying that Invicta Men Watches are a source of geek cred. Take a look: You can nerd out by the design, or nerd out by the specs. I choose both, as that watch is crazy functional and crazy cool looking. Not slide rule and pocket protector cool, but pretty solid. The best deal, is the prices you can find on Invicta watches on BlueDial: That doesn’t even make sense. How they can chop the price that much is crazy. Blogging about watches crazy. Hit the link and check one out. It is a pretty sweet site, and you really won’t beat that price anywhere.

Satellite Internet Options

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 20:10:48 +0000

Q: What is worse than a dial-up internet connection? crickets chirping… crickets chirping… crickets chirping… A: Very little? I don’t know. Dial up is unacceptable. So unacceptable that I would, without a doubt, rather be without a connection than have to poke around with dial up. Some remote places are without the option of a cable connection. Some places even more remote cannot even access DSL. I weep for the poor souls. Fortunately, there is an option. Look to the stars, my dialing up friends. Chins up…there is always satellite internet, my friends. Some day, our mobile connections may be able to handle all of our data needs. Until that idea becomes reality, our best bet for remote connections is, by all means, satellite connections. You are likely familiar with Direct TV and Dish Network receivers…this is the same principle. No grid…just power the receiver, and you get your connections from Low-Earth Orbit. LEO and the interwebs; let me sum that up. Yep, just as I suspected: win / win. Hit that link to find out more. Believe me, dial up internet is barely internet at all. This route is really the only way to go in a pinch. Plus, your friends and family will be amazed by your forward-thinking, futuristic internet connection. Space cadet stuff.

IOIO PowerSwitch Project

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 17:52:09 +0000

I can finally report a conclusion of sorts on the IOIO / PowerSwitch Tail project. The ‘of sorts’ disclaimer is in regards to my Android App, which is pretty much a working beta. I have some issues with my onResume code, and want to put some polish on the UI. That said, I have released the code to the interwebs, so had better provide a write-up. The setup is the same as I have been posting. Dual open drain pins with a 10K pull to 5V do the lifting…triggering of pins is handled via my IOIO board…Android app providing a UI to do the switching. I went ahead and published my app on the Android Market. It will pop for sure by searching for IOIO. Price: free ninety nine. Can’t beat that. I also tossed this code up on GitHub. Go nuts. Video time: see this in action. Basically, between all of the shaky camera work, I download my app from the Android Market, connect via USB, and control the 120V relay via my Droid 2. I will shoot a better video once I clean up my code a bit. Stay tuned. The README on GitHub and the app details section should have all of the connection information. I can provide any further details via email / comments / @swantron. Have fun with this one… Link to android market Link to project code at GitHub

Git er Hub

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 19:41:36 +0000

Making progress on the IOIO marathon project. GitHub has been chosen as the initial hosting deal. Configured with a little hello world this evening. Click on that for some CLI awesome junk. If not, tune back in for the larger effort soon. Android app may follow.

Adding Headers to an IOIO

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 21:33:07 +0000

Q. Am I dragging my feet with the whole IOIO code cleanup deal? A. Take a look at this little pictorial dealio regarding soldering headers to my IOIO Exhb 1: Exhb 2: Exhb 3: I’ll get on that; you have my word. I am toying around with the idea of tossing the open drain app on both github and the Android Market, in order to throw some chum out to the crew of IOIO owners. We’ll see.

Baseball Heroics

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 19:12:30 +0000

Black Sox, for the win… 2011 Gallatin Valley Men’s Adult Baseball League champions. You can’t tell due to the backlighting, but there are four games worth or infield on that uni. Red Bull, ibuprofen, celebratory OMLs, Skoal, and infield. And grass from a couple of cans of corn put-outs. Happy and tired.

So Long, Zoot

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 18:46:04 +0000

I had three great years at Zoot Enterprises. Time for a change, however. Thanks for it all.

Android 120V Controller

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 16:15:40 +0000

It was worth the wait…I now control 120V via my Android. I had a mostly sleepless night, again. I managed to figure out what I had been botching while trying to provide enough juice to my PowerSwitch Tail. Transistors and alligator clamps are out; extra pins are in. Take a look at the (awful quality) video…on the main page, as the picture quality won’t grind loading to a halt. I still need to toss some headers on the IOIO, and take some clips out of the picture for a better picture of what I did here. Look for that shortly, along with a snippet. Pretty straight forward, but we’ll have to see where this one ends up.

Good News

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 12:00:00 +0000

Katie and I are happily expecting a baby girl…due date: 12/31 There she is^ I have money on the little lady having big, brown eyes. Very excited to meet her.

Ubuntu Fast Flash Issue

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 13:06:33 +0000

I was horsing around with the Google+ Hangout function last week. In installing the required Google / Flash plugins via Ubuntu Update Manager, I managed to cripple my system. I wiped Flash off of my machine, did a fresh install…the whole works. To no avail. The bug (and fix) were strange enough to warrant a write-up. First, the symptoms were strange. Any Flash video would run super fast…triple speed. While watching Cubs replays in fast forward was sort of amusing, I couldn’t get audio to work either. All media was wonky, including streaming audio. I tried to play an MP3 from my hard drive…playback was nonfunctional. That sort of led me to the solution: I disabled the HDMI audio function, restarted Firefox, and that was that. Why audio settings would spawn that sort of malfunction is beyond me. I am going to submit a bug report on this guy…too strange to let slip.

Blown Multimeter

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:50:28 +0000

So, good news and bad news. Yin and Yang. I managed to get my open drain setup working with the IOIO. Ytai was right…just needed to dump more current through the sucker and pull 5V from the board. See below: On to the bad. I wasn’t pushing enough current to trigger my 120V relay…but before I could do some current calculations, my piece of shit Radio Shack multimeter finally gave out. How timely? Not to worry…a quick trip to Lowes, and we have a new (much higher quality) Ideal DMM: Your eyes aren’t fooling you…that is a thermocouple. Thermocouple and stand…pretty official. I’ll get some calculations done and figure out where we are with this guy…pretty close!

Adding Surface Mount Power to IOIO

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 15:43:10 +0000

Some career-oriented things have kept me largely out of the Bad Lab. I finally decided to dust of the soldering station and get a permanent power connector surface mounted to my IOIO board. I tackled this project before I headed to work…I think the pre-coffee pre-jitter scenario worked out well. Anyhow, this is the component from SparkFun: It is a simple two pin surface mount compact connector. Nice current rating, so I am hoping it will give me enough juice to pull 5V in my pull-up project. The issue to overcome in the actual soldering was keeping this little sucker in place and stable to get the first joint in place. My solution, once again, ended up involving my adjustable clamps. These things are great, especially compared to the ‘helper hands’ alligator clip stand. Wonky hands would be more apt. For a little connector, it seems to be fairly secure. I also picked up a barrel jack to two pin connector from SparkFun. Hooked up to a wall wart…survey says: We have power. I will test it against some loads, and get back on the pull-up project. Here goes nothing…

New Things

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 21:24:39 +0000

It was either this… …or an embedded Van Halen music video. You are welcome. Cheers to new things.

Open Drain Example IOIO Android

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 09:16:17 +0000

Hi. This project never ends. I have been cutting my teeth on some electrical engineering 101, in an effort to push 5V through my IOIO. At this point, I am still not able to report a success. I do have the ‘open drain’ setup working, at a lower voltage than I am intending. My configuration is as follows: The Java snippet that is doing the pin defining is this guy:

Future Contact Lenses

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 09:01:10 +0000

Google’s Project Glass…very cool. The prototype units are sort of reminiscent of Star Trek, but they serve a unique function. Merging computing and vision is not an easy thing, once the whole ‘rest of the world aside from the text written to screen’ comes in to play. Where will this end up? I have a strong suspicion that the goofy looking units will end up being swept under the rug. The future, my friends, is in the contact lens. The small, not very obtrusive, disposable, can still wear sunglasses, little contact lens. The kicker is the link between contact lenses and high tech stuff that already exists. If vision correction isn’t enough to float your boat, how about Microsoft’s past work to implement a glucose tester into contact lenses. You don’t have to be diabetic to appreciate that. You don’t have to be a Microsoft fanboy to give them credit for a cool project. Swap Microsoft out for Google, who is arguably way more bleeding edge. Add in the fact that the Google Glass project has been declared an early success, and that the contact lens makes more sense down the road. I’m guessing we see Star Trek Glasses, and then shortly behind Star Trek Contacts for sale before too long.

Black Monday 2011

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:42:20 +0000

I finally gathered my nerves and opened my TDAmeritrade account after the market closed. Pretty ugly. If the dollar wasn’t jacked, I would be in buy mode. As it stands, I’m staying put. Sure glad I am not a soon-to-be retiree; things could be bleaker. Here’s to a rebound…

Nerdy Weekend

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 19:30:44 +0000

Disclaimer: I have two baseball games in which to play tomorrow. Play well, FWIW. I am spending my night watching ‘Ask an Engineer.’ Getting my nerd on (well, FWIW.) Support Lady Ada / Adafruit via purchasing the type of stuff you see on swantron.com…she is one of the good guys. Have a nice weekend…

Choosing a Web Designer

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 08:53:21 +0000

My skill set is so sufficiently awesome in the design realm, that I can turn this… …into this… …using nothing but MS Paint. I can also put down an entire box of ~~MSG in a Biskit~~ Chicken in a Biskit. But that is for another day. If you, unlike me, are shopping for a web designer, take the following into consideration. Whether you are building a new website or having an older one redesigned, it is likely that you will need the assistance of a web designer. If you spend some time browsing the internet, you will soon discover that there is a significant difference in those websites which have been professionally designed and those that haven’t. Nowadays, if you want your business to get noticed then hiring a reputable web designer is a necessity. So how do you go about choosing one? Firstly you should do your research on potential web designers or web design companies. You will find that Southampton web design agencies may work in a completely different way to a web designer in Dorset. Therefore, it pays to look around and not necessarily just in London. You need to enquire into their previous work and ensure it is similar to the standard you are after for your own site. It is important to remember that your website should not just be a copy of previous work, so look at more than one example to ensure that the designer is capable of catering to individual client needs. You also need to research into whether this work was delivered in a timely manner. It is all well and good receiving an incredible design for a new website, however if it is going to take 3 years, you may need to reconsider. The majority or web designers will have a portfolio and this is a great way to judge their work and their professionalism. Client testimonials are another way in which you can compare designers. Be wary about these testimonials as it is possible to make these up, so it is important to follow them up and actually speak to previous clients to gain further information. For example if you are contemplating a web design Bournemouth agency, you may wish to speak to a range of their clients to gauge an understanding of how they work.

Bad Lab in Action

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 08:12:39 +0000

My enjoyable night of programming my IOIO slowly devolved into a digital multimeter-needing mess. Either I am reading the spec sheet incorrectly, or this thing is wonky. I have implemented a pull-up resister, and *should be pushing 5V. In reality, I am seeing 3.8V…something is amiss. Back to the drawing board.

Android IOIO Digital Output

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 12:05:01 +0000

I am one coding session and one EE session away from having a pretty cool project to post. In the meantime, I am making some progress with the IOIO.

Eclipse and I are still having our issues, but the ADK is becoming less Greek to me. The next project should shed some light on what sort of possibilities IOIO presents.

I shot a video of one of my debugging tests. I eventually will be using an ‘open drain’ setup, in order to get 5V output, but am doing some testing at 3.3V. I hooked up an old speaker that I salvaged from a CRT tear-down to my test pins, to verify that my Android App was working.

I Need a Camera

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 19:51:21 +0000

I need either a camera, or a backup Android for dev. I’m shooting for the later. For real though…cash for a used Droid X. Anyone know of a good marketplace to pick a used one up? I’ll entertain offers at joe[at]swantron[dot]com. You know you want an iPhone… Here is the motivation: I had to swing the laptop around to snap a picture of my Monday-Funday effort for this week. I need to snap (shoot maybe?) a video of my IOIO work, but I find myself in want of a micro SD card. Both of my 2GB cards are at the office, and my IOIO Android app is sitting happily on my Droid 2’s memory card. For the loss. Loss like the Droid X’s battery tendencies. Really, get rid of that phone. It is awful…I will be doing you a favor by taking it off of your hands. The screen is too big…hard to fit in your pocket, etc. Cash. I’ll get a vid up tomorrow. Fear not.

Google Plus Instant Upload Settings

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 12:49:30 +0000

I am still horsing around with Google+ on my Droid 2. A few posts back, I lambasted the Instant Upload feature. The whole idea of tossing geo-location-having pictures onto Google’s servers seems awfully odd to me. As this feature is ‘featured’ in Google+’s Android app, I figured I would play around with it some more, in order to gauge its evilness. The jury is still out. It does work as intended. I snapped a few pictures of my fancy breakfast in my cubicle, with the Instant Upload activated, with the Battery Uploads selection… Surely enough, once I plugged my D2 into the charger, it began to sync/upload. Within several seconds I was notified of my complete upload to G+. So, while I am still unsure of the impacts of this feature, I am impressed by its function. Google’s devs hit the ball out on the park with this one, in regards to pure functionality. Especially, as the Android Facebook and Twitter apps are rough at best. Hats off. Expect a full review of G+ in the near future.

Eclipse and IOIO

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:56:25 +0000

Five Volts are so 2010. I’m all over this three and three-tenths Volts stuff. Don’t call it a comeback. I blew the dust off of my IOIO board, and am ready to do some 3.3V stuffs. I have already deduced that my PowerSwitch Tail won’t relay at 3.3V, but will make a switching noise and fire the on-board LED. Lesson learned. I guess I had better get serious with my EE…this is a circuitry step up from the Arduino without a doubt. Expect a project and some code soon. I am going to make something work.

Android Instant Upload to Google(plus)

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 09:55:19 +0000

I created a Google+ account last week, in order to kick the tires a bit. I am going to hold off on a full review until I get some circles going, test the group video chat functions, etc. I do want to mention one puzzling feature that Google has built into this thing. Instant upload. I don’t get it. This makes for super easy uploading of images to your profile. Android phone…cellular radio connection…there you go. This app will run a cron job to dump your photos to your Google plus profile. The default setting is to allow this when you set up the Google+ Android app, with all new photos dumped to a private (non-shared) folder on your G+ account. I opened up my settings and let this one rip. It took about 20 seconds for that picture to show up in my private folder. Cool implementation, but pretty impractical. Issues I have with this:*** Increased data usage. Especially as unlimited plans are goners. * Battery nukage. One more thing to kill -9. * Location data. Real time seeding a DB with your lat/long. * Duplicate media. Primarily for deletions…two is worse than one. * Neccessary? USB cord…bluetooth…MMS…physical media…email…**Suffice to say, I will have this ‘feature’ disabled. Stay tuned for the full review, and holler if you would like an invite.

Arduino 120V AC Relay Example

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 21:13:18 +0000

I got tired of poking around with LCD drivers with my Arduino. Time for a quick project to mix it up…staring at a surge protector always puts 120V on my mind. As it turns out, I tore apart an old humidifier a while ago on my ‘workbench.’ Monday night is Katie’s reality TV night…time for something sweet. Investigating duty cycles on this plastic fan: I figured that I could horse around with my PowerSwitch Tail, and make it somewhat mimic a PWM 5V setup. I was curious how long I would have to ‘pulse’ the switch with juice to keep the fan constantly rolling. I started with it fully on, and kicked my ‘active’ duty cycles lower until I reached a nearly-continual state of motion. Pause for Arduino code snippet:

Spoofing User Agent Types from the Command line

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 11:19:41 +0000

I’m back on the command line…look out… So, I am still poking away at various ways to interface between the bash and various web components. This stuff is still shaking out of my Twitter to CLI to LCD project. I have been using some of the usual suspects (wget, python url libraries, etc) in an effort to find one that is best suited to sniffing and parsing html info. I have found that writing to serial is the most fail-proof means of mashing around data quickly, so that is my inspiration. Anyhow, I was horsing around with curl on the command line. It turns out, that spoofing user agents is pretty simple to implement. Take this two-line one liner for instance: swantron@Dell15:~~$ x=10 swantron@Dell15:~~$ for (( y=1; y<=x; y++)) ; do curl –user-agent “Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.01; Windows NT 5.0)” swantron.com ; doneIn a nutshell, this is acting to snag this site ten times, with credentials indicating the machine is running Windows 2000 and MS Internet Explorer 5.1. The success is indicated by my server statistics: Before: After: Not too bad. I am considering using this as a testing tool for my site. Messing around with PHP and CSS…I can put together a quick regression using some legacy operating systems and browsers to make certain that I can still snag my content. Granted, the example setup may seem like gross overkill, but as those stats indicate, I do see quite a few requests from ancient machines. Makes you wonder.. Anyhow, this layout is in need of some serious testing. If anyone is interested in a copy, drop me a line. Cheers.

Awesome Gadget Blog

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 12:50:19 +0000

As a gadget guy, I am always searching for new tech stuff. Every once in a while, I stumble across a new Gadget Blog that is awe-inspiring. I recently found one that blew my mind, due to some of the inanely cool stuff they dig up. Like this bad boy… That iPhone case almost makes me want to get rid of my Droid 2 and snag an iPhone 4. Almost… Geekalerts.com is where I found that. I have been checking the site out for a while, and they seem to post a handful of awesome entries a day. I have no idea how they keep coming up with this stuff, but it is great. I obviously need to hone my interweb skills, as I would have a hard time finding a few head-scratcher nerd items in a week, let alone in a day. This whole work thing is for the birds. I need more free time. Or, more time to check this site out; they seem to have it figured out. In addition to the gadgets themselves, these guys do a great job tracking down coupon codes for sweet geeky savings. I ran across an Office Depot coupon that is sort of the catch-all for gadgetry. Office Depot is perhaps a step above gadgetry, since they purvey hardware. Hardwaretry? I am fairly certain that isn’t a word. Take a look at this Vistaprint coupon for another example. Pretty slick…plus it beats checking out the sites of places you might buy from. Again, the whole time thing. Anyhow, I am off to check the webs for a Droid old school calculator case. That is too cool.

WordPress 3.2 Custom Layout

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 17:14:16 +0000

After the whole fiasco that came with my upgrade to WordPress 3.2, I decided to shell my old layout and go with a new free website builder. Not only was it too bloated with jqueries, but the whole thing was sort of outdated. Time for some new blood, to go with my new (faster?) server. Introducing: Swiz3 Way quicker than the Swiz2* series. It turns out that WP has introduced a bunch of the custom menu junk that I formerly have fought with into their release, so out with the old. Consider this a working beta, and pay no attention to anything wonky on IE…haven’t even looked at this site on that. Cheers.

WP 3.2 Dual Fail | PHP and MySQL

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 19:44:10 +0000

My good friend Alexi from Siteground assured me that my new server is a good one. One that has MySQL 5.0 and PHP 5.2.17. Even though my cpanel was reporting 5.2.17, such was not the case for my PHP version…as fate would have it, my Wordpress update to 3.2 puked violently. I did the prudent thing; edited my .htaccess root file, etc. After getting good old swantron.com up and rolling, I still couldn’t access my admin page. That let me know that my SQL junk was also fishy. Looks like I need to look into self-hosting options. Long story short, Alexi got me migrated to a server with some real deal software. Siteground may have had my site hosted on some bullshit tech, but they did get me up and running quickly. I have done some research, and my server neighbors used to be primarily pr0n sites…I wish them luck with their hosting. Guessing they were unaffected by this upgrade that made me stumble, but if not, my condolences to the pervs. We will see…I might get into the hosting biz.

Lunch in the Cubicle

Fri, 01 Jul 2011 08:23:12 +0000

Still dining finely on fancy lunches in the cubicle. This week’s installment…three gourmet burgers. I find three to be the ideal number of main entree items at the office. —————————————————————— Unit 1, consumed at 10:00 AM, acts to lessen the coffee shakes. Unit 2, consumed around noon, acts to kill the smells of coworkers’ lunches Unit 3, consumed at 2:00 PM, pretty much just food show-boating at this point +1 food show-boating

Evolution of a Project

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 20:48:02 +0000

I have two speeds when it comes to projects: percolate and bazooka. Whereas my swantron comment / to / LCD project was bazooka, this Twitter deal has been percolate. Haven’t been able to jump in completely, rather, I have been poking this one with a stick. Still poking… Making progress…snagging my Twitter page via Python, and dumping it to LCD: I just need to hammer out some parsing, and I will be good to go. I really need to figure out some sweet regex and drop this whole ‘import (some junk)’ stuff. Who knows…at this rate, I just may.

Nerd Bucket List

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 18:36:15 +0000

I guess I had better find a new bucket list entry… I was so excited upon beating Ocarina of Time, I snapped a self portrait with the end-screen… …and, I am in my 30s. Wow. Now what? My nerd bucket list needs a new entry. Maybe I should finish my LED cube project. Maybe I should finish my command line Twitter work. Maybe I should take on Ocarina of Time 3D… Probably not the last one…not pumped about the 3DS. Something great will ensue.

swan tron dot com

Sun, 26 Jun 2011 20:48:22 +0000

Don’t call it a comeback. Or a re-branding. You can’t really re-brand something that lacks, in large, a brand. Let’s just say, I’m dropping the ninja. The robot stays, but knows his place. Carry on.

RC Helicopter Tear Down

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 18:00:33 +0000

A while back, I collected my first Woot BOC. The prize crap in the bag of crap was, without any doubt, the radio controlled Batman helicopter. Great Scott… Wrong movie catch phrase, right? Well, so too are the aerodynamics of a helicopter SHAPED LIKE BATMAN. She is not a very sky-worthy vessel. The rotors push air directly into the clear plastic tab connected to his booted feet…it is not stable at all. Time to tear it up. I figured that I could remove the obstructive plastic and have a machine that would function well enough to navigate around the garage-shop. I removed the guys legs, which were light enough to be approximated with a zip tie. As I had hoped, the new lower portion acted to dampen some of the erratic flight. It was stable enough to allow me to snap that picture…not a possibility with the unmodified original. Curiosity got the best of me, as it always tends to. I had to break this apart to see how it worked. I am sort of impressed I took the intermediate steps this time…most of my tear down sessions are done quickly and rabidly. This was sort of impressive, actually. The foam chest cavity was hollow to allow for the constituent components…including the mechanical gears. Light, protective, and durable…the triple threat. It was, until I removed it completely… There you have it…pretty basic design. Two variable motors, an IR receiver, a battery, a DC power jack, a switch, some caps and resisters, and a chip to run it. The IR sensor was hidden in Batman’s utility belt. Great Scott that is clever. After all of that, this puppy still flies… I was pretty gun shy to let that rip. It took a couple of dives in my first two picture attempts, wrapping the battery cord around the rotor assembly. It still works…pretty tough little guy. Next step…I’m going to get into that controller. It acts as both the charging unit and IR sender, in addition to providing the variable control to the motors. It shall be awesome. Stay tuned.

Fancy Lunch

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 09:34:55 +0000

Most of the programmers around me subside wholly on Mountain Dew and Cup ‘o Noodle. Time to class-up this joint. Skewers should do the trick. +1 fancy.

Twitter CLI Teaser

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 12:31:50 +0000

I sort of forget what my original project entailed…something about tweeting via the command line, for Arduino purposes. You can pretty much just toss a bunch of words in a hat, and add ‘Arduino’ and ‘Command Line’ to them, and there you have one of my typical projects. Anyhow, here we find ourselves. I am missing some dependencies with OAuth, but have managed to get twitter working from an interactive python shell: This section is as much for my reference as it is for public knowledge…I snagged the commands that I ran to snag my comments. It first prints swantr0n (my dev account) and then my primary Twitter feed, @swantron

Satellite Internet Basics

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 14:28:58 +0000

Q) What would make a guy throw caution to the wind, and void a (quite significant) warranty on a piece of technology? A) An internet addiction. I rooted my Droid 2 a while back, largely due that answer above. That power-thirsty screen, with all of its hi-def beauty, is awesome for web browsing. My project requirements often find myself hammering out code on either my netbook or notebook, in dire need of an internet connection. Poor wi-fi signals just don’t cut it…I rooted my phone for access to that lovely Verizon 3G. Don’t tell Verizon. Do tell Verizon that my battery life is easily doubled, now that their bloat-wear has been removed. Nuked from orbit. But, I digress. There are many, many places that have either awful cell reception or no reception at all. What is a guy to do? Connect from orbit… Say you have just moved to a new house. Say you are in a trough of garbage cell coverage…out in the country, maybe. You will find yourself with two likely options: low speed dial-up internet, or high speed [link removed]. I bet you know which one I would chose. Hit that link to see what I am talking about. It is the only viable option for a decent connection at times. If you want some numbers, with these connections you can see download speeds up to 1.5Mbp…which is roughly 30 times faster than dial-up. See…no joke here. The weird thing is that these packages are pretty much the same price as my connection with Bresnan. Sort of puzzling how they can offer deals like this. Hit that link to see what I am getting at. I’m off to feed my internet addiction.

Twitter Project Teaser

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 11:37:14 +0000

A while back, I tossed a little concept video out to the nets regarding CLI interface with my site’s comments and an LCD screen. I figured that I could do a similar thing with my Twitter account…spurred largely by Adafruit’s Make it Tweet challenge. Well, it turns out that Twitter has a few hurdles to jump, in regards to posting tweets to an account. My failed usage from the command line was utilising curl > curl -u swantron:pass -d status=“command line test” http://twitter.com/statuses/update.xmlI was getting an error message, that basic authentication was not supported. For the loss. It turns out that you need a few keys in order to authenticate, which requires registering an app with Twitter… like this There we go…keys in hand. Now, I need to figure out how to sew this together using curl or wget. If all else fails, I am pretty sure there is a py library that I can snag. Stay tuned…this one could be fun.

Ubuntu Natty Netbook Review

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:20:41 +0000

I have had Natty on my Mini 9 for a few days. It runs like a top. Solid state HD equates to a sub double digit boot time…be sure to configure compiz via: sudo apt-get install compizconfig-settings-managerThat is about it. Plus 1. I would rattle on about 11.04, but I already have a few posts back. Besides, I have bigger fish to fry. Namely, Gannon… I’m in my 30s, and just now getting around to beating Ocarina of Time. Katie and Man-Dawg are watching the Bachelor (or Bachelorette; no effing idea) downstairs…here goes nothing

Makeshift Linux Heads-Up Display

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 10:43:02 +0000

Per my last post, I began upgrading my Dell Mini 9 last night…from Ubuntu 10.10 to 11.04. Well, at some point, it tossed a fit about not being able to snag a package, and hung on a dialogue box all night. No worries…I’ll finish this install on the way to work. Who said netbooks are passe? Looks like that guy was designed to ride on the dash of a Silverado if you ask me. For the record, I was not doing 110 MPH by the MSU campus. I have an issue with my speedometer. I was doing 90 MPH, tops. My install was a success for the record. I will see if all functions are fully functional soon, and put together a post.

Ubuntu Natty Netbook

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 21:01:50 +0000

As my primary notebook has proven that can run several terminals, a Firefox tab or four, Eclipse, and the Arduino IDE simultaneously without shitting the bed, it is time for my netbook to follow suit. Q: What suit? A: The Ubuntu 11.04 suit…you know, Natty Narwhal? Q: I don’t know cards. This is cards, with the suit thing, right? A: Busted. No idea…very unsure of the spelling of ‘suit’ too FWIW Tune in tomorrow to see how it all ends up. Wear a suit.

Basic Mower Cord Repair

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:33:52 +0000

I snapped our lawnmower cord. Oh snap.

As it happens, I can fix anything. Without exception.

My one-pull-wonder lawnmower has been a great machine. Katie has been using this mower since she was a tween…my father-in-law upgraded and packed this to Bozeman when he upgraded to a new mower many mows ago. With a thunderstorm brewing, I was in a hurry, and swoll, and I ripped the cord in two.

Trustworthy Online Brokerage Account & Services

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:41:29 +0000

So. I may be one of the only people in the world left who listen to talk radio. More embarrassing than that, I would, without a doubt, be considered a dedicated listener. There is nothing worse than the audio quality of AM radio, except for AM radio in a truck with all sorts of metal accelerating around…big pistons, questionable wiring, and a poor antenna make for very, very poor radio reception. Interference, for the loss. I used to be all over antenna theory back in my undergrad days…KD7NZI. Yep. Licensed HAM radio dude. I promise to touch on that one of these days. Or threaten. Now, I am pretty much on the AM radio, and on my talk shows. The heart of the matter for today lies in ways to handle finances. My beloved, awful AM radio is nearly wall-to-wall advertisements for gold purchasing firms. Places of ill repute, when compared to legitimate stock account joints. It may be tough to consider, but it is very important to do so. Money of all nature has (inherently) value, and that is not to be taken lightly. Pause for picture. I do 100% of my money work online. In fact, my Wells Fargo accounts have embarrassingly small rates of return…interest takes second base to online access for me, for what it is worth. That is where it is…from my IRA, to my stocks, to my savings and DDA accounts, it is all accessed/managed online. The question remains, what do you do to juggle all of these balances? Is there some sort of service that you can find to consolidate stuff of this nature? Yes, there is. Hint: that link back there <— Take a look. Do what you will. Drop me a line with any suggestions you may have….and good luck.

HTML to Python to Arduino to LCD

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 21:42:07 +0000

Last week found me standing tall upon my shell script soapbox, shouting command line praises to all who would listen.

Thou ought direct thine output aftways, to-wards thine USB port of thee. And that is well and righteous.

Well, that still is the case. My latest project has made it glaringly obvious that sometimes a little Python script will render a whole bunch of shell scripting moot. Namely, parsing HTML. Let’s see a picture…

Python Teaser

Mon, 30 May 2011 19:41:08 +0000

After a deal of success with the command line interface-to-Arduino project, I am in the middle of stepping it up a notch. I ended up on a few blogs due to that last effort, which indicates that I am doing something worthy of note. Hats off to me, perhaps. Well, my tool belt is what it is…if I can’t do it via shell scripting, I reach next for Python. In an attempt to parse stuff that I have been ‘getting’ via wget, I found myself trying to do some clunky regex from the command line. Guess what…I can do that without as much heartache via Python via BeautifulSoup… Thus far, I have python doing the website getting and Beautiful Soup doing the parsing of my site…basically just grabbing some info at this point that I can modify. I have my LCD driven via my trusty Arduino, and that is that. Instead of redirecting standard out to serial, I am writing to serial via python. Easy breezy. I have some sloppy sloppy code at this point, and need to add some hardware and stuffs to my prototype. Stay tuned…this could be a good one.

Woot BOC Unboxing

Thu, 26 May 2011 17:25:25 +0000

It showed up… I got excited and made an un-boxing vid. Apparently, I get twitchy when I am excited. Probably why I interview like shit. Anyhow… So, my three dollar (eight with shipping) bag of crap yielded: * Passive laptop cooling pad * Refurbished DSL router * Strawberry that unfolds into a bag? * Remote controlled Batman helicopter * Three dog brushes Not bad at all; I’m chalking this up as a win.

It Never Rains

Thu, 26 May 2011 12:02:09 +0000

Greetings from 4800 feet above sea level…the ever-lovely Bozeman, Montana. Bad news to everyone to the right side of the Rockies: we are sending more water your way. Bozeman Creek is starting to hop some banks. I jumped on the CT-90 after work and headed out to survey the situation. These pics were taken in Bozeman proper…on Church street North of Kagy. There have been some road closures further North, as the stream has been running over a few roadways. Coincidentally, both major breaches have been near culverts…one under Mendenhall and one under Kagy. Poor planning, city engineers. A few hundred yards down the road from the bridge, I popped into my sister’s old condo complex. I have seen some sandbagging there in the past. A for effort, guys. Take the grade into consideration next time. This thing is slated to crest next week….we’ll see what happens. Strange year for extreme weather, to say the least.

Compiz Error in Ubuntu Natty

Mon, 23 May 2011 11:46:28 +0000

For the most part, I have had good luck with Compiz, Unity, and Ubuntu 11.04 in general. I have said it before, but worth a repost…if you do a vanilla install of Ubuntu, the first thing you should do is get the Compiz configuration tool…I’ll even spell it out.

Open a terminal window (Ctrl+Alt+t)
Run this command: sudo apt-get install compizconfig-settings-manager3) Hit enter…done. Nothing to it. Anyhow, I have seen the following bug a few times…so I finally snagged a screenshot: It appears that the workspace switcher and wobbly windows have some sort of issue with one another. I don’t see this when I use keyboard shortcuts, and I have been employing those nearly extensively to pop around. Super Key+S (Windows key / Apple key) to open the switcher…or bypassed with Ctrl+Alt+left or Ctrl+Alt+up for instance. It works slickly, once you spend some time poking around. I suppose it would be prudent for me to enter this bug into the Ubuntu QA system…I am not in the mood to search for duplicate tickets. I do that crap all day at work…enough is enough. Drop me a comment if you have seen this one in action. Or, if you have any workspace suggestions, send that over too.

Command Line LCD Arduino Interface

Fri, 20 May 2011 12:44:20 +0000

Liquid crystal displays are pretty awesome. Command line interfaces are very awesome. Hmm…

I started daydreaming at work about how to go about making hardware interface with an RSS feed. I have seen some projects that use Arduinos with ethernet shields to check Twitter, for example, but they seem unnecessarily bulky. Or clumsy. I spend a lot of time working on the command line, and love to put together dirty little scripts to solve problems. It sort of goes along the lines of ‘when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail’…I figured that the same thing could be implemented with a little shell scripting and my trusty Arduino, sans anything complicated.

Upside of My Coffee Intake

Wed, 18 May 2011 08:48:27 +0000

I have always felt a touch of guilt in regards to the amount of coffee I throw down the colloquial hatch on a daily basis. I drink the stuff out of a pickle jar…I kid you not: It cools quicker. Bonus. My guilt was nuked from orbit today. I saw on /. this morning that the Oxford Journals published some National Cancer Institute findings, linking extreme coffee intake with a decreased chance of getting prostate cancer. The non-science-y results are as follow:

Inexpensive Ink Cartridges

Mon, 16 May 2011 15:26:58 +0000

Back in my college days, I did a lot of printing. As a math major, I probably printed a fraction of the amount of pages that most students had to rifle off. Most of our work was done either by hand on paper, or done utilizing math software of some nature (Matlab, Maple, etc.) and submitted directly into a professor’s shared folder. Call it old school or just plain old, but that is the nature of the beast. Even with that on my side, I wound up printing all of the time…between my core course work and math reports (no kidding) I was constantly hitting Ctrl - P. My sample size is sufficiently large to draw a parallel between ‘important printing task’ and ’empty ink cartridge.’ Every…single…time. I don’t know how many times I found myself trying to get to Staples before closing time, in order to buy a replacement cartridge. Too many. To add insult to injury, brick and mortar retail prices are the stuff of nightmares. Those markups still blow my mind. Pretty much outrageous. Like my octopus drawing: Not to date myself, but online shopping was limited in my day. Amazon was around, but primarily for books. Specialty places were popping up…and then subsequently bursting when everything hit the colloquial fan. Comparative online shopping stuck, however. One of the things I am jealous of now are the deal pricing that you can find on ink cartridges. Very jealous…that would have put me in Cup of Noodle instead of Ramen. But, I digress. I have seen some creative stuff out there. You can buy bulk ink…shooting for the DIY fill-it-at-home crowd. Some models have cartridge reset units springing up…allowing the user to gain a few more prints per refill. The two main drawbacks of that are time (time is money) and quality. A lot of the replacements are prone to smudging…may as well pay for the real deal and do it right. At the end of it all, I have had good luck finding ink cartridges for my HP and Kodak printer online. Hit that link to see my go-to site.

Easy LCD Arduino Display

Sat, 14 May 2011 19:29:32 +0000

I am tired of looking at wobbly windows full of Eclipse. The best and worst part of the IOIO board is the fact that the libraries are Java-centric…unfortunately, I am in the middle of a ‘worst’ phase. I am sort of stalemated. Unfortunately, my issue lies in something that should be trivial, namely naming. Once I can figure out how to orient the crap out of these object-ass pins, I will be good to go. Until then…I am going back to the basics. Processing looks so safe and warm. Coziness, for the win.

World’s Greatest Search Term

Fri, 13 May 2011 08:38:17 +0000

Tearing through my server logs, I have encountered the best search term in the world. I sure hope that the searcher found what he or she was looking for. In your butt.

Woot Bag-O-Crap FTW!

Wed, 11 May 2011 15:10:30 +0000

I’ve been trying to snag a Bag O’ Crap from Woot since 2007. At long last, victory is mine. I verified that my card has been billed…it appears legit. I might have to post a nerdy un-boxing vid. Pretty excited here. For the record, I have used trackers in the past to no avail…this one was done with pure dumb-luck. No bots, for the win.

IOIO Android Breakout Board

Sat, 07 May 2011 14:04:06 +0000

~~~~ WARNING: AWESOME ~~~~ My new thing has officially arrived. Both in the literal sense and philosophically. I love my Arduino, and I love my Android…now I can have the best of both. Introducing, the IOIO breakout board… I snagged this guy from SparkFun. You know how the Android is full of stuff? Accelerometers, touch screen, GPS receiver, WiFi…etc? Instead of having to start from scratch for each of my Arduino projects to introduce components, this board will allow me to use the Android/Java as the backbone of my code, instead of using Processing/C++. And that, my friends, is +++. Take a look at this awful-picture-quality-having video: Sorry about that…I had to use Katie’s old BlackBerry to record the demo. It leaves much to be desired. Anyhow, so far I have just managed to get Eclipse configured, and have uncovered several gotchas. The biggest obstacle was getting the permissions worked out and linking the libraries properly. When in doubt, chmod -R 777 * and let it rip. We’ll see what comes of this…could be cool once I dust off my Java skills. Of note: pretty sure I am the first person to get this working on a Droid 2, and likely the first to set this up on Linux. It just shipped yesterday, so the sky is the limit on this…I am very excited. Big props to Ytai and SparkFun.

Cheap Eyeglasses

Fri, 06 May 2011 16:26:04 +0000

Due to either poor eye genes or work related strain, my vision has really taken a turn for the worse. Let’s just go with work and call it a day…three monitors are certainly awesome, but can’t be helping things out much. Regardless, I find myself on the hunt for some [link removed}. My buddy Dock and I managed to sneak out to the golf course last weekend. It was my first round for years where I have managed to swing my driver all day (without giving in and hitting my three iron off of the tees) which was great. It was way less than great to need a spotter to figure out where I was ending up, due to my horrible eyesight. I can out drive the limits of my sight…for the win? Baseball is right around the corner…time to handle this thing. Zenni is the place to go for online eyeglasses. Quality eyewear without the gauging that you will see at the optometrist. If you can see your bill. You may be surprised by the actual prices… … …looking sharp. Head to the local WalMart, shell out a few bucks for your prescription, and holler at Zenni. Cheap enough for redundant backups.

LED…Matrix or Cube?

Fri, 06 May 2011 11:32:42 +0000

They’ve arrived… 125 white LEDs. My first thought is 5*5*5 LED cube, powered by the Arduino. I am also thinking that a 6*20 LED matrix would be pretty slick. Either way, my soldering skillz will be put to the test, and awesomeness will surely ensue.

Electronics Recycling Info

Thu, 05 May 2011 17:01:33 +0000

Let me vent, briefly. My first cell phone was a mobile phone. Mobile, as in car phone. Car phone, as in ‘you can make calls from this faux leather bag that sits on the passenger seat with this gigantic handset’ apparatus. No kidding. The bonus to that phone, and to the candy bar Nokia phones that I had after that gem, was in the unit’s reliability. Believe me, I did my fair share of stress testing those first cellies…I was using those things, and using them hard. At some point along the way, mobile phones became disposable. Whereas you could probably still dig a Motorola StarTac out of your junk bin and power it on, an LG from three years ago would be absolutely worthless. Likely, it would be problematic within the first few months. To combat this, companies like Verizon jumped all over a marketing plan for ’new in two’ and similar schemes…wherein you look forward to getting a shiny new phone…often after your buggy unit started acting up out of the gate. Distraction? Yes. Term of the day: planned obsolescence. Stuff fails, which is fine, but the whole idea of moving products often shows itself on the back side of things. What to do with old electronics? My workspace is full of old components. I am big into the ‘REUSE" side of the triple Rs. I can (and do) pull all sorts of awesome junk off of a scrapped piece of tech. But when that is done, one must figure out the whole electronics recycling aspect of the deal. There is a reason not to throw out an old tower or television…several chemical reasons, in fact. The big reason we see computer recycling companies is not for them to turn a profit selling used wares. There are lead, cadmium, beryllium, mercury, and bromine en mass in old components…good example being those wonky old CRT televisions and computer monitors that are quickly being replaced. Can’t exactly introduce that into a standard landfill. Those companies are keeping the lights on by grabbing usable components, true, but are doing better by selling the copper, steel, and plastic that they can reap from recycled goods. Win/win. Hit one of those links to see an example of how this is done (and done well.) If you don’t take me up on that advice, don’t toss your old electronics in the trash out of principle. All of that solder is mostly lead, and circuit boards are swimming in solder.

MMMexican Beer

Wed, 04 May 2011 17:37:16 +0000

Katie and I impulse bought the crap out of this at Costco… …Dos Equis is pretty tough to beat. In my book. May your Cincos de Mayo be equally awesome. Buenisimo!

Verizon Wifi Tether…Droid + Ubuntu

Wed, 04 May 2011 12:14:42 +0000

The internets have been abuzz with talk of further stifling of Android tethering. Regardless of what will come of this, I would recommend getting a setup in place. May as well…you paid for the device. Am I right? My breaking point came with continued poor results from the wireless connection at work. Enough was enough. After trying several mean with which to tether, I think I have found one that is suitable for my needs. My hardware is simple…mid-line Dell Studio Notebook running Ubuntu 11.04…Droid 2, rooted, running Fro-Yo. Verizon with data plan…unlimited, if that is still the case. Connection…check I played around with several apps, but have found that Barnacle Wifi Tether from the Android Market does the trick quite nicely. I have dumped several gigs through 3G, and it is decently fast. Haven’t had to reboot, or do anything wonky to this point. I have had two clients connected simultaneously, and it seems to be chugging along. You must configure the security settings, as this puppy lets it rip wide open out of the box. Grab the app from the Market before Google folds to Verizon. If you need any help rooting your phone, holler at me as well.

Purple Drink

Tue, 03 May 2011 09:09:12 +0000

Baseball season is right around the corner. I am very ready to brush the dust off my cleats and see if my custom Triforce edition Baum Bat has as much pop as I suspect it does. A teammate and I have an eighteen pack of beer wager going on who hits the first dinger. Here’s to fastballs to pull… The flip-side of baseball season is my arm feeling like it will fall off. It started in game two of our first double header last season…my shoulder gets nuclear hot and sore. Inflammation city…which historically has resulted in me chewing on Advil like crazy. Maybe not this season…I stumbled across Nopalea. Long story short, I have been looking for some anti-inflammatory alternatives to ibuprofen. I am tired of having an upset stomach all season, and wrecking my liver in the process. Nopalea fits the bill, ad moreover you can try it for free (only pay $9.95 for shipping) by calling 1-800-203-7063. It is basically a wellness drink that reduces inflammation via some crazy antioxidants. Very cool. With less inflammation, I should be good to go for another season. Turning two without a red-hot arm should be a nice change. If not, the eighteen beers I aim to win will ease the pain…

OBL Helmet Cam Footage 2

Tue, 03 May 2011 08:20:49 +0000

Drudge is reporting that the White House is preparing to release a photo of Osama dead. There is all sorts of speculation going on now…talks about releasing a video of his burial at sea, for instance.

Keep in mind that I avoid talking religion and politics on this site. There are all sorts of idiots blathering on about such things. This has nothing to do with the motivations, but rather a way to analyze the video, should it surface. Likely because it has been on my mind a lot lately, but the first thing that comes to my mind is the open source software I have been researching lately.

How to Use a Ladder

Sun, 01 May 2011 17:26:34 +0000

Ladder safety is a must in my book. Before tackling that weekend project around the house, take a look at these ladder tips I have collected. * Ensure the roof of the vehicle you are using is obstruction free * Make sure the ladder is fully opened, with both supports extended to their maximums * Look for and remove any dangerous/pointy objects from around the vehicle * Take note of any overhead power lines and or cables Here, I have safely used a ladder to open this second-story window that had been painted shut. Safely used a ladder like a baller.

Ubuntu Natty Narwhal Features

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:34:20 +0000

I’ve had some time to poke around under the hood of Ubuntu 11.04, a.k.a. Natty Narwhal. I still am struggling to spell ’narwhal’ for the record, but I’ll share some of my first thoughts. After all, sharing is caring. Write that down. I’ll put the most obvious thing on the table first…they Apple-ed the crap out of this distro. Take a look at this screen shot, and tell me it doesn’t look an awful lot like OSX, with the bottom ‘stuff’ dumped on the left-hand side: (click to enlarge) The good news is that like Leopard, Narwhal is usable. The same cannot be said for Ubuntu’s first foray into this new territory with Unity. Their last attempt was in 10.10 Netbook Edition, which was horrible to say the least. The UI was attempting to mix desktop features with mobile phone-like buttons, and it was a joke. Pretty much junk…I reverted my Mini 9 to the 10.10 Desktop Edition, and jumped back on the Gnome bandwagon. Well, to their credit, Ubuntu has polished the thing up. From what I can gather, Unity sits over Compiz…sort of like a plugin. I snagged the Compiz configuration tool via a CLI and messed around with the settings. The snap-to-side function that came stock with this was a pain in my ass, so I reverted it to my beloved ‘wobble windows’ It was sort of odd to have the options bar integrated with the top bar at first, but when I change gears and use multiple windows, I am liking the move. The window switcher function pans out and shows you four workspaces…see below (click to enlarge) So basically, I am writing this post in one area, have Eclipse up in another, and have two CLI sessions live in their own spots. With the integrated file bar, the Gimp is far less cluttered…which is awesome. The taskbar slider function is a bit spotty still. I have taken Compiz down running my Arduino IDE (trying to set a temp file up as a taskbar item…it puked) but now have it configured and snappy. I would chalk that up to a training issue, rather than a show stopper. At the end of the day, I give it a surprisingly positive review. I was very satisfied with the last few long term support versions of Ubuntu, and hesitant to make the switch after the whole fiasco with Unity last time. You can switch back to Gnome, but I have no plans on doing so. Pros:* Linux distro. Give me terminal or give me death. * Firefox 4. Much improved. * Update manager. Keeps me current without much hassle. * Interesting UI. Make sure you download the Compiz manager to tweak things. * Free.99. Can’t beat the price Cons:* Ubuntu’s slant. Not bad, but they are steering us toward their cloud services and apps. * Not Linux-y. Feels like a Win7/OSX hybrid at times. * Rushed to market. Unity is in need of some refinement. At the end of the day, I am sticking with this distro. It will only improve. When the new Gnome drops, I’ll make the call as where to head, but this is it for the time being.

You’re Killing Me Smalls

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:37:59 +0000

1997 called…they want their dial-up back. Looks like someone pissed off the network admins at work. I would find this really funny, if I were not excited to try Ubuntu 11.04 in a VM. Cancel. I’ll try this at home later. Expect a review of Natty soon.

The Salsa Incident 2

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:55:58 +0000

Having automated junk is awesome, for the most part. One drawback became glaringly evident recently, as I was enjoying some salsa in the lab.

Right on the goddamned floor.

I have a pretty good idea for my next project: salsa-eating sonar detection bypass switch.

Projects in Flight

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 13:11:56 +0000

I have two projects running right now…both are really grinding my gears. Colloquially speaking. You know what? That is a stupid term. Scratch that. I have two problems that I am trying to solve. Number one: figure out how to assign a dynamic IP address to my ethernet setup for the Arduino Getting old. I need to figure this out in a hurry, as it will open up a whole range of project possibilities. I have been tempted to throw in the towel on this thing and go at it through the Android, but think I need to grind through this on principle. We’ll give it another few hours. Project two involves an image recognition algorithm. I am trying to port a Windows/Matlab proof of concept over to Debial/Octave. This has been my real time-suck…having issues with libraries. I’ll likely dump several more lunch hours into this guy…could be very cool if I can get it running. Pics once I get something aside from a command line to post. Stay tuned.

DIY Minority Report

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:34:48 +0000

Spoiler1: This is awesome. Spoiler2: I’ve never seen Minority Report.

I do know that there is some sort of hands free interface, and that is what I have put together.

Long story short, I have extended upon my PING))) project to include some sweet touchless home automation. I have the ultrasonic sensor interfacing with my garage door and a lamp, utilizing a servo and a PowerSwitch Tail, respectively.

Seiko Solar Watches

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:24:50 +0000

I will fully admit that a product that includes ‘solar’ in its name already has my attention. One of my ‘hindsight being what it is’ items involves biting the bullet, being broke, and going full on physics mode after undergrad. Montana State has a great solar physics department…could have been super nerdy. Next level nerd-dom. I guess I’m sort of trapped in this level nerd-dom. Still, solar perks up my ears. This product, then, already has my focus… That watch, my friends, is a genuine Seiko SNE177 Mens Watch Black Stainless Steel Solar Quartz Link Bracelet Black Dial watch. I have been checking out Seikos for a while, and really like the look of the Seiko Solar Watches. Very cool. Bluedial has the Seiko SNE177 or a hundred and sixteen bucks (and some change) less than the retail value, which is a bonus. A bonus too would be the spec sheet to this device…good to 100m pressures and the whole works. Not too shabby. The time fight between watches and cell phones is still in full force. Watches are going strong still, due in large part to units like the Seiko Solar line. Stylish and practical…the colloquial double threat. I’ll keep you posted if I come across some geekier watch lines. Solar takes the early cake…

Garage Door Hack

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 21:19:53 +0000

Introducing Open-er-o-matic 3000. OOM3K. My finest project to date. I have my Arduino poking around with a PING))) sensor, a servo, some LEDs, and best of all…my garage door opener. End result: some Star Trek-ass shit. Check this footage of the OOM3K in action. Here, I had it configured to open the door when the ultrasonic sensor echoes off of something within 8 cm…

Not only is this thing awesome, but you can get all sorts of clear looks at my trusty Ronco Showtime rotisserie oven. Yard bird is a big hit at the old Swanson place.

Ultrasonic Distance Sensing

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:09:29 +0000

I really should have a running list of these mini-projects I have been cranking out. This one: using a PING))) sensor from Parallax Inc to drive LEDs for a set of values. Sounds boring, but it is sort of cool. Oh cool.

Picture time:

Video time:

Snippet time:

//Ping LED Levels

// Joseph Swanson | 2011
// https://swantron.com

// Setup
// LEDs connected to pins 11, 2-6
// Ping))) sensor signal to pin 7
// Ping))) + to 5V, - to ground

// Pin assignment
const int ledPin1 = 11;
const int ledPin2 = 2;
const int ledPin3 = 3;
const int ledPin4 = 4;
const int ledPin5 = 5;
const int ledPin6 = 6;

const int pingPin = 7;

// Create variables to store LED states
int ledState1 = LOW;
int ledState2 = LOW;
int ledState3 = LOW;
int ledState4 = LOW;
int ledState5 = LOW;
int ledState6 = LOW;



void setup() {

// Start serial

 Serial.begin(9600);

//Define pins 1-6 as output
 pinMode(ledPin1, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin2, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin3, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin4, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin5, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin6, OUTPUT);


}
void loop()
{


// Reset LEDs levels to low to begin loop

 ledState1 = LOW;
 ledState2 = LOW;
 ledState3 = LOW;
 ledState4 = LOW;
 ledState5 = LOW;
 ledState6 = LOW;

// Set duration variable

 long duration, inches, cm;

// Loop section for ping signal pin...start as output
 pinMode(pingPin, OUTPUT);
 digitalWrite(pingPin, LOW);
 delayMicroseconds(2);
 digitalWrite(pingPin, HIGH);
 delayMicroseconds(5);
 digitalWrite(pingPin, LOW);

// Listen with same pin
 pinMode(pingPin, INPUT);
 duration = pulseIn(pingPin, HIGH);

// Converttime to a distance

 inches = microsecondsToInches(duration);
 cm = microsecondsToCentimeters(duration);

// Write to serial out
 Serial.print(inches);
 Serial.print("in, ");
 Serial.print(cm);
 Serial.print("cm");
 Serial.println();

// Configure this for fine tuning... 50 is noisy
 delay(75);

// March through cm values...output
 if (cm < 128) {

 ledState1 = HIGH;}


 if (cm < 64) {

 ledState2 = HIGH;}


 if (cm < 32) {

 ledState3 = HIGH;}


 if (cm < 16) {

 ledState4 = HIGH;}


 if (cm < 8) {


 ledState5 = HIGH; }


 if (cm < 4) {

 ledState6 = HIGH;}



// fire all LED values
 digitalWrite(ledPin1, ledState1);
 digitalWrite(ledPin2, ledState2);
 digitalWrite(ledPin3, ledState3);
 digitalWrite(ledPin4, ledState4);
 digitalWrite(ledPin5, ledState5);
 digitalWrite(ledPin6, ledState6);

}
long microsecondsToInches(long microseconds)
{
 // 1130 feet per second...transofrm inches

 return microseconds / 74 / 2;
}

long microsecondsToCentimeters(long microseconds)
{
 // 340 meters per second...transform cm
 return microseconds / 29 / 2;
}

Synopsis time:

New Prozac Lawsuit

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:57:25 +0000

It seems like the interwebs is full of info regarding a prozac lawsuit of some sort. If you don’t believe me, let Google auto-complete “Prozac Lawsu..” and see for yourself…sites are popping up like whack-a-mole moles. Spoiler: they pop up incessantly. Pause for Prozac-bot: So, what’s up with that? Birth defects. That is what is up with that. There has been a recall of certain antidepressants and anti-seizure drugs, of which Prozac has been included. Joking aside, some of these things, when taken by women during pregnancy may cause increased risks of serious congenital birth defects, heart defects, spina bifida, club feet, and even cleft palates. Scary stuff. If you fit the bill, hit that link at the top of this post. Good luck.

Ping Sensor Project Preview

Sun, 10 Apr 2011 17:54:51 +0000

Parallax Ping))) sensor in the house. Literally. This dapper-looking little guy can accurately measure distance from a few to a few hundred cm. It is very simple by design…basically just a sonar setup. My sketch sends out a signal and listens for the signal’s signature upon return…calculates time elapsed and interpolates distance using the approximate speed of sound. Slick like Rick. I hugged the sensor on my binary-project-having breadboard, as this is going to be incorporated in some way. My fr1st thought is to turn those LEDs into range holders, and output according to range. Could be awesome. Stay tuned.

Arduino Binary LED Project #3

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 11:33:41 +0000

My LED work-in-progress has manifested itself as a binary counter, with 100 ms accuracy. Like so…

Video of a video, for the win.

So, basically I have put together a counter that will gauge time from 0 to 25.5 seconds…i.e. 100 ms to 25600 ms. Cite the snippet:

//LED Sandbox v2

// Joseph Swanson | 2011
// https://swantron.com

// Setup... LEDs connected to digi 1-8, grounded

// Pin assignment
const int ledPin1 = 1;
const int ledPin2 = 2;
const int ledPin3 = 3;
const int ledPin4 = 4;
const int ledPin5 = 5;
const int ledPin6 = 6;
const int ledPin7 = 7;
const int ledPin8 = 8;

// Create variables to store LED states
int ledState1 = LOW;
int ledState2 = LOW;
int ledState3 = LOW;
int ledState4 = LOW;
int ledState5 = LOW;
int ledState6 = LOW;
int ledState7 = LOW;
int ledState8 = LOW;
// Create timestamp holder

long timeStore1 = 0;
long timeStore2 = 0;
long timeStore3 = 0;
long timeStore4 = 0;
long timeStore5 = 0;
long timeStore6 = 0;
long timeStore7 = 0;
long timeStore8 = 0;
// Configure interval for off/on
long interval1 = 100;
long interval2 = 200;
long interval3 = 400;
long interval4 = 800;
long interval5 = 1600;
long interval6 = 3200;
long interval7 = 6400;
long interval8 = 12800;

void setup() {

 //Define pins 1-6 as output
 pinMode(ledPin1, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin2, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin3, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin4, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin5, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin6, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin7, OUTPUT);
 pinMode(ledPin8, OUTPUT);
}
void loop()
{
 // Loop area...compare config for time to current
 // time...write when config time is reached
 if (millis() - timeStore1 > interval1) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore1 = millis();

 // if the LED is off turn it on and vice-versa:
 if (ledState1 == LOW)
 ledState1 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState1 = LOW;}

 if (millis() - timeStore2 > interval2) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore2 = millis();

 if (ledState2 == LOW)
 ledState2 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState2 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore3 > interval3) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore3 = millis();

 if (ledState3 == LOW)
 ledState3 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState3 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore4 > interval4) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore4 = millis();

 if (ledState4 == LOW)
 ledState4 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState4 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore5 > interval5) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore5 = millis();

 if (ledState5 == LOW)
 ledState5 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState5 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore6 > interval6) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore6 = millis();

 if (ledState6 == LOW)
 ledState6 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState6 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore7 > interval7) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore7 = millis();

 if (ledState7 == LOW)
 ledState7 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState7 = LOW; }

 if (millis() - timeStore8 > interval8) {
 // re-write timestore
 timeStore8 = millis();

 if (ledState8 == LOW)
 ledState8 = HIGH;
 else
 ledState8 = LOW; }

 // digi-write LED state
 digitalWrite(ledPin1, ledState1);
 digitalWrite(ledPin2, ledState2);
 digitalWrite(ledPin3, ledState3);
 digitalWrite(ledPin4, ledState4);
 digitalWrite(ledPin5, ledState5);
 digitalWrite(ledPin6, ledState6);
 digitalWrite(ledPin7, ledState7);
 digitalWrite(ledPin8, ledState8);
 }

Where to next with this effort? I’m thinking that I need to focus on doing this exact thing with fewer pins, and see if I can make that work. I have a few tactile switches around…perhaps some sort of dual-output. Could be cool…stay tuned.

Spring in Bozeman

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:23:28 +0000

First green grass in the Swanson yard. Bring it on. I’m ready to pull a rake.

Driving Multiple LEDs with an Arduino

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 19:05:19 +0000

I have had a bunch of white LEDs in my Amazon shopping cart for quite some time. I was tossing around the idea of doing a 5x5 cube a while ago, but ran out of steam on that project. I blame the PowerSwitch Tail…I had relays on the brain, big time. Still drafting out my big project on that front; stay tuned for some sweet garage door action. I rarely find my self with two projects in flight, that may actually turn into something, but I just might have stumbled back into the LED arena.

Farmville for Dummies…Sounds about Right

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 18:36:58 +0000

I can question the location of this book, but find the title to be spot-on. Zing. I think I won that round. Joe Swanson: 1 // Bozeman Barnes & Noble (and FarmVille) 0

Welp, I Sketched Another Robot

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 18:25:41 +0000

Haven’t done one of these in quite some time. I’ll file this one with the rest. Happy Monday.

Best Online Shopping

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 09:47:48 +0000

As I am an expert on all things internet-y, it should come as no surprise that I am a proponent of online shopping. A staunch proponent, in fact. Don’t get me wrong…I am all about grocery shopping. One of my dream jobs is to work in a butcher shop; maybe I can make that happen when I retire from this code stuff. If I ever hit the lottery, it will be a tough call as to whether or not I drop of an application at Orange Julius or the Meat Shop. Time will tell. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Tracking down items online. It really isn’t that hard. One of my daily rituals on the webs is to check the deals at Savings.com. For those not in the know, Savings is sort of a hybrid between Woot and Amazon. Good stuff. Instead of offering a limited deal of the day, a la woot, or a selection that is somewhat static, a la Amazon, Savings.com is an aggregate of deals from all over the place. Mothers Day flowers…you bet. JCP and Target…you also bet. The cool part of this is being able to associate a store’s deal with what you need. Take my t-shirt wardrobe for instance. If J C Penny’s is having 25 percent off of men’s ware, I can snag those suckers for two bucks per unit. Not too bad, right. Hit that link up there to see what is available. Tell them Joe sent you.

Man Lamp

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:17:40 +0000

My light needs were not being met in the lab. Garage, lab, whatever. Anyhow, I picked up a halogen work light at the hardware store, thinking that the base dimensions and output would make for a perfect movable lab light source. This thing is a monster. Check this out. Reference voltage: Reference tempurature Voltage with 40W light bulb: Voltage with Man-Lamp: (maxed out) Wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…TEMP NEAR MAN-LAMP Incredible. I guess this could double as a goddamned heater. My digital thermo was still climbing at 145. FWIW, it is perfect for the lab. Just sort of confusing how brutish it is. Impressive.

Arduino Servo Fan Control

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 17:30:20 +0000

Before you try to dr this, I have included a video to combat the tl crowd. You’re quite welcome. See below. Now I’ll explain. I may even toss in a snippet…who knows. Basically, I found myself with a few free hours, an Arduino, a bunch of random components in my lab (read: garage) at my disposal, and no real plan of attack. Result? Arduino/servo motor controlled fan. Jump off component…silver spray painted Altoids can. Nice…chop that sucker up so I can smash a servo motor in there. Well done. See… Lady Ada uses these for some random projects. If you can stomach a whole bunch of crappy mints, you have a nice little Arduino-sized metal casing. Of course, it poses a grounding threat, which I experienced working with my motor shield a while back. That said…keep a few around. I have put this one to use before. Next step…testing the servo For this, I broke out my motor shield. It doesn’t have any features that would benefit this project…the servo areas are basically just power, ground, and control. Control pumps into the 16B 10 port, like a jumper…that works for my debug. Next, implement a fan. I snagged this fan from an old tower, I think. I really don’t know. It seemed to react well to a 9V battery, so I tried it with a 5V source…same deal. Awesome. I used a zip tie to fasten this to that, that being the Altoids enclosure. This thing needs a base…man-clamp to the rescue: I picked this up, to use it as a soldering base. That ‘x-tra’ hands piece of shit that I have previously posted in pictures didn’t cut it. This is the manly version. And, it works great for this project, I believe…you can decide based upon the vid. Here is what it looks like, with some more detail. Let’s add some code…oh no…sounds like we’ve reached the BALLIN ASS SNIPPET ZONE

Alien Abduction Proof

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 08:17:59 +0000

The Bozeman Daily Chronicle should have ran this story on a full front page spread. Instead, they chose to obscure evidence of alien existence in Montana, placing this item in the police reports… Too late, cops. They got him. Watch your brain waves.

Amateur Hour

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 20:08:11 +0000

I’m mid update…son of a bitch If things appear to be off, that is why. I won’t have time to QA this beeyotch until tomorrow, midday at the earliest. Many apologies.

Alarm System In Progress

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 11:50:47 +0000

I suppose I should add a few words. I placed the images in an empty post several days ago, and sort of forgot to update the text on mi telephono. Dios mio! Well, long story short. I put together the little POC using my PIR sensor a while back. The shit deal, is that the sucker only writes high and low. Easy, for the win. Limited, for the loss. I may or may not have (I did) disassembled a few CRT TVs last month. Hence, have all sorts of components, such as small sub 9V speakers… I’m trying to do something with a dual speaker setup, in order to shine up my bugler alarm project. The code is boring…stay tuned…I might be able to come up with something amusing.

Cool Ranch

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 14:49:14 +0000

So there I am, eating Cool Ranch Doritos at work… …noticing there is a correlation between “blue-ness” and “delicious-ness” Wait, blue is a color and a flavor? Yep. That blue stuff is awesome. Imagine how amazing this would taste: I bet it would destroy your taste buds. Like looking at a laser…do not recommend.

This is Unix! I Know This!

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 11:49:45 +0000

I shall call this “The Triple Threat”

Linux Systems Update

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 11:46:59 +0000

Done, done, and done. All systems go. I dropped Ubuntu 10.04 LTS on the 17" Dell, via an old image-having CD I had in the man-lab. Updated via the manager to 10.10, on my makeshift table: No problem what-so-ever. Works like a champ. I snagged the 10.10 image from Ubuntu, and created a bootable USB. I backed up my photos on said drive…so that sucker is one sweet USB. I have been packing it in my pocket, in case anyone needs some Linux on the fly…not holding my breath however. Anyhow, my wireless card needed some update action…had to go manual on the little guy: So the secret is out…I keep my modem and router in a wire-jumble behind the TV. It works. As does Meerkat on my Mini 9…with which I’m posting this tale at this moment. So, I have a Ubuntu trifecta going on right now. Seems like they should have me on the payroll or something. Free shirt, or something. Not having Windows is prize enough.

You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 11:27:51 +0000

I’m averaging somewhere around two pounds per week… Sort of gross; sort of impressive.

State of Affairs

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 12:08:52 +0000

I’ve been busy. General business…not so much free time business. Here is a brief run-down of what is in the works: Item: Environment updates I am in the middle of re-purposing my computers. I have three flavors of Linux that I use on a regular basis. Gone will be that setup, along with all dual-boot machines. I am going to dedicate my Mini9 netbook as my ‘work at work’ machine…my old 17" Dell will become my bench computer for my electronics projects…and my slick 15’-er will be my couch computer slash backup unit. All will run Ubuntu 10.10 with Gnome for the time being. I am toying with online storage options, so that I can drop files to and from my Droid without using swantron.com’s server space. More to come on that. Action shot…updating the Mini 9 from Ubuntu 10.4 Netbook to Ubuntu 10.10 Desktop… Bonus from above…real time apt-get Arduino V0022 action Item: PIR sensor work on the Arduino I actually had a little POC put together last week, before the system reboot. I made a generic little alarm, using the passive infrared module and a piezo. Once I can get the Arduino IDE up and running on all three boxes, I’ll snap some pics, clean stuff up, and let it rip. Stay tuned. Item: General EE work. I’ve been tearing apart all sorts of stuff. Two CRT TVs, some media players, etc. I didn’t document much, but managed to keep from discharging some big ass capacitors. For the win. The goal is to locate points of failure, and swap out components on the board level. This all stems from the flat-iron failure…for which I’m searching for a replacement switch and diode. Pretty cool. That is about it. It looks like my wireless on the Mini is non-functional. Great. I’m off to track down an ethernet cord.

PSA

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 11:21:39 +0000

Winning.

Messy Lab is Messy

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 19:39:21 +0000

Demolition phase: complete I feel like a space cadet…too many things in flight. Component central over here.

How To Find A Blown Electrical Component

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 19:59:37 +0000

Katie’s flat iron failed…TO THE RESCUE! Pull that sucker apart… Burn mark…oh snaps…TO THE LAB! Blown switch…NOW WHAT! I’m going to try to bypass the switch, as it only functions to toggle a LED. Maybe I will find a switch that will fit the board…I have enough crap laying around this joint.

Minimizing Distractions at Work

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 15:26:09 +0000

That title is misleading. Between shit-ass dogs and overzealous project managers, I am pretty much fucked. At least I have my lunch break to recharge the colloquial batteries. WiFi, Arduino, interesting view, and relative silence. it is like a little mini-vaykay. I wonder if anyone would notice a make-shift cubical in the mezzanine area…very tempting.

Street / Trail / Heater Stand

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:27:09 +0000

One more use for my beloved Honda… …keeping my ’lab’ functional in darkest winter. I am very ready for Spring, but am still cranking out some projects. With marginal success. See above; see below.

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 18:45:44 +0000

Six pounder. Who needs paper? Not I.

Arduino Solar Cell Night Light Concept

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 12:10:40 +0000

So, I’ve formalized the solar cell project I have been poking at for a while. I managed to clean up my code and mess with some initial conditions, etc., and now have a fairly solid proof of concept for a solar cell-centered night light. As was the case in my first few runs, my sketch incorporates a five second initialization phase. This acts to set both relative minimum and maximum values which act to provide “full light on” and “full light off” values, respectively. The generated power from the solar cell is read in to the Arduino via analog input, and the LEDs are driven via digital outs. The rest is some simple math that transforms the range of the analog signal into a digital range of zero to two hundo fifty five. It’s giant-ass-text-having snippet time!

Time Wars…Watch vs Cell Phone

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:00:00 +0000

If you would have asked me a year ago if I thought there was a need to wear a watch, I would have told you no. More specifically, I would have told you, “why would a person purchase a watch, when it is pretty much a given that there is a cell phone in the pocket of said buyer?” I would have had a valid point. Well, I can give you two reasons. Reason number one: fashion. Yawn. Not my style. Reason number two: cell phone might die. Yawn. My BlackBerry lasts forever. Flash forward to right now…I wear a wedding ring and have a phone that lasts about four hours on a charge. I need a watch. If I was to head out watch shopping right now, there is no doubt that I would buy a Invicta subaqua watch. Without a doubt, the coolest looking watch I have seen to date: In all honesty, that thing is sweet. I really dig black and silver…cite my SS as evidence. Clean, subtle, and sophisticated. Not to mention the whole sub-aqua thing. Pretty much can’t kill this thing. So, if I am to make a move to be on time, where should I look to buy my beloved Invicta subaqua? Easy. Blue Dial. Check out this price. Two hundred, sixty seven…down from nearly nine hundo. Beat that, I dare you. Hit that link, see for yourself. Great watches at greater prices…while you do that, I’m going to put my Droid 2 back on the flipping charger. It has been three hours.

Military Watch Technology

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:34:19 +0000

I spend all day staring at screens. Be them my work monitors, (also know as “the twin twenties”) or the hi def screen on my mobile phone, (Droid 2, also know as “the D2”) I have screens all over the place. When I get home, I have two large flat screen televisions and a bunch of laptop computers. Honestly, screens everywhere. A side effect of swimming in screens is immediate access to the time. Work computer…time in the bottom left. Debian laptops? Time on the upper right. I have my netbook saving vertical space, so the time on that guy displays in the lower right. My droid spits out time all over the place…TVs are the same with the touch of one button. Everywhere I am, there it is. Has technology rendered watches useless? No way. Watches are awesome. There are a few different routes you could take with something like this. You could buy a stylish watch, or a watch that will serve a purpose of some sort. Or, you could grab something like this: (my new favorite, FWIW) I am digging Military Watches right now…good engineering, nice style. Like the one pictured above. The Tracer H3 is a serious machine. MB-Microtec H3 Tritium Illumination. For sure. That is not messing around. I am very impressed by the 200 meter capability of this watch. Very cool. Hit that link to see for yourself…that site has some awesome watches…good prices too.

Mad Solder Skillz

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 21:56:37 +0000

Some time ago, I snagged a robotics kit from Amazon. A few weeks after said time, I assembled the mechanical components of said kit. I assumed that the electrical assembly would be equally as detail-centric. I was quite wrong. It was a son-of-a-bitch. Plus, I had a snaffu with the IR emitters, which are more than likely the same price as the microcontroller that is involved with this kit. Good President’s Day? You better believe it…so much fun horsing around with new connections, crappy directions, and a semi-success. Off to The Shack (Radio Shack’s awesome new advert front) to complete the project tomorrow at lunch, if all goes well. My motors are working, and all three emitters are pushing power, which indicates a solid-ass project as far as connectivity is concerned. Close, but no cigar. Maybe I’ll show off that cigar tomorrow.

Arduino Solar Cell-Based Detector

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 11:26:16 +0000

*Proof of Concept Warning*-*Proof of Concept Warning*-*Proof of Concept Warning* Mission: Utilize a solar cell to vary the intensity of an LED Supplies: Arduino Duemilanove <–> USB <–> Notebook (Linux, por supuesto) Breadboard, Jumper Wires, Make-shift Jumper Wires (spare resisters), LEDs, Solar Cell Setup: Here it is The setup is pretty straight forward: Read analog, write digital. The primary hurdle was figuring out the initialization step. Basically, I needed to provide a time-frame where you can read in minimum / maximum values from the cell. The LEDs in the awesome video below show the results… v This project is full of take-off ideas. Reverse the range on the LED outputs, and you have a setup that powers up a light as the ambient light levels fall. Motion detector…you bet. You could implement a setup to run the initialization cycle at intervals, to provide a real-time average light level, and check for a delta of some size. Boom. There you go. I’ll clean up the code, use some real jumpers, horse around with things in general, and throw up a post. With a snippet. Check back.

Solar Cell Teaser

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:27:32 +0000

+1 doing Arduino proofs of concept at work on lunch break I packed a solar cell and a little breadboard to work today…put together a little sketch together over my lunch break to control LED brightness with solar cell analog readings. I shot a little vid that I will toss on YouTube. Expect a full write-up soon. You suckers might even get a snippet…

Let’s Talk Toner

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 20:47:34 +0000

Where do you buy your toner? From a brick and mortar toner store? Get with the times… As with pretty much anything tech-based, the only practical way to buy toner cartridges these days is to buy them online. Not only do you save yourself a trip to the store, but a little shopping around will get you a far better price than heading down to the neighbourhood Staples to grab some toner.

Woops

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:44:07 +0000

Nuked that LED from space… In my ongoing fight with my Ethernet Shield, I had a bright idea that the sucker might have some bad jumpers. Welp, I put together a little blinking LED code and let it rip…which worked. I then tried to run the LED through the 3V lead…but…plugged the bastard into the 5V slot. Fire and brimstone. Long story short, the board is getting power, the jumpers are fine, and that sweet clear LED is toast.

Network Admin Fail

Sun, 13 Feb 2011 16:26:28 +0000

I haven’t had much to publish as of late. Not for lack of trying; I have been quiet because of a damned roadblock. I figured I could smash my way through a few MAC/IP settings, and have my Ethernet Shield doing all sorts of cool stuff with my Arduino. I was sorely mistaken. This afternoon, I took another stab at the thing. Even after attempting to put together a cross-over setup…I still cannot telnet to my goddamned card. I don’t know how many arp and ifconfig commands I have sent, but it has to be in the triple digits. To no avail. Looks like it is back to network 101 for this guy. Son of a bitch. We’re going manual. On the bright side, I worked inside today… Bonus Pledge, courtesy of Katie. For what it is worth, I found a few commands that don’t seem to work on the command line… I think I will pack this thing to work and tackle it on my lunch breaks. Enough is enough.

Home Security Chat

Sat, 12 Feb 2011 16:42:50 +0000

When I think security system, my brain immediately jumps to a webcam. More specifically, a webcam and a couple of servo motors. Most specifically, a webcam, a couple of servo motors, and a slick web interface with which to drive said servos and see a live stream of said webcam. I’m getting closer to making that a reality. Bear with me. Here is the 20,000 dollar question: what happens when I see something awry? I could take and save footage all day, but then what? I’ll assume that everyone has seen advertisements for ADT…they have the missing piece in the puzzle I laid out. Monitored alarm system…I can throw together a system to capture, but do not have the time to do the monitoring. I think I would sleep better, having someone on the other end of the line. ADT is, without a doubt, the best to have on the other end. I would love to spend some time with one of their systems…they have a lot going on. Pet insensitive sensors? Yep. How do they do that? Must be one hell of an algorithm that goes into that infra-red sensor. Positioning and triggering would be very cool to tear into. Wireless keypads…ditto. Not sure how they keep that secure. I’ll wrap this up. Check into home security, for sure, and more specifically into ADT. Go with the best.

Android GPS Test

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 20:03:16 +0000

As I type this, there are over thirty satellites blasting around geo-sync orbits transmitting GPS data. As luck has it, my battery-ass-draining phone has a receiver built-in GPS receiver, of which now I am a master. Not really, but I can read the info… Location, time, velocity, etc. Not sure how to tune this yet, as the above was done via an emulator. Since my Studio 15 doesn’t exactly (read: at all) have a GPS receiver or accelerometer, I’m working somewhat blindly. I did have some luck when I dropped my app on the Droid 2… …but that screen cap does a better job of showing the MLB Network reflection than the info on the screen. Sweet Lou should be in the top ten list of managers, FWIW. Glad he could make an appearance. Back to the GPS stuff. Cross referencing the data that I managed to pull in from the SDK library info, I was able to verify that the elevation was fairly accurate (w/in a hundred yards of Bozo Wikipedia listing) and the latitude / longitude was functioning well to several yards accuracy, relatively speaking. Not too bad. The next step would be to figure out how to put this to use. A ballistics chart would be pretty cool (read, profitable) if the elevation info could be read in automatically along with weather conditions. I’m not really sure…this one was more of an exercise in reading sensors and tossing out output. The accelerometer is next…I’ll shoot to provide a better write-up at that point. Less bonus baseball footage…or far more bonus baseball footage. Stay tuned.

Arduino Proof of Concept Vid

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 12:22:46 +0000

As promised, behold the much-anticipated footage of my Arduino AC Interface proof of concept. It was dark in my ’lab,’ so the footage leaves something to be desired. So, if anyone is in need of a strobe light, hit me up. I’m all over that. Stay tuned…I am working on the web-side of the Android dev kit, so hopefully I will have another test coming soon. Ethernet shield, Android, Arduino, and 120V…I’m getting giddy.

Arduino AC Interface

Sun, 23 Jan 2011 18:12:02 +0000

I finally got around to throwing out a little proof of concept with my new toy. I managed to utilize a PowerSwitch Tail to gain control of 120V AC with Arduino…and I did it without electrocuting myself. Not getting electrocuted, FTW. Long story short, the PowerSwitch Tail is a simple switch. 120V AC in, and either 0V AC out or 120V AC out, with the later being the case when a 5V DC signal is introduced to the unit. Here is what it looks like… I used some jumper wires I had sitting around “the lab.” You can feed anything into that sucker; speaker wire would throw the switch. Moving on… Well, it turns out that the Arduino loves to dump 5V signals…like it was made to do so. So, this switch setup is perfect for my microcontroller projects…whatever they may turn out. Anyhow, all you need to do is pick a digital out and ground from the Arduino board, and hooks it up. Hooks it up like this… One of the best things (most handy?) is that the IDE makes pushing code to the unit quick. Plug a USB cable in, crank out some code, and there you go. Good news. It’s MF-ing snippet time!

Just…About…Published…

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 22:00:06 +0000

Getting close to having my live wallpaper on the Android Market. I’ve hammered down the image, polished up the cube, tested the app on several emulators, and optimized the rotaion rate. More importantly, I haven’t drop kicked my notebook or tossed my Droid 2 out the door. I’m going to chalk this one up as a… +1 probably the best Android App developer I know of. For the win. I don’t know any other Android app developers, but I’m still giving this a big For the win. Here is a sneak peak of said wallpaper: Not too shabby, huh? I’ll figure out how to sign the cert tomorrow, and see if I can get an account started with Google. Stay tuned, Android folk. I’m going to offer this for free.99, so you all better fire this up on your mobiles and report some bugs. Stay tuned.

Image Overload: 3D Mapping on Android

Sun, 16 Jan 2011 16:45:47 +0000

I’m one step closer to dropping an app on the Android Market. I’m thinking ’live wallpaper.’ The existing ones on the market are weak sauce, so I might be able to get some downloads. Keyword, “might.” That might be a pipe dream. Anyhow, I’m learning how to render stuff in 3D using OpenGL. I have got the cube down, since it is easy. You’re welcome for that animated gif ^ I’d like to have something (crappy) on the market in a few weeks. Don’t hold your breath, but we’ll see what I can toss together.

You’re Doing it Wrong

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 16:02:47 +0000

Nope. That is not how we park cars. -1 had to drive my pickup to work +1 diameters of my rims exceed those of your tires +1 pickup has 20" rims as well ———————————————— 1 point awarded. Not a bad morning afterall.

Android Sudoku

Tue, 11 Jan 2011 21:23:13 +0000

Making progress…2D graphics are far easier than I would have expected. Next up: figure out how to animate and add sound. Bonus: figure out why I am dumping hours into sudoku…not a fan. Good exercise, bad game.

New Toy in the Mail

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 13:51:35 +0000

I stumbled across this product, that I honestly had no idea existed. It is pretty much an AC switch, that can be ‘switched’ via a 5V signal. Let me see…what do I have that can push 5V? ARDUINO, Y’ALL. My project scope is about to get greatly wider. Stay tuned.

We’ve got Buttons

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 19:36:50 +0000

Welp. Guess I can cross ’learn buttons’ off the colloquial list. Turns out you can make buttons by slamming out some xml. Nicely played, Google. Next order of business…figure out how to show these in landscape mode.

Android Hello World

Sat, 01 Jan 2011 15:25:17 +0000

Pushing code to the phone, FTW! I managed to throw together a quick Hello World using the Android SDK, configure a FroYo emulator, and drop the code to my Droid 2. Not a bad little Saturday, really. Screen shot from the emulator… Webcam snap of code on phone… So it begins. Stay tuned for snippets.

Celebrity Insurance Policies

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:47:10 +0000

Did you know that Mariah Carey has a ONE BILLION DOLLAR insurance policy ON HER LEGS? Sorry to do the all-caps shout thing, but that is pretty weird to me. Mimi is not alone here…there are all sorts of celebrities with huge policies on weird things. Today, we are talking insurance. Buckle up. Becks is out there too. David Beckham has a seventy million dollar policy on his legs and feet. Makes you wonder what exactly those soccer players are worth. Have you ever heard of America Ferrera? I sure hadn’t, until I read that she has a ten million dollar policy on her teeth. I’m going to say that one is a little unnecessary. Angelina Jolie? You guessed it…insured body for one billion, cash. I don’t know about the cash thing, but it sure sounded good. Better than The Boss in the 1980s. Speaking of The Boss, Springsteen has a seven million dollar policy on that raspy voice of his. How about that… Where did I read about this, you ask? I stumbled across a site with this info on it while looking for an online insurance quote. Not only did freeinsurancequotes have the car insurance quote I was looking for, but they had an article about the celebrity policies. They also had home insurance and life insurance info. Pretty slick…check it out. In the mean time, I’ll be looking into getting my bloggin’ fingers insured. What do you think they are worth? I’d bet hundreds.

iM tiRed of lazy tech journaliSm

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 20:27:33 +0000

Tech writers are the best. I most certainly don’t read the stuff that hits news aggregates because of informative banter and notable content, I read it for comic value. Well… comic value and insight into human nature. Most notably: laziness

It seems to me that the easiest way to get published is to talk about a i* killer. Replace the wildcard with either “pod”…

…“pad”…

…or “phone”…

New Egg: A Tribute to Angry Birds

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 12:37:27 +0000

In the spirit of the season, I’d feeling merry. Promo code merry. I hope your season is filled with awesome technology, and I hope you take a tip out of my tech tip-book and use a NewEgg promo code for maximum FTW. I have a sickness. I can’t get Angry Birds out of my head. Even trying to plug NewEgg, I’m thinking about the egg-shooting Angry Bird… I used my artistic license to color that bird. Only an amateur would think that a blue Angry Bird would drop exploding eggs. Of course, the white Angry Bird is the egg dropper, and the blue Angry Bird is the shotgun-spray, ice attacker. Good stuff. What can I say about NewEgg that won’t be common knowledge? Promo codes. Savings.com is my first stop before I hit NewEgg… right now, they have a code up that saves between ten and fifty percent. Not too bad, for thirty seconds of work. They usually have a variety of codes up…pretty awesome. I’m still looking into TVs, hard. I have it hammered down to between 42 and 55 inches, and am leaning towards a 46 or 47…like this guy from NewEgg $700 for a Samsung 46" 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV…even the low end of that promo code range puts you in that tele for $630…probably under $600. Makes it hard to pass up. Anyhow, take a look. Tablet PCs, memory, you name it. NewEgg / Savings.com…do it. I’ll be playing Angry Birds, FWIW.

Internet Marketing Change

Thu, 23 Dec 2010 14:03:40 +0000

I don’t pull punches when it comes to my love / hate relationship with Google. Google may be Big Brother-esque, when it comes to the wi-fi sniffing and general evil empire building. They too are the same company who dropped Android on us, so for that I am thankful. Similarly, the Chrome browser is a “love”, but Chromium is most definitely in the “hate” catagory. As a publisher network conneseur, I can say that I am glad to announce that AdWords may have a competitor. And that, friends, is breaking news. MS Paint inducing breaking news. AdSense and AdWords are no friends of mine. Here is the basis of my stance. I had swantron.com living as a parked domain for a number of months after re-branding my old site. When I switched it to my primary domain, even though I had a redirect in place, I was flagged for illegial click activity. My appeal was made to deaf ears, though my point was valid. Regardless, I’m proud to say that Google AdWords, Meet Your Competition: Clickbook CPC. The most interesting aspect of Clickbook is that the cpc network has its sites set on Google Ad* from the start. Pay attention to some of the “big” sites…look for the Clickbook reminders. You may see some exposure via CNN / ESPN, because they have made the switch. I’m excited. I haven’t had much luck with any Ad* alternatives yet, so I’m the target publisher. Maybe I’ll be rolling in the pay per click loot before we know it.

Don’t Make Your Own Cards, Make Your Cards Better

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 14:55:16 +0000

Thanks for the Christmas caledar card, work. Nice, but I can make it better… BETTER NOW! Happy Holidays

Why Winter is the Worst

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 21:35:40 +0000

A: Too cold for the Trail-90 Actually, number one might be “too cold for time in my ’lab.’” I need to get a box heater cranking out there and get to work. My soldering iron is collecting dust, as are my C++ haxx0r sk1lz. Winter can blow me.

Bullshit Lunch

Sun, 12 Dec 2010 13:21:08 +0000

Another comic by Drew that made me spit crap on my notebook…Married to the Sea is one of the best things on the webs.

Too Many Projects, Too Little Time

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:27:28 +0000

srsly gyz… Arduinos, Air-Soft pistols, robot kits, Droids, and soldering irons. Seriously…I need some goddamn free time. Maybe this weekend…

North Face Denali

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 10:43:26 +0000

Picture this. Winter. Montana. East of the Continental Divide…let’s say…about thirty miles. Windy. Cold as balls. You are in Bozeman. You need a North Face Jacket. Trust me. I’m not much of a coat guy. I can’t stand swaddling up in a big puffy coat. While great for getting too the vehicle, the puffiness is not very practical once in said vehicle. You could sit there looking and feeling like the Sta-Puff Man, or you could opt for a fleece. Like this guy…I am a fan of the North Face Denali. Even creepy robot lady looks stylish in the Denali… I can’t really put my finger on that one. Sort of creepy, yet sort of tantalizing. Pure weird. Enough about that, though. Vehicle and robo-ladies aside, let’s talk about the Denali Jacket. I like North Face products in general, because they are actually made well. Quality craftsmanship is hard to come by. Check out robo-lady’s jacket…I sort of dig the vertical and horizontal pockets. Those shoulders are reinforced…cuffs are elastic bound…cinch on the bottom hem. It is sort of in the details, and the Denali pays attention to them. Fleeces are perfect for layering, so you really can’t go wrong with this jacket. Don’t take robo-lady’s creepy word for it…hit one of those links to find out more.

NASA Finds New Life?

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 09:11:38 +0000

T minus 2.75 hours until NASA hits the stage to talk about a newly discovered life-form. Stay tuned…this is a good day.

Food Slash Math Meme

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 16:47:31 +0000

I like Cheetos, mathematics, and memes, for the record. Regular Cheetos have nothing on jalapeno Cheetos, also for the record.

Droid 2 Must Have Games

Tue, 23 Nov 2010 09:29:08 +0000

Games kick ass, am I right? Am I right? (****Spoiler…YES!*****) Since I haven’t blathered about how awesome Android stuff is in a while, I figured I would ramble about games for a while. So far, I have found four games that are pretty much “must-have.” I hate that term, but it gets me search engine traffic. And traffic is a must-have. (Sorry.) You can find these must-havers on Android Market, but you probably knew that. Let’s begin. In order of most-must-have, to still-must-have-but-not-as-much-as-most-must-have… Angry Birds – Q. Why so angry, birds? A. Those egg-stealing pigs, that’s why. Robo Defense – Tower defense, FTW. I got really, really sucked into this one, keeping it in the two spot. All acheivements, check. Fruit Ninja – Chopping the shit out of fruit…this game is as fun as it sounds Doodle Jump – Pretty sure this (like Angry Birds) made some waves on iStuff. You jump a doodle…it is amusing as hell. I’m still waiting for the non-advertisment-laden version of Angry Birds to drop. Right now, the free app is all that is out there on the Android Market. I’m not entirely sure, but I think I spent less than 3 bucks for the other three apps. Robo Defense has a pretty solid trial version, FWIW. Well, in any regards, get Angry Birds. Meetings at work become little workday vay-kays. Little bird flinging vay-kays. If you come across anything that I should check out, hit me with a comment. Or, Tweet that crap over to @swantron. Plug.

Are Pajama Jeans Awesome?

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 09:12:19 +0000

Remember Pajama Jeans? I posted about thema while back, stating that society had hit a new low, due to the sheer level of WTF of which Pajama Jeans reek. Even sexy robot lady can’t make these look less than WTF. Well, I can’t tell you if people are still making these things. I too can’t tell you if people are still buying or wearing Pajama Jeans. I can say, with 100% certainty, that people are searching the webs for these retarded things…and en masse. Check the snapshot from Google Webmaster Tools: Un. Fricking. Believable. Well, I do get a kick out of the fact the Pajama Jeans would-be shoppers ended up here. I have a feeling they would appreciate the last post about the junk food in my desk drawer at work.

Important Work Items

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 16:41:49 +0000

You have to fuel the machine… I guess if this particular software developing machine starts to run on E, it can make a make-shift sandwich out of crackers, peanut butter, Doritos, and EZ Cheese. Maybe smash some jalapeno Cheetos in that sucker…

Awesome Droid Apps Redux

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 20:05:00 +0000

Guess what? I’m posting this via my Droid 2, since Verizon’s 3G is faster than my Bresnan high-speed. Maybe one of their sys admins knocked some servers offline…I bet it is really hard to get around those racks with GIGANTIC CLOWN SHOES. Fuck Bresnan…whatever. Here is a pic of an angry bird: I feel your pain, angry bird. I’m picking up what you are angrily putting down. Now to the point of the post. I’m bringin Droid Apps back. You Apple fanboiz don’t know how to act. Back in the day, I posted a little gem about the Android apps that I deemed must haves. Well, as fate would have it, my title brought me a bit of traffic. SEO FTW. Here is another (hopefully) perfectly titled post, that is dually of value for my fellow Android users. Here we go…my top 5 Droid apps as of right now.

Airsoft Hack Kickoff

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:08:01 +0000

I’m working on a project to control an airsoft pistol via my Arduino. The end result is to enable web control of this thing…

So far, I have checked off one step of two. My steps are as follow:

Step 1: Tear apart item
Step 2: Hack the crap out of said item

Stay tuned…

Uses for Old Cell Phones

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 16:08:31 +0000

I remember how excited I was when I picked up my first BlackBerry Pearl. My new, shiny, metallic, trackball-having, Brick Breaker playing, T9 is history-making-me-say, Blackberry Pearl. That bad boy had a two inch screen, if you measured it diagonally. I swear. Actually, I have it sitting on my work bench right now. One second… I was wrong…it is easily two and a quarter. Diagonal. So the question at hand is quickly becoming an age-old question. What do we do with all of this tech once it hits the end of the road? For phones, this is increasingly hard…the older unit is too nice to toss, but too slow to hit paydirt on eBay. Now what? I’d like to be coy and say something like “two words…[two words here]”…but URLs cross me up. So…here you go….check out sellcell.com. They can solve the problem of which I speak. We still have a big ol’ tube TV upstairs. What do you do with a cathode ray tube? You can toss it in the trash, dropping heavy metals in the water table. You could bring it out to the sticks, and use it for target practice with a rifle. Or shotgun, equipped with slugs. Not that I would know, but that may make for a good target, albeit another way to pollute the crap out of the water run-off. Fortunately for us (and quite unfortunately for the gun toting hillbillies) there are options when it comes to cell phones. I am proud to say that the cellular market has become pervasive enough to allow for cell phone recycling to take root. Even if you are completely over your cell phone, there are people willing to recycle it for you. They will give you far more loot for your old unit, provided it has a market value…i.e. it is not a Zach Morris phone. Or a BB Pearl. Snaps. Well, I would say long story short, but my story was long to begin with. Long story in summation, a reputable EU company is extending their service to the US. They provide the best option out there, as far as uses for old cell phones are concerned. They are doing so well, that they can pay me to write about their launch in the States…dang. Hit one of those links to see what is up. I’m still looking at my old BlackBerry…how pathetic does that little sucker look? Plus, nothing happens when you push on that screen…ghetto as hell.

Got Bags?

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:47:53 +0000

I am not a huge fan of my gigantic Dell backpack that I was issued at work. It is way too boxy, way too uncomfortable, and way too weird looking. Long story short, I ended up online looking at Laptop Cases. There was some good stuff. My personal favorite that I found was this guy: Suffice to say I have been called Samsonite. A few times. Anyhow, on the search I ran into a site called gotbags.com. I was frankly impressed by their prices…a lot better deals than I expected to find. From Laptop Bags For Women to Britto Luggage, they have fancy stuff in addition to the more basic laptop bags I was hunting for. Take a look by hitting one of those links.

Nerd Wish List

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:03:30 +0000

Black Friday is right around the corner. Not to offend anyone, but going to brick and mortar stores for sales is sort of ridiculous. Getting up in the middle of the night, standing in giant lines, jockeying for position, standing in more giant lines…all for the sake of saving money on a set amount of big ticket items. The marketing is blatant…‘while supplies last’ is likely to mean that there will be roughly a dozen of the cheap LED LCD TVs that look so attractive on paper. You probably got up and did all of that for nothing. Take a note from my book: avoid the giant hassle and shop online. I popped over to my perennial favorite http://www.savings.com for a few ideas. As usual, they didn’t let me down. I am a pretty simple nerd. I have to buy my components on a per-project basis, so my small ticket items are taken care of. I really only have three items on my list, and savings.com has screaming deals on two of three. Item one…Android Tablet For development and general coolness, I want a tab. Badly. Item two…new Android Mobile Device Read: phone. I want a new one…also for development purposes and general coolness. Item three is the new Zelda game for Wii. I have a feeling Katie will get me that…but chances are good that she could save some loot by checking savings.com first. Anyhow…take a look and save yourself a trip.

Robot Pumpkin

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 19:52:47 +0000

Have a spooktastic Halloween…. …from your favourite craptastic tech blog

I Think I Need Glasses

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:38:27 +0000

Really, I need to get some glasses. I’ve been putting it off for a long time…left eye is good, but the right eye is pretty much garbage. Insurance policy comes due in January…going to put it off for another two months. Then, time to get out and grab some sweet spectacles. Where do you suppose a tech blogger would go to purchase spectacles? I bet a tech blogger would buy glasses online. I wouldn’t know. I spend more time talking about food than technology. But, I can tell you with some certainty I will be buying my glasses online. More precisely, I will buy them at Zenni Optical. Zenni has revamped their site…looks slick. The glasses were $8.00 per pair…now they are down to flipping $6.95. You could seriously pick up a baker’s dozen of these for less than the price of frames from the stinking mall. Check this out: The webmaster at Zenni managed to stick that feature on his site. You can select a person’s face, and superimpose any of the glasses from the site onto the top of the image. Looking for some aggressive prescription wrap-arounds? Zenni has the hookup there too, bro. Old gentleman, you look tubular. What about gear for the future? Yep…got that too. Now the old gentleman looks equipped to take on a cyborg. Bring it on. Check out that link up there to see for yourself…that app itself is worth the bump. I’m pretty sure I want some future-ass-goggles. Badly.

Watch Time

Sat, 30 Oct 2010 16:02:38 +0000

It would be interesting to see how the market for watches has changed in the past decade. It is reasonable to assume that fewer people are buying watches now, with cellular phones in every pocket. We spend all day starting at glowing rectangles…in the corner of nearly all of those rectangles is a time display. Mobile devices have bridged the gap between finding the time at home, finding the time at work, and finding the time in the car. Pretty much everywhere now. What do chronograph watches have that other time technologies do not? Style. People don’t exactly dole out niceties about alarm clocks. Nice alarm clock, bro. Watches come in all sorts of stylistic styles…symbols of status symbol. I would be willing to bet that watch-wearing iPhone users are checking the iPhone for the time. Very willing. That said, I stumble across some cool watches from time to time. I found this guy on BlueDial: Pretty awesome. That is the niche that appeals to me…merging technology and style. It is great to serve a function, but serving the same function cooly is worth bonus points. Every single time. Hit the link to check out my fav watch site.

I Love Newegg, You Should Too

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:32:17 +0000

You know that part of your brain that makes you do stuff unconsciously, but slowly enough that you have to wonder if it was deliberate? Case in point… You are watching TV, and some botox-faced newscaster mentions something about a stolen wallet. Your find your hand checking the contours of your pockets, making sure that your wallet is still where it should be, by your junk. You feel yourself reaching for it, and try to take control from the brain stem…take charge…you got it. Nope. That was impulse, dog. Well, I don’t rock a wallet in the traditional sense. I use a binder clip to keep my credit cards from migrating to the floor. I also have the same knee jerk reaction to computer part prices as most would have with the wallet example. Hear of a computer type product…look on Newegg. Remember that HP touchscreen tablet I was pining about a few days ago… check this out: That is 20 USD cheaper than I saw on HP’s website, and that is without a NewEgg promo code. Get a promo code and we make that twenty dollar savings from the HP site looks small. Small, like my wallet, which once again, is a binder clip. Even writing about my binder clip makes me check my pocket for my binder clip. I feel for you wallet folk. Check out Newegg…it’ll work itself out. If you feel really bad, check out Savings.com on the regular. The Newegg promo codes are just one of many that those guys toss out there. FWIW, I want that HP even more. Gutted with Ubuntu Unity…that’s the stuff dreams are made of. Nerd dreams are dreams too…nerd dreams are dreams.

Wiimote Input For Droid

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 18:13:23 +0000

Nerd cred…oh indEEd Playing GBA games on a Droid is cool. Playing GBA games on a Droid via a Wiimote is ubercool. Once I can figure out the accelerometer input, I’ll post more. In the meantime, I’ll be playing a little Mario Pinball. Suckers.

Buy an HP… Really

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 18:05:32 +0000

Maybe I am a bit jaded. I have spent far too many hours digging around in Dell laptops…that might make a guy sort of jaded. Maybe it is the fact that I am tired of all of the Dells sitting around my garage; time for a new toy, perhaps. Regardless of the root cause, I’ve been taking note lately to the HP discounts hanging around out there, and I really want one. Case in point. Last week at work, my home slice bjordan and I were talking about Unity, and how Ubuntu might be dropping the ball on their netbook OS. I suggested that it was pretty much designed to be run on a tablet, and that it (was) getting good reviews from some power users, even though I hate the term “power user.” Long story short, we both decided that perhaps our netbooks needed upgrades…a la touchscreens. There are kits available to upgrade the Mini 9’s screen to a touch…but, why do that, when this bad boy is on the market: The HP TouchSmart units are awesome. Especially the TouchSmart tm2t series. Imagine that bad boy, WITH WINDOWS TOSSED STRAIGHT THE CRAP TO DEV NULL, running Ubuntu 10.10 with Unity…perfect. No hardware issues, with a slick touchscreen interface. I would love to get my hands and fingers on that sucker…swivel touch swivel awesome. For the win, of course.

Another Practical Application of Good Manners

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 16:03:13 +0000

You are quite welcome, Chinese food container.

Moshi Monsters Cheats

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 15:58:14 +0000

Looking to adopt virtual monsters and or beasts? Well, swantron dot com has you covered, weirdo. Just kidding…I had to look these things up. Curious about moshi monsters cheats, first acquaint yourself with moshi monsters: Well, those cute little guys are associated with a site that has been billed as Facebook for kids. Moshi monsters have million upon millions of users, hence, a need for cheats. Hit that link to see a YouTube video that will help to explain what is going on. I most certainly had to look these things up, in order to author this post. Turns out there is a reason they can pay for me to do this…namely, the bank accounts of the parents of 25 million users. Weird.

Neural Network Learning

Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:43:20 +0000

I’ve touched on this before, but I needed to give another shout to a true comic genius, Drew at MTTS / Toothpaste / Superpoop. Trifecta of funny…today’s Toothpaste for Dinner is amazingly good: Funny, and honest. Don’t believe me? Check out Reddit for a few minutes…the trolls are rampant. They have trolls trolling trolls, and ranking each other’s trolling abilities. It is all very confusing. Anyhow, Buy a shirt from Drew or something. He probably has some coffee mugs too…seems like that is par for the course as far as blogger merch is concerned. And check out the archive section at Married to the Sea while you are over there…very awesome.

Practical Application of Good Manners

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 17:58:53 +0000

Should a styrofoam container implore that I do something, you had better believe that I’m typically going to be less than receptive. However, when I ran across a styrofoam container kindly urging me to have a nice day, I was humbled by its good-hearted nature. Leaving a kind note in reply is good etiquette.

iPhone 4 The Loss

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 11:39:52 +0000

Five million Pounds…that is roughly eight million USD. If you happen to have that sort of loot sitting around, like diamonds, and have bought into the iPhone hype…this son of a gun is right up your alley. I’m struggling to come up with some sort of joke involving Dustin Diamond. Not coming together. Just think about Screetch being broke or something. Saved by the Bell was uber-syndicated…how the crap did Double D blow all of his money? Maybe he commissioned someone to diamond-up a Zach Morris phone back in the day. I bet that would cost well more than five million Pounds. Even with inflation taken into consideration.

Wiitarded Concept

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:37:42 +0000

Lego Star Wars on Wii: Success Lego Indiana Jones on Wii: Success Lego Batman on Wii: Success Lego Wiimote: Excuse me? Come again… I’m confused as to why this product exists. That said, it does. That and that said, if you shell out $40, you can incorporate a working Wiimote into your Lego houses. For the loss.

Homemade Croutons

Thu, 14 Oct 2010 15:37:57 +0000

Q) Why is my tech blog so food-centric? A) I don’t know. Here is my recipe for homemade croutons. Dump a bunch of generic-equivalent Cheetos in your soup. There you go. FWIW, I have a few things in the works for the Arduino. One involves an air-soft gun…be patient.

Maximum Scoville Units

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 16:36:03 +0000

Robomantic Robomance

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 12:35:08 +0000

In honor of the absolute worst national holiday, enjoy a Columbus-inspired robot picture: See what I did there? Now, picture Leo drawing a nudie pic of a big-ass-diamond-wearing-robot. Robomantic….more like brobomantic.

Work Like a Fat Kid

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 17:02:29 +0000

Two words: Three sandwiches

If I truly was the fat kid at work, that RockStar would have a shit-load of carbs and the coffee would be something other than black. Still, you have to start somewhere.

Motor Shield Assembly Steps

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 09:34:32 +0000

Good news…you don’t have to listen to me blather on. At least blather on too much…there will be some blathering. I mentioned a few posts ago that I was feeling lousy about failing to post some junk. Junk and stuff…electronics…programming is uber-super…blathering again…et…cet…etcetera.

100 Plus MPG

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 11:48:17 +0000

My CT-90 not only looks awesome… …My CT-90 is good on the ol’ pocketbook 100 MPG (Miles Per Gallon) 200 MPA (Miles Per Awesome)

Custom Pong Table

Thu, 30 Sep 2010 16:47:56 +0000

I know of one thing more annoying than table tennis…table tennis players. Oddly aggressive, hollering, talking shit, and most bizarre…striking athletic stances? Nope. Not buying into it. Pretty sure the best thing that has ever happened to ping pong tables was the invention of beer pong. That is, until right crapping now. Take a (high end (citation needed)) table tennis table: Knock that self righteous assface down to size with a little yellow, polka-dotted dress: Much better. Enjoy your sport, chaps.

Montana Muffin

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:55:21 +0000

Nice late summer day… Playing cowboy w/ D Rock… Trick time… (-1 off topic) (-1 spelled “muffin” “m-u-f-l-i-n”) (+1 muflin sounds sort of funny) __________________________________ (-1 total score FTL)

sry u guyz

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 17:37:36 +0000

srsly sry srsly sry to the point of making an apologetic, aggressive, lightening-bolts-out-the-ass, image to show my deep, deep regret for my laziness. I realized that I have approximately nine posts sitting in my figurative TO DO box. Including the much anticipated stuff regarding soldering the Arduino Motor Shield. Much anticipated may be a gross overstatement. It will be there, and we can judge at that point. Srsly.

Robot Impressionism

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:45:54 +0000

+1 BLURRY +1 FLASHY ANTENNAE —————————————— 2, FTW

+1 Twin Terminal Sessions

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 19:25:14 +0000

I’d like to post the details of my latest one-on-one with my Arduino…but, I’m not going to. Suffice to say, it was sweet. Anything (non work related) involving multiple command lines is plus one awesome.

One-Armed Banditos

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 19:49:09 +0000

Let’s talk gambing, yes? I may or may not be the worst gambler west of the Rio Grande. Or is that North of the Rio Grande? Both maybe. Quite likely both, due to my track record. Cards are not my bag, baby. Odds are odds. I find myself thinking about math when I play, and that is that. You can pick one of the two to be good at…or rather one must suspend belief in one or the other when gambling. I guess I’m all math. Good news for you gamblers, though. Times have changed…move over smokey, blue-hair filled, lounge singer, watered-down whiskey havin’ casinos. Your run at the top was impressive, but now the good casinos are online. Think about it for a bit. If you can play the same games online as you can at a traditional casino, without keeping the lights on a big, bright, loud building, why wouldn’t you do so. It is all about the overhead. Better payouts online, since it takes far, far less to maintain something virtual. You don’t even have to go through the trouble of putting on pants…gamble in your boxer shorts. Easy easy chicken greasy. Either way, you will not catch me plugging those machines any time soon. The one-armed bandit and I are foes. Three arms of unadulterated hatred for one another. He wins…he always does.

How Fiber Optics Work

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 19:23:20 +0000

Index of refraction. End of story? You wish…I’m going to pontificate for a while. Where did I set that soapbox… I dig optics. The coolest class I took was my graduate level optics class at the old alma mater, Montana State. I missed my calling as a physicist. Or rather, I missed my calling as someone who gets paid to play with lasers in a laboratory. Lasers lasing all over the place. Plenty of fiber optic cables around the lab, you can be sure of that, Jack. Spools and spools of fiber optical cable is a pipe dream, though. That stuff isn’t exactly free, due to the nature of the beast. As pictured above, fiber optic cable is multi layered, and as I mentioned, is all made possible due to refraction. Index of refraction, to be more specific. See the above picture…the layer around the core is of a different index, keeping the photons bouncing towards the finish line (in a huge nutshell.) The reason these things work so well is that the core (usually a glass of some nature) deals with photons instead of electrons. Massless and charge-free, photons are not crushed and or distorted by elecromagnetic noise. They can be setup to carry tons of data…aka very high bandwidth…thustly making fiber optic cables a perfect choice for high quality, large connections. Jack. Hit one of those links to see some sweet home uses. Hit wikipedia to see the physics behind the scenes. The main reason to push signal through fiber instead of copper is reliability. You really can’t wear out glass.

Wrigley Bleacher Bum Action Shot

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 07:11:23 +0000

Boxing Fail

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 11:44:02 +0000

I knuckled up on my heavy bag again last night… Pretty sure I need to procure some bag gloves.

NPR on Droid

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 17:10:11 +0000

My usual 8 hour Pandora session at work was replaced today with an 8 plus hour NPR session. Yep, even NPR has an app for Android. Move the eff over iPhone…this sucker is gunning for you.

SEO Protip: Ditch the Polls

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 18:51:25 +0000

Many moons ago, I heard through the grapevine that slow sites are penalized by search engines. Being the owner of a fast-as-lightning-bro-you-better-get-your-Nikes-bro site, I didn’t care. After plugging into the world of php, jquery, css, html, and a boat load of 3rd party crap on ol’ swantron.com, I have a slow site. Waah. (Hint: that ampersand in front up there ^ means Twitter) Looking into the cause of my crappy speed numbers, the first culprit was my stupid “poll” plugin that I have been using. Nobody cares about the polls on a site, unless they have exhausted every other iota of content on said site. Not the case here. Not the case by a long shot. I do have some content that is popping in the search engines, however. Tons of impressions, in fact. I am lacking the placement, even on swantron-specific terms. Maybe my lean-and-mean approach will win me SEO gold, readership silver, and living off of saying dumb shit bronze. Maybe. Polls are officially off line until the jury has deliberated.

Snack Like a Fat Kid

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:22:28 +0000

Them shits is off the blazin meter… Yep. Big fan.

Old Cell Phone Uses

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:39:57 +0000

I am now an official Android fanboi. It would be impossible to hide that fact. Granted, I have yet to root my Droid 2, but I am at least ninety something out of a possible one hundred ‘big into’ this OS. Pretty pumped I waited for Snapdragon…pretty pumped I feigned the urge to get a first generation device…pretty pumped that Apple and or AT&T are not around my neck of the woods…you name it. I’m in a good place, cellularly. +1 use of the word ‘cellularly’ Regardless, I am left with the problem of what to do with all of my passé phones. +1 tilde I have a stack of Verizon phones sitting around, with very little use. Zero use, in fact, unless you can count ’looking at and laughing about how ridiculously horrid technology was two years ago’ a use, which in fact I do not. Good thing I found a site that will give you money for your mobile phone. Not just a bit, either. That is, of course, unless you are still rocking the Zach Morris phone: Damn right A.C. is going to sit backwards in his chair, Preppy. You know what is cool about SellMyMobile? Not only will they give you money for your cell, but they are saving the environment as well. My old Blackberry may not be as worth as much as the big hitters (iPhone, iPad, Nokia N8, etc.) but it will at very least stay out of a landfill. There are some toxins in that sucker…gold too, but also toxins. Hit that bump up there to see what I’m talking about. Worth a shot, especially if you have a sweet phone that you are looking to monetize. Reduce, Reuse, Monetize. I think.

Droid 2 or Nexus One 2.2 Plus

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:34:44 +0000

The proof is in the pudding (or in the froyo?) on this guy. Droid 2, hands down. Sorry Nexus fans. I ran a benchmark test on my Droid 2 running Froyo. Here are the results, in slick, colorful, sideways bar graph form. Sorry for the awful picture quality…I had to log into my dual boot, in order to use Dell Webcam Central (garbage) to snap a picture of my phone. Turns out, my phone is also my camera, and I have yet to grab a screenshot app. Whatever. I’ll summarize the results. Droid 2 with Froyo —— 1384 units Nexus One 2.2 ——————— fewer unit than 1384 Others Played ——————– far fewer units than even 1384 Not sure what these units are, really, but the Droid 2 is clearly superior. I used an app called Quadrant, which is alleged to be quite legit. It surprised me that the Droid X is lagging behind 2.2+ that much…it was supposed to be hotter than Hades. The Samsung Galaxy S is making a solid case for itself, sitting well above the Nexus One and HTC Desire. As for those on the Moto Droid…hang in there. Hopefully you can manage to break your phone under warranty and get something with the Snapdragon under the hood. ****Bonus Bloggage…after I snapped the above picture and put together this post, I knuckled up on the Widowmaker pictured in the background. My knuckles indicate that I once again lost.****

Discount Tech Time

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 15:44:21 +0000

Guess what back to school means to me…a longer commute to and from work. Dodging coeds isn’t as fun as it sounds. Well, maybe cutting extremely close to bikers is fun. Actually, that is very fun. The only real bonus to this time of year is for the barn-burner sales that pop up for technology aimed at students. If there is any chance that a college bound dude or dudette will be shopping for a tech item of some sort, chances are high that that item will be super cheap, somewhere. Case in point…how about some discounts at HP

How to Hang a Heavy Bag

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:36:25 +0000

This is not a chipper tale of how-to boastery. Far from it. I cartoonified the shit out of the following pics, in order to further convey the surreal darkness that was involved in this seemingly trivial task. Buckle up…it is not likely to be pleasant blog-reading. The mission objective was simple enough: hang a heavy bag. The mission-turns-out-to-be-a-little-cooler-and-a-little-more-involved moment came when I realized there was approximately one punching bag length between the ceiling in my garage and the spot where I wanted the top of said bag. I’ll let the pictures tell the story, for the most part. My knuckles are all sorts of funked up, which is an indication of the title’s eventual success. Or aptness. Or giant fail…I’m still very confused. Enough rambling…first thing I know, I’m standing on my Honda Trail 90, wondering how I ended up with a heavy bag (and Honda Trail 90) before I managed to end up with a goddamned ladder. When in Rome…snap a pic. It’s pretty much all about the photo-documentation at this point. “Uh” is incredibly right. That sucker was bouncing around looking down…not so stable when my arm and or both arms were above my head. Good thing I’m limber. Huh? My grand idea involved two threaded rings. Innocent enough looking… …fucking wrong. Far from innocent, when said threaded ring is dropped into spider-central… Well, I managed to knock most of those webs out of place with my trusty framing hammer. Unfortunately, I knocked them right on that stupid shiny thing I was attemping to arm-fish out of the hole between the particle board, studs, spider poop, drywall, and darkest hell. I got the stupid thing, did the weird shudder thing with my shoulders/neck for a half-minute, and got back into gear. Survival mode at this point. Darkest-hell-been-and-back-survival mode. Either my creeped out spider dance brought me luck, or my engineering was sound. Or both…but it worked out, against most odds. It works, and there is a box of delicious OML in the frame. So I guess I’ll count that as a win???

WeReward Review

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:37:21 +0000

Tending bar was easy money. Hang on for a sec…I’ll get to it, via a roundabout, Android laden path. As a new Droid 2 owner, I’m all about my apps. You know what? There are a lot of awful apps floating around the market place and or webs. There are some incredibly useful apps, both free and for purchase. I have purchased but one Android app so far…and I’m not embarrassed in the least to say that it is the paid version of Robo Defence. It both kicks ass at home, and at the job. In fact, I can barely make it through a meeting, that is, if I drop the ball and leave GPS rolling and nuke my battery, rendering my phone useless for a half-hour-turned-into-seventy-horrible-minutes-of-repeating-the-same-crap-from-the-last-twelve-emails. I mean meetings. I mean, I wish I could use my phone at work. But, I digress. I like apps. Wouldn’t it be great, if there was some sort of app out there, that would pay you. Sit down, y’all…there is. Mobile plus marketing equals mobile marketing. Getting paid to play, in a nutshell. This has been an incredibly long-winded intro to an easily summed-up moral of the story. I really think that WeReward has hit the nail on the head, and created the easiest means of making money I have ever encountered. Granted, I have tended a lot of bar, which is both easy and simultaneously a giant pain in the ass. How about getting paid to check into an advertiser’s place of business? Sounds okay…right? Hear an ad, respond to add, do nothing more, get some loot. Not too shabby. I caught a video on a Fox affiliate about these guys and an iPhone app. Basically, they were pulling fifty bucks a month for taking pictures from some places that popped up on their phones. They have the same stuff for we Android users, and will have you RIM suckers covered in no time. Hit that link above for some more info…it is pretty slick.

Mid-Morning Snack Attack

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 18:18:01 +0000

Wheat Thins are boring, by design. What is a guy to do, when at work with a bunch of boring-ass W Thins? Easy. Arrange the hell out of the stupid little things and hot snauce them up. Hot snauce the crap out of them. Here, I went for a crude lobster formation. If you get a little crazy with said hot snauce, don’t worry. I spent the rest of my afternoon with a small red snauce stain on my yellow notepad. Either my co-workers failed to notice, or thought I was crazy and avoided a rambling culinary pep talk. +1 Spicy

Droid 2 Must Have Apps

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:42:32 +0000

One week into my tenure as a happy Droid user, I have some insight into what an Android user must toss on his or her unit. This is a running list, of course, but solid enough for a post. Post and a pic… I’ll keep it simple at this point. Top five apps I have encountered, as far as usefulness and coolness are concerned.

Advanced Task Killer. No questions asked…get this app first and foremost. The battery life on these suckers is awful at best. Multitasking is great, but murder on batteries. Nuke your background crap, and nuke it often. Nuke it from orbit, if in orbit.
Google Sky Map. So awesome it hurts. Bonus: your non-Android-having buddies will bow to your phone’s awesomeness.
Google Translate. Como se dice ‘awesome’ en Espanol? Un momento…Impresionante. Get this app, amigos.
Robo Defence. Awesome game; good graphics. Perfect for meetings; free version for those non-committal types.
Google Goggles. Take pictures of junk, see search results. This is another deal-breaker when it comes to the new tech that you can pull out on these phones. Maybe I’ll post a few result sets of this guy in action…sort of like looking into the future with this guy. As the forewarning stated, this is far from a static list…merely a snapshot of the stuff I am currently digging with a spoon. I’ll try to keep some updates on the site, when my knowledge and tastes mature. FWIW, get one of these bad boys. You will most surely not regret it in the least. To the max.

Soldering Station

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:22:11 +0000

Since I’m really dragging my feet in regards to posting anything of substance, take a quick look at my new Aoyue soldering station. It works like a champ…pretty pumped that I heeded Lady Ada’s advice on this one. I still need to post my Motor Shield assembly pics. I also really need to post some stuff about the Droid 2…which is constantly blowing my mind. Stick around…it’ll happen.

Bonus Bacon

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 19:11:02 +0000

What is better than bacon? No, not nothing. Bonus bacon. Circle gets a square.

Status Update

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 09:15:47 +0000

Sorry for the lack of updates. On second thought, no I’m not. I’ve been doing all sorts of awesome crap. My Droid 2 is extremely awesome crap. I really can’t say enough about the Android OS. Even though I had my heart set on the HTC Incredible, I’m impressed with Motorola’s work on the Droid 2. Job well done. More to come on this, for sure. Droid, Droid, Droid. Droid. I also have taken on my awesome soldering crap project regarding the Arduino Motor Shield ‘some assembly required’ fiasco. As so long as you look at it from afar, it will appear as though I am a skilled solder-ing machine: …which I clearly am not. I snapped some pics of the assembly process on my Droid 2. I’ll get them up soon. Stay tuned, as always.

Droid 2

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 16:22:04 +0000

You will, without a doubt, be hearing about this. A lot.

Servo Schmervo…Arduino Knob

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 11:42:48 +0000

Sweep is for breakfast around here…implement a knob or be gone. Same principle as the Arduino sweep example from yesterday, but with a potentiometer doing the actual lifting. Lifting? Shifting…heavy shifting. I added a little potentiometer (little blue guy behind the RainBird sprinkler adjustment tool) to control the servo this go-around: Another success. Dang. Looks like I’m going to have to whip out the soldering iron after all. Not looking forward to this effort; I have a bad feeling that I’m going to fail miserably with the project. Maybe I’ll knock it out of the park. Life is a garden, dig it.

SRSLY?

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:46:28 +0000

lolcat by joe. enjoy.

Lady Ada Would Be Pissed

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:42:22 +0000

My source for the Arduino Motor Shield would not approve of my soldering iron. Not by any means… I still have the ‘made in china’ tag on this piece of shit. Poorly played. In case any of my reader-base has taken an interest in microcontrollers, robotics, or awesome crap in general, Lady Ada has you covered. I recieved my motor shield in no time what-so-ever, and Limor’s prices smoke those of Amazon to boot. Don’t get me started about her tutorials…pretty bad ass. I need to toss the pictured iron in the trash and get a real iron before I get after my motor shield project…I can say that the servos she shipped me are tits.

Servo Schmervo… Arduino Sweep

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 11:33:54 +0000

In preparation for the impending shit-storm that will consist of me, a soldering iron, and dozens of small, fragile components, I decided to see if I can actually get my Arduino to talk to a servo. Well, it turns out that the code is not the issue. The built in servo library is pretty easy to tackle. A little bit of analogue, a little bit of digital, a little bit of shameless self promotion… Step one…check. I can sweep through 180 degrees. Can I solder to save my ass (and semi-valuable electrical components)…time will tell. Also, I’m post dating this post. Happy B-Day Betsy.

Arduino Motor Shield

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 14:44:40 +0000

I splurged on a motor shield from Lady Ada for my Arduino antics. Here it is.. “Some Assembly Required” Sonofabitch. I guess my soldering skills are going to be put to the test. Stay tuned.

Antivirus Protection Chat

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:13:20 +0000

It pains me somewhat to admit that I still have a dual boot set-up on my primary laptop. 2010 is not the year of the Linux desktop, although Linux has gained all sorts of ground on Windows. Yes, citation needed. Google it…Ubuntu has brought Debian to the masses in the way of an easy-to-use Linux distro. That said, running a dual boot machine is easier than keeping a virtual machine up and running. I know, citation needed again. That said, I still need to run Windows. I have Vista on my main box, since Quickbooks Online requires IE. I have no idea why this is so, but that is a different story entirely. My options are slim in this case; keep a Windows setup (with security issues and all) handy or go all Windows…pretty sure you all know what way I lean there. I have absolutely no idea if I can run IE on Ubuntu, and have no intention of finding this out. Pride is what it is. That leaves me still subject to virii. Computer viruses and Windows go together like peas and carrots. So, what to do? I’ll tell you what not to do…buy anything Norton is peddling. Not only do they offer poor protection at a premium price, but they have an awful track record of getting the ‘hard’ bugs until they are moot. I have been searching for something to boost my security on my dual boot, and think I have found the answer. I ran across bullguard antivirus protection, and think they will be my next answer. AVG absolutely failed on Katie’s XP machine in regards to Anti Virus 2009, so I will not use that suite again… BullGuard looks to be on top of the game in regards to the new stuff. They have a 30 day trial for free-99, so I’m all over it. Check back to see what comes of the whole deal, but I’m fairly certain I will be issue free. Issue free-99.

Samsung Vibrant Info

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 17:55:14 +0000

I haven’t weighed in on the current state of the cell-phone-o-sphere in some time. I beg your apologies. There are currently two phones that have me second guessing my affinity towards the HTC Incredible. Namely, the Samsung Vibrant and the BlackBerry Torch. Since I am 100% certain that I am done with RIM for the time being, I’m going to focus on the former. Samsung + Android = solid machine. No doubt about that. My only qualms with Samsung has been shoddy user interfaces and a poor track record on the hardware side. That was completely established when the Moto Razr was the cool kid in school, and Samsung has really made improvements. The biggest improvement of all…the Vibrant is shipping with Android OS v2.1. Froyo is amazing, but eclair is no slouch. I’ll cut to the chase. The same thing I love most about the Incredible (and too, the Droid X) is the smoking hot processor. Turns out, the Vibrant has a 1GHz Samsung Hummingbird processor. And boom goes the dynamite. Par. I’d be lying to say that I can afford to buy both the Incredible and the Vibrant, with the recent wedding, new dining room table, et cetera…I could, but it would be frowned upon, perhaps. Maybe more paid posts like this will change the situation, but I digress. I will say that the Samsung Vibrant Accessories have me questioning my loyalty to HTC. Not only the Samsung Vibrant Covers, cases, data cables, and what-not, but the phone is pretty sexy in general. Five megapixel camera, folks. 16 gigs internal storage, folks. Four inch screen…folks. I’m torn. Long story short, take a look at the (I am getting paid to Samsung Accessories and see what you think. I’m up in the air, because this phone is 100% legit.

Billy.com FTW!

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 14:40:50 +0000

When was the last time you heard that name...Sally Struthers. Wow. The message holds true, though. We do all enjoy saving money. Well, the internet has made comparison shopping easier than ever before...and [Billy.com](http://www.billy.com) has made internet-based savings easier than even that. ![money](/uploads/2010/08/robot-money.jpg "robot-money") Let's take a look at one timely scenario. As I posted a while ago, Sweet Lou Pinella is retiring as the Cubs manager at the end of the 2010 baseball season. There is no doubt that he will move back to his hometown of Tampa Bay, where he managed before taking the position with the Cubs. What will Lou do, specifically? Step one: locate [local moving services](http://www.billy.com/movers/local-long-distance/). Billy.com can do that. No sweat. In fact, Billy can help Lou out even further. How, you ask? Boom. [Tampa moving companies](http://www.billy.com/movers/tampa/) are there too, spelled out in a more specific nature. I'm sad to see Lou go, but glad that he can save some money on his move. It would be pretty unfortunate to see the old guy moving his own stuff, and I'm sure he will be able to track down a veritable company via Billy.com.

Softball Injury

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 20:31:25 +0000

I managed to hit a walk-off dinger to end the 2010 softball season. Unfortunately, my shitty co-ed league counts dongs as outs, and my walk-off was the last out of our year. Whoever penned that rule was a fun-hater. I did manage to rip my goddamn knee open, yet again… Insult to injury, I suppose. We’ll get ’em in 2011.

Aw Hail No

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 17:49:12 +0000

Weird weather week continues… Odd mix of hail and sun. Me gusta Augesto.

Comics that aren't Horrible

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:45:49 +0000

I have made zero effort to conceal the fact that I hate comics. They are, as a whole, utterly useless. Utterly. In my book, there are only three people making comics that are worth reading. My first? Randall from xkcd…pretty much speaks for itself for a math dude to be all over that stuff. My other two are Drew and Natalie, and their combined four works. Here is my favourite MTTS entry of the month…

Glasgow Montana Tornado Formation

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:34:15 +0000

Weird weather week continues…mi madre just snapped these from my parents’ front porch in Glasgow, Montana. Weather Underground has this thing at 65 MPH and 13,000 feet. Five miles out. I sure hope I don’t have any follow up pics.

World Record Hail

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:04:30 +0000

Vivian South Dakota? Ever heard of the place? Yep, neither have I. It has been a bizarre year around my neck of the woods, weather-wise. Giant hail in Bozeman, tornadoes in Billings and all over the NE corner, micro bursts near Glasgow…weird stuff. weather != gadgetry, but awesome weather phenomenon = science FTW Well, Vivian (from here on out, “Viv”) South Dakota has claimed its colloquial fifteen minutes of fame, in the form of a world record hailstone. 1.9375 pounds. Nicely played, Viv. I found this story amazing…some local news site interviewed one of Viv’s finest. Les Scott is a death-defying party animal…

Cool Robot

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 16:10:20 +0000

Okay…maybe not that cool.

Binary Red/Green Snippet

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:49:58 +0000

One step closer… Switch open yields a killer red LED… Switch closed yields an uber-sexy green LED… I even tossed in some 1K resistors to keep my LEDs healthy, in addition to my 100 ohm / 10000 ohm pull-down setup. +4 resistorI even managed to comment my code, for a bonus win:

/* * binary red/green led setup * by Joseph Swanson * https://swantron.com */ int led1 = 11; // green LED (pin 11) int led2 = 12; // red LED (pin 12) int swit= 5; // switch (pin 5) int varr; // to read pin on/off (pin 5) void setup() { pinMode(led1, OUTPUT); // output green pinMode(led2, OUTPUT); // output red pinMode(swit, INPUT); // switch input } void loop(){ varr = digitalRead(swit); // store swit to varr if (varr == LOW) { // button = pressed digitalWrite(led1, HIGH); // trigger green digitalWrite(led2, LOW); // ground red } if (varr == HIGH) { // button != pressed digitalWrite(led1, LOW); // ground green digitalWrite(led2, HIGH); // trigger red } } +1 SnippetI’m getting closer to having this thing behave the way I intend. Stay tuned for a while longer. I’ll have a robot up and rolling in no time whatsoever.

Pull Down Switch Arduino *Fun

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:27:18 +0000

Maybe Vegas got the best of me, brain-wise. I’m struggling mightily with this pull-down switch prototype on my Arduino. I got it, after far-too-much troubleshooting. Maybe I need another frozen slushy drink. Or alternatively, a supplementary OML to get me through this…the end goal is to get some logic incorporated to ‘read’ the state of the switch, so that I don’t need my finger on the sonofabitch to keep the light lit. Or lighted…getting tired here. Stay tuned. I’ll get this knocked out.

Lou Piniella Retires

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:45:34 +0000

This should go on 26outs.com, but, hey, why not throw it here. Sweet Lou is hanging up his manager-cleats at the end of the 2010 season. Too bad. I was hoping Piniella would surpass Bobby Cox in the ‘most times sent to the showers early’ category. Sad day in Mudville.

Custom Silverado SS

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:36:16 +0000

Here is the end result of my customization. Not too shabby, if I say so myself. Kate and I are going to take off and get married. Catch you all in 10 days or so.

Arduino Haiku

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:51:15 +0000

I put together a little sketch while I was horsing around with the Arduino serial monitor… …pretty stupid, huh? Especially, since it repeats this horrible haiku every five seconds. Forever. This is, oddly enough, the first thing I have taken the required 10 seconds to add comments to my code, which ought to be worth at least a +1

/* * Awful Haiku * * This useless thing prints an aweful haiku * repeatedly, for no particular reason * * courtesy of your friends @ swantron.com * https://swantron.com */ void setup() // reset { Serial.begin(9600); // set serial baud } void loop() // loop area { Serial.println(“Haiku “); // start of haiku crap Serial.println("~~~~~”); Serial.println(” “); Serial.println(“Arduinos are neat.”); Serial.println(“You can do a bunch of crap;”); Serial.println(“Like print a haiku.”); Serial.println(” “); Serial.println(” “); delay(5000); // 5 second delay }

Granite Sink Chat

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 16:53:33 +0000

I suppose I am picky when it comes to sinks. Not bad picky, but picky enough to know what I want. I spent the better part of a decade with double sink set-ups, between my restaurant and bar work experience. I may not be much of a doer of dishes, but set me up with two sinks, and I’ll do my thing. Being a minimalist of sorts, I basically have two choices; granite sinks or stainless steel sinks. I’m leaning towards the former, after seeing some sweet, black granite Mr Direct brand sinks. I was under the false assumption that all granite sinks were speckled and dirty looking. Not the case. Pair that sink with a clean looking faucet apparatus like this… …and all of a sudden, I guess I am a granite sink guy. Hit one of those links above for the details. I most surely will when it is time to remodel our place.

Arduino + Ethernet = More Nerd Cred

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:10:42 +0000

My ethernet shield is here…I haven’t talked to it yet. This could be awesome.

Laboratory Equipment

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 14:18:32 +0000

I think what I fondly refer to as my laboratory might not classify as a true lab, per se. I have some sweet stuff going for me in my garage workspace…but the lack of lab equipment might leave me with more of a nerd fortress, and less of a lab. Here is a quick pic: While most of my projects are electronic in nature, I still get down and dirty with some mechanical projects. Woodworking, too, and of course programming. I would for sure benefit from a laboratory apparatus or two, in order to establish some lab credibility. Those above links are to Lab Planet…which I stumbled across while looking for some equipment. I was looking into a dry ice machine, which they have, and saw that they have scores of sweet equipment. Centrifuges, microscopes, furnaces…even mass spec stuff. How sweet would my Arduino projects be with a touch of chemistry?

How To Stretch a Wedding Band

Sat, 03 Jul 2010 12:14:19 +0000

1) Get this stuff 2) Put it like this 3) Smash the crap out of the metal thing with the framing hammer, until stuck 4) Remove metal thing and ring with vice grips, awl, 2x4, and framing hammer…throw thumbs up.

Hot Dog Sandwich

Sat, 03 Jul 2010 11:18:30 +0000

Worst idea I’ve had in quite some time…hot dog sandwich. Here is how you make a retarded hot dog sandwich, in case you feel a need to wreck your guts, feed a prisoner, lose your job, etc.

Halve some h dogs.
Pan fry said h dogs.
Assemble sandwich. I went for pickles and spicy brown mustard on my stupid sandwich. Feel free to dump whatever you have in the fridge on that sonofabitch…I don’t think it really matters. Wrap-up: h dog sandwiches taste like fail.

american residential law group info

Fri, 02 Jul 2010 17:29:04 +0000

Times are still tough. Our economy is still a wreck. Foreclosures are still rampant; however, there is no need to give up your livelihood. When push comes to shove, why take a hit and declare bankruptcy, when you can just as easily do a little home loan modification and get your expenditures back in line with your income. Enter American Residential Law Group. This is their bread and butter. Regardless of how unlikely it seems that you will keep your home, these guys will go to bat for you. Experience goes a long ways…especially when things are in flux as they are currently. Give them a shot…it will work out.

The Great Bozeman Storm of 2010

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 19:36:49 +0000

I snapped this pic from work (in Four Corners) about twenty minutes before hell wrought down fury upon Bozeman, Montana in the form of large hail. Hail dents the size of Matzah Balls. Details will follow.

Watch This…aka Clock Talk

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 19:00:01 +0000

So there I find myself, shopping for watches. Granted, my cellphone has been my primary time keeping device for well over a decade, but every once in a while I find myself looking to accesorize. Watches, why not? Don’t judge me. Function plus style. Multitasking? You cannot go wrong with a watch. So, I have been poking around a bit, and at first, I had my eye on this jacques lemans watch I found online at bluedial.com: Right? Pretty minimal…sleek…bling-ish? Well, hold your breath. I then stumbled across this guy, also by Jacque Lemans Tell me that doesn’t look like a robot head. I dare you…tell me. Regardless, bluedial has all sorts of brands, if robot head watches aren’t your thing. If they aren’t, you are completely out of your mind, for what it is worth. Most likely, I will continue to use the smartphone as my timepiece. Still waiting on my Droid Incredible, which should have the most awesome time app in the histories of both apps and time. There still exists a soft spot in my heart for a good, old fashioned watch…maybe if the Incredible looked more robotic, that would cease to be the case.

Work is Awesome

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:44:02 +0000

How many desk drawers do you actually utilize on a daily basis at a software development company? ***Spoiler alert…effin zero*** Extra drawer overload…what to do? Food, for the win.

Computer Forensics

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:41:15 +0000

It would be pretty unlikely, given my history blogging and working in the software development field, that I would not be a computer guy. Quite unlikely, and utterly false, for the record. I too am a huge fan of forensics. Kate and I have nearly worn out our old CRT TV upstairs in the bedroom watching Forensic Files on TrueTV. Can’t get enough of crime fighting science nerds. Saving the day with technology…pretty much my dream job. Combine those observations, and it is a natural assumption that I would be all about Computer Forensics, and that would also be a valid inference. Maybe someday, I can use my mad skills to serve the purpose of expert witness in a sweet cyber crime…until then, I’ll be cranking out oddly-filtered images using the Gimp: Remember the story from a month or so ago about the data exposure linked to printer hard drives shipped to China? Case in point…e-discovery is a huge concern currently. I’ll admit it, I had never thought twice about ‘what happens when you send a document to print’ until that hit the media. Even though the print jobs are not visible after a time on the printer itself, anyone with half a brain would think that said info could be retrieved. This is the realm of computer forensics professionals…yank that drive and get to work…all completely retrievable, until the drive is juiced and files need to be overwritten. Case in point, make no assumptions regarding what is assumed to be secure. I stumbled upon Elluma Discovery while checking into the field a bit. They are computer forensics specialists…providing expert witnesses in e-discovery all over the place. How all over the place? The examiners in question have testified in State and Federal Courts, at arbitrations, mediations, and depositions. I’m jealous. I just use my skills to make sure lenders give credit where appropriate. If I end up in court in my current position, I have done something grossly wrong. Grossly. Maybe Elluma is hiring…I could mix my computer skills with my firearms skills. Concealed carrying forensics tech? FOR THE WIN, SON.

Aruino + Ethernet = In the Mail

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:33:07 +0000

Amusing Amazon order time… Arduino Ethernet shield, and a ring stretching tool. Go figure. Both respective projects will be well documented.

4th of July Flags

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:13:13 +0000

I really wish I had a boat. There is not much that fills me with a sense of Americana than seeing an old wooden boat flying the Stars and Stripes. I’m not certain what it is about US Flags on boats, but it is pretty awesome. To a lesser degree, I take great pride in seeing American Flags on front porches. The good old Red White and Blue almost chokes me up…so too (to a lesser extent) do car flags, but that is a topic for later discussion. I’d love nothing more, than to be out on Fort Peck or Canyon Ferry on a boat of some nature, cruising along with a flag cracking in the breeze. I could easily afford a Jet Ski, but the whole flag effect would be diminished. Maybe jury rig a car flag onto the handle bars of an old stand-up machine…doesn’t really have the same effect or street credibility as you can exude if you are a boat owner. Our plans for this Fourth are still yet undecided. You had better believe that I will have a flag next to the Bell camper, and a cooler full of tasty OML. Maybe a few hot dogs…if there is room.

Custom Auto Detailing

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:07:43 +0000

Customizing your Silverado SS is easy. You’ll need: * Spray Paint * Junk Mail, and * Masking Tape That’s it. Mask off the areas you don’t want murdered-out with the mail and tape. Rattle can the areas you want murdered. The end.

Shopping Cart Talk

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:38:58 +0000

I need to start peddling goods. Who wouldn’t want to wear a swantron shirt? Maybe a swantron mousepad? Who knows? They could sell like hot cakes. Or flapjacks. I have been mulling over the shopping cart issue for a while. I don’t see much harm in throwing up an e-commerce portion to the site, as so long as it is secure. I really don’t want to throw caution to the wind, and have a sketchy shopping cart that I don’t endorse attached to my livelihood. I have been looking into various options, and seem to have found a good one in Summer Cart shopping cart software. Security is my biggest concern, but one also must look at the other aspects when making a decision of this magnitude…namely, shipping, support, payment plans, and ease of implementation. Here is a quick screen shot to drive home my point. Summer Cart has integrated reporting. I’m all about my metrics…comes with the territory that I deal with on a daily basis at work. It is tough to make improvements blindly, and running reports is the way to base a business decision. What I really enjoy about Summer Cart is the admin control panel. Anything you could think of is covered…which makes for an easy decision. Stay tuned…you all better be foaming at the mouth at the thought of some swantron tees. It could be the fashion statement of the the year.

22 Degrees Solar Halo

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 17:12:09 +0000

I took a spin outside for a brief reading session on my lunch break yesterday. I’m glad I did, as I was treated to a little optical phenominon action…in the form of a 22 Degree Solar Halo. FTW. I’m posting some pics I snapped…I’ll toss in the full write-up soon.

I inverted the colors of that last pic, quite obviously. That will be my template, so to speak, on which to wax nerdy in a Physics-y kind of way. Stay tuned.

Video Card Mania

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:51:20 +0000

At the risk of sounding like a grumpy (thirty year) old codger and really dating myself, I’m going to go ahead and wax sentimental for a second. We had an Atari way back in the day. Way back, as in I thought it was called a “Natari.” It was awesome. My two favorite games… Frogger, maybe of course, and an obscure game called Gopher. Gopher involved whacking gophers on the head with a shovel as they tried to eat your carrots, which you planted as a stork dropped seeds. No way to win…just hold off the gophers until you go insane. Aah, the good old days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about my Wii. Every once in a while, it is good to take a step back from the buzz and take a look at the state of things. I’m going to wager that *most of the games thrown out to the market are not even slightly as rewarding to the player as Frogger, Gopher, or Pong for that matter. It is easy to get wrapped up in new things…super easy. It is often hard to qualify, when everything is marketed to its quantified value. The same exact thing holds true for my dear computers. I always want a new one. If not a new one completely, I want more RAM, a better video card, a meaty hard drive, etc. Even though I spend most of my time hammering out paid posts such as this, for some odd reason I think I need something that can store the Library of Congress and play two first person shooters simultaneously. It is a problem. Let’s focus on computer video cards for a moment, to illustrate my point. I could, without a doubt, get by with a budget video card. Like this little guy: However, my tech ego dictates that I look at things like this monstrosity: …and, I’m drooling a little. I don’t need that…if you do, hit that link up there and check them out. I’m going to play some Wii.

Billings Tornado Video

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 18:28:10 +0000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlGsNN7TPrc

There it is…incredible.

Billings Tornado Picture

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 16:38:18 +0000

Here is the first pic I have seen come in of the soon-to-be-infamous Metra Twister. Shot from the Heights by none other than Hat Shop Tony. Hopefully someone posts some image of the Metra getting nailed.

Billings Metra Tornado

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 16:12:44 +0000

Breaking story…The Billings Metra is roofless. I imagine it went something like that. How it spun down from the Heights and still had that much power may be interesting to see. More to come.

Kodak Easy Share

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 15:55:59 +0000

I’m writing this post on the road. Opera Mini is what it is… It certainly is not a blogger’s smoothest means of posting content. That said, another day another dollar; there are paid posts to write. Like this guy about Kodak cameras. The posting tool isn’t optimum, but the timing is right. We made it to Helena without our trusty easyshare digital camera. I should say the ‘we’ with a disclaimer, since it is a bright pink Kodak Easy Share. Color aside, I love the thing. The picture quality is super, and the user interface is super easy to use to boot. I’d you haven’t tried Kodak cameras in the past few years, you should give one a shot before buying another brand. They really have focused on usability instead of the bells and whistles, and have the best easy-to-use product on the market. They still have the features that the average consumer wants, but leaves out the type of additional stuff that is largely unused by most. Check one out. They are fairly inexpensive now, and give you a ton of bang for your buck.

Stellarium on Ubuntu

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 17:30:55 +0000

It has been too long since I have sang the merits of Ubuntu. Meerkat is great. 10.10 LTS has been flawless for me, even since the beta, on both my notebooks and my Mini 9 netbook. Anyhow, I have had Stellarium running for some time. I realized I have yet to mention it. Here is the view from my ’laboratory’ from two nights ago: Awful photojournalism. Wanna fight about it? Pictured is the Moon, Venus, the Moon, and Venus…the two former live, and the two latter via Stellarium. Pretty sweet. I have had Stellarium cranked up several times looking at stars, but my BlackBerry is far worse when it comes to photographing stars than it is when photographing planets and the Moon. Check it out…price is FREE.99 via the Ubuntu Software Center. FTW.

Google Apps Chat

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:14:02 +0000

I’m all about Google. It is no secret that Android gives me the warm and fuzzies; I suppose that is the root of my affection. As I sit here, looking at my quickly-dying BlackBerry Pearl, I’m counting down the days until I can blog via my HTC Incredible. It will be, undoubtedly, incredible. Especially since I can have the Android holler at my Arduino, and vice versa. My warm and fuzzies just turned into warmer and fuzziers. Enough about that. Today, we are talking Google Apps. Buy into the cloud computing revolution, my friends, as it is upon us. Google is far more than the search engine of times earlier: If you haven’t received the memo, there now exists Google Apps: Long story short, Google Apps allows you to free up system space by whisking your info into the clouds. Cloud computing is the future…no need to keep several TBs of data locally, when info can be collected and accessed via an online warehouse. Check out the Google Apps Marketplace, if you don’t believe me. Secure solutions for practically any info that was once married to one particular machine or server. I stumbled across this site, after they asked me to blog for dough about them… Mavenlink is on the cutting edge of the Google Apps scene. Login with your Google ID, and you are given direct integration with Gmail, Google Calendar, Google Sites, et. al. Now that Mavenlink is now integrated with Google Apps, sharing info is easy as whistling Dixie. As far as I can tell, the ease of and subsequent utilization of Google Docs alone would pay for itself in absolutely no time. Perhaps I’m jaded after far-too-long spent accessing user shared folders and fighting firewall rules, but I feel that documents in the cloud is a superior means of disseminating information. Hit one of those links and see for yourself. I’m going to go look at some more Android spec sheets. So excited.

Bonus LED Action

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 18:11:43 +0000

Aftermath of my last Arduino session in my garage/workshop? Bonus LED action. It turns out my florescent lamp was pretty weak…the 7 O’Clock sun put it to shame, in the day-after mess of my ’lab.’ Indirectly awesome. ***ADDITIONAL BONUS MATERIAL*** See if you can spot the following * Netbook * Notebook * Zoot Badge * Solar Panel * USB cord * Table * Cardboard Box * Other Random Electronics Crap Good Luck!

Arduino Solar Cell Input

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:41:13 +0000

Here we go. As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m horsing around with analog input to my Arduino, in the form of input via a solar cell. For the win. It turns out, that I’m getting far better with my casual electronics experimentation…I will chalk this one up as a win…My basic set-up is this…Radio Shack solar cell, breadboard, florescent light source, Arduino, and a notebook.

Step 1: Gauge light source via multimeter

1.7 V…no need to toss in a resister, as the Arduino can handle 5V without issue. Good to go.

Life Insurance Star

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 13:39:05 +0000

Time for my insurance rant of the week. Another rainy Saturday, another afternoon spent trolling for better insurance. This time: Life Insurance! I managed to find some pretty slick stuff at LifeInsuranceStar. Not only the normal Life Insurance Quotes, but they had a huge range of reviews and articles, ranking the Best Life Insurance Companies. Trust me, it is not easy to find this type of info in a concise format. Check out Geico…ranks pretty high for life insurance. I spent some time checking out the Annuity information. The site itself is slick…made it easy to get wrapped up in my research.

Solar Panel LED Set-up

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 13:35:22 +0000

New project under way… Solar Panel + LED at this point…soon to be solar panel » analog input Spoiler: it is going to be awesome Stay tuned for further details

Remote Desktop Musings

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 12:05:12 +0000

I am a fan of remote computer access. Huge fan, in fact. I use the crap out of it at work on our Windows XP boxes to access the Load and Performance boxes. I too fire upremote access software at home on my Linux machines…primarily to help D-Rock troubleshoot his Ubuntu set-up. Both scenarios have proven to be quite important, and almost a necessity any more. Whereas my scenarios are quite secure and specific, there exists a need for more secure, wide ranging remote access solutions. How about some 256-bit encryption? Like industry leading [link removed] With a secure system like that, you can troubleshoot other people’s computers remotely, with confidence for both the client and operator. Same is true for work collaboration. The flow of ideas is far easier to channel via a remote connection, be it a single user driving the discussion, or even with multiple users rolling simultaneously. Another use is a little less conventional. You can utilize the remote desktop set-up to act as a file share system. Multiple users, remotely rolling files in and out of a ‘server’ machine remotely via the interwebs. Not too bad of an idea at all, if you ask me. Hit one of those links to read more. I’m going to attempt to remotely access Katie’s notebook, through a remote connection from my netbook, from a remote connection to my notebook. +1 bonus degree of separation

MS Paint Tips

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:59:48 +0000

Pomeranians are creepy. Mad MS Paint skillz. +1 small dog

Found: My Dream Robotics Project

Sun, 06 Jun 2010 10:05:23 +0000

+1 Android +1 Arduino +1 Voice Recognition I found this guy over at engadget…called truckbot, it packs the aforementioned awesome things I love. Truckbot is autonomous…the little sucker won’t drive off the edge of a table, even if user prompts it to. This may be a violation of one of Assimov’s robot rules…go look it up. No time to blog…must continue drooling over this.

Insurance Overload

Sun, 06 Jun 2010 09:30:13 +0000

Here’s to the weekend. It is too nasty to sit outside, my lawn is mowed, the rivers are all blown-out (fish aren’t biting) still, the Cubs aren’t on for another two hours, and the Croc-Pot is full already. It looks like it is time to do some more insurance research. Nice little Sunday, actually. At work we have an opt-out for our health insurance plan. It was not worth opting out, per se, when I started there. Out of curiosity, I decided to troll around to see if health plans have gone up, down, stalemated, etc. Since I still have the old S-Corp (inactive, as far as the State of MT is concerned) I started looking into business insurance quotes to boot. Interesting stuff, I swear. Let’s start with the health. When I was actively making loot as CEO/owner of Alpha Solutions Inc., I kept a Blue Cross / Blue Shield policy for my health insurance. Not much coverage, but not much cost per month. Win/Win AND Lose/Lose. Nice. If I were to do it again, I would most certainly combine my heath with my Montana business insurance (add your own state here…California business insurance, etc) for both savings and ease. I would probably increase my coverage from ‘detrimental’ to ‘actually get a sprained ankle looked at’ levels, as well. Might help. I did think this was pretty epic. I’d say that if you are zero feet tall, then maybe you should not be looking for insurance. Or, you should be looking for a great deal of insurance. Might be time to look into a talk show career, and then into the California Department of Insurance upon arriving to Hollywood. I wonder if a sub-one-foot-tall person could type with his/her tiny little fingers. Might be comical.

Ringtone Mania

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 20:09:54 +0000

There is no hiding the fact that I’m a tech guy. With tech guy comes cell phone guy, and with cell phone guy comes cell phone accessories guy. Apps, schmapps…let’s kick it dirty with some ringtones! Let it be known that I am still an incredible hip-hop-head. The last thing I want is a girlie-haired guitar balladeer high singing to me that someone is trying to contact me. That sounds more miserable than dodging a call on vibrate. So bad. In order to better illustrate the point I’m trying to make, let me introduce jay - z as a robot: Awesome. Here is the run-down. Or, in hip-hop speak, the ‘haps.’ Every possible situation I could imagine encountering could be made better with a Jay-Z ringtone. Peep these haps. Call from work – It’s a Hard Knock Life. Instead of treated, we get tricked…instead of kisses, we get kicked. Call from Kate – 99 Problems. I do in fact have 99 problems, but a b ain’t one. Call from parents – New York State of Mind. I bet they would like some Alicia Keys. She sings nicely. Call from Zig – Money Ain’t a Thing. He is always broke as a joke. See? Awesome. Young Hov would approve.

Useless-bot

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 19:47:10 +0000

-1 boring -1 small head three and three-quarter stars

Insurance Info Revisited

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 18:59:59 +0000

Maybe it is because I turned 30. Maybe it is because I am predisposed to worry. Gout and worrying? Thanks, folks. Good looking out on the genes. I am sort of an insurance nut. Moreover, I am always trolling for deals…which puts me in a perpetual quest for both better and cheaper insurance. It is a never-ending cycle. I have (ducks jeers) had very very good luck with Geico. Not well enough to steer clear of the Insurance Information Institute website, but good luck anyhow. With two vehicles, a third on the way, health, and renter’s insurance in the fray, I need to cover my bases. Fortunately enough, Alpha Solutions Inc. is currently at an idle state per the fine State of Montana, or I would have business insurance health on my mind as well. Oh, my days with a shovel! How I miss you so! Let me count the ways…one. Getting a tan. Got a little long winded there. Anyhow, I was checking for insurance rates for my gangster whip, the 96 Yukon. Remember this guy from back in the day? Well, I still ride dirty in the Yukon. I’d like to ride cheap and dirty, so there I find myself doing things like this. I stumbled upon NetQuote, and ran through the info gauntlet. Stumbling upon this guy… Some high school? You better have some damned high school education before you get all keyboard happy and start firing your personal data into a form. Or alternatively, you should be provided with a pop-up ‘go back to damned school, idiot, then look for some damned insurance’ box. But again, I digress. Well, long story shorter, I didn’t bite. I am paying too much for the Yukon’s insurance, but I am saving a ton with my currant renter’s/Katie’s ring insurance policy. You win some you lose some. At least I am still not horsing around with small business insurance. Always keep it positive. Always.

32×32 Arduino Awesome-ness

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 16:03:05 +0000

I wish I had done this…unfortunately, I have my hands full with a handfull of LEDs. 1024 LEDs…give me a break. Osgeld (a man amongst boys) over at the arduino forums showed off his 32x32 dot matrix panel proof of concept. Take a peak at his wiring: How he managed to get that sucker up and running without smoking the shit out of his components is beyond me. Prost, sir. Well played.

Debt Settlement Info

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:53:20 +0000

Greetings and good afternoon. I thought I would go ahead and give my reader base a little info regarding Debt Settlement. Long story short, the bump provides you the info. Be debt free in 12-36 months. Get help with credit card debt via Debt Settlement. Avoid Bankruptcy, Call Now for Debt Relief 1-888-703-4948 BBB+ Member. +1 Robot MS Paint effort

Weaponized Robot = Aggressive

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:53:49 +0000

I’m not one to be down-and-out-self-deprecating-bummed-out about things in general, but iRobot has just made my tri-colored LED progress look like peanuts. Tri-colored peanuts, but peanuts nonetheless. Hats off to you all, iRobot dudes. This is awesome. From spectrum.ieee.org:

iRobot released today new video of its Warrior robot, a beefed up version of the more well-known PackBot, demonstrating use of the APOBS (Anti-Personnel Obstacle Breaching System), an explosive line charge deployed by a rocket, with a small parachute holding back the end of the line. The APOBS, iRobot says, is designed for “deliberate breaching of anti-personnel minefields and multi-strand wire obstacles.” Although it may concern those who don’t like the arming of robots, it makes great eye candy for those who like robots, rockets, and explosions.

Business Card 2.0

Mon, 31 May 2010 14:44:50 +0000

Ramiro…I dig your style. Spanish telecom extraordinaire and all around hero Ramiro Pareja Veredas has the coolest business cards ever. Printed onto a card, with a male USB interface…if you have the pleasure of getting one of these from ol’ Ramiro, you can plug it into your computer and see his HTML resume, etc. Per Ramiro himself:

Clearly, it is not the cheaper business card in the world (about 5 euros/piece for a small batch order), but it is a (relatively) small price for having a card in your pocket that has more CPU power than the computer that led the man to the moon.

iPad Updates

Fri, 28 May 2010 13:33:29 +0000

Yesterday marked the official iPad release in the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and Switzerland. And our neighbors to the North, Canada. I’m trying to think of an insult to Canada, but all I can come up with is ehPad. I think I’ll go with that…Apple ehPad. We Yankees have had these around for what seems like a long time. What is the current state of the latest Apple buzz-inducing product? Well, apps, for starters. Apple managed to get a huge bump due to the iPhone developer core. Granted a bunch of the available apps are ‘iPhone ports’ so to speak, there are tons and tons of them. I really like a few of the ideas that have been thrown around. From the simple-ish ideas, like an air hockey game… …to the hholier than though less than two iPhone and an iPad having squares need not apply apps… …there are some very entertaining apps for purchase. I like that Scrabble notion quite a bit. I bet I could do that with a pair of Droids and a Linux tablet, but I digress. I need to make more money writing paid posts like this, before I can think about two Droids. Fail. The one thing that has fallen off the radar is the marketing point that the iPad was to be the Kindle killer. I have not seen any press regarding using an iPad as an e-book reader, which on the onset was one of the primary selling points. It could be an issue with battery life, with respect to the Kindle’s battery kind e-ink. More likely, it is easier to show flashy things like gaming on the units…makes for a more interesting story, I suppose. I guess I’m still on the fence. As is the case with all things techy and new, I still want one. You can keep the iPhones though…I’m not biting there. In the mean time, I’m going to see if my ehPad meme takes off.

Woot FAIL

Fri, 28 May 2010 13:27:44 +0000

Once again, I almost got a bag-o-crap on yesterday’s woot-off. Got to this point… Entered my card security code….and nothing. I hate woot.

Awesome T-Shirt Time!

Fri, 28 May 2010 13:22:37 +0000

My little sister is pretty funny. Long story short, I bought a suit for my upcoming wedding. Elizabeth’s response was “You bought a black suit? Wow. You never have to shop for clothes again.” You know what? She is pretty much right. I replied “Yep…that about does it. I guess I can pick up some Levis and wifeys every now and then, and that is that.” Awesome.

Aside from that, I have an urge to grab a custom tshirt every now and then. Like my “I’m Hungary for Turkey” tee…classy. Out of curiosity, I ended up trolling around to see if there were any good Lost shirts on the webs. It turns out I need to check out stuff of this nature more often. There are all sorts of amazing products that I have been oblivious to. There is a whole world of Eclipse merchandise that I found. Check this guy…

Arduino Tri-Colored LED

Tue, 25 May 2010 20:59:39 +0000

Tri-Colored LED Arduino control. Check. I’m bringing sexy back. Sadly enough, it is basically a ground coupled with a Red, Green, and Blue lead. Nonetheless, I’m pumped.

Keyboard Dwelling Robot

Tue, 25 May 2010 12:29:42 +0000

I sure wouldn’t want to hang out in my keyboard. Crumbs. Full of crumbs.

Meeting Robot | I Need This

Mon, 24 May 2010 22:47:34 +0000

Best idea of the week…a robot to attend your meetings. From dailymail.co.uk

Fed up with attending endless meetings when you’d much rather be at home? Step forward the QB from Anybots - a robot who can go to the office for you. Developed by Bob Christopher, the brainchild behind the Pleo dinosaurs, the cute looking robot is essentially a teleconferencing system on wheels. The robot can alter its height from 3ft to 5.7ft and weighs 2.5st, with a main computer and several mini-computers on board. It has an LCD monitor mounted on its head which feeds a webcam image of the telecommuter. It ‘sees’ via a 5MP video camera in one eye, and a lower resolution camera on the head that points downwards. It ‘hears’ via three microphones that feed audio to the telecommuter, and has high-quality speakers for audio in the other direction.

Shop Like Swantron

Mon, 24 May 2010 17:43:53 +0000

I’m either the best shopper or the worst shopper in the world. I love a deal as much as anybody, but I absolutely hate the process of mulling over purchases. Stores make me uneasy…the pressure to buy impulsively mixed with the people mixed with the smells and sounds drives me up the wall. People watching is fun, but not fun enough to shop recreationally. I am the type of dude who knows what he wants. Moreover, I know how to conduct product research. More moreover, I am pretty dang good at cross-referencing, research, and comparison in general. That aspect suits me incredibly well for online shopping…which has become my main means of purchasing goods. Yours truly, for the win. Shop like swantron. I have had it with sites like deals.woot and slickdeals. Too much garbage, too little quantity. If you are truly looking for some online [link removed], hit the link and check out savings.com. Maybe I’m jaded, since I’m a techno-fiend. I don’t think so, though. I have made zero attempt to cover up the fact that I am a Dell fanboy…savings.com has [link removed] that make my offers from Dell themselves look pretty lousy. Don’t jump to conclusions, though…they also frequently push out Verizon deals that smoke the verizonwireless deals out of the water. Just saying. Long story short, this is exactly the type of site that makes my day, shopping-wise. I can sit back and look for deals that I have been considering, without spending any time physically looking for stuff of this nature. Aggregation in it’s finest. Now, the thing that remains is figuring out how to budget more effectively…that might be where [link removed] comes in. Personal finance is the best finance, so it seems. I’m off to check for deals on earbuds. My Skull Candys are out of commission. One earbud is one earbud too few, when you are living ghetto fabulous in a 4x8 cubicle. Offices, for the loss.

Super Robot

Sun, 23 May 2010 12:25:25 +0000

I left my Arduino at work. Poorly played. The next best thing, quite unfortunately, is to post another damned robot drawing. Green robots…there you go.

HTC Evo First Look

Sat, 22 May 2010 12:54:01 +0000

Is there such a thing as ‘phone envy?’ There should be. I am pretty sure I have an extreme case…maybe I could be the subject of some sort of case study. What has me this week? HTC Evo. Android 2.1 and a slick screen…need I say more? This sucker is hot. Long story short, this is the answer to the 4G iPhone and to the Nexus One. I think the Apple Fanboiz would have to admit that the Evo is superior to anything coming out with an ‘i’ appended to the front. Does the iPhone have a kickstand? Didn’t think so. The Evo does. Does the iPhone have two cameras? Evo does; an 8-megapixel and a 1.3 megapixle. Count ‘em and weep, fellas. Since this phone is still under the radar, so to speak, so tracking down HTC Evo Accessories is definitely an online mission. Here is a link to HTC Evo Cases…what the heck…I’ll even throw you a bone with a HTC Evo Screen Protectorslink. In the meantime, I’m going to be sitting here pouting that I still have a RIM phone. BlackBerries seem so 2007.

100 Greatest Inventions Fail

Wed, 19 May 2010 15:37:51 +0000

Per Telegraph.co.uk

A study of 4,000 consumers also placed the Apple smart phone - which has sold 42 million units since its launch in 2007 - ahead of the car, camera and flushing toilet.

Way to go, Britan. You bunch of ninnies.

Check the full (asinine) list 100 Greatest Inventions:

Wheel
Aeroplane
Light bulb
Internet
PCs
Telephone
Penicillin
iPhone
Flushing toilet
Combustion engine
Contraceptive pill
Washing machine
Central heating
Fridge
Pain killers
Steam engine
Freezer
Camera
Cars
Spectacles
Mobile phones
Toilet paper
Hoover
Trains
Google
Microwave
Email
The pen
Hot water
Shoe
Compass
Ibuprofen
Toothbrush
Hair straighteners
Laptops
Knife and fork
Scissors
Paper
Space travel
Kettle
Calculator
Bed
Remote control
Roof
Air conditioning
SAT NAV
Wi-Fi
Cats-eyes
Matches
Power steering
Tumble dryer
Bicycle
Sky+
Tea bags
Umbrella
iPod
Taps
Crash helmet
Wristwatch
eBay
DVD player
Nappies
Ladder
Sun tan lotion
Lawnmower
Make-up
Chairs
Sunglasses
The game of football
Sliced bread
Sofa
Razor blades
Screwdriver
Motorways
Head/ear phones
Towels
Push-up bra
Binoculars
WD40
Mascara
Hair dryer
Facebook
Escalator
Hair dye
Wellington boots
Spell check
Calendars
Cheese grater
Buses
Post-it notes
Gloves
Satellite discs
Pedestrian crossing
Baby’s dummy
Curtains
Bottle opener
Food blender
Dustpan and brush
Desks
Clothes peg\n\nI don’t know where to begin. What a effin joke. Curtains? Ladders? IPhones? Pain killers and ibuprofen both listed? I’m not mad, Englanders, I’m just confused and disappointed in your effeminate asses. How about beer, robots, and swantron.com. In that order.

Best News on the Interwebs

Wed, 19 May 2010 11:31:38 +0000

I spend a fair amount of time blathering on about technology and current events. I figured I should put together a post to divulge some of my sources. Think of this either as a master “works cited” reference, or as a “read like Joe” document, of sorts. Take note, I have not had a newspaper or magazine subscription for years. Years and years, actually. All of my sources are online…for better or worse. I’m all about my news…the more varied, the better. I typically begin by checking local online sources, namely the Bozeman Daily Chronicle and Billings Gazette. The Bozeman Police Reports alone make the Cronicle worth checking, for comedic value alone. When it comes to national news sources, I typically stick to drudgereport.com and news.google.com. Drudge is fairly conservative, (some might argue that he is uber-conservative, but I disagree) but fairly thorough. I have Google filtered to give me a ton of national and science-based stories. All in all, these both serve to collect news from a large variety of sources. It serves to keep the reader on his or her toes, by keeping fresh points of view present. I have a few more specialized news sources I check on a daily basis as well. I keep up with our neighbors across the pond with euro news, and stay current with my nerd news via slashdot. Euro News fills in the spaces missed by mainstream media regarding Europe, and slashdot fills in the things that media deems too obscure on which to report. I also check a few other random sites on a frequent basis. The Onion is the best, and their sister site AV Club offers some good reviews of music, games, movies, etc. Geekologie is quickly becoming a favorite as well…sort of like swantron, oddly enough. I keep up on my beloved Chicago Cubs on viewfromthebleachers.com, and to a lesser extent cubs.com. Consider yourselves warned…but please don’t cut out the middleman and stop checking this site out. swantron.com FTW!

Keyboard Robot Alert

Tue, 18 May 2010 18:39:34 +0000

green robot drawing…three and three-quarter stars

Wrigley Field /vs/ Cashman Field

Tue, 18 May 2010 11:54:00 +0000

Well, baseball season is in full swing. The Cubs have some high points and some low points, and are playing sub .500 ball at this point. Good starting pitching, shaky bullpen, sporadic hitting from the middle of the line-up. D-Lee and Rami are playing poorly, while Soto and this guy… …are absolutely tearing it up compared to ‘09. Marlon Byrd and Carlos Silva have proven to be good additions to the team; Marmol is coming around. All in all, exciting year. Win/Loss record, considered. Here is the issue. I live 700 miles from the closest Major League stadium. In fact, I am equally far away from the two closest, Coors Field and Safeco Park. As much as I would love to jump on StubHub and line up some tickets to Wrigley…it is not financially in the cards. Nay, it is not possible to get a week off work to slide over to Chicago, Denver, Seattle, et al. Stupid work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, however. Remember that Vegas wedding Katie and I have coming up? That’s right…bring on some 51’s. Last summer we hit a game at Cashman Field. See that orange line? That was the route to the beer garden. We were fortunate enough to hit dollar Bud night at the field. Muy bueno! Anyhow, hopefully the wedding trip will find us at Cashman again. If you manage to find yourself in Vegas…I would highly recommend it. In fact, here here is a StubHub coupon code, for your ticket-getting pleasure. Maybe work will settle down, the Cubs will get in the win column more often, and I’ll be able to make it out to Wrigley this fall. I’m not holding my breath, though, as I have been watching the Cubs crash and burn for 25 years now. I can always dream…I can always dream.

New Robot

Fri, 14 May 2010 22:17:34 +0000

Well, the Cubs suck…green robots don’t. Bam.

How to Fix a Paper Cutter

Wed, 12 May 2010 17:55:12 +0000

I walked into my designated printer room at work today to find the paper cutter broken. What a tragedy, right? I have absolutely no idea why we need a paper cutter, let alone several paper cutters, at our software shop FWIW. Regardless, I took it upon myself to remedy the problem. Sleep tight, thy co-workers…rest assured that you can again transform 8.5" x 11" paper sheets into 8.25" x 11" paper sheets, thanks to my pro bono paper cutter fixing skills. Observe.

Awesome Robot

Wed, 12 May 2010 17:12:05 +0000

Could the green robot drawings be winding down? Hell to tha no! Suckaz! This guy, FTW!

Zenni Optical | Very Zen-Like

Mon, 10 May 2010 16:03:06 +0000

Consider this my official heads-up to the drivers in Southwestern Montana: I am practically blind behind the wheel. Especially right around dusk…something about the indirect light makes my eyes tired to the point where everything is a blurry mess. Not good. Welcome to my thirties, I guess. Turns out I am badly in need of some eyeglasses…and none too pleased. My first thought was to get some contacts. Hide the fact, so to speak, that I am ageing. But then I start thinking about it…I really don’t need correction at work. I also don’t need help when I read…so why not just bite the bullet and get some eyeglasses, that I could toss in the car? Here is why. I absolutely destroy sunglasses. If I have glasses that I wear ‘on occasion,’ I will get only a few occasions to wear them before they are either lost or scratched to bejesus. Same goes for my cell phones, but I digress. So, looking at the mall and at Costco, it turns out that eyeglasses are break-the-bank pricey. Enter stage left…Zenni Optical. Check the price on this guy… As my caption so nicely states, that is cheaper than lunch at the danged deli. For good looking frames, to boot. Eight bucks is for the pure prescription lens, but they also offer bifocals, progressives, you name it. For dirt cheap. Problem solved, the problem being my need for several pairs of specs. I could grab an armful of these for less than the price of one pair at the mall, and therein have a pair in the SS, Yukon, Kate’s Camry, the living room, work, etc. Plus, for eight bucks, I could have a next year’s Halloween costume knocked out… Buddy Holly baby. Or the guy from Major League played by Charlie Sheen. Decisions decisions.

Ubuntu Naming History

Sat, 08 May 2010 12:37:05 +0000

I started thinking about my first Ubuntu experience…8.04, Hardy Heron. Good stuff. I got curious and looked up the previous version names…and found them fairly interesting. Warty Warthog 4.10 Hoary Hedgehog 5.04 Breezy Badger 5.10 Dapper Drake 6.06 Edgy Eft 6.10 Feisty Fawn 7.04 Gutsy Gibbon 7.10 Hardy Heron 8.04 Intrepid Ibex 8.10 Jaunty Jackalope 9.04 Karmic Koala 9.10 Lucid Lynx 10.04 Maverick Meerkat 10.10 The trend is self-apparent. Now, the names are alphabetically similar, and in a descending order. Shitty sentence, yes, but too is this sentence shitty. The numbers correspond to the year of release, and month of release…meaning that the Meerkat drop that I have will remain beta for another 5 months. Nerd points.

Snowbot

Sat, 08 May 2010 12:22:27 +0000

Snow? In May? Give me a f*cking break, Mother Nature.

Arduino Button Implementation

Tue, 04 May 2010 18:35:47 +0000

LED. Check Breadboard. Check Bunch of wires. Check. C++. Check. What is that under my finger? A BAD ASSED BUTTON! I’m going to have this robot up and rolling in no time. Everyone knows that every robot needs at least one button…the fricking kill switch. For, in case, said robot gains sentience and tries to kill the creator. And I’m not going down by robot death. Skin cancer, maybe, but no death by robot.

High 5: Top Online Degrees

Mon, 03 May 2010 18:12:08 +0000

You know what? I’m pretty pumped I graduated when I did. Compared to my little sister, who is currently in the university system in Idaho, I paid practically nothing for my undergraduate degree. My mathematical science degree, for the win. Five grand does not go very far these days…and I’m fairly certain that five grand a year was enough to secure my degree. Beer and Doritos pushed that cost well over ten thousand a year, but I digress. Well, fear not. Technology to the rescue! Online courses were just coming to prevalence when I was wrapping up at Montana State. Granted, the foothold that was in place was primarily for continuing education, and for remote learning for secondary school teachers. Go figure. But, times change, and now there are crazy options in the field of online, higher education. Remember the University of Phoenix? Now they are simply one of many “Online Universities”, along with a grip of “Traditional Universities” offering online degrees. Per the title of this post, I found it interesting that the popularity contest in this field ranks as follows:

F You Too, Toad

Mon, 03 May 2010 12:01:09 +0000

Remember this from…say…25 years ago? I first played Mario on a black and white TV in my neighbor’s basement…I shit you not. Black. And. White. Here it is in color… Well, apparently it took a while, but somebody has finally notices this gem from Toad. Whatever. That may be cool, but by Super Mario 2, he was demoted back down to his worthless status. Remember his “ability?” Being able to lift things quickly? Joke is on you, dick.

Maverick Meerkat

Mon, 03 May 2010 11:30:51 +0000

Hot on the heels of Lucid LTS, Shuttleworth has just announced the next Ubuntu drop will be 10.10, Maverick Meerkat. Check Mark Shuttleworth’s Blog for the press release-ish details. Long story short, more emphasis on the netbook and the cloud…quicker boots, etc. Should be good times.

Ubuntu 10.04 LTS

Sun, 02 May 2010 12:20:24 +0000

New Ubuntu is the best Ubuntu. You know what that means…Lucid Lynx is stable, and currently running on my primary machine. So far so good. Visually, Lynx is a bit more polished than Koala. Boot time was quicker…drivers working, etc. Even my Arduino front end fired up from the terminal…we are good in the hood. LTS…pretty damned stable for a beta, per se. Stay tuned…I still have Karmic on my old Dell, so perhaps I will fire them up side-by-side and write a review. Perhaps.

Arduino Robot

Sat, 01 May 2010 16:01:56 +0000

I’m not there yet, but let’s chalk this one up as a step towards the end goal…which would be the title of this post. A Damned Arduino Robot!

Granted, this is basically just my hello world (hola mundo) program with the addition of a solderlss breadboard into the fray. But, it is awesome and, I am going to be the coolest dude on the block when I come rolling out with a bad-ass robot. I had better get back to work.

Japanese Humanoid Moon Robot. Whoa.

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 14:20:40 +0000

I might have to move to Japan. First, they have that food thing down. Secondly, and more importantly, they are BUILDING A DAMN HUMANOID ROBOT TO GO TO AND RETURN FROM THE MOON BY 2015. That happens, and we have officially lost, my friends. FTA:

Looking largely to inspire dreams of space among the Japanese, a manufacturing cooperative named Astro-Technology SOHLA announced on April 27th that they are planning to create and send a two-legged humanoid robot to the moon, have it draw the Japanese flag on the surface, and then hopefully get it back to the Earth, all by the year 2015. Making inspirational ideas about space technology a reality is not new to the Osaka-based cooperative of six small and medium sized enterprises. SOHLA had previously built a small-scale satellite, named Maido-1, as a demonstration of the ability of SMEs to research and create short-term, low-cost space technology which could help improve local economic activity. Maido-1 was sent into orbit aboard a Japanese H-IIA rocket in January of 2009. Following that successful launch, the group asked people to start forgetting about the word “recession.” SOHLA believes that there is a growing passion in Japan about space technology and exploration with recent national successes, such as two Japanese astronauts meeting on the International Space Station for the first time. However, the group also feels that the ISS’ highly visible robotic arms not being Japanese-made is a real letdown for a nation well-known for its robotic technology prowess.

How to Make Breakfast Burgers

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 07:45:34 +0000

Trying to spice things up around the breakfast table? Here is something new and interesting: breakfast burgers! Boy Howdy! Not only are these breakfast burgers nutricious and delicious, they are uber easy to make. Follow these easy steps:

Make two too many bacon turkey burgers for dinner
Place said bonus burgers in a Rubbermaid container (here, I went for a 1L with rounded square edges)
Bring to work
Open container
Eat breakfast burgers at work, in the morning

Note: breakfast burgers are best when enjoyed with multi-vitamin and coffee

Choosing an ISP

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 09:57:53 +0000

How times change. I can remember a time in the not-so-distant past where AOL disks would show up in the mail on a daily basis. Flash forward less than a decade, and here we are with a bevy of internet service provider options. You name it, DSL…cable…satellite, mobile wireless, and even ol’ clunky, dial-up can be tracked down in 2010. The question is: where to start? How about right here at this link about internet providers. ISPcompared.com has a bunch of slick content on their site. Here is the one that jumped out at me. They have a tool with which you can gauge your internet speed. Here is the result of my test. Oh snaps! I’m closer to the T2 than to the T1, you Bresnan suckaz! Note: I don’t care for Bresnan much…between the spotty cable “reception” and the broken HDMI out on my DVR, I am not a proponent of Bresnan. The internet connection is screaming fast, however. Moreover, venting about Bresnan is good times Anyhow, the above link has some other good material. Using the Broadband Internet Service Lookup Tool, I managed to plug my info for Bozeman in and see my options. Unfortunately, looks like the Verizon deal might be worth a second look. Unfortunate, since Verizon’s customer service is actually worse than that of Bresnan. Tech support FTL. On a lighter note, check this out… It is completely Martian to me when I see or hear about somebody using dial-up. But…a ton of people do. God only knows why…with prices like those. Also, I assumed my parents were the only people left in the world not using webmail. That list made me laugh…I wonder if swantron@juno.platinum.com is taken? I couldn’t be that fortunate…I’d probably end up with robot_ninjaaa69@juno.platinum.com. Which is very awesome.

Chew-Bot and Jerk-bot

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:09:15 +0000

Guess who hasn’t been smoking? This guy.

Home Loan Modification Info

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:29:19 +0000

Times are tough. Tougher than stale beef jerky…and believe you me, homie, that is some tough stuff. Last year saw nearly 4 million foreclosure filings. December 2009 showed a 15 percent increase in filings from December 2008…which itself was no ‘smooth sailing’ time in the ‘being able to pay the bills’ game. What’s a guy to do? What is the alternative to throwing in the towel? Write paid blog posts like this? Hardly. Introducing Home Loan Modification. Well, the government has made it easier to stay in your house. Say what you will about them, but they did something correctly here. The Making Home Affordable program, oddly refered to as HAMP, might be your answer. Meet some criteria (primary residence, under $729,750 mortgage, and at least a year old) and you are ready to roll. How do you do this? With the help of American Residential Law Group. That’s how. Getting an attorney is going to be key in this process. Said attorney will act as the negotiator between the lender agent and the holder of the loan. Speedier process, better results. Plus, an attorney can help you whip out the hardship letter, and advise you how to hit the 31% of gross mark that a healthy mortgage targets. Don’t foreclose…hit one of those links and save yourself some trouble.

Best…Urinals…Ever.

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 08:52:38 +0000

Kate and I went to Billngs last weekend to grab the wedding dress. The Olive Garden was, in fact, breath-taking…after we were able to eat. As it happened, my sister, cousin Keri, Katie, and I attempted to drink all of the beers in Billings. As it also turns out, Billings has a large population. Billings also has a lot of beer to quench that collective thirst. For the loss. Anyhow, early-ish-ish in the night…we found out about these three elegant gentlemen: Uncle Jeff’s favourite urinals in the world. Mine too, now. We Swansons have great taste.

Arduino Hello World

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 18:44:41 +0000

Hola Mundo! See that blue LED? Pretty hard to miss. That is essentially the Arduino version a ‘hello world’ program. In other words…I’m live, suckaz. For what it is worth, that is my Mini 9, on Linux, talking to that microprocessor…no easy task. No hard task either, because our nerd-ass community is awesome. So is the command prompt. Open source ninja. For the EE win.

All About the Benjamins Baby

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 07:58:46 +0000

watcha wanna do wanna be a ballah shot calla balla who be dipppin in tha benz wit tha spoila on an off with tha… Uncle Sam just channeled Diddy. It’s all about the Benjamins, baby…and the Benjamins are all about the security, baby. Hit the Treasury Department’s site and check them out. I’ll leave that url for the reader to dig up. The last thing I want is the damn govmint seeing this site on their damn backlinks. Freedom of damn speech, for the damn loss. FTDL. Meme fail.

Gangster 101: LED Taillights

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 20:12:23 +0000

I can speak with some gusto here. Gangster 101: LED Taillights. Break that down…Gangster, 3 digit number, (coincidentally, binary…for the math win) electrical engineering, and automotive. Step up! Better yet, Step Up 2, to the Streets! We’re getting all sorts of math gangster whip on this mamma jamma… Silverados are sick…Silverados with led tail lights are far sicker. Far, far sicker. I would know. As an owner of two GMC/Chevy vehicles, I know a thing of two about ill rides. My SS…ill as a polio victim. My Yukon…ill as a malaria victim. Poor analogies, but required to get my point across. It seems like only yesterday that I bought the Silverado SS. Twenty inch rims, before twenty inch rims were cool. Well, maybe not before they were cool, but most definately before twenties were common. Oh…the good ol’ days. On a side note, also the days of car loans. Don’t miss those days at all. In a round about way, let me say that I started rocking the second gangster whip after rolling around in a whip with some gangster potential. Some gangter potential, to say the very least. The Yukon became very, very gangster after buying new rims and tires on craigslist, for less cost than tires themselves. Gangser, a la ballin on a mamma jammin budget! Once I magaged to get the rim situation squared away, lights were the next to go. Why go bulb, incandescent stee-lo? Nope. LED is the way to go. Light emitting diode. Like the Arduino. For what it is worth, LEDs are the only thing I have mastered on the Arduino…save that thought for a different post, however. LEDs suck far less juice, look far better, and last far longer. Pretty much a win win win situation. That would be FTWWW, if anyone is keeping count.

Sinks are the New Tubs

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 17:22:10 +0000

I am an amateur plumber. Amateur plumber EXTRAORDINAIRE. Not really though…my last experience with plumbing involved thirty feet of plumber’s snake and a horribly corroded, angled, 60 year-old, cast-iron pipe to the plumb-out. Not that I’m venting, or anything. Regardless, I’ll turn that lemon into some lemonade. To the max. I have a great deal of respect for some awesome (and functional) kitchen set-ups. When putting together a dynomite kitchen setup, step one is to figure out how to incorporate some stainless steel sinks. Note the plurality…there is no such thing as a ’too many sink’ situation. Peep this… I’m jealous. No kidding. That good looking fella pictured above is a Mr Direct sink. We have a remodel looming on the horizon, obviously. I’d gladly shell out some loot for a sink of that caliber…and by caliber, I both mean the high quality of the sink, and of the width of the steel, or the ‘caliber’ of the metal. Sinks FTW, Austin Powers quote in 2010 FTL. You win some; you lose some.

HTC Incredible Pics

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 17:11:37 +0000

Q: Guess who is pretty dang pumped that he or she didn’t drop some loot on a Drod Eros last week? A: This guy. This guy right here. This guy, married to Verizon. This guy, handcuffed to Verizon Wireless, and thus, pumped to see a sick-as-shit Android phone drop. This non-Motorola-liking guy, right here. HTC Incedible, in the house. Upon initial reviews, this sucker is making the other Android suckaz look like clunky piecez of shit. Things that make you go…hmm. One month. Stay posted.

Time is of the Essence. Indeed.

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 16:54:31 +0000

With my wedding day quickly approaching, so are my days of coming up with anniversary gifts…like it or not. While other days are more self-explanatory, (Valentine’s Day flowers, St. Patrick’s Day Guinness Stout, et. al.) I am at a loss when it comes to the whole anniversary thing. I’m fairly certain that wood, coal, paper, and whatever else is mandated by wive’s tale is not going to cut it in the ol’ Swantron household…what am I to do? Got it…watches. It works both ways! Check out this bad-boy… Pretty sure Katie would love to see me in a Citizen Eco Drive like that. Classy. The nerd slash 3rd grader in me would totally go for something more this flavor… Tons of buttons…I like it. Plus, it has a “comp” button. Whatever that does, I approve. So maybe, I should refine this whole thing by saying a watch would be great for me. More diamonds for my bride-to-be. Either way, I want that Casio.

Einstein’s Desk

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 19:11:36 +0000

My pretend homeboy GW tossed up a post over at geekologie[dot]com with a pic of my favorite Albert’s desk when he croaked. Not too sure what that dark-looking whiteboard is all about. Or, what those odd-looking paper-like laptops are all about. Must be some sort of sick-ass supercomputer laptops, of sorts. Proast. For real. Read some special relativity…incredible. Very approachable, to boot. Einstein, FTW.

HTC HD2

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 18:04:44 +0000

While I’ve been caught up dealing with the epic battle between the Moto Droid and the RIM Storm 2, there have been some slick phones dropping. FWIW, Motorola whupped the beans out of the Storm, whatever that means. Whatevs. Here is one in particular. The HTC HD2. This puppy is pretty much loaded. Like I’ll be after this paid post… Really though, this is a sweet phone. 480x800 res screen at 4.3 inches…we’re talking Eros stats. HTC Accessories are where it is at, though. You can outfit this guy (which runs Microsoft Windows Mobile 6.5 Professional, for you Microsoft-eers) with all kinds of phone stuffs…hit that bump to find out more. Long story short…I need to stay up on my phone current events. I’m still clinging to my seen-better-days BlackBerry Pearl. For the loss.

Gangsta Bloggin

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:43:32 +0000

MY AMBITIONZ AZ A BLOGGAH

Disclaimer

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:28:36 +0000

I do author some paid posts. I don’t make much…just enough to keep the lights on. Don’t judge me.

Get Swoll, Son

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:14:36 +0000

Takeru Kobayashi? Is that you? Tired of looking like that little hot dog eating champ dude? Okay…that is not Kobayashi. Regardless, if you feel like the colloquial 90lb weekling… Hit up some steroids…get swoll, son! Unless you play baseball professionally, you have nothing to lose…hit that ^ link and check out some options…GET SWOLL! HUUAH! I want a hot dog now.

+1 Nerd

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:28:51 +0000

My Arduino is in da houze!

Arduino is an open-source electronics prototyping platform…and it is awesome. I went for the Arduino Duemilanove, packaged nicely with some LEDs, resisters, leads, and solderless breadboard. Did I mention this bad-boy employs USB connectivity? Prototyping, FTW! Next step: get this sucker talking to Ubuntu on my Mini 9. Step after that: turn on some LEDs Step even after that: MF-ing robot +1 Nerd, indeed.

Laser Tomfoolery Ends in Arrest

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:27:37 +0000

This CBS affiliate is reporting that the man arrested a mini-van owner for a little green laser hyjinx. Hyjinx? Hijinks? Hyjynx? Not sure, but tallk about some injustice… FTA: > On the ground, a Camden police unit responded to the corner of Alabama Road and Congress Road and located Villalobos sitting inside a red Dodge minivan. Police approached Villalobos, who admitted to being the person flashing the laser light at the helicopter, saying that he thought it had been a news helicopter. The laser pointer light was located inside the glove compartment box of the vehicle. The question remains, Did this guy… a) Own said mini-van b) Borrow his wife’s mini-van, or c) Borrow his mom’s mini-van I’m going with c. It seems like a really “live at home in the basement” thing to do…

Insurance Musings

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 18:22:48 +0000

From time to time I will gripe about my job. Especially when the coffee maker is down for the third consecutive week. Sad Panda. Regardless, we have a tremendous benefits package, with profit share Group Health Insurance, 401K…we even have a gym in the basement. And yes, you know I’m all over the mirror curls. When I was running my S-Corp, playing in the dirt putting in irrigation systems, I had to deal with health insurance the dirty way. I had the most minimal Blue Cross Blue Shield plan that money could buy. Or that ninety bucks a month could buy, more precisely. It was, in effect, a detrimental plan of sorts…I never had a claim, since I would pay 80% out of pocket. No dental; no vision. I basically could sleep well at night, knowing that I wouldn’t go bankrupt if I rolled a skid-steer and was seriously injured. Now that I’m set up with both health and Life Insurance, I have far less to worry about. That said, jobs come and go. Situations change. One minute, you could be writing paid posts like this…the next you could be looking for work elsewhere. When that is the case, it becomes far more important to pay attention and do your homework regarding the all important Health Insurance Quote. It seems like everyone and their dog is peddling insurance these days, so diligence pays off in this realm. Pay attention, and get a plan that will cover yourself. Hit one of those white links above to do some comparison shopping. Docor-bot abides.

Tax Time 2010

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 18:19:28 +0000

There has been said to be two assured things in life: death and taxes. I prefer to file my taxes with a cool beer. I challenge anybody to be more American than this…e-filing with a pounder of Budweiser… Unfortunately, Turbo Tax does not cater to Linux users. Good thing I’m still clinging to the dual boot, as I had to fire up Vista to tackle this chore. Maybe next year will be the year of the Linux tax prep…

Moving Boxes are not Boring

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 16:33:57 +0000

Boxes are the essence of moving…and cardboard is the essence of boxes If you have a pending move on the horizon, you should most assuredly buy boxes from ABF U-Pack Moving…and not just because they paid me to say that. They offer a superior product, plain and simple. Having undergone several moves in my day, I can tell you with some certainty that having the right boxes will make the entire process far, far easier. U-Pack offers bundled packages, box assortments, and single boxes of many given sizes. In addition to the actual boxes themselves, they offer moving and packing supplies…basically your moving one-stop moving shop. FTW. Hit the above link for a clearer picture of what U-Pack has to offer…FWIW, you can schedule a reservateion for your move and get 10% lopped off the cost. Not too shabby.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:29:46 +0000

Oh snaps…look who’s a MF-ing THOUSANDAIRE!!!! WHOOMP SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA WHOOMP SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA WHOOMP SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA LAKA SHAKA

Microsoft Hohm FTW!

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:07:22 +0000

I’d absolutely love to spend my time with all of my nerd accessories fired up and the thermostat cranked up to 80 degrees. Unfortunately, if I had both TVs, all 4 notebooks, the PS3 and Wii fired up, the power meter would move faster than Blanch from the Golden Girls. Oh snaps! Energy saving in our house is a tricky beast, not so much from the obvious (use less energy) reasons as in physical reasons…plain and simple, the sucker is old as dirt. Like Sophia from the Golden Girls. Now I’m reaching a bit… Enter Microsoft Hohm. When presented with an opportunity to rattle on about something for a small sum of money, I only accept said opportunity if I can rattle on with some sort of insight into the topic. This one definitely strikes close to home. I’d much rather spend my well-earned money on things I enjoy, like gadgets and vacations. Last fall, Kate and I managed to seal our leaky windows with plastic wrap in order to drive down our heating bill…I’m guessing we saved well over the price of a funny blended drink in Vegas per day during the cold months. As far as home energy in general…we have been taking steps to unplug unused (sad panda) powered items. Not much, maybe, but something. Anyhow, I logged onto Microsoft Hohm’s website and fired up an account, which was free. You do need a MS email account, and my old Hotmail guy worked just fine. You are prompted for basic info about your abode…pretty straight forward. The cool (and somewhat embarrassing in the case of our place) thing is seeing how you stack up against the averages in your area. Check out how we rank against the Bozo crowd: And more specifically Ouch. Looks like it is back to the drawing board. The good thing about Hohm’s site is that they drill you with recommendations after they analyze your scenario… So they good news is they have a grip of solutions to drive down your costs, from changing settings on your home appliances to blowing in additional insulation into your attic. Pretty slick stuff They also have tips for nerds, like changing your machine to enter sleep mode. Maybe on Vista, Microsoft. Maybe on Vista. I’ll be wrapping my water heater with a jacket well before I’ll horse around with my Linux desktop settings. Hit one of the above bumps and check it out for yourselves…it is definitely an eye-opener.

Cross-bot is Full of Angst

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 17:27:27 +0000

Cross-bot was totally like, “grr–that sux I’m all angry” and I said, like “dude, whatever, ur a green robot-dude w/ some claws or whatevs” just chillax cross-bot. chillax.

Cubs Info

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 17:18:08 +0000

Just a friendly reminder, 26outs.com is still up and rolling. And Carlos Zambrano is less than good. Horrible, in fact…first outing was a dismal 4-fucking-outs-horrible. Quite unfortunately, the other Big Z, Matt Zignego, has been sitting on his thumb and not blogging. As bjordan would say, sad panda. Regardless, Gameday Audio is functional again, and I’m streaming currently. Go Dempster; Go Cubs.

Cup-bot is Wax-y

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 18:39:15 +0000

SPILLS MAKE CUP-BOT SAD

Introducing…Pineberries

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 09:42:17 +0000

Have you ever wished that there existed a fruit that looked like a strawberry, only white, and tasted like a pineapple? Here you go, you sick weird-fruit-wanting-son-of-a-bitch. Per DailyMail:

Seeing their juicy red flesh in the shops is a sign that summer is on its way. But this year your strawberries could be as white as the cream poured over them, after a new variety went on sale today. The pineberry is said to combine the shape and texture of a strawberry with a flavour and smell closer to that of a pineapple. … They join other unusual recently introduced fruits such as the strasberry, which looks like a cross between a strawberry and a raspberry. Grown in glasshouses, the pineberry - as they have been dubbed for the British market - starts off green, gradually turning paler as it ripens. When it is sweet and juicy enough to eat, the flesh is almost completely white but studded with red seeds. Waitrose fruit buyer Nicki Baggott said: ‘Pineberries offer our customers the chance to add a new fruit into their diet, and the berry’s bright appearance can add an unusual decoration to sweet dishes. Okay, dudes. New fruit. Niiiice. I think I’ll stick with my standard go-to, the coffee bean. Do whatever you want, though.

Chew-Bot is Cancer-y

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 09:32:30 +0000

Chew-bot is wintergreen-y and cancer-y. ftl.

Worst. Joke. Ever.

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 17:58:22 +0000

Slashdot was bad, google is worse. Remember the whole Topeka changing its name to to Google thing… …see? It is like that, but only more asinine. Loads of laughter. (disclaimer…google sandboxed swantron during my domain name change, rendering my PR 0…assfaces also dropped me from AdSense twice…fuck Google)

unixkcd easter eggs

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 14:29:27 +0000

I had a creeping suspicion that the best xkcd of all time might be integrated into unixkcd…turns out I was on to something This made my day. Especially, since /. is utter garbage with all of the “funny” stories…pretty retarded. ***Note: sudo rm -rf * does nothing…I tried.***

Oblig unixkcd

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 09:18:53 +0000

Every nerd’s favourite webcomic was extra nerdy today, April Fool’s Day… (hit the pix link for full-sized) I need to view the source and figure out how Randall managed to emulate a fricking terminal on xkcd, but mad props nonetheless. ***bonus points for the lame “top command” joke***

Sunday Funday w/ D-Rock

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 09:25:18 +0000

Sunday Funday…hillbilly style: Trucking cow poo with D-Rock. Outcome: not-so shitty.

Microsoft Eggrolls

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:17:23 +0000

+1 eggroll - 1 M$ +1 creative plating + 100 deliciousness

Nintendo to Rock Your World in 3D

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 11:23:57 +0000

Unfortunately, said world from the title is the world in the palm of your hands. Long story short, the DS is going to drop some sweet glasses-free 3D on yall suckaz. But don’t take my word from it… TFA from PCW:

Imagine picking up a Nintendo DS and playing games in 3D without the clunky, dork-tastic glasses. Nintendo says a handheld gaming device that’ll do just that will launch in Japan before the end of March 2011, and that it’ll reveal its so-called “Nintendo 3DS” to the world for the first time at E3 2010 this summer. But wait–3D without the funky eyewear? How does that work? Like those tricky picture perception puzzles, where you have to “relax” your eyes to see the mathematically embedded 3D picture? Or like the laser heads-up-displays that project an imagine onto your retina? Or how about actual head jacks, like the metal prongs plunged through occipital bones in The Matrix?

SpaceShipTwo

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:29:44 +0000

I’ve already gone on record saying that Richard Branson is my hero. In a ‘suck it, NASA’ move, Branson managed to take another step towards privatising space travel, by launching the shit out of SpaceShipTwo via a piggy-backed flight. Per wired.com…

Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo made its first captive carry flight early this morning at the Mojave Air and Space Port. SpaceShipTwo, which was christened the VSS Enterprise at its unveiling in December, is being carried by WhiteKnightTwo on its first test flight. According to Aviation Week, SpaceShipTwo has been undergoing ground testing with WhiteKnightTwo recently, but this is the first time the two aircraft have left the ground. SpaceShipTwo is expected to go through a similar flight test program as its much smaller predecessor, SpaceShipOne, but with much more rigorous and wider ranging evaluations in order to certify the vehicle for public use. During SpaceShipOne’s development, two captive carries were followed by several glide tests where the space ship is released from several different altitudes to evaluate its flight characteristics. After glide flights, the flight test team at Scaled moved on to powered flight, eventually culminating with the first flight into space on June 21, 2004. WhiteKnightTwo made its first flight on December 21, 2008 with test pilot Peter Siebold at the controls. At Oshkosh, we caught up with Siebold and got a first hand account of what it is like to fly the 140 foot wingspan, twin fuselaged behemoth that carries SpaceShipTwo. Virgin Galactic has not set a date for commercial space flights, but has said passenger flights would not happen before 2011 at the earliest. According to the company, once glide flights are complete, the team will progress through subsonic powered flights, supersonic powered flights, and finally suborbital space flights. It will then undergo a lengthy certification process with the Federal Aviation Administration before launching the first commercial passenger space flights.

ALL YOUR BASE

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 18:14:36 +0000

though not technically an original, this merges an established meme with an up-and-coming meme

Applied Robotics

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 17:19:49 +0000

Let me clear the air before this one. There are four things to know about me. In no particular order…

I love humanoid robots.
I love androids.
I love drawing humanoid robots… and
I love Android OS.

Now that that is out of the way, let me say that this post doesn’t pertain to any of those four, for better or for worse. This post serves to shed some light on some custom robotic applications. As always though, FTW. While I am holding it down on Arduino and Lego Mindstorm front, there are, quite thankfully, people utilizing robotics to improve procedures in real situations. Nothing is better than robots, lasers, and gadgetry…unless it falls into another field dear to my heart. Quality assurance. I should trade in my twin monitors in for one of these bad boys: Now that looks like some precision automation exemplified. So the gist of my rant is that there are automated assembly applications all over the place. You name it, it can be automated…and with some crazy levels of precision… two tenths of a micron precision. Take a look at a exemplary robotic setup. I could color that sucker green, in an effort to appease my fan-base. Or, alternatively, I could throw up a pic of something slicker than green robots…. Could those be lasers? Yep…I’m talking about some 6-axis automated inspection system lasers…for the win. I’ll be the first to admit that high performance machine vision, 6-axis robotics, and bad ass software trumps my form of QA…even though our banking software is pretty sweet. Regardless of the preferences, hit the bump to read about some real robotics applications. They are numerous…from automotive, clean room, fuel cell, medical devise, solar, and semiconductor implementations, to my already-mentioned QA…there is a ton to check out. In the mean time, I’ll be horsing around with my robot drawings and laser pointers…pining for an Arduino.

Claw-bot is Claw-y

Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:59:29 +0000

green robots…sigh.

Improving Existing Products: A How-to

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:08:53 +0000

Improving Existing Products: A How-to Improving existing products is a snap! Start with a product. Here, I used this product, a dog poop receptacle. Pretty boring, huh? The first rule of thumb when improving existing products, is to make sure to improve upon the improvable, regardless of how improbable it is to improve appropriate items theoretically unprovable. Unlikely. Here is my improved product: Turds FTW!

Dumb Looking Robot

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 14:55:56 +0000

FTL FTW

Green Robot Overload

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:10:51 +0000

NAPKIN-BOT IS GLAD TO BE OF YOUR SERVICE IN REALMS OF ABSORBENCY

Diamond iPad | Bling Fail.

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:41:36 +0000

And here I stand, thinking that Apple fanboiz were at the pinnacle of pretentiousness…turns out there is a far worse type of consumer: I think there is a joke to be made about polishing a turd, but I don’t think this particular turd is polished. Maybe if they made it multitask or run Flash…however, this is what some dipshits at Mervis Diamond have done:

This gorgeous diamond studded iPad features 11.43 carats of diamonds, hand-set in a micro-pave styling. The diamonds are graded G/H in color and VS2/SI1 in clarity. Price tag: $19,999. Very limited quantities available. Orders will be available June 1.. Good luck with that. I’m holding out for an emerald-studded iPhone. Not. Like that? Bringing back the not.

Fast Cash

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:54:00 +0000

Broke as a joke? If you need some cash in a pinch, you have several options: ~ Hit a payday advance joint (and get nailed w/ a generous fee) ~ Write a bad check (overdraft fee != good) ~ Cash advance the ol’ credit card (and pay a ridiculous finance rate) ~ Knock off a convenience store (insert your own soap-on-a-rope joke here) Or alternatively, you could hit CashGo.com, and get some loot the easy way….the easy and confidential way. MyCashGo is pretty sweet. Everything is directly spelled out…no hidden fees, no need of perfect credit, no direct deposit…basically, they get you cash in a hurry. Plain and simple. Hit the above link to test it out…they give instant approval, so you could be up and rolling in no time. FWIW, they have 50% off for new customers, so you got that going, too. Which is nice. ***Of course, you could write paid blog posts (like this) for some loot. Trust me, it is far less lucrative than it seems :( ***Also of note, MyCashGo doesn’t require any faxing of info. I propose all fax machine use be discontinued, in general. So 1992. :(

Smart Phone Pwnage

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:40:23 +0000

My SmackBerryz totes pwned lol

Green Robots Everywhere

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 09:49:29 +0000

Hastily drawn.

Super Computer Setup

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:47:05 +0000

MAXXIMUM AWESOME! **DISCLAIMER** ^ Windows XP is not awesome, and the Mini 9 is neither networked, nor running anything aside from my media player.

Green Robots Attack

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:47:19 +0000

Green robots are the best robots. Like this gem I drew for Katie… I had to wipe out the technical specs from that document via a slick combination of MS Paint rectangle selects, MS Paint deletes, MS Paint bucket things, and MS Paint spray paint things. Pretty awesome. I think I’m speaking for everybody when I say that I hope that my green robot phase last for a long, long time. Beats drawing hot snauce bottles, nawmeen…

Van Diagram

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:25:43 +0000

I don’t like vans, because they look like toasters. I don’t like toasters, because they make bread sharp and stale. I don’t like Nissan Elements, because they look like toasters. I don’t like Venn diagrams, just because. I like that shirt, though.

PS3 Move | PiiMote?

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:07:02 +0000

Sony has finally made a solid attempt to bridge the gap between the BluRay/Media Center/FPS beast that is the PS3 and the Wii’s uber-user-friendly-out-of-the-box gaming experience. Introducing the PlayStation Move —> From CNET:

San Francisco, California (CNET) – On Wednesday, Sony unveiled Move, its motion-sensitive controller. A small device that looks like a microphone – but with something on top of it that looks like a ping pong ball with an LED inside – Move is Sony’s bid to gain control over the motion controller wars that are currently led by Nintendo, with its Wii controller, and which many think will be dominated by Microsoft and its Project Natal controller system.

Another Green Robot

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:30:42 +0000

I’m digging the green robots…might be my new thing. +1 Robot’s chest plate resembles a NES controller

Coffee + Car = Car-puccino

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:00:35 +0000

Hats off to the BBC, for airing an actual show about science. In the States, we have Mythbusters, wherein two odd-looking dipshits half-assedly postulate hypotheses and perform experiments, with no certainty or control to speak of. Across the colloquial pond and at the other end of the spectrum, Bang Goes the Theory is performing some actual applied engineering…and it is pretty awesome. Some details, from this hippy-ish site:

A team from the BBC1 science programme Bang Goes the Theory has unveiled a car that runs on coffee. Christened as Car-puccino, the car is actually a modified version of a £400, 1988 Volkswagen Scirocco. Well, the visible area of concern, for millions like me, is the running cost of the vehicle that has been estimated at between 25 and 50 times the cost of running a car on petrol.

Video Calls per Chinese Person

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:14:53 +0000

One of the running jokes on the slashdot.org boards is an oldie but a goody. Apparently, nerds like to poke fun of mainstream media’s tendency to dumb-up storage sizes into terms of “Libraries of Congress.” Well, I’m taking a stab at a unit of my own…Video Calls per Chinese PersonFrom the original on /.

““Today Cisco Systems introduced its next-generation Internet core router, the CRS-3, with about three times the capacity of its current platform. ‘The Internet will scale faster than any of us anticipate,’ Cisco’s John Chambers said while announcing the product. At full scale, the CRS-3 has a capacity of 322Tbit/sec., roughly three times that of the CRS-1, introduced in 2004. It also has more than 12 times the capacity of its nearest competitor, Chambers said. The CRS-3 will help the Internet evolve from a messaging to an entertainment and media platform, with video emerging as the ‘killer app,’ Chambers said. Using a CRS-3, every person in China, which has a population just over 1.3 billion, could participate in a video phone call at the same time. (Or you could pump nearly one Library of Congress per second through the device, or give everyone in San Fransisco a 1Gbps internet connection.) AT&T said it has been using the CRS-3 to test 100Gbit/sec. data links in tests on a commercial fiber route in Florida and Louisiana.”

Uranium For Sale…Yes, Please

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:41:18 +0000

This one was courtesy of deals.woot…and puzzling as hell. I’m not sure what this product is, but the related searches are classic: and the comments are super-duper as well: Digging the Back to the Future (BTTF) reference. Nicely played. Not as nice as ol’ #1, though…some half-life humor is great. Unfortunately, not accurate, since this is a jar of ore. Depending upon said ore’s richness, I’m supposing that if the details would true, you would still have pretty much the same amount of ore as you ordered, but I digress. Funny stuff. I want some.

Robots at Work

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:40:46 +0000

My work notes took on a mind of their own. The reason I made the robot green, is that I’ve never seen a green robot before.

Mc10:35

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 14:50:21 +0000

I’m on the fence with this one…the Mc10:35. To pull this one off, one needs to hit up McDuck’s @ around the time that the elusive breakfast to lunch goes down…hence the name Mc10:35. Order a stale McMuffin from the back rack….order a McDouble…place egg & bacon from McMuffin on McDouble…enjoy. Hopefully they have some defib pads in the dining area, because I’m pretty sure you are not making it out after that bad boy. Question of the day: do you go w/ french fries or hash browns with that? Or stick with the theme and smash both together?

Retarded Thing

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:36:40 +0000

3/2? From 10 to 12? Sorry. Can’t make it…I’m booked with a Retarded Thing. FWIW, Lotus Notes is also retarded.

lolkidz

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 09:45:19 +0000

Low blow, Billy. With chequered trousers, scarf, Italian boots, and a pink sweater to work with, Billy gets personal and attack the little ginger-kid’s hair. What a dick?

Fat Ninja Gear

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:29:50 +0000

Are you a fat ninja? Need a grappling hook? You could be the fattest ninja on the block and still grapple hook stuff. You could grapple up KFC and use your ninja stealth to steal a bucket of chicken, for instance. The possibilities are endless!

How To Make Boring Stuff Awesome

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:56:23 +0000

Tired of boring stuff? Make it awesome!#1. Boring old bagel. Notice the cavern? Hmm…what would make this awesome? #2…aw shit…Tabasco sauce in the house! #3…boom! Awesome. With an open mind and sense of adventure, you too can make boring stuff awesome. Good luck!

Every Man’s Dream: The Perfect Wedding Band

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:20:44 +0000

From the time he is a young boy, every man thinks about one thing and one thing alone: finding the perfect wedding band for his most special of days. Like this lovely fucker: Unfortunately, I’m not Italian. Pretty sure you would have to be severely Italian to pull that off.

Lost recap: the lighthouse

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:26:13 +0000

Keeping this one short… Without Sawyer and Locke, this episode was far from compelling. I’ll tear through the theory tomorrow and throw up a post. How goddamn weird looking was Jack’s son? I’m sort of creeped out… Looked like the d bag kid from The 6th Sense with pink lipstick on.

Great Idea of the Day: Cooler Chair

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:28:57 +0000

This stupid site is selling a very non-stupid item…the cooler chair. Of course, the cooler access would be rendered more and more useless the emptier it gets…then again…that is when the sitting aspect of the product becomes more vital. Not sure where I am going with this thing; I’m confused. But I want one. Agh.

Johnny Weir /vs/ Family Circus

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 14:11:04 +0000

It’s been a while, but the Family Circus idiot kids are back with some more brilliant observations…

Layout Amazingness

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:19:18 +0000

This site and 26outs are both running SWIZ-1.0, my new WordPress Theme. Please hit me with any questions, suggestions, etc. My Twitter has changed, too… @swantron

Maui Cameras (and space science)

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 15:37:00 +0000

I grew up approximately 920 miles from the Pacific Ocean. The border between Low-Earth-Orbit and Mid-Earth-Orbit is right around 1240 miles. It is safe to say that I was closer to the ISS or MIR than I was to an Ocean. This might help to explain my eerie attraction to anything oceanic…Oceanic 815 included. Lost, FTW! Needless to say, I jumped on the opportunity to shed some light about Hawaii Photo Rental’s newly launched Maui Camera Store. Why not? Make a few bucks for some camera research…sign me up. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to superimpose the creepy sexy robot-lady in a beautiful aquatic setting… First, a bit of geography…Maui is the Valley Island…the second largest of the bunch. As the nickname alludes, there are some serious valleys in Maui…puts the valley shots from Lost (on Oahu) to shame. Volcanos? Check. Mountains? You bet. Waterfalls? Better believe it. Space Science? Oddly enough, yes. The Haleakala Observatory is over 10,000 feet above the sea on a dormant volcano…awesome. Check the view… Obviously, Maui Camera is the place to go for all photography supplies above sea level. What about said supplies below and equally at sea level? They have you covered there, too. In order to take photos like the one above, you will need to pick up a Camera Water Housing, unless you wish to render your camera useless. Observe: Maui cameras, Maui lenses, lighting, light meters…you name it, Maui Camera is your spot. For something that will be used once, why buy if you can rent? They offer reservations…hit a link to find out more. I’m pretty pumped after putting that together. Maybe we can save up some loot and honeymoon to Maui…space science and snorkeling…my kind of trip.

Spray Paint Art

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 21:22:03 +0000

President’s Day is practically synonymous with one thing and one thing alone: spray paint. I knocked out this bad boy… 2ft x 3ft. Canvas w/ spray paint & acrylic. 100% awesome

Google Buzz Buzzworthy-ness

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 21:14:46 +0000

Hit me up… http://www.google.com/profiles/lasverduras

Truck Gizmos

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:09:32 +0000

I’m sure a bunch of my reader base knows that I worked for several years in the lucrative field of landscaping. I did this after getting my math degree, which, logically, makes very little sense. Truth be told, I did quite well there…paid off school, bought a couple of vehicles, chugged cases upon cases of Red Bull, and primed myself for skin cancer. You win some, you lose some…or to use my degree, the probability of one winning or losing all is neither equally zero nor one. Math, for the win. Why do I bring landscaping up? Because I accept money to write reviews, of course. Only, however, for products for which I feel I can personally vouch. After banging around in every type of vehicle setup imaginable, I can say with 100% confidence that the right accessory will make a work truck 100% less of a pain in the ass. Here is where RealTruck comes into play. In the case of Morrison Design & Landscaping, we were in a constant struggle to keep our hand tools up and running….primarily since our gear bounced around, unsecured, in the back of our flatbeds. RealTruck.com has some pretty sweet truck rack options. These would have been doubly useful for us, vertical storage for shovels, rakes, et al, in addition to lumber storage for fence jobs and tree stakes. I’m sort of jealous… Anyhow, once I switched to doing irrigation, I was constantly making service runs with my (gangsta ass) Yukon. Having rotors, nozzles, funny pipe, shovels, emitters, Red Bull cans, and whatever else you can think of rattling around my rig was a major annoyance. RealTruck can help out with this…they carry a selection of van rack solutions…would have made my problem moot. They also have ladder rack options…for thine contractors. I spent very little time working general construction, but enough time to fall off several ladders. Not a fan. Depending upon what sort of work you are doing, RealTruck has it. They have winches, mud flaps, and bedliners…something for everyone. FWIW, they also stock air intake kits and some slick Tonneau covers…for which I am a sucker.

Joe Swanson? I beg to differ.

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:27:34 +0000

I have previously been asked (most often by the same dipshit girl at Wells Fargo) if I knew Joe Swanson, the cop. Nope. Great name, but I’ve never met the guy. That said, it still looks weird seeing this in the Chronicle….with perhaps the most clumsy headline of all time… In Bizarro World, I suppose I am a cop. Like cop Joe Swanson, programmer Joe Swanson often rides dirty with a laptop and tactical shotgun. Cop Joe Swanson has a speed detector; programmer Joe Swanson has a speed detector detector. Cop Joe Swanson rolls with a Glock 40; (citation needed) programmer Joe Swanson rolls with a Glock 45. I win. I always do.

Day Off Rundown

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:12:29 +0000

Happy Presidents Day. I like Taft, because he was fat. Here is what I did, on my day off from banking software.

Attacked our clogged kitchen sink dilemma, again. ~~Pretty glad I opted not to be a plumber, even though I rule at plumbing. Not really about the ruling, but I most assuredly would hate to be a plumber.
Busted out the vacuum. Pretty sure I opted not to be a vacuum-er for my profession. I’m pretty good with a vacuum, though.
5.5 miles on the elliptical. Hulu is the best thing to happen to working out at home, and Nova is the best thing to happen to Hulu. I learned about deciphering Mayan writing today. It was pretty awesome.
Did a little spray paint art…a.k.a. “Man Art” It will eventually be a samurai…pretty manish.
Currently, doing a little blogging, with Smokie on Pandora in the background. It’s a wrap.

Gold! FTW!

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 13:22:38 +0000

What do Glenn Beck, Dennis Miller, and Dr. Laura and I all have in common? An opportunity to tell our followers about Goldline, that’s what. I bet Glenn’s going rate is significantly higher than mine, but I’ll gladly join that roster…you would be a fool not to take an opportunity to promote a good thing, like gold. If I was a smarter man, I would have jumped on the gold bandwagon before it hit four-figure prices. My grandpa had a stash of gold coins…I’m not exactly sure why the Boomers collected gold as a savings strategy, yet the subsequent generations seem to have forgotten about gold until recently. With my mutual funds absolutely taking beatings, (down nearly the price of an oz of gold last month alone) I think the smart thing to do is to purchase something of physical value. The biggest question that I had was that of “where do you buy gold?” With Edward Jones offices on every other block, buying mutual funds is a snap. The downfall with that method of retirement planning and/or savings is the overhead. How do they keep the lights on in those 50x20 strip mall offices and their suit dresses so nicely pressed? Overhead. They take their cut before it even sees the fund…sometimes to a ridiculous extent. Easy. Goldline makes it easy to buy gold online. Very easy…hit the link to see. They have a ticker displaying the daily spot prices…makes it easy to see how much better your gold is retaining its value compared to your stocks. Pretty slick Mark my words…I’ll have a stack of gold pigeon-holed before 2010 is out. It really seems like the logical thing to do.

New Societal Low: Pajama Jeans

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:03:59 +0000

It could be argued that the Snuggie pretty much wiped out any credibility our nation had. Snuggie and Crocs, I suppose. Well, twist that knife handle, because somebody went ahead and invented Pajama Jeans. I didn’t misspeak. Pajama Jeans. ^^^Tired of looking like a lazy dick at KFC in sweats? Pajama Jeans are for you, friend. ^^^Getting too fat, too rapidly, to contain your fat ass with denim? Pajama Jeans are Cotton/Spandex stretchy wonderment. Problem solved. ^^^Want to looks classy at the gym? Just kidding…these look 100% retarded, regardless of setting. steps on soapbox~~~ I bet these things sell like hot cakes, considering the impressive rate at which people are throwing in the towel on basic social tenets. Pajama Jeans would, maybe, make for a good national uniform bottom for the average overweight, responsibly dodging, globally ignorant, Everybody Loves Raymond-watching, American “adult.” ~~~steps off soapbox

Lost Countdown: Episode 2

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 08:44:31 +0000

Here we go… I re-watched the last half (non Kate B.S. portion) of episode 2 today on the elliptical…here go the musings. ~ The date on Claire’s Ethan produced ultrasound is a month or so past the original crash date. WTF, yo? No ideas here. ~ The Temple Others leader (Dogan?) has a baseball on his desk…brings to mind the whole Red Sox win The Series interplay between Jack and Ben. I suspect this to be big, since it was telegraphed. ~ Sawyer seemed genuinely sullen…jumped a peg in my favourite Lostie book.#1, FWIW ~ Claire = new Russoau? I butchered that spelling likely, but I don’t care to look it up. Fuck you. ~ The “infection” mentioned. I’m guessing that Christian, Faux Locke, Eko’s brother, and even Claire are all dead, and ‘infected’ per se. These are the people Russoau (suck it) was battling and cautious about…pretty obscure, but this is my take. and finally ~ The time lines will merge. The LAX dudes (2004) seem to intuitively know stuff that only the real time (be it 2007, via 2004»1977»1945»2007 or directly from 2007) dudes know…I’m saying that Juliette’s bomb somehow did this, and will explain why this is such. She was babbling about coffee with Sawyer when she was on her death bed, and said via Miles that it worked…just wait for it. Regardless, things are going to have to be very fast paced to wrap up in < 10 hours…should be very interesing

Office Puzzle: Which Item is of Least Use?

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 03:19:24 +0000

I’m pretty sure the printer room in a software company is where obscure office shit goes to die. There are always random dried-out hi-lite markers, cap-less ballpoints, and roughly seventy staplers sitting amongst the unclaimed recipes in each of the printer stations. Which of these of the least value? You decide. Entry 1___Stapler Remover. You know what? If your initial staple fails, perhaps you should not be stapling in the first place. Either you stapled incorrectly, and suck at stapling, or attempted to staple far too many papers together at once, and suck at stapling in that regard. Regardless, extra ‘worthlessness’ awarded due to setting…no staples required in software production. Entry 2__Paper Clip Holder. Had one of these at the old cube…LOVED IT. Great to fiddle with. I can hold, in my possession, a paper clip for about 45 seconds before I have the straight outside part bent out and underneath a fingernail. Paper clips make getting potato chips fragments out of keyboards a snap. As far as the holder…useless. A non-magnetic box of toothpicks would be economically far more feasible. Entry 3__Electric Three Hole Punch. You know what really sucks? When your goddamn coffee maker at work is out of commission, yet there is a fully functional, electric, 3-hole punch sitting there. Look how full that collection bin is ^… it really makes you wonder what the fuck people are 3-hole binding, again, at a software company. What an absolute toss-up! It is a good thing that I am not in the printer room often…guaranteed I’d have a paper clip jammed in that 3-hole punch in no time. Or a staple-remover-pierce marks on the webbing of my hand…

PS3 To Support 3D

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:40:30 +0000

Who doesn’t like 3D? This ol’ gal certainly does. Or did. I don’t get the last joke, but Engadget reported the following: Get your active shutter glasses ready: your PS3 is going to go 3D this Summer. In conjunction with the release of its 3D BRAVIA LCD sets, Sony is planning to release updates to turn the PS3 both into a stereoscopic 3D gaming platform, in addition to a 3D Blu-ray compatible movie player. Sure, we knew Sony was planning to give us 3D sometime this year, but now that we’ve got a summer time frame we can plan our wardrobe decisions according – jean cut-offs, here we come! I’ll gladly wait for Visio to come out with a 3D LCD/LED, and kindly pay less than half of the price of a Bravia, thanks. Regardless, this is pretty sweet news.

Technological Breakthrough, Ketchup Style

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 14:52:16 +0000

The best thing to happen to ketchup since the upside-down bottle thing: For maximum high fructose corn syrup intake, you can dip shit in this thing or go old-school and squeeze this shit on other shit. Now, we just need to clear up the whole ketchup/catsup naming conundrum, and we’ll be good to go. The future is here, my friends.

DC Storm Footage

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:32:11 +0000

Upon hearing preliminary reports that DC is about to get precisely 1 assload of snow, swantron.com has managed to deploy a field agent robot reporter to the scene. How are things looking, REPORTRON?

~~~~REPORTRON: ALMOST TO LEVEL OF VERTICAL THINGS~~ WARNING!~~~

~~~REPORTRON: VERTICAL THINGS JEOPARDIZED!~~FLAG RETENTION UNIT JEOPARDIZED! JEOPARDY X2! CAUTION~~~~

~~REPORTRON: ODD LOOKING STATUE COMPROMISED! SOLID PRECIPITATION LEVEL TO STATUE NUTSACK! BEWARE!~~

Things are quite dire, it seems. REPORTRON is all metric, so things might be over or understated for an empirical system audience… stay tuned for breaking footage! Godspeed, REPORTRON.

Sunglasses Roundup

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 11:34:17 +0000

Wikipedia states (horribly) : “Sunglasses can be worn to hide one’s eyes: They can make eye contact impossible, which can be intimidating to those not wearing sunglasses; the avoided eye contact can also demonstrate the wearer’s detachment,[citation needed] which is considered desirable (“cool”) in some circles.” Some circles? I think all circles would consider sunglasses cool, or even bad-ass. Like the over-the-top-awesome MP3 shades that Dog the Bounty Hunter sports, regardless of location and time of day… …calling those things cool is like calling Richard Branson’s sea-plane “neat.” Grossly understated. I know a lot of the swantron reader base is looking for deals. And so! Here is an opportunity to render deals somewhat moot…. check out the screaming deals on wholesale sunglasses I dug up. The selection is pretty incredible, and the prices are honestly surprisingly low. If I could get the e-tail thing rolling, I would not hesitate for a second to start slanging these things…you name it, they have it. It is hard to think about sunglasses without thinking Blues Brothers. That movie single-handedly made the Ray-Ban Wayfarer iconic. They have shades inspired by the Wayfarer, and shades that have taken that notion and pimped them out for the kids… Not over-the-top enough? Hook up some stutters a la Kanye Croakies sold separately. Gigantic Croakies, hopefully not available for purchase…so bad Those puppies would look slick on those MP3 shades. Black of course. Anyhow, hit the link for a look at some sweet wholesale sunglasses. Drop me a line if you start selling those suckers, because I’m always in the market for some aviators.

Lost… Final Season Roundup: Episode 1…Round 2

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:55:53 +0000

I’ve had time to digest E1. As much time as it takes to decipher nonsense, but time none-the-less Musings / Observations: ~ No sign of my favourite Tail-y and Lost-y in general, Mr. Eko. Mista Eko ~ Likewise, no sign of Michael, Walt (WAAAAALT!), Ana Lucia, Libby, and Shannon ~ Less vodka? In the pilot, Jack scored two extra mini-bottles of vodka…Cindy doles out only one in the reset ~ Same scene as ^, Rose is comforting Jack…role reversal ~ Charlie wants to die, whereas Hugo claims to be lucky as hell ~ Locke is still wheelchair bound, yet still claims to have gone on his walk-about…how the hell did he have time for it, and still catch Oceanic 815? ~ First hour (recap) drilled straight into the 2nd hour’s last-season-of-lost-answer-some-crap rapid pace ~ Smokie = Man in Black…no more wondering about that ~ Ben gets punk’d…tries to be slick after wiping out Jacob, until getting pwned and shpwn dead Locke ~ Hugo being decisive after seeing Jacob was intense, and anti-Jack ~ LeFleur is going to tear shit up…took out 4 Udders before they got him sacked and to the Temple and most importantly… ~ My main man Sayid is ‘New Jacob’. Write that down…I called it. Miles was stunned and Jack failed. It is going to be awesome. Pretty excited at the pace and feel of the final season. The reset will play itself out. There will be a few long ‘why Kate did what she did…Sawyer being good’ episodes, granted, but it should be a quick 30+ hours.

Lost… Final Season Roundup: Episode 1

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:42:48 +0000

Can’t focus after that crap…look at the half-assed shitty work with The Gimp

Where the fuck was Mr. Eko? I’ll post more when I can wrap my head around that freaky episode.

Landscaper /vs/ Toddler

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:40:34 +0000

July 10, 2006: My hombre Voy provides some landscaper lunch comic relief by crawling into a little van thing at the mall.


February 2, 2010: My nephew Jake provides some comic relief to his mother by hamming it up in a little van thing at the mall.

[![](/uploads/2010/02/IMG00372-575x431.jpg "IMG00372")](/uploads/2010/02/IMG00372.jpg)

I hope, for Jake's sake, that those food-court ass-faces clean those things. Lord knows what sort of grime was on Voy's clam-diggers in 'o6.

Random sentence time!

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 13:23:35 +0000

How can the back crawl?

Seaplane FTW

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:16:24 +0000

I think Richard Branson is awesome. He basically does whatever he wants. Like inventing seaplanes. FTA: *Billionaire Sir Richard Branson may already own an airline, a record label, a mobile phone company, several luxury restaurants and a Caribbean island. But today the entrepreneur unveiled his latest toy - an underwater plane. The £415,000 prototype submersible is called the Necker Nymph and can dive to depths of up to 130ft. Sir Richard hopes to one day explore depths of 35,000ft - which is far more than the height of Mount Everest.*My hero.

Amazon Recommendation Weirdness

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:17:38 +0000

Well, it turns out Amazon determined that I’m a bad motherfucker. Typically Amazon tells me about HDMI cables, puzzle books, holsters, shell-toes, netbooks, etc. Now, apparently, they think I should check out some dashikis. And I might…

Calling All XBoxers…

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:55:11 +0000

I’ve let it be known that I am a Wii dude. A Wii-tard, if you will. With my recent PS3 purchase, I have, for the first time, a real ’live’ gaming unit. This has set me on a search, so to speak, for easy access to this world. I stumbled across these guys, offering xbox live 1 month code promotions on the cheap. Pretty slick site. In addition to the 1 month xbox live code mentioned above, they offer Wii card points, Playstation Network credits, and any sort of console access you could possibly want. I understand that not all gamers are going to be looking for xbox live 1 month offers, but the good folks at pcgamesupply have you covered with instant access to even the most non-console offerings…you guessed it, WoW and CoD Modern Warefare 2. Hit one of those links to check them out…I know you have the time.

Worlds Colliding: Considering Mini 9 Hackintosh

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 19:57:45 +0000

It almost seems like a crime to own the most hackintosh-able netbook w/o hackintoshing the sumbitch. Ideal chipset…ideal ease of solid state HD and RAM upgrade. The only downside is my Linux fanboi-izm…and affinity to The Gimp. Ubuntu FTW. I’m uber-serios-ly considering making the bump. I really hate iTunes and anything else with a small i preceding a word, but think that iPhone/iTouch app dev might be worth the hassle. More to come…I have some contemplation to contemplate.

iPad: iThe iDeal iB-iB-iBreaker

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:31:29 +0000

The iPad doesn’t multi-task The iPad is less powerful than my Mini 9 The iPad is twice as expensive as my Mini 9 The iPad still requires tethering sans WiFi The iPad is Flash-free The iPad… …ups the iTunes bullshit ante with some asinine iBooks bullshit. Dealbreaker. Honestly, this thing is basically an entry level netbook with a touch-screen and a whole grip of proprietary junk. No HDMI out, so you cannot use your glorified e-book reader as a portable media center. No thanks. Maybe once this thing is jail-broken it will be worth a look, but as the iPad sits in Gen I, this thing is going the way of the Macbook Air…straight to obscurity. The Apple fanboiz should be all over this stupid thing. I’ll stick to the smartphone / netbook for the time being.

IPad. Really?

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:55:17 +0000

The aforementioned ’next big thang’ from Apple is called the iPad. Really. Jobs is still blathering about it at the press release, but the peremptory word is that the thing is a hybrid book reader slash iPod on ‘roids. I may want one. Full details will follow when the details fully emerge.

Apple Buzz: iSlate

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:31:29 +0000

I’m not open source enough to be close minded about Apple products. They make some amazing shit. I’d drop my BlackBerry in a shake if the iPhone was out on Verizon. In a shake. The nets have been afire with rumors of the next big thing from Jobs & Co. Well, it is a tablet PC, and it is reportedly awesome. Jason Calacanis (Engadget founder) has had one for two weeks to beta test, and he called it the " most amazing device ever." Shit. One more thing to get. Official word is slated for 1 PM… I’ll post more at that point.

Ubuntu + Microsoft = BFFs

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:08:52 +0000

Ubuntu’s maker, Canonical, has announced that Lucid Lynx will drop with Yahoo Search as the default for Firefox. Since Yahoo is powered by Bing, M$ is effectively in bed with a fricking Linux distro… World colliding Granted, it takes about 5 seconds to configure Firefox to use Google as it does in Koala, but it is a step in the right direction for Canonical… Contracts with Dell and now M$ via Yahoo will help gain market share. Maybe 2011 will be the year of the Linux desktop… Not very likely, but less M$ is a victory in my book. Addition by subtraction.

Things With Which I’m Over: Winter

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 09:08:05 +0000

Iceicles? More like Ice-suck-les.

Free Cheese Poster…Get 'em While 'e're Hot

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:25:56 +0000

Like posters? Cheese? Free junk? Hells yeah, me too.

Eat Wisconsin Cheese via deals.woot.com is offering an awesome free poster with the following hype: “Do you love cheese but you’re not familiar with a particular cheese variety? Do you like trying new cheeses? Refer to this handy guide for 33 popular cheese varieties from Wisconsin. Contains cheese descriptions, cheese storage guidelines, buying tips, handling and cooking guidelines and tips on serving a Wisconsin Cheese Course.”

PS3 Review: First Person Shooters

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 13:36:02 +0000

Round two of the PS3 piece-meal review: First Person Shooters After horsing around with the PS3 for a few weeks, I think I can finally pen a review of the ‘game’ portion of the damn thing. I have two games at this point, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, and Uncharted, Drake’s Fortune. Both of these games were gen 1 drops on the PS3, and both have sequels, so to say, with both CoD5 and the new Uncharted receiving great reviews. For our purposes here, the 2nd /vs/ 1st generation doesn’t make a ton of difference. ~~~~~~~~my SmackBerry is in need of a replacement…photos are blurry, so I Van Gough-ed the shit out of that pic. The Gimp rules, but I’ve already spent a ton of time on that soapbox. ~~~~~~~~~ Anyhow, here is the deal. Dual analogue sticks are fucking retarded. I make no effort to hide the fact that I am a Wii fanboi to some extent. Re-learning the dual analogue control scheme using the PS3 controller is more than an issue of fighting up the colloquial learning curve, it is an antiquated means of engaging in gameplay. CoD, World at War for Wii soundly beats CoD4 on PS3 in terms of accuracy, speed, camera control, and whatever else by which one could gauge a FPS. Uncharted, too, feels awkward. Not only in the controls/camera, but the graphics render block-ily in some levels. I suppose the long and short of the deal is that even with it’s far superior graphics, the PS3 is still lagging behind the Wii as far as controller interface is concerned. For games (that I don’t care for) such as Madden or a traditional console fighter, dual analogue might be the bee’s knees. A well-designed Wii game, like Galaxy, Boom Blox, CoD, or Okami will smoke the shit out of anything on the PS3 to this point. With a new Zelda and the sequel to Super Mario Galaxy slated to drop in 2010, pretty sure I’m going to be plugging AAs in my Wii-motes for some time to come.

Things I Hate: Toasters

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 12:14:26 +0000

I hate toasters. Why this ill-conceived piece of shit has become a staple in the American kitchen and/or kitchenette is beyond me. Toasters render bread sharp and dangerous to the mouth. Tosters re-cook cooked bread. Toasters make bread taste stale. Toasters serve the same purpose as the oven broiler, but only for bread. Toasters serve the same purpose as a George Foreman grill, but only for bread. And lastly… Toasters look like Honda Elements.

The Gout, The Old Painting

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:47:04 +0000

Well, since I’m on day fucking six of my gout attack, I figure I should post a painting I came across during my allopurinol research. A mediocre painter named James Gillray made this sucker in 1799, and titled it “The Gout.” I feel for the guy, as he managed to get sort of spot-on with this thing. Fire out the nose…big teeth…ect. Too bad he sucks at painting.

Jeffy’s Accident

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:27:41 +0000

Gross, Jeffy.

Avatards

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:12:03 +0000

The worst doctor in the world has concluded that a Taiwanese man with a history of high blood pressure has died of a stroke likely triggered by over-excitement from watching the blockbuster Avatar in 3D. Boy Howdy!

According to this shitty website:

A 42-year-old Taiwanese man with a history of high blood pressure has died of a stroke likely triggered by over-excitement from watching the blockbuster Avatar in 3D, a doctor says. The man, identified only by his surname Kuo, started to feel unwell during the screening earlier this month in the northern city of Hsinchu and was taken to hospital. Mr Kuo, who suffered from hypertension, was unconscious when he arrived at the Nan Men General Hospital and a scan showed that his brain was haemorrhaging, emergency room doctor Peng Chin-chih said today. “It’s likely that the over-excitement from watching the movie triggered his symptoms,’’ the doctor said. Mr Kuo died 11 days later from the brain haemorrhage, and the China Times newspaper said it was the first death linked to watching James Cameron’s science-fiction epic Avatar.

O-Scope

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:52:28 +0000

Not sure how many physicists troll around craigslist, but if they do…

Hands down, the best description on a craigslist item EVER FWIW, An oscilloscope measures two things: voltage and time. A charged beam of electrons “sweeps” the screen in a given time in the x-axis, and is deflected by a signal in the y-axis. The deflection from the standard signal in the trace can gauge the input signal’s voltage and duration/frequency. And yes, the poster was correct. O-scopes are great.

Interesting Thing of the Day: Green Police

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:58:50 +0000

Attention all New Yorkers with late-model hatchbacks…

Watch out for the Green Police! I just read about these guys…pretty interesting. New York City has twenty officers collectively known as the Green Police. The Department of Environmental conservation has tasked the Green Police with cracking down on those who are not following the city’s environmental (read: green) regulations. The two main groups that the squad focuses on are auto emisions violators (see above) and those in the food vending business. Auto emissions is pretty straight forward. There exists a maximum level of pollutants that a car can exhause…as set in law. If a Green Policeman pulls you over (they do have the authority, for what it is worth…different story there) with suspicion of being over the limit, they can gauge your emission level with a gauge. Over the limit? Fined. At that point, you have thirty days to reduce emissions to the acceptable level, to avoid paying the fine. This is desirable, since the fines are in the $700 range… and that covers the first time offence. If you choose not to take any action, the fine is raised to nearly double, at $1300. Sort of big time. I’m pretty sure that monetary incentive is enough to keep repeat offender incidences at a low level.

Domain Name Change

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:46:10 +0000

Testing the new uploads…I have made the 100% switch from bouncerblog…images might be jacked up, but the indexing appears to be working. webmastering ftw

Bored?

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:38:23 +0000

Bored? Well, you could sit around with your bowl haircut and feel sorry for yourself… …or alternatively, you could do something awesome. Mac user? You guys have it made. My favorite thing about Vista, maybe, was the fact they pre-loaded mahjong…Mac users, check out these mahjong games for mac. If you prefer to kick it old school (think Apple 2GS old school), give spider solitaire for mac a shot. Fun times will ensue. Of course, music is always an option…namely royalty free music over at audiobank. Hit the link to check out some tunes…legally for once, you criminals. If those suckers don’t work, you can always look at that kid ^ some more. He is amusing.

Breakfast Fail.

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:08:09 +0000

Things got a little out of hand this morning. I managed to hot-snauce the shit out of my “plate” while trying to hot-snauce the shit out of my tortilla chips.

Still delicious.

Family Circus /vs/ Lil Jon

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:41:41 +0000

wow.

Netflix on Wii

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:03:16 +0000

Well, Netflix streaming is finally coming to the Wii. In one fell swoop, there goes one of my two reasons for getting a PS3. Live streaming will hit Nintendo’s console this spring, according to a today’s joint announcement between the two companies. The setup will be nearly identical to that of the PS3, with a free disc available from Netflix needed to stream…no additional charges, however. I’m not sure how the Wii will compare to the PS3, since it’s 720 output seems like a stretch. I do like some HDMI…not really excited to fire up the RCAs again. I’ll give it a shot when it drops.

Weekly Drawing: Tony Chachere’s

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:13:56 +0000

Kate thinks this is my best hot snauce person drawing to date… …tough to argue that. Tony Chachere’s is no Cholula, for what it’s worth.

Mastering MS Paint: A How-To

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 12:03:23 +0000

Mastering MS Paint is not as difficult as one may think. In fact, with a little practice you too can become a champion MS Paint-er. For maximum awesomeness, I employ a simple three-step approach:

Find an awesome picture to start with. Nintendo PowerGlove? Check. Kid from the Wonder Years? Check. Open that sucker up in MS Paint.
Personalize. Chop your face out of another picture, using MS Paint. Paste it on the awesome picture from step 1, and drag the image to scale.
Accessorize! This is the best part. See how the little shit from picture 1 has on sweet purple shades? Chop those suckers out, and throw it on that guy ^ you made in picture

See! It is just that simple! And for the record…I’m all over those Warp Whistles in Mario
I’ll be in World 8 before you can say racoon tail.

2010 Tech Wishlist…the ‘what if’ edition

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 14:24:50 +0000

So, I didn’t win the Montana Millionaire grand prize, $100,000 prize, $10,000 prize, or even the consolation slap-in-the-face-fifty-dollar-instant-win prize. Really had my hopes up for that guy. Turns out, I’m still spending 45 hours a week in my cubical, with my dual monitors and hot sauce. I switched from my plastic coffee cup to a glass one (pickle jar) which is nice. Aside from that…it is business as usual. Needless to say, ample day-dreaming time in conjunction with a crack at a cool million got me thinking…what the hell would I actually blow some loot on, if it was there. That has led me to this…pondering getting an emergency loan and doing some awesome stuff with it. Buckle up, because this list is all over the fricking place. 1 ) Trade the Viseo LCD in on a Samsung LED. Embrace the future! LEDs look great and are energy efficient…for the hippies. 2 ) Check out Japan. Sea food and robots…PEWPEWPEW. Tokyo has a giant Gundam statue, for christ-sake. 3 ) Get my ass back into robotics. My last project (solar following flower) did not succeed. Boo. I think I could do better with… 4 ) Arduino…

Technical Details…

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 13:23:30 +0000

Thanks to a loophole, AdSense is back in the mix…feel free to click on some crap.

More McDonald’s McViolence

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:31:29 +0000

When will this burger-violence end? I hope no time soon…these idiots are hillarious! Toledo : McNugget freak-out :: Kansas City : Hamburger freakout KCTV has an exclusive video of an unknown idiot-woman losing her shit over a less-than-perfect burger at McDonald’s.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Surveillance video from a Midtown McDonald’s restaurant on Main Street shows a woman experiencing hamburger rage. The incident happened on Dec. 27 and the video clearly shows a woman demanding a refund for what she claimed was an inferior hamburger. After being denied the refund, the video show her throwing a bucket of water over the counter along with other items, including a basket of straws, cookies, a sign and even three of the cash registers.

PS3 Slim Hands-On: Browser

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:49:57 +0000

Instead of doing one gigantic review, I’m going to tackle a review of my new nerd toy piecemeal…up first: the browser. The good: :) Setup was effortless. No issues getting my wireless connection up and running. :) Speedier than Opera on my Wii. Page loads are fast…no issue with Java. :) Pandora support! Pretty much rules. Sounds great; no lag. The bad: :( Screen navigation clunky. Dual analog controls are definately not ideal, but the zoom and scroll feature leaves much to be desired :( Clumbsy menu structure. Address entry is a chore. The fugly: :x On-screen keyboard is a fucking joke. No excuse for this, whatsoever. :x Multiple browser window function. Audio dies when window is not in the foreground. Why? All-in-all…not a netbook replacement for the couch. Yet. This might be a more viable option with the addition of a wireless keyboard, but until the window configuration is improved, I’ll have my Mini 9 on the davenport. Sony dropped the ball on the browser…seems like a little bit of market research would have made the PS3 a serious alternative to the quickly expanding netbook market. In related news…sources are reporting that a new Zelda game for Wii is on the horizon in 2010. Looks like I’m still a Wii guy.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:18:40 +0000

You rubbed that on your butt? What does that even mean?

Military Laser Weapon (100% awesome)

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:48:31 +0000

I love lasers. I love weapons. I REALLY LOVE LASER WEAPONS! U.S. Military…FTW! The latest addition to the arsenal is that bad boy pictured above. Optimus Prime laser, it is not. It is more closely related to the physics professor laser pointer, but way cooler. Like blind a dude from 2.5 miles cooler. Though it’s intended use is to act as a deterrent, I have money on the blinding thing. It is unlikely that the optical scope’s limitations would allow the user to keep that thing out of the target’s eyes 100%, and with a laser intensity high enough to produce a range like that, blindness would surely ensue. The only thing better than laser-weaponry would be laser-computer-weaponry. Slap a *nix netbook on that sucker…guaranteed I would have one preordered. It would look something like this…

McIdiot??? McFelon???

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 11:38:36 +0000

I feel like punching out some windows at McDonalds, because the food is utter garbage…check out this McBizarreness From the Smoking Gun:

JANUARY 4–Meet Melodi Dushane. Angered that Chicken McNuggets were not available at an Ohio McDonald’s, the Toledo woman allegedly put her fist through the eatery’s drive-thru window. The January 1 McNuggets rage incident resulted in Dushane, 24, being arrested for felony vandalism and booked into the Lucas County jail, where the below mug shot was snapped. A Toledo Police Department report does not indicate why the McNuggets were not available Friday for purchase by Dushane, who has been ordered to stay away from the Main Street McDonald’s… …Last March, a Florida woman was arrested after she called 911 three times to complain that a McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets. “This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one,” Latreasa Goodman told a police operator.

2010 Tech Roundup

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:24:49 +0000

That’s right…we are starting out 2010 with a little tech roundup. Roll Call PS3 Wii Dell Studio 15, running Ubuntu Karmic Koala Dell Mini 9, running Ubuntu Karmic Koala Netbook Remix Game Boy, gen 1 48" Visio 1080p Bresnan HD Cable / DVR Wireless Guitar Hero controllers Not pictured…17" Dell, also running Ubuntu, and my SmackBerry. I love technology.

Movies: an Analysis

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:15:13 +0000

***Note**** The probability of me enjoying any given movie is inversely proportional to the existance of “P.S.” in said movie’s title.

Surfer Trekkie Gear

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:51:29 +0000

Toes to the nose…of the USS Enterprise holo-deck. Do you like surfing? Star Trek? This is your product, champ: Let me say off the bat that the only thing I know about surfing comes from multiple viewings of Blue Crush. Awesome movie. “I’m not cha brah”…“these my dah-donk-a-donks”…classic lines. Not really. Let me also say that I’m not uber-knowledgable on the ‘Trek, either. Once Jar-Jar and the kid from The Sixth Sense came into the fray, the series went downhill. And those Tribbles…what was that all about? If you, on the other hand, are into the above things, pick one up.

Stop. Hammer-Time!

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 13:07:43 +0000

Time, again for another Family Circus farse. I hate these little bastards. Especially Jeffy.

Russia to Send Spacecraft to Asteroid?

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 09:25:09 +0000

In a move that sounds a whole lot like the plot of Armageddon, Russia’s space chief has announced his agency will consider sending a spacecraft to a large asteroid to knock it off its path in order to prevent a possible collision with Earth. Sweet. At least it is comforting to know that a simple slug will do the job, and no nuclear bombs are needed. I have money on them botching this job. Am I just bitter that my undergrad satelitte exploded at launch over the former USSR??? Maybe.

Parked Domain Switcheroo

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:46:20 +0000

nothing to see here…testing to see if my archives are switched from bouncerblog to swantron

2009: A Breakfast Odyssey

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:15:34 +0000

Mankind’s quest for the perfect breakfast is the theme of “2009: A Breakfast Odyssey”, a process that unfolds along a space-time continuum. We “pepper-sauce” our primordial past, and we “Triscuit-the-shit-out-of” a cosmic future. The powers of intuition thus become the doors of perception, in our ongoing collective journey.

The Blue-ray/Netflix/PS3 Saga of ’09

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:27:30 +0000

I should add another frame of sad, since the swaperoo will have to take place at Wal-Mart. Boo.

An open letter to Nabisco

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:45:07 +0000

To whom it may concern at Nabisco, I love your Triscuit wheat crackers. I am, however, confused by the spelling of “Triscuit.” Is this some sort of play on words with “biscuit?” When I think about whole grain crackers, bisquits do not come to mind. Also, your slogan is very retarded. Regards, Joe

Brittany Murphy Overdose

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:45:18 +0000

Best known for playing the “I’ll never tell” girl, and the chick who humped Eminem in the factory during 8-mile, former Clueless star Brittany Murphy has died. Oh nos! Drug overdose? Show of hands…

Avatar in a Nutshell

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:37:04 +0000

Are you… Too cheap to shell out $ for a theatre seat? The resident of a 3-D theatre-less town? (Bozeman) Sure James Cameron can’t top Titanic…don’t care? Here you go…from Comixed:

Looks good…I’m going.

How to make the perfect lunch

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:59:29 +0000

Step 1: Tony Chachere’s the shit out of some Wheat Thins
Step 2: Costco pickle jar the shit out of some water

The Pizza Proof

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:00:39 +0000

i <3 za! nom nom nom

The problem at hand is essentially this: “Suppose the harried waiter cuts the pizza off-centre, but with all the edge-to-edge cuts crossing at a single point, and with the same angle between adjacent cuts. The off-centre cuts mean the slices will not all be the same size, so if two people take turns to take neighbouring slices, will they get equal shares by the time they have gone right round the pizza - and if not, who will get more?”

Idiot Kids

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 12:44:42 +0000

The Perfect Buffalo Burger

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:24:43 +0000

If there is one thing I like more than animated GIFs, it is buffalo burger. And I love me some animated Gifs…following that line of reasoning, I really love me some buffalo burger.

How about that slick guy^ ? And those slick burgers ^ ? Here is The Perfect Buffalo Burger recipe:

Step 1: Place 1/2 lb ground buffalo in bowl
Step 2: Add a few shakes of Worcestershire sauce (feel free to substitute Gloucestershire, Dorchester, or any other German-sounding sauce)
Step 3: Toss in some bread crumbs…this will soak up what little fat there is, and keep the burgers from drying out
Step 4: Fire up the George Foreman Grill…knock that sucker out
Step 5: Cook until desired “done-ness” is achieved…I like my buffalo mooing, so two minutes per side is about perfect.
Step 6: Assemble, and enjoy.

[!NOTE] DO NOT OVERCOOK BUFFALO… order/eat it a full level of done-ness below how you would beef. Trust me on this one.

How to make the perfect breakfast

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:33:43 +0000

This is how I roll…

Step 1: Cholula the shit out of some Wheat Thins
Step 2: Costco pickle jar the shit out of some water (RockStar optional)

Mail Fail.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:24:47 +0000

I hate my mailman.

Mail Fail…Epic Mail Fail.

Funyons??? Never heard of ‘em.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:21:48 +0000

Fuck Funyons. I’m an Onyums guy.

From Inept RA to Inept Sex Offender

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:32:56 +0000

I fired up the Bozeman Daily Chronicle today to find a treat. As luck would have it, my corpulent former RA from the dorms is in some hot water. Good stuff…

From the Cronicle:

A Belgrade man pleaded guilty in federal court Thursday to attempted sexual exploitation of children, U.S. Attorney Bill Mercer said in a written statement. Rayne Allen Wolery, 30, was accused of corresponding with a 14-year-old girl on Facebook beginning in June. According to prosecutors, Wolery had met the 14-year-old girl briefly in a chance encounter at a marina near Helena, then looked her up on Facebook and contacted her. When Wolery’s conversations became sexual, law enforcement in Helena began posing as the girl on her Facebook account. Wolery sent pictures of his naked penis to the girl’s account and asked her to show them to a friend, prosecutors said. Wolery also asked the girl and her friend to take sexually explicit photographs of themselves and send them to him over the Internet. Wolery was arrested, and a search of his computer and Nokia cell phone showed they had been used to communicate with the girl and undercover police. When questioned, Wolery admitted sending the pictures of himself, thinking they were going to a 14-year-old girl and her friend. He also admitted to asking for explicit photos of the girls. Sentencing is set for March 18, 2010. He is currently detained. Wolery faces up to 30 years in prison, a $250,000 fine and lifetime supervision. The investigation was a cooperative effort between the Federal Bureau of Investigation, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and Montana Division of Criminal Investigation.

Not a UFO…just a little SLBM

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:36:58 +0000

Unfortunately the swirly light thing over Norway wasn’t a visitor from outer-space. You crazy-ass Scientologists will have to wait for Xenu…turns out the spiral was just a little Ruskie submarine launched ballistic missile (SLBM) that failed..

Per the BBC:

“A Russian test launch of an intercontinental missile has failed, resulting in a white light seen over parts of Norway. The submarine-based Bulava ballistic missile failed when launched from the White Sea, the Defence Ministry’s press office told Itar-Tass news agency. Russian newspapers had earlier reported the failure. At least six of 13 previous tests also ended in failure. The Bulava can carry six individually targeted nuclear warheads. It is designed to have a range of 10,000km (6,200 miles), but its repeated failures have caused embarrassment for Russia which hoped it would support its nuclear deterrent. “

There, I fixed that shitty comic for you, Keene

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:57:43 +0000

Unidentified Swirly Thing Over Norway

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:36:35 +0000

I’m going to side with the realists and say that this is likely due to a rocket, (exhaust, or out-gassing payload) and not a UFO…

…but just in case, swantron.com welcomes our swirly overlords. Click on some ads.

Technorati Token

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:21:02 +0000

958YYWPREKFM

Montana Weather Channel

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 09:04:26 +0000

Tuesday, December the 8th. Balls cold.

-18 F -28 C 245 kelvin

Wrestlemaniac?

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:56:50 +0000

Got any Hulkamaniacs on your X-Mas list?

For a mere $5, you will have him/her more pumped up than Big John Stud after winning the $15,000 body slam match against Andre the Giant in Wrestlemania 1. Look it up, little Hulksters.

Storm 2 /vs/ Droid

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:06:15 +0000

I’ve been a BlackBerry fanboi for quite a while. With my Pearl nearing the end of it’s life…the question becomes Sexxy Storm…

Or Dirty Droid

I originally assumed it would be a no-brain victory for the Storm 2 and it’s improved function over Gen 1. Since I don’t use BB Messenger, I have lately been thinking the the $199 Droid might be the way to go. I have put my RIM phones through hell in the past, and definitely like that aspect over anything I have seen from Motorola. I basically just need something with a good enough OS to not lock up Pandora and Opera Mini…not sure that the Droid is what I totally need right now.

Rad Board 3500

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 20:29:40 +0000

Got a fan? An antiquated pointy skateboard? An afternoon? Neon spray paint.

pull apart the fan case…a dangerous Rad Board is a good Rad Board
replace fan blades with small, sharp, non-menacing looking blades
hook above components to the less-pointy end of a pointy skate board
put a propane tank looking thing on it with some tubes hooking to the non-spray painted stuff
spray anything neon yellow that looks boring, in order to awesome things up a bit
fire up the fan and tear ass around the block

Hot or Not #10

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:40:20 +0000

So long, AdSense

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 14:47:17 +0000

Adsense booted me for too many clicks per page…

So long. I’ll take my fracking business to Amazon…might even do some blog-vertising…who knows?

Galaxy Mobile

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:00:00 +0000

Ubuntu 9.10 Review…Coming Soon

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:16:38 +0000

I have been putting this off for a while…just a while longer, I swear. I plan to give Ubuntu 9.10 a review. Should be groundbreaking. Who knows? Might end up in a sweet tab up there ^ next to Hot or Not, which is back and better than ever.

Hot or Not #9

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:38:52 +0000

…

Don’t call it a comeback. ~L.L. Cool J. Back by popular demand…Hot or Not!

26outs

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:56:51 +0000

All sorts of crazy changes… In conjunction with the switch from bouncerblog.com to swantron.com, I have launched a new site… 26outs.com.

26outs is a joint venture with my BFF-skee Zig. We are shooting for appx 1 post / day…don’t hold me to that, however. All baseball, all day. 26outs.com. Login and comment.

End of an Era

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:42:54 +0000

R.I.P. bouncerblog.com has had a good run.

engineer ^………………………………………..cop^………………….programmer^ Since bouncing is no longer applicable to anything on this site, it is time for a change…

Welcome to swantron.com. Same old bullshit, with added bullshit for your reading pleasure.

sigh

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 11:22:39 +0000

I guess the worth is reported in US $, which is not what it once was. Wonder how many Yen that would be?

Oh Nosos! 2009 AMA Mishap

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 21:21:18 +0000

While Jenny from the Block was busy falling down and looking like an idiot… …I think Kelly Clarkson just ate American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert

2009 American Music Awards

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:57:43 +0000

I’m not 100% sure, but I think Kelly Clarkson may have eaten a Jonas brother.

Behold! Tradition in the Making!

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:39:51 +0000

This year marks the 109th meeting of the MSU Bobcats and the Montana Grizzlies football squads… the good ol’ Brawl of the Wild. Cat/Griz is always a big deal around Bozeman, and, dare I say, it just got a whole lot more ridiculous… FTA:

published on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 10:44 PM MST By GAIL SCHONTZLER Chronicle Staff Writer Excitement over Saturday’s 109th ‘Cat-Griz football showdown is inspiring all kinds of lunacy, starting with the first-ever Undie Run for blue and gold diehards. “I think it’s fabulous,” said Teresa Snyder, president of the Associated Students of Montana State University. “Everyone is going to strip down to blue and gold underwear and run to Bobcat Plaza. I have a feeling it will be hysterical.” I have a feeling that this horrible idea will be far from hysterical. However, she continues… > “Hands down, I’m going,” Snyder said, laughing. “These are the fun things that make people remember their college experience.”

From the Vaults:

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:28:59 +0000

Don, the Wordsmith

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:09:58 +0000

…

Craigslist Foreplay?

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:44:28 +0000

Alright…this one is sort of confusing. From what I can gather, Duncan Gilchrist’s daughter is using craigslist to fondly rib Bruce, who apparently has a history of writing bad checks. One thing is clear…Duncan Gilchrist does not like the looks of mule deer. The post is unclear as to whether or not Duncan Gilchrist finds other game animals adorable.

Weekly Drawing

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:10:50 +0000

Christmas Wishlist

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:58:16 +0000

With Christmas right around the corner, I’d like to put my preliminary wish-list out there.

These Videos

A Robot
VCR (if robot does not support VHS I/O)

Haloween Loldog

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:15:51 +0000

Jim dressed his (male) dog up for some laughs…I lulz-ed him up. Happy Haloween.

I’m at a Loss for Words…

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:51:51 +0000

Speechless.

Costume Idea #2

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:29:08 +0000

Costume Idea #1

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:25:53 +0000

Nice Try, Dipshit

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:10:24 +0000

In celebration of the release of Windows 7, (do not want) enjoy the following Bozeman craigslist entry…

Where do I begin?

Window NT came out in 1993???
$200 buys a 160gb netbook???
“If your savy”??? There it is…#3. Missed an apostrophe, an “e”, and a “v”. The poster likely would have caught that if he could have fired up the spell checker in Word Perfect…son-of-a-bitchin’ passwords, huh.

More Fine-ass Art for Kate

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:48:04 +0000

Subject: The Queen of Soul Food, Sylvia Outcome: not-so-lady-like Sylvia looks a lot like George Washington.

Congratulations, Croc Wearers…

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:10:59 +0000

…it is now possible for someone to retard-up their feet even more effectively than via the wearing of Crocs…introducing…

Dinos? Velocs? Velococrapters? I don’t know.

OML, an interpretation

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:12:26 +0000

I like sending Katie pictures of random drawings from work. Like this gem. compared to the original… I win. I always do.

C-Dogs Rule

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:14:00 +0000

Great Scott!

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 10:51:21 +0000

I don’t think Batman says that…I’m thinking that Great Scott is more of a Doc from Back to the Future thing. Who cares? Not I…regardless, this is one sweet ‘do/display of horrible (or awesome) parenting

I Don’t Love Your Nuts

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:02:14 +0000

Just got a Graty… Pros: half-graty-ed cheese clumps are fun to eat Cons: doesn’t fucking work

First Thought…

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:14:54 +0000

How can this guy be so smug? He looks like somebody stuck some shades on a toad and smashed it into a polo.

Last (Gangster) Vehicle in the Lot

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:03:26 +0000

…just half of the lot…but still…missing out on margaritas with Kate…not very pleased

Retraction…Not So Happy Wed.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:32:53 +0000

working late…maybe very late…I’m digging in with a half pack of Spirits and two diet RockStars…have mercy

Happy Wednesday

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:00:07 +0000

Gout Files: 9/16

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:10:05 +0000

Kate and I went to all-you-can-eat-crab night at Looies last night…I’m 90% sure I overdid it. Not only from the standpoint of what is and is not socially acceptable to consume in a public setting, but more from the angle that I have gout, and this crap is horrible for my body. So right now, my bloodstream is the site of a strange battle between ibuprofen and acids trying their best to crystalize. My toe is about 5000 degrees, but pain-free thus far. Godspeed, brave ibuprofen. Godspeed.

Reptile Files: 9/16

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:40:19 +0000

This snake was discovered in China. It has a leg, which is just great.

Taxation with Representation

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 12:27:09 +0000

This is pretty awesome… …playing a little solitaire…listening to a little drivel. All in all, pretty good day at work. With Obama’s popularity down to 45% and this shit going down on the House floor, we might not bankrupt ourselves after all. Special shout out the Representative watching the baseball game on the left. Nice work on the MLB.com package.

Dominick Dunne, Deceased

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:11:59 +0000

Dominick Dunne passed away today. He was the host of an obscure show that often followed Forensic Files. He will be sorely missed by some, I imagine. I will miss his funny glasses.

Microsoft Faux Pas

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:11:45 +0000

This is pretty ridiculous…and funny. Apparently the Polish hate black people. Microsoft posted this on the English site… …and this bad boy on their Polish site: They must not have Photoshop over at the Microsoft campus. I could see how making that little swap-er-oo could be difficult using MS Paint. They could at very least have used the spray paint tool to lighten up the dude’s hand…just a suggestion.

Stereotype…Strengthened!

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:15:25 +0000

Our horribly inept mailman (same guy who crammed my RAM upgrade under our doormat) mistook Grand Ave for 3rd. Ave and dropped off a copy of a video game magazine in our mailbox. For what it is worth, it is no Nintendo Power. The only real amusing thing was the advertisements, especially the full-page job across from the contents page… Seems sort of presumptuous on the advertisors behalf…

I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disapointed.

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:02:44 +0000

This tattoo is in memory of the tattoo-ee’s deceased grandmother. Just a hunch, but I would guess that she would not approve of either tattoos or video games, let alone video game/memorial tattoos.

President Obaman

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 08:30:56 +0000

President Obama (note the lack of “n”) is speaking in Bozeman tonight. Craigslist is full of people looking to buy tickets, much like this fucking retard…

Really? Really???

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:16:50 +0000

Yet in an interview with the Detroit News Monday, Senator Debbie Stabenow (D., Mich.) - recently appointed to the Senate Energy Committee - made clear that fighting the climate crisis is her top priority. “Climate change is very real,” she confessed as she embraced cap and trade’s massive tax increase on Michigan industry - at the same time claiming, against all the evidence, that it would not lead to an increase in manufacturing costs or energy prices. “Global warming creates volatility. I feel it when I’m flying. The storms are more volatile. We are paying the price in more hurricanes and tornadoes.”

Ballin’ on a Budget

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:17:01 +0000

these stupid ads—————————–> made me $.29 today.

Big Ol’ Weiner

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:45:00 +0000

Wade and a rock that looks like a big ol’ weiner

Gross.

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:10:05 +0000

eeeeeewwwwwww

Take That

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:41:11 +0000

Trip

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:32:51 +0000

Excellent Sword

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:52:47 +0000

Thine own grand-mum purchased said sword for thee from thy “Home Shopping Channel”

Not for purvey: floral woven floor-tapestry

Michael Scott'n Clowns

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 08:43:30 +0000

Apparently I’m 12…

Amuzing

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 07:49:58 +0000

I wonder if this is the guy who sold the Comoro

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:40:05 +0000

i sereosly want ur nentendo! super sereos!

Coming Soon…

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:00:21 +0000

I purchased the domain name…right now it is parked, and pointing here. This might be fun.

Search Term Fun 7/13

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:28:20 +0000

I finally was able to log into our cpanel and check the traffic stats…from May, we had the following:

Four people searched for “penis hamburger”…and came here? Yessssss!

Bobby V?

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:33:58 +0000

I thought this one was sort of funny…sort of random how the add lines up perfectly.

and yes…the song is bunk, not crunk

GOAT’S DOE’S

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:05:54 +0000

HELLO I HAVE SUM GOAT’S DOE’S 4 U BUDDY NOT BABY’S AND NOT NUBAINS" THOW.

MJ’s Funeral Guest List Surprise

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:51:32 +0000

I found this on the Drudge Report….pretty amazing list List of guests invited to public memorial service for Michael Jackson at the Staples Center in Los Angeles: Larry King Dionne Warwick LeVar Burton Mariah Carey Spike Lee Wesley Snipes Lou Ferrigno Stevie Wonder Usher Lionel Richie Brooke Shields Kobe Bryant Berry Gordy Jennifer Hudson Magic Johnson John Mayer Chris Brown The Rev. Jesse Jackson The Rev. Al Sharpton Smokey Robinson Queen Latifah Martin Luther King III Bernice A. King Shaheen Jafargholi (finalist on “Britain’s Got Talent”) Pastor Lucious Smith (family friend) Ron Boyd (family friend) Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds Mickey Rooney and wife, Jan Chamberlin Mario Lopez Corey Feldman ^ the Pezer…Mario Lopez made it. Why not?

More craigslist Antics

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:04:40 +0000

Nice try, dude…

here you go…

…ball is in your court

xkcd

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:37:56 +0000

Kate and I are off to the Madison to do a little camping. Have a good weekend…

RIP Bill

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 08:26:35 +0000

MJ2

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:03:19 +0000

Just a Bad Idea…

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:02:23 +0000

Surfboard + outboard = horrible idea.

RIP MJ

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:40:47 +0000

Rest in peace, you crazy fuck

FYI

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:10:53 +0000

City of Bozeman

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 11:34:02 +0000

kudos to our city council…might make national headlines again with this epic fail

sweet!

Comaro?

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:52:24 +0000

Note to little mullet-heads…it is spelled cAmaro. And it ain’t shit unless it has T-Tops and plenty of Zep tapes

Some Peaple are Retarded

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:49:52 +0000

I’m not going to get into his lack of punctuation, capitolization, or word usage. “Fore”…Really?

The Cholula Incident

Sat, 30 May 2009 17:29:40 +0000

After seeing some terrible craigslist entries over the past few months, I decided to do a little experiment. Observe:

So I assumed this would get flagged as a joke…not the case. Thus far, I have received the following emails:

and

and my absolute favorite…

Good looking out, Ryan.

I’ll Take It

Wed, 27 May 2009 19:56:07 +0000

This chair, however nice, was posted in Craigslist “free stuff” section…

I think it may be overpriced at $0

Mop Bucket

Tue, 12 May 2009 20:02:47 +0000

Times tough? Recession hurting the ol’ pocketbook? Simple solution: sell shit from work!

…I wonder how much I could get for my pen caddy?

Fat Kid Watching TV on the Couch, Eating Potato Chips

Sat, 09 May 2009 13:10:50 +0000

^Fat Kid Watching TV on the Couch, Eating Potato Chips

New IM Weapon

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:16:21 +0000

I made this to make developers feel bad.

Sweet Craigslist Entry

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:54:15 +0000

Labtop Computer (Bozeman/ Belgrade) ——————————————————————————– Reply to: sale-cayrk-1122760332@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-14, 6:39PM MDT I am looking for a labtop computer of any kind. I cannot pay for it but will work. I am a great housekeeper. Need computer for school. Please email me at moon102@live.com if you are interested in helping me out. Location: Bozeman/ Belgrade it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1122760332

Lolpost

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:09:53 +0000

My first Lolcat, a la MS Paint and Google Images:

And the application for ^ Lolcat

joe and kate

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:35:23 +0000

guess who is studying for his/her cpa ethics exam, and who is fucking around with his/her webcam

Extra Dirty Legion

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:30:56 +0000

Long story short…Boodles exploded. Archaic gas lines caught fire sans shut-off valve.

It was one hell of a run.

Bozeman Explosion

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 10:59:12 +0000

The Legion is toast. Pictures to follow.

The Big Lebowski

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:07:49 +0000

For those readers unfamiliar with The Big Lebowski…watch the movie. Those familiar with the film know this is pretty funny. I found this comment in a billingsgazette.com editorial.

Jesus and Karl Hungus are two prominent characters in the show. Pretty sure this one is getting on CollegeHumor.

Ubuntu 8.10

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:10:18 +0000

This OS rules.

Seyonara Seven

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:19:44 +0000

As it happens, even with a memory upgrade Windows 7 is still a dog on my old Dell.

Solution…more Ubuntu

Looking forward to open source imaging…I still haven’t swiped Photoshop for my new notebook; paint, while awesomely nostalgic, is not quite cutting it.

Giraffe Van

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 14:08:49 +0000

Charles made a nice find…

…A giraffe van. WTF? On par with the wizard truck.

Windows Woes

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 20:31:56 +0000

Install failed…not enough RAM

Waiting for a delivery…update coming later this week.

DDR/New Year

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:02:34 +0000

Katie, Nichole, Ken Coop, B.O.B., and I had a little DDR party to bring in the new year. We pretty much rule…

Especially Nichole (see you on Facebook, kid)

FYI…Bob is terrific at DDR. He lived with two Korean dudes.

Windows 7

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:20:19 +0000

So Windows 7 leaked a few days ago…why not? Between Kate and I, we have four Dell laptops in the house:

I figure it would round things out to convert my old 9300 to Windows 7. Grif is always down for a nerd project, and he is currently smoking me in our downloading competition. I’m going to try to transfer tomorrow (with a serious lack of RAM) and will keep you posted.

"Awesome" Punctuation on some Sign's from the "Legion"

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:48:53 +0000

Note too the drink specials. We won’t get into what a “Naked Ninja Turtle” is, because it is a “fucking retarded” shot. Okay, it is mostly Sprite and some green schnapps, with a “fucking retarded” name. Harvey Wallbangers…I don’t think anyone has ordered a Harvey Wallbanger since gents were doing the lindey hop with their best gals during the Hoover administration. The college kids love Tom Collin’ses. Tom Collin’ses, Tom Collins “bombs”…they cannot get enough of that shit. I swear to Christ…

Charles Shamamma, Artist

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:44:25 +0000

Charles enjoys three things: welding, breaking tools, and dinosaurs. Combine the three and you get this:

C-Rex. Appearing soon on creigslist. rrawr Well done. I give you 4 emoticons :D :D :D :D

Tis the Season

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:38:11 +0000

I wonder if Katie checks out bouncerblog.com…

I bet I find out soon

Zoot Month 1

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:35:59 +0000

I get tired of looking at my dual 20-inchers (note the excessive number of unix windows)

I imagine my dual 20-inchers tire of me too

:( ***edit…emoticons work on wordpress but my fucking links don’t???***

Hot or Not #8

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:21:53 +0000

My Firefox is Crapping

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:45:11 +0000

My Firefox is Crapping

My Mom is Crazy

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:31:08 +0000

I’ll let you decide. Here is my mom (right) holding a quilt, next to a neighborhood child wearing a quilt, her Halloween costume. No shit.

I know the King of Pop named his child ‘Blanket’…I have heard the explanation twice and am still flabbergasted.

New Hero

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:49:45 +0000

David Thorne…pure genius. Click on the link, please. Spider PaymentRead through it; hands down the funniest internet thing I have seen in some time.

AGGGGGGGH!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:13:29 +0000

You are getting fatter, retard.

Zoot, Day 4

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:16:56 +0000

Draw your own conclusions…

Zoot, Day 2

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:27:54 +0000

I just wrapped up day two as a quality assurance analyst at Zoot Enterprises. The best thing about the job so far…

…sweet chew holder. Big Rod suggested that I lighten my hi-liter lode to accommodate for a flask. Maybe next week.

Booooyeahhhh!

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:07:31 +0000

Take that!

Mao

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:47:36 +0000

LMAO + Chairman Mao = LMAO….wait….

Hot or Not #7

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:19:57 +0000

Sweet lolcat

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:59:48 +0000

I love these things.

Horrible Comic

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:34:09 +0000

No comment.

Comics are Still Horrible

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:27:19 +0000

Hey Marvin…what do you have in store this week?

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! The TV is in the yard! Marvin is watching the shit out of it by his inflatable pool!

Bob

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:18:05 +0000

I don’t even know what to say about that.

More Shitty Comics

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:08:21 +0000

Cathy is retarded.

So…girls feet grow in Fall? I’m lost.

Comics are Horrible III

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:39:19 +0000

Here is one called Pajama Diaries

TFL…didn’t read it. I would wager that it is absolutely horrible though.

Comics are Horrible II

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 17:41:18 +0000

Not sure what this one is all about.

I especially like how it takes two idiots to pump out this horrible comic. Poor illustration (lady on the left…what the fuck is with that pose?), poorer joke. 1/2 gold metal.

Comics are Horrible

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:30:15 +0000

Here you go…new category. Comics are Horrible. Let’s begin with perhaps the worst, Family Circus…

Really, Billy? You little smart ass. Also, look at the Lance Armstrong calves on the girl. Horrible.

Best Thread Ever

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 14:43:11 +0000

A nice compliment to the Best URL Ever… Photoshop ThreadThanks, internet community.

Phelps Minute

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:36:11 +0000

I don’t care for the Olympics. Swimming is metaphorical…one gold metal.

Swanny?

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:04:45 +0000

Is…that…me… [Flash video - no longer available]

See more [funny videos](http://www.collegehumor.com/videos) and [funny pictures](http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures) at [CollegeHumor](http://www.collegehumor.com/).

Amazing URL

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:04:55 +0000

Here you go. Check out the name of this site.

I think I would too.

Wrigley Rules

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:20:50 +0000

One fair summer afternoon, Zig, I, and several cotton ball-bearded dudes took in a game in these very seats. Sweet chug.

Barack Roll

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:47:43 +0000

Hot or Not #6

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:18:43 +0000

Appliance Repair NYC

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:20:20 +0000

Here is a little plug for Appliance repair NYC. Hit the bump for some details. I snagged this snippet v Appliance Repair NYC provider published this helpful tips. A common stove problem is infinite switch. This could be found at the back of the control panel. This switch could be easily replaced, it is usually found at the burner stem. You can apply DIY method to repair your stove. When you are applying this method and you are uncertain of anything along the line, do not hesitate to reach out to the stove technician. However, stove is simple to maintain and if it is properly taken care of, it will improve its longevity. Another way round is for you to be out of stove problem that could come your way, check the power supply and ensure that power enters the stove from your home power supply. When is using fuses and it blown off, it is very important to replace it in order not to cause any further problem for your stove and your entire house. Start by checking the breaker box in case the materials are much secured but if the problem is from the breaker box, it is advisable to open the stove and check the panel from the back. Then, replace any of the fuse that blown out. Stove is pretty good to use if it is properly maintained.

Underwear Village

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:35:23 +0000

Who’s That Guy

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:16:53 +0000

Seriously…who is that guy in this picture?

Nice hand placement, Sarge.

Sith Lord

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 21:10:48 +0000

I think it is safe to assume that Darth Vader would air choke this dipshit…

Meet Brian

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:06:39 +0000

As Bob can apparently attest, Gay Brian is one motorboating son-of-a-bitch.

(Best Bob face ever)

Greetings from the ER

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 21:03:58 +0000

J.C. snapped a pic from the ER during the Great Bozeman Beach Incident of ‘08 aftermath…

I think it would make for a good Christmas Card.

Cat/Griz Scramble

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:57:56 +0000

Pretty classy.

Six Minute Abs…

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:53:25 +0000

No…seven! Seven Minute Abs! You cannot even break a sweat in six minutes! I share a love/hate relationship with WalMart…loved it on this day.

The Bachelor

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:30:05 +0000

Kevin rules. Just watch this one…maybe the best faux-to of all time.

Mombrero

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:48:46 +0000

Mom + Sombrero = Mombrero

Drunken Bull Dance

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 21:31:39 +0000

Courtesy of the Corster and Jim Beam.

Shopping with Ziggy II

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:45:47 +0000

You can keep that Skoal.

Guitar Hero Hero

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:50:45 +0000

While checking out Wii titles at WalMart today, I stumbled across an older gentleman rocking out to Guitar Hero in the aisle. Funny enough. Our Guitar Hero hero finished his song (Styx?) and gave the game a “aww…come on” after receiving his ranking. At this point I assumed him to be blog-worthy and snapped a quick picture.

At this point, I realized that maybe a video would be better. I readied my Blackberry and headed back down the aisle… Yep. In the short time it took me to get my phone ready the guitar hero had already picked up a groupie.

Catmobile

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:08:51 +0000

Wow.

Julie managed to snap these pictures outside of a seedy motel in Glasgow. Incredible.

Sex and the City

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:53:08 +0000

I thought that Perez’s observation was quite astute.

Take that Cody, Katie, and Bob. I do like the Golden Girls though…let’s all hope the old one isn’t dead.

Hot or Not #5

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:17:17 +0000

I Will Derive

Thu, 29 May 2008 14:55:05 +0000

Carlton

Mon, 12 May 2008 21:11:30 +0000

I wonder if any copies of this still exist...I want to learn the King Tut

Ghost Ride the Whip

Sat, 03 May 2008 15:41:31 +0000

Here is a pretty sweet video of KO’s Club manager Dubbz ghost riding a Geo Oddly enough, the picture included in the above linked wikipedia page is of the same car. Bizarre.

Popezilla!

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 19:25:59 +0000

New this week on bustedtees.com:

Benedict does rock a retarded miter, which is slightly more retarded than this spicy red number…

I cannot tell you whether or not that was the shirt’s intention, but it is pretty funny regardless. To infinity and beyond, pope.

Live Taser Action

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:10:51 +0000

I know a guy with a taser, and now too a guy with two taser probe wounds.

Clever.

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:56:02 +0000

WalMart Customer of the Day

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 15:53:29 +0000

This chick:

Mullet, check. Bluetooth headset, check. Colors, coordinated.

Hamburger Penis

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:30:11 +0000

Watch until the end… I just about choked on my Clamato

Life in Plastic…

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:40:51 +0000

...its fantastic

Filth and Foul

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:15:37 +0000

Oddly enough, the Bozeman Daily Chronicle sat down with my buddy Nick and wrote a good article about his new album. Check out the article here. Good work Nickel.

Not my Concern

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 18:21:24 +0000

From the Onion…I almost missed it. After dealing with Prior’s arm issues in Chicago for several years, it finally laughable.

<span style="font-family : Courier;color: #F88017;"><strong>Mark Prior Just Needs To Stop By Hospital For A Sec To Get Some T.J. Surgery</strong>PEORIA, AZ—Padres pitcher Mark Prior informed teammates Monday that he just has to pop in to the hospital for "one quick sec" to have Tommy John connective tissue reconstruction surgery performed on his right arm. "Hey guys, can you pull over for a minute? My U.C. lig is just killing me and I gotta get a little T.J. before the game," Prior reportedly told fellow pitchers Jake Peavy and Chris Young after tearing his ulnar collateral ligament while the trio was driving to the ballpark. "Just a quick Teej—pop out the lig, pop in a tendon, no biggie. I'd do it myself, but I just had some ro-co [rotator-cuff surgery] last night and I can't move my arm. You can leave the car running, I'll be back in a minute tops." Prior will not be able to throw a baseball for 16 to 18 months.</span>

Muppet Rick Roll

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:25:01 +0000

Hot or Not #4

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:15:45 +0000

Coding Rap

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:37:57 +0000

Oddly enough I found this before Digg...

Search Term Time!

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:04:52 +0000

<span style="font-family : Courier;color: #F88017;">bouncer blog 19.2 %bouncerblog 2.7 %bouncers blog 1.8 %sexyphots 1.8 %dudes get it on 1.8 %bozeman montana 1.8 %www.matureolder slut.com 0.9 %montana bobcat mascot 0.9 %http //bounceblock.com 0.9 %a bouncers blog 0.9 %shirtless dudes 0.9 %legion bouncer bob 0.9 %bouncer blog leagion 0.9 %petarded 0.9 %is joe montana gay? 0.9 %bouncers 0.9 %bar bouncers 0.9 %march mustache 0.9 %joseph lack 0.9 %march madness 0.9 %what does the 100% real mean about cheese 0.9 %canadian tuxedo 0.9 %schweitzer fluid 0.9 %teenage mustache 0.9 %socks and flip-flops 0.9 %montana state mascot 0.9 %swanson bozeman 0.9 %wwkfd 0.9 %alpaca funny 0.9 %bouncer blog swanny 0.9 %socks and flip flops 0.9 %msu mascot 0.9 %</span>

Gross, Fellas

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:27:27 +0000

DJ/Bouncer Ethan with the butt-floss

B.O.B. with the dirty shroud of Turin

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Ed McMahon Voice…

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:21:50 +0000

Joe Swanson give them… Three and three quarters stars!!!

Clothes of 2000

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:43:34 +0000

If my memory serves correct, this was spot on. Swish!

?

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:43:49 +0000

You tell me.

Baseball Season

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:25:00 +0000

[![Kenny Lofton Thinks Hes Putting Finishing Touches On Hall Of Fame Career](http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Kenny-Lofton.thumbnail.jpg)](http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/kenny_lofton_thinks_hes?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets)## [![The Onion](http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/assets/logos/onion_super_tiny.png)](http://www.theonion.com/content?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets) ### [Kenny Lofton Thinks He's Putting Finishing Touches On Hall Of Fame Career](http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/kenny_lofton_thinks_hes?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets) CLEVELAND—Apparently oblivious to the fact that his lifetime statistics, while repectable, are not worthy of admittance into baseball's most...

![](http://statistics.theonion.com/b/ss/theonionprod/1/H.6--NS/1234567?pe=lnk_d&pev2=Kenny%20Lofton%20Thinks%20He's%20Putting%20Finishing%20Touches%20On%20Hall%20Of%20Fame%20Career&pev1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Fnews_briefs%2Fkenny_lofton_thinks_hes%3Futm_source%3DDistributed%26utm_medium%3DEmbedded%252BHTML%26utm_campaign%3DWidgets)

St. Pat’s

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 02:40:26 +0000

The luck o’ the Irish struck to the tune of $350 for Bouncer Bob

French named guy from deep in the loins of St. Louis’ Italian Hill…go figure. Erin Go Brach.

Mitch!

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:59:58 +0000

One of my favorite dudes of all time showed up to the Dirty Dirty Legion on Saturday…

Mikey from Seattle via Bozeman via Broadview, Montucky. I pulled this pic from his site, sidtheduck.com…feel free to peruse

Hillary in the House

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:46:58 +0000

Well in that case...

Chips and Salsa

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:03:19 +0000

Look for the move at the two minute mark
Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War

MMM '08 5

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:12:23 +0000

Bob with his perennial Larry Bird

Looking good, big guy.

MMM '08 4

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 03:31:16 +0000

March Mustache Madness…still rolling strong

Chase with a Leroy BirdLooking good hombre…A-Ram is still holding the top spot, however

MMM '08 3

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:12:50 +0000

I think we have a winner…

A-Ram with a commendable gun-slinger Excellent work, my friend. That is a man-stache. March Man-Stache Madness?

MMM '08 2

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:59:40 +0000

Weekend wrap-up time…the A-Team

Big D with the cop-ish-goatee

Photoshopped view of Pervy Ken

Gross, Ken. Still to come: Picture of Chaser’s eighth grade stache, A-ram with his St. Pat’s red stache, and a post-South America Griff stache. Maybe a cameo from Zig??? Stay tuned.

March Mustache Madness

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:08:12 +0000

Entry one: Me with a “Spanish Carney”

Mexico #2

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:09:12 +0000

Slowly but surely getting some pics put together…enjoy this one in the mean time.

Dad and Julie enjoying the swim-up bar

Lolercoaster

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 20:51:18 +0000

Best Lolcat ever.

Mexico #1

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:33:55 +0000

My sisters and I are still trying to figure out if we have any real photo documentation of our trip…here is a good one of Elizabeth in the meantime.

I know it doesn’t fit the page layout, but I like the pic…

Andorra

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:46:27 +0000

Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports

Joe Sombrero

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 15:43:35 +0000

Adios amigos.

I am off to write the script for National Lampoon’s Mexican Vacation… B.O.B. is holding down the bar; Katie is holding down the DDR pads.

MMM ’08

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:14:08 +0000

March Mustache Madness is right around the corner…

The rules of MMM remain unchanged from last year:

Shave in the mustache of your choice on March 1st
Keep said mustache for as long as possible
Tease Bob for resembling Larry Bird ***Note to Grant Eve: 2008 is a leap year…you have an extra day in February to grow out all eleven of your facial hairs***

Zany Bob

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:59:57 +0000

zizzzzz!

Suz, B.O.B., and Lil Steve from Friday night…have a good time in Italy, Suz

Hot or Not #3

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:14:57 +0000

Chewbacca

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:17:58 +0000

This is better than the footage of Darrell getting tased, bro. [Flash video - no longer available]Pay close attention to the dialog…apparently Chewbacca is Chewbacca in Spanish.

Saturday Night Photo Review

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 04:54:29 +0000

DJ Rach'

Chaser

B.O.B.

DJ (Bouncer) Ethan

Kevin from the Block

Obligatory Ladies Room Pic

Little People, Big World

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 19:14:01 +0000

I love these guys

Here is the program description for tonight’s show:

New, “A Little surgery; Marty Comes to Town”. (2007). Grandpa Ron and Grandma Peg join the family in Oakland for Zach’s leg surgery; family friend Marty Klebba stops by to cheer him up and winds up in a wrestling match with Amy. (Reality)

Good…Marty Klebba is in this one. Who exactly is Marty Klebba, and just who did he have to blow to get that billing? I hope Amy puts him in a little tiny arm bar.

Irony Defined

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:22:33 +0000

The Swantron family is headed to sunny Mexico for our first family get-together in a decade here in two weeks. In preparation for my trip, I decided to pick up a fresh new pair of Adidas Shell-toes. Overstock.com…white on white…free shipping…sign me up. This is what showed up:

LOLercoaster. I’m rocking them…hopefully with a sombrero.

B.O.B. Shooting, Revisited

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:45:40 +0000

Dennis Francis Buckley and Sgt. Tim love to point out how large Bob’s head is.
It turns out that I am much more apt to fuck around with my computer as I avoid reading my physics.

Tony, Ken, Bob, Kyle, Joe, etc…

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:26:00 +0000

I love it.

Fun with Guns!

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 18:42:12 +0000

Sarge, B.O.B., three pistols, a shotgun, an SKS, and I spent the afternoon enjoying nature and blasting the shit out of stuff.

Television disposal service?

Lost Chug Footage

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:32:54 +0000

I may or may not have taken a video of my new light switch in my bathroom. I did. Upon showing Sgt. Tim, I came across this video from August…I decided to post it to get ‘08 started properly.

Excuse Me, Link

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:13:51 +0000

Apparently Nintendo leased the cartoon rights to the Zelda franchise in the late 90’s. It looks to me like they leased the rights to the Full House production crew. “Cut…It…Out” “Have Mercy” “Well Excuuuuse Me, Princess” “How Rude”

Tim in TX

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:05:06 +0000

Dustin a.k.a. Sgt. Tim is in Texas. He sends his regards.

594C3 C4M9

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 03:40:35 +0000

I think that my B+ in experimental physics fully warrants a revisiting of *Space Camp.* Enjoy.

Sgt. Tim, a Caricature

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:11:44 +0000

Complete with huge Germain calves and vodka Red Bull

The Mitchell Report

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 15:57:21 +0000

Give this clip about thirty seconds… [Flash video - no longer available]…I always suspected “All the Way” May was yoked up.

Christmas Party Season `07

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:55:21 +0000

Gone are the days of the space bag, but Christmas parties for me still involve funny servings of wine.

Yep, I drank that.

Red Bull and Mathematica

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 12:00:00 +0000

I am full of Red Bull and waiting for my bootlegged copy of Mathematica to finish downloading. Hey, cool. I stumbled upon this on The Onion, so I figured I would give the new version of WordPress a go.

Two more days and Phys 516 is a wrap. Maybe I will celebrate with 84 near-empty PBRs.

The Final Countdown

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:03:47 +0000

I challenge you to tell me the most ridiculous aspect of this clip. There is a lot of shit going down on set…horrible over-singing, aggressive unnecessary title, dual keyboard action, puzzling hand gestures, a retarded song from the band Europe, models backing their thangs up, and I am pretty sure that is Joey Fatone striking a disco pose. Needless to say, I love it

3 Bouncers, 5 Legs

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:26:58 +0000

It’s Back…

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:42:23 +0000

A Haiku

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:11:56 +0000

While Katie is in Las Vegas preparing for Suzie and Josh’s wedding, I have the honor of caring for her beta, LaMonte. For what it is worth, I call him Ken and he doesn’t seem to mind. His bowl is stemware, as are the beer serving pieces at the Pub Hippo…thus provided the inspiration for the following: Fishsitting for Kate. Your home is a Kiboko; Float around and poop.

Shoppin' With Zig

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 15:22:58 +0000

Shit ton of tuna…check

Funny shoes…check

Hot or Not #2

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:12:11 +0000

More Onion News

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:49:03 +0000

Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On

lolcat lab

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 18:52:15 +0000

Familiarize yourself with the lolcat. Or don’t. Either way, this is really funny in a really really nerdy way.

The Zig Lebowski

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:51:19 +0000

Clever post title…good work, self. So Ziggy had a great time in a great costume on Halloween. From all reports, Whitefish was the place to be a few weeks ago. The Dude, Walter, and The Jesus

Donnie, Walter, and The Dude

For anyone who has not seen The Big Lebowski, the movie is about a guy (The Dude) who likes to bowl. Another person named Jeffrey Lebowski is the center of an extortion scheme, and antics ensue. Donnie, a character in the movie, was supposed to be played by Zig’s little brother…he aptly suggested that Zig implement a coffee can into his costume to account for his absence. The coffee can is used to transfer Donnie’s ashes to his burial at sea. Watch the movie for shit’s sake. Walter and Donnie

November Update

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:26:00 +0000

It has been a while since I have posted anything with any real content. In short, everybody I know and I are all a bunch of retards. Or nerds

Grif made it back from Argentina. He is pissed; his XBox 360 is in a repair shop somewhere down in Texas, and he still has a pocket full of Pesos. Hang in there big guy. Bouncer B.O.B. is attempting to figure out his health status. It is worse than dealing with a newly pubescent child… he waivers from thinking that he is hyper to hypoglycemic. The doctor once again categorized him as morbidly obese, and I love that. Tony and Jenna got back from their Jamaican honeymoon. It was all inclusive, which apparently meant to those two that drinking at ten in the morning was completely acceptable. All week. There was still time for a whole gang of corny assed pictures, check out Jenna’s Facebook account if you have one. Big Josh and Cock Deisel are moonlighting their moonlighting jobs at 317 down the street. We still have red oil paint everywhere in the Dirty Leeg from CD’s Halloween costume: some dude from a computer game…AKA a reason to go shirtless. Josh is under the microscope for punching a girl, which apparently is defined by not letting her into the bar after getting called some choice words. He has not punched anyone, male or female, in a while surprisingly enough. My girlf Katie and her boyf Nichole are doing just fine. Kate has her nose in the accounting books again for the next portion of the CPA exam; Nichole is likely eating chicken strips and doing nurse stuff in Billings. Hi Nicole. Dave is winding down the Morrison Design and Landscaping season and waiting for the snow to fly. He bought another truck and extended his plowing business by quite a lot over last year. He drank a shit ton of Miller Lites last weekend at the Bobcat game, and told his wife that he would never talk to her again. He also has a new (female) pug named Glen. Every single Eve is now accounting. Every single one. Chuck Chizzla has a new job at the Gallatin River Lodge. Cookin up the food, man. He recently recieved a gift from a contractor buddy of ours…two fucking scooters. One was used as a parts scooter, the other is Chuck’s new ride. It reportedly goes 20 mph, and kicks a lot of ass. Johnny B. still spends way too much time at Specs. He managed to wipe the well out during a towel fight with a bartender last week, and moreover, was too cocked to remember which waitress it was. Pendleton’s is a hell of a whiskey. I am posting this update from the SUB…after seven on a Tuesday. If you told me I would be studying physics at this hour four years ago I would have punched you in the throat. I am still pricing out grilz, looking into a vaykay, dealing with idiot drunks, playing my Wii, practicing my air guitar, and doing whatever awesome stuff I usually do. Cubs in ‘08.

Sr. Voy

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 02:01:36 +0000

Aye Aye Aye!

Happy Halloween

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:57:41 +0000

Sexxxy BBQ

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:23:38 +0000

I don’t know if I am hungry or turned on. Both.

Getting Ready for Hat Shop’s Wedding

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 18:12:53 +0000

La Fiesta… …My guess is that either Voy or Ken will make a similar misstep on the dance floor.

One More for the Year

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 16:59:01 +0000

Crank Dat Chubby Boy

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:23:15 +0000

The Cubs cannot seem to pull their heads out of their asses this post season, so I have nothing good to post on that note. The collection of tubes called the internet is still full of good junk though. For instance, this pendulous island rendition of the Soulja Boy. Have a good weekend. Go Cubs.

Hot or Not #1

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 14:10:54 +0000

Tampa Bay Rays

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 02:34:22 +0000

Wow. I am not sure if Jesus or Jeb Bush is behind this, but it looks as if the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are no longer as of the 2008 season. Say hello to the Tampa Bay Rays! Lovely home uniforns

Lovely road uniforms

I am curious what South Florida Little League team’s uniform served as the model for these beauts. Back up…what FL grocery store sponsored the Little League team that inspired the design of this horrible design .My money is on Ray’s.

Midget Mac

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:50:03 +0000

Watch out K-Fed…I may have a new idol… I cannot say that I watch I Love New York, but I might start if this lil’ dude gets on. Midget Muthafuckin Mac in the building, baby…Ayyy!

Altercation with an Ene

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 11:04:30 +0000

I am not often confused with a Sureno, but apparently I was last night. Nothing like fighting your way into a gang in a basement bar… Fortunately, I rolled into the only Norteño unable to dispatch an ass-whoopin on a 165 pound homeboy with a bunch of math tats. Score: XIV neck tatto, 0 110010110 bicep tatto, 0 Draw.

Blackface

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:50:08 +0000

Ninja Kick! Ninja Chop!

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:25:24 +0000

The McCone Co. Slammer back in action! I can say that I have been at the Crystal after close. I cannot say that I have ever attempted to Ninja Kick! air in the Crystal after close, or upon doing so plunge awkwardly towards a pool table. Cory J. is one hell of a bartender; Sgt. Lucas is one hell of a cinematographer.

More Kyle /vs/ Joe

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 18:38:10 +0000

Kyle /vs/ Joe

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:17:37 +0000

All-Star Karaoke

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:42:49 +0000

So, the Dirty L has karaoke every Wednesday night, and it is goddamn horrible. Observe This shit-head tries to swoon the ladies with his rendition of “Pony” by Ginuine. Normally I would not really think twice about this garbage, but this guy bribed the DJ (KJ?) a few bucks to get the last song of the night. Good work dude. As you can imagine, Casanova went home solo.

Astronaut Jones

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 10:23:50 +0000

Hands down, Astronaut Jones is my favorite SNL skit. Enjoy.

Bathroom Antics

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 10:43:14 +0000

Dirty Legion…ladies room…B.O.B. Steve Knevel and I

Good stuff. I guess I missed the memo… B.O.B. is rocking a sweet goatee while Steve is ‘stached up.

My Thoughts to a T

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 19:01:13 +0000

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: ‘Drive Fast’

watchswanzillachugredbull.com

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:11:19 +0000

Red Bull Shotgun

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 17:38:55 +0000

EZ Eve and I horsing around at work. I have stepped my game up a bit, and now shotgun the damn things. Not quite sure what the Waldo comment is all about.

Buzz Kill

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 01:48:28 +0000

We took a Jefferson River float trip last weekend…we being Voy, Menke, Hennesy, Nate, Paps, and I. The day was overcast and we were drinking perhaps the worst Gatorade vodka concoctions ever concocted, but it was fun nonetheless. Long story short, upon our arrival at the take-out we come across a grip of law enforcement agents, all dealing with a girl who injured herself jumping off of a cliff into the river. That said, this was what we walked into.

Big D /vs/ Taser

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 19:17:30 +0000

I like the Crystal Bar shirt. Taser 1, Darrell 0

Elephantitis

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 02:28:29 +0000

I suppose I was wrong…B.O.B. is that bald and gigantically headed.

Hmmm…

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 16:49:11 +0000

I love KFC!!! Yay!!! I love stuffed animals!!! Yay!

I love flip flops and socks!!! Yay!

Pose-Off

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:32:57 +0000

Zoolander vs Hansel

Work shots…use your imagination as to where. My money is on Freemo. Looking mean.

Lean like a Cholo

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 19:21:26 +0000

Lost and Found

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 02:30:35 +0000

No se.
U.S. Department of Lost and Found: Umbrellas and SweatersLo amo.

Bathroom Revisited II

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:12:31 +0000

My future Mexican roommate, Sgt. Tim, and I in the ladies room. “I’ll hold the hand towel; you take the photo.” Happy Thursday fans.

B.O.B.

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 19:03:01 +0000

Quick story…My East Main Man Josh told this fine piece of woman that B.O.B. was William Dafoe. It turns out that B.O.B. did not act in Platoon, but he did act pretty damn well in this clip of “Old Balls” in action. Old Balls has history with DJ Z’s roomate, and had a bit of a romp in the parking lot with my former colleague Sprinkler Sid. Gross, Sid. Gross.

Big Jer on the Mike

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 18:44:02 +0000

Hastings has a policy wherein a patron can sing karaoke to absolve one’s late rental fees. As Bouncer Josh would have you know, if your husky roommate gets late fees on your account, your husky roommate will sing off the debt. Enhance. Enhance. If you could not decipher, that was YMCA after a day of floating the Madison. Nice voice, nicer shirt.

Daft Punk Hand Thing

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:54:16 +0000

Harder Better Faster Stronger I am not sure why someone would get into this sort of thing, but it is one of the most interesting videos I have seen in a while.

Cubs in ’07

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 18:06:16 +0000

The Cubs may not be very good at playing baseball, but goddamn it they are scrappy. The best deal of all is the near no-hitter that Big Z nearly threw. Final score, Pads 1, Cubs 0. Good.

Food Court…Again

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 16:13:50 +0000

In for the kill!

This is perhaps the best. Our resident kiosk tender throwing out some vibe at MYO. Watch out Foot Locker dude…JLo is on the prowl. Many thanks to Biddy for the pic. Instant classic.

Bathroom Revisited

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 02:05:40 +0000

It has been far too long since we have had a Dirty Legion bouncer pic. Same bat bathroom; same bat time.

B.O.B., Swanzilla, and (nickname to ensue…) Josh in the studio. Bob would like to state for the record that he is neither that balding, nor that his head is abnormally large. I contest both claims.

Paris Hilton Fan

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 15:46:30 +0000

The tragedy!!! [Flash video - no longer available]
Paris Hilton Super Fan Loses ItNoooooo

Photosynth Vid

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 18:26:58 +0000

This is pretty incredible. I can only imagine how large Grif’s monitor would be if he got into photosynth software.

Flight of the Conchords

Tue, 29 May 2007 15:59:18 +0000

Here is a clip of a new HBO series, Flight of the Conchords. I saw this episode in full on their site, and just found a link to a embed-able clip. Enjoy. [Flash video - no longer available]
Prettiest Girl In The Room - Watch more free videosPretty funny stuff. Look out for a few more weekend recaps.

Weekend Video #2

Mon, 28 May 2007 19:58:50 +0000

Round two. Meat burger balls courtesy of Papich. On bread.

Memorial Weekend

Mon, 28 May 2007 01:54:37 +0000

Here we go…#1 of several super random videos from the weekend. DNA? Nice mohawk Voy.

Monday Morning

Mon, 21 May 2007 18:10:36 +0000

Voy, (Boyd Freemo) Charles, (Chizzlah) and I attempted to plant some trees this rainy morning. Two of these were thirteen-foot spruce trees, with root balls the size of VW buses. “That tree is the size of two quite tall hippies, with a root ball the size of a vehicle that I would assume them to drive.” …something to that extent; I am not feeling very clever today. On to the clip. You could not see the mischievous grin that Chuck had while attempting to pilot the skid-steer up the hill and sliding immediately backward. You too could not see the inevitable hitting of the t post by the sideways Bobcat. Great way to start the week.

Comments Welcome

Fri, 18 May 2007 02:08:11 +0000

“Kyle is far too lazy to update our fans with his goings on, and enjoys rss feeds of j-swizzle shirtless in skidsteers”

More Onion News

Tue, 15 May 2007 19:14:10 +0000

There is a fine line between subtle humor and being British. I love theonion.com more than traffic lights.
Newman Honored For Achievements in Salad DressingAmongst the other gems in this week’s episode… “Armless Fiancé Showing Off Engagement Hat” …and why not?

Which is Worse?

Mon, 14 May 2007 20:05:42 +0000

Is it worse that I have Kevin Federline’s debut album “Playing with Fire”, or that I am upset that my Kevin Federline album is scratched?

Hail Caesar!

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:20:19 +0000

Recorded out of my back door...no damage to my SS luckily. Happy Mother's Day.

Alma Mater

Fri, 11 May 2007 02:06:56 +0000

I was a football star at the junior varsity level. Not really. My flat feet and asthma, in conjunction with a late puberty kept me well removed from a glorious high school football career. I did, however suit up for Glasgow High, and my experience was this exactly. Well, not quite exactly. I think our quarterback had a far more aggressive ‘stache and the cheeerleaders had much bigger bangs.

Helicopter Antics

Thu, 10 May 2007 01:47:15 +0000

Hmmm…weird. Watch the landing. I have to think about this for a while.

bouncerblog.com /vs/ 38pitches.com

Wed, 09 May 2007 19:44:07 +0000

Curt Shilling had some harsh words towards soon-to-be home run champ Barry Bonds recently. Whatever Curt. My blog beats the hell out of your blog, amigo. Also, look at Bonds’ stats. He is pretty good at playing baseball.

Atmospheric Waves

Mon, 07 May 2007 19:26:34 +0000

This is a remarkable clip of some gravity waves, likely caused by a mountain range induced inversion. Enjoy.

One More

Sat, 05 May 2007 02:35:59 +0000

I too am tiring of these vids…here is one more. Content is content. Have a safe and happy Cinco De Mayo, todos.

My First Chainsaw

Wed, 02 May 2007 19:40:11 +0000

Item! The most effeminate chainsaw of all time!

Complete with “cord.”

I cannot imagine this lil’ guy tearing even through balsa, so there must be another reason for it’s existence. For example:

Prank gift for a gay lumberjack
… That is really all that I have.

Segway Panel

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 18:44:47 +0000

Courtesy of theonion.com’s new video section…my favorite yet.
Watch on The Onion

Shame

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 18:06:44 +0000

While paying for my groceries after work, in walks the main guy from the butcher area at Heeb’s. I found myself incredibly embarrassed, holding my peanut butter and roma tomatoes.

Red Bull Chug Deax

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 17:12:17 +0000

There is not much that I enjoy about working on Saturdays. Not much at all. I do like the angle I have been taking regarding Red Bull consumption. Listen to still-drunk Charles’ nonsense comment in the background. In other news, Grif bought a Yukon today. Sayonara grocery getter…maybe we can get a post out of him.

Red Bull Chug…Why Not?

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 18:35:14 +0000

This is my ode to Voy… …random chug videos are his, and my, favorite.

Friday Night Fights

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 21:16:33 +0000

…descriptions to follow

U.K. Blokes

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 11:19:54 +0000

I have about had it with Ahmadinejad. I have definitely had it with the Royal British Marines being fucking pussies as well. You are soldiers; why don’t you act like it, dudes and dudette?

The sailors and marines, who were seized from patrol boats on March 23, returned to the UK on Thursday after 13 days in Iranian captivity. Lt. Carman said they were kept in isolation, interrogated and blindfolded, and subjected to “aggressive questioning and rough handling.”

Sort of Spooky

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:05:02 +0000

Cheney is just lurching around in the bushes. Hmm...

Search Term Party Revisited

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 02:43:08 +0000

bouncerblog.com loves traffic. bouncerblog.com really loves all of you that actually read bouncerblog.com, and sort of loves all of you that like to look at bouncerblog.com’s pictures. bouncerblog.com can only post a finite number of pictures of Bouncer B.O.B.’s Larry Bird ‘stache; that fact is strictly spelled out in the contract with our host, siteground. Anyhow. One of my favorite things to do is look in to our search terms. The bulk of our traffic is direct. Our second source is images.google.com…which is more often than not the product of my random photo tags. The most obscure traffic comes from random folks googlin’ and askin’ jeeves really random junk. See below: 1 12 6.06% joe swanson 2 7 3.54% jlo ass 3 6 3.03% only dudes 4 6 3.03% saddam 5 6 3.03% shitty car 6 6 3.03% stupid 7 5 2.53% hematoma 8 5 2.53% piece of shit car 9 5 2.53% stupid car 10 4 2.02% stupids car 11 4 2.02% biba golic 12 3 1.52% anna kournikova 13 3 1.52% bouncer blog 14 3 1.52% shirtless 15 2 1.01% family guy joe swanson 16 2 1.01% good photoshop 17 2 1.01% anna kournikova ass 18 2 1.01% big pimpin 19 2 1.01% billie joes tattoos 20 2 1.01% bobcat mascot Top twenty search terms, as per the first four days of April. How pissed would you be if you were looking for a picture of J-Lo’s ass and found yourself ankle deep in MC Hammer videos and mustache pictures?

Case of the Moondays

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 21:07:57 +0000

I am going to asterisk this post. Love those asterisks. *I woke up to eight inches of wet snow stretching out the SS’s bed cover. Not only will this keep us out of work for a few days, it will keep things sloppy for a week *Christi from Penor y Associates dropped a multi-hundred dollar bomb on ASI. We will see…my second favorite Eve thinks I may be able to take this bullshit on in house. *The North Side Nine (Chicago Cubs, asses) lost to the Reds. Moreover, the Tribune Company announced that they will sell the franchise at the end of the season…for a profit nearing 680 million dollars. It looks like this guy had better sign a contract while the club has money. Go Zambrano, even though you let Dunn hit two monster shots this afternoon.

How Cute

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:25:06 +0000

Eating Prowess

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 19:27:15 +0000

I love yard bird. Before

After

I am all that is man.

Pee Wee Brawl

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 02:30:38 +0000

If I have a prejudice, it is an uneasiness regarding the French-Canadians. Observe: [Flash video - no longer available]
Pee Wee Hockey Brawl - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!This little Barry Melrose-ish dude wipes out both a teammate, twice, and a foe, and then nearly shits his hockey pants scrambling away from the scene. Question: where are the hockey sticks in this hockey match?

Vegas Reminder

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 10:11:04 +0000

Dave, Chuck Chizzlah, and I are currently being snowed out of our latest fence project. Blah blah blah, Montana weather, blah blah blah. I realized that I have yet to post a picture of the newest addition to my Federline look, courtesy of Twig from Hart & Huntington at the Palms.

I think I should quit while I am ahead. Three nerd-ass tattoos are plenty.

Hammer Round ?

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:07:12 +0000

I wonder if Hammer has seen bouncerblog.com. I guarantee this is one of his strongest channels of exposure. Enjoy this fine and confusing mash-up. Can’t touch that.

More Food Court Action

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 17:08:16 +0000

Remember this guy? Well, he is still at it.

Pimpin’ all over the mall.

Double up…I love this guy.

Season Start

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:46:46 +0000

Back from Vegas; sort of broke. Landscape time.

Present Day Hazzard County

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:58:10 +0000

[Flash video - no longer available]I think I would shit if this dude came rolling past me sideways. I keep looking for Boss Hogg and Kooter.

Ready for Spring

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 11:59:58 +0000

While B.O.B. is waiting for his “I am actually not Larry Bird. I am however his brother, Terry Bird” mustache to darken, I am waiting for Spring to spring.

Nice vest Joe.

New Tattoo

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 16:42:51 +0000

Legionimite Madness

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 03:36:46 +0000

Holy moly. March Mustache Madness has thus far been completely mad. Cases in point:

B.O.Beezie went for the Larry Bird ‘stache, again. I, again, went gunslinger. We both look creepy…MMM success stories. I cannot express my teenage girl giddyness to see Grif, aka Justin Justache, show up sporting his “I drive a sedan but easily could own a van” look. Keep your fingers crossed.

Also of note…Bouncer J-Rod is in town. Cue the montage. The night starts with a healthy dose of beer pong at the Dirty Leeg…the relatively new Thursday night fare.

Servo Fun

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 14:33:44 +0000

Check Your Calender

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 04:00:11 +0000

Steve the Intern’s brother B.O.B. and I decided that perhaps a pre-March Mustache Madness pic might be blog worthy. I decided to render the hell out of the women’s room photo, both to enhance our ‘staches and hide the photo evidence that the muscle of the Legion owns and wears a maroon sweater.

Rest Assured…

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:58:09 +0000

Hey there VHS owners.

Fear not…Target still stocks VHS rewinders. *Rewinds Tapes Quickly *No Delay of Next Viewing …and my favorite… *Automatic Stop/Eject No more hard to find stop and eject buttons on this gem.

Great Stuff from The Onion

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:44:30 +0000

[![Bumbling Ragtag Regiment Achieves Heartwarming Victory In Iraq](http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bumbling-Ragtag-thumb.frontpage_thumbnail_small.jpg.jpg)](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bumbling_ragtag_regiment_achieves?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets)## [![The Onion](http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/assets/logos/onion_super_tiny.png)](http://www.theonion.com/content?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets) ### [Bumbling Ragtag Regiment Achieves Heartwarming Victory In Iraq](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bumbling_ragtag_regiment_achieves?utm_source=Distributed&utm_medium=Embedded%2BHTML&utm_campaign=Widgets)

![](http://statistics.theonion.com/b/ss/theonionprod/1/H.6--NS/1234567?pe=lnk_d&pev2=Bumbling%20Ragtag%20Regiment%20Achieves%20Heartwarming%20Victory%20In%20Iraq&pev1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Fnews%2Fbumbling_ragtag_regiment_achieves%3Futm_source%3DDistributed%26utm_medium%3DEmbedded%252BHTML%26utm_campaign%3DWidgets)

Worst Car Bomb Ever

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:44:37 +0000

You could not drive your obscure orange flare-sided truck well, let alone knock out the dated parabolic dishes…as per your charge [Flash video - no longer available]I, the rooster in the background audio, and your homeboys taping your failed suicide bombing attempt, are embarrassed for you, car bomber.

Fun at Best Buy

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 18:28:17 +0000

Grif’s trips through Billings all feature shopping stops at Best Buy…his five hard drives are all testaments to this. This ugly little dude apparently enjoys Best Buy for a different reason. [Flash video - no longer available]I find myself simultaneously hating and feeling sorry for the kid…sort of confusing. Enjoy.

Fat Tuesday Goings On

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:05:50 +0000

Since Grif and I rule, we decided to spend last night in Livingston for a dose of amateur boxing. We have been frequenting the Tuesday Night Fights in Bozeman, and figured that we may as well head over the pass to see what the deal was. We were happy to see that Right on John and Gino had made the trip as well. Photos of those to soon, I promise. Until then, feel free to check out Right on John’s Website. It’s awesome, and you are welcome for the traffic. I attempted to capture the essence of a girl fight in my cell phone’s awesome resolution… …I promise you that it is crazy. The Ragin’ Asian beat the chubby girl if anybody cares. That about sums that up, aside from the wonderful drive over the pass at a rate of twenty miles per hour. Blinding blizzards rule. We followed a Coke semi with it’s blinkers on…my bet is that Kyle’s knuckles are still pretty white.

Afterhours Antics

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 18:31:04 +0000

Happy Presidents Day. I like Taft…he was chubby. Two entertaining pics for your viewing pleasure:

Andy was skewered looking for a knife.

Pat playing a round of popular Washington drinking game “Edward 12oz Hands.” Oofta Doofta…I am sure there are a few good shots from Josh and Mikey’s place. B.O.Bizzle and Bouncer Ken put on an old fashioned shit show. Hopefully they will surface; I am off to read more about our twenty second president Chester Arthur.

Cubs Woes

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 20:02:32 +0000

Kerry Wood fell out of his hot tub Monday night. He ought to be pitching off of a mound in another four or five days. My god.

So it begins…‘07 baby

Rock On

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 12:16:11 +0000

This one is great. Also great is the fact that all of these videos are using other's bandwidth. Imagine bouncerblog.com on dial-up...

Yesss!

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 10:03:56 +0000

Guess who just doubled his shower efficiency?

Bouncer Paul’s Woes

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 04:03:09 +0000

Oh boy oh boy oh Hoy… As luck would have it, Bozeman Deaconess Hospital’s finest could not adequately diagnose when enough is enough regarding seizure medication. Example:

Our Boy Hoy received a clear bill of health four weeks preceding an unheard of three seizure day. Three fractured verts and a mashed up tongue to boot! Awesome! I am not a litigious guy, but this might be worth a look. Abbster…since Wednesday you just jumped three hundred points in my make believe log. For reals though.

Fun at the Mall

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 17:39:58 +0000

I found myself at the mall this afternoon with some time to kill while waiting for a few bouncerblog.com shirts to be put together. An hour wait? Get real ShirtWorks. I found some entertaining things; J P has a whole line of cell phone antenna charms at the Verizon kiosk. Sgt. Tim enjoys chili and bread bowls. On to the pics. While enjoying a regular combo at Famous Wok (props on the name) I noticed this rock star food court pimpin. The poor burrito shop employee was taking some serious passes from an athletic chap from Foot Locker…bellied up to the ol’ burrito bar. ~Tip: change, then spit game.

Breaking K-Fed!!!

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:35:02 +0000

[Flash video - no longer available]Somebody leaked Federline’s Super Bowl commercial two hours ago. Try to tell me that K-Fed does not have talent. Rollin’ VIP. Deb Eve…this one is for you by the way…J-Fed? yo who got it better than me federline on the block rollin vip sick whip thick rims fat rocks i got em shinin like a superstar from top to bottom you need a shuga daddy i’m your mack and if you need a dolla holla cause i got a whole stack what…rollin v.i.p what…rollin v.i.p…what…

Weekend Awards

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 18:38:55 +0000

Sweetest jacket:

Most innovative use of coaxial cable, automotive:

Weird Kid

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:13:13 +0000

[Google Video - no longer available] My children will do this trick in ninja costumes.

Par-tay

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 17:21:05 +0000

Mahna Mahna

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 05:08:37 +0000

???

Words of Wisdom

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 15:57:03 +0000

Stanley Rhein, inventor of Mad Libs died today. He was seventy-poop years old. -Amir B.

Keep Em Coming

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 16:29:47 +0000

Why Not?

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 16:28:09 +0000

This would have made for a pretty good Christmas card.

I really like the direction that this blog is headed. Real shitty photoshop work.

Alf

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 20:53:45 +0000

House Explostion

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 19:05:13 +0000

Breaking this story…

This is a cell phone pic taken by my buddy Bailly from the Smith’s parking lot forty minutes ago. Low resolution, but you can see how big that fireball is. He was trying to take a picture of the flames, and happened to get some Beirut footage. Take that Chronicle.

Hace Frio

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 03:07:30 +0000

Enjoy this snapshot of my Chevy’s rear view mirror.

This is just plain ridiculous. This SS saw 114 degrees in the South Dakota badlands last June on the way back from Greg’s Omaha wedding. That makes for a 129 degree operating range at least. Impressive…like Grif’s package.

Grif Hung

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 21:07:00 +0000

WBW

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 23:04:45 +0000

I finally was able to pull this picture out of Kyle’s phone…

Bob and I sporting our weird beards last weekend. Bob is obese according to the Bozeman Daily Chronicle, FYI.

Soul Brother Number One

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 03:53:17 +0000

Mom took a chance in letting me watch SNL as a pup. This surely aired well before I was watching the show post mass, but nonetheless has been in my head for a decade and a half. well well well…hot tub hot hot so hot in the hot tub hot tub hot say hot…rub a dub in the hot tub

Saddam Hung

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 12:48:41 +0000

Saddam’s hung…

…get it?

WTF

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 22:25:11 +0000

Either I am brain-dead from the long weekend or this clip is insane. I see a similarity between the Beach Blanket Bingo and Glen Quagmire’s Hic-A-Doo-La.

Saddam

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 02:32:56 +0000

You know what? I refuse to toe a line regarding this whole situation yet. I am, however, already quite tired of hearing “I bet we will see a video of the bastard hang” from a bunch of rubes. Here y’all go

Retardation

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 03:05:28 +0000

Found this one cited on my Lost forum…say what you will Sidney versus SydneyIt turns out spelling may or may not cost you 6000 euro

Honesty

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 20:12:16 +0000

There you have it.

For What It’s Worth

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 18:32:36 +0000

One heavily hyphenated compound word: weird-beard-weekend

Pretty Funny

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 12:00:00 +0000

Some of the writers for CollegeHumor are terrific. This one had me rolling. New Ways to Give the FingerMy personal favorite is the Usual Suspects. Later players.

This is Great

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:16:59 +0000

We have had some creepy, boozed up, Buick driving Santas-for-pay show up to the Swanson Family Christmas shindigs over the years. They, however, have nothing on this guy. [Google Video - no longer available] “We want Santa…We want Santa…We want Santa” I just hope that was his pickup he lit up.

Wii Girl

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 21:10:39 +0000

I desperately want a wii. Watch this vid…wait for the end.

Hard Hitting Reporting

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 23:11:54 +0000

Take this Stone Phillips… He is somewhere up there with John Stossel and that dude who works the sex stings. Hard Hitting.

Holidaytree Season

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 21:39:43 +0000

Is holidaytree the PC term? Dave is selling trees this year, which found Chuck Chisslah and I tramping around the Bridger Mountains looking for a few gems. It turns out that the Baxter Hotel required a “fuller” tree than Southwest MT could provide…if anyone would like to purchase an eighteen footer give Morrison a ring. Also, if anyone wants to buy Morrison a better goddamn chainsaw feel free to do so. I may or may not have thrown this hunk of shit somewhere between three and two dozen times this summer while building various stair features across our picturesque valley.

Novelty T

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 12:47:52 +0000

Classic shirt courtesy of Matty G:

Go Cats.

Say Hi!

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:57:46 +0000

Heroics. Check out this link

Health Woes

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 22:21:49 +0000

Who throws a bar stool? Really?

Who fractures a vertebrae sleeping? Really?

As Grif’s face is essentially back to normal, Voy a.k.a. FreemoFoShoMo, and I are both down for stints on the pine. I am eagerly awaiting my ER bill as to know how bad of an ass kicking Steve-o is to receive, and Freemee is not so eagerly awaiting several months of PT to correct the most obscure injury of all time.

Senator Tester

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 13:49:03 +0000

It turns out Jon hit the arcade in celebration of his win. Turns out.

Election ’07

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 14:55:36 +0000

Yo Ring the Bell Schools Back In

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 21:20:25 +0000

[Google Video - no longer available] World of Warcraft, Hammer style. You can’t touch that.

More Hammer Time

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 18:48:47 +0000

[Google Video - no longer available] You’re guess is as good as mine.

Pumps and a Bump

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 20:09:48 +0000

Who does not like the girls with the pumps and a bump, Hammer? I am guessing this video is predates Can’t Touch This. Pumps and a bump, Pumps and a bump, we like the girls with the Pumps and a bump! If you can pull your eyes off Hammer’s junk for long enough to check out his acting abilities, feel free to bounce to 2:43…Enjoy.

Denim Danielle

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 17:36:27 +0000

Hey teens. Remember this trio from a year ago?

I still love these little pushovers…The “my favorite color is also lime green, Grandma” kids rule. Well, a dozen months later, same bat place…same bat brick wallpaper…

Yessss! Female Canadian Tuxedo with a pre-femullet do. Still writing checks, I notice. I strongly prefer assholes who pay in change over those who pull out checkbooks in public. You remember those Diner’s Club cards? Yep…they sort of took off, friend. Roommates B.O.Beezee and Big D are laughing at you. Darrell is only laughing at your wardrobe, however, because he still writes checks at the Leeg.

This is Bad

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 19:12:58 +0000

True story. This clip is taken from a live Dutch television show. The premise is basically that this dude lost both of his testicles in a medical accident…the rest is pure comedy. Bad.

Pick Your Poison

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 20:11:46 +0000

I like a lot of things. I like how Grif and I post garbage on here that goes largely unread unless of course said garbage pre or proceeds a photo or video clip. That is quite alright; bouncerblog.com is a means of us to say whudeva about whudeva…so whudeva. We could and do talk about the junk we post in person. There is some creepy satisfaction in having random people drop in an perhaps get a rise or some insight in our babblings. Is that a word? Anyhow, our stats show that amid our images.google.com directed viewers and wtf search terms we get a ton of direct activity…meaning that we have a mess of fans to date. Give yourselves a big Arseneo Hall whoop whoop. Without further ado…I have two gems for you:

Schwitzer /vs/ Koopman ’06

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 21:09:35 +0000

Brian Schweitzer’s bolo-tied-up smarmy ass just gained a level of respect in Swaniachi’s book. I hate partisan politics somewhat less than I hate blind belief sets…draw your own opinion. Guvnah’ Schweitzah’Chalk one up to logic. Keep in mind that even though his figures were vague, Brian does hold a masters degree in soil science from MSU. Roger Koopman is a ultra-conservative thirty year local hack politician who doesn’t trust the Internet and its “hate blogs.” Fuck you anyway, Roger. I do like how the show of hands came into play…not enough shows of hands anymore.

Bozeman Book Brigade

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 15:43:55 +0000

Get fucking real.

With only about ten of seventeen million dollars raised for the library project, the library foundation is resorting to this means of transporting books across town. I really question why a thousand odd townies would show up to do this. I don’t know.

Extremely Cute Alien Girlfriend

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 21:08:41 +0000

Put yourself in the shoes of the dating clip editor charged with the task of slapping this beauty together… Yep, he sure pulls out the fact that his anime hero has an extremely cute alien girlfriend. Form a line ladies.

406 in the Onion

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 18:24:23 +0000

Senatorial Candidate Challenges Opponent To Drop Out Of Race September 26, 2006 | Issue 42•39 HELENA, MT—As Montana’s Senate race heats up in its final weeks, Democrat Jon Tester has challenged his opponent, incumbent Republican Conrad Burns, to prove his commitment to his principles and to the people of Montana by dropping out of the race. “You have said time and again, Mr. Burns, that small governments best serve society,” said Tester during a speech before a prominent cattle-ranching group Monday. “If you believe what you say, then I challenge you: Prove your convictions by dropping out of this race, or be known as another politician who refuses to live by his word.” Burns responded to the challenge by issuing a counter-challenge calling upon his rival to limit all campaign spending from now until election night to zero. I project that it is all done but the crying for Ol’ Burnsie.

Eve

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 21:10:15 +0000

Is this Grant?

Weird Fans

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 17:31:30 +0000

For some reason unbeknown yet to Grif and me, we were not able to view bouncerblog.com’s stats last week. Kyle came through (as usual) and we are good to go with the primary application that we both seem to check most often. In the lapse from the seventeenth to the twenty fifth, we seem to have had four search term hits for the phrase “overall hot pants”…I will let you grab that visual and run with it.

Introducing…

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 13:44:10 +0000

| | Cool Slideshows | |:–|:–|

Mike Hawk

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 18:05:22 +0000

Big shout out to college humor for this one…make sure you have some volume I know this joke is played out, but this jackass is definitely bouncerblog.com material

Stupid Car

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 23:12:55 +0000

I spotted this dandy of a vehicle in the Home Depot parking lot this afternoon. I think we need to track the owner down for a photo-op. Picture Grif in this little pistol shooter. Ahh.

With oil below $65 bucks a barrel, we are bound to see some cheaper fuel in the not to distant future. I hope gas prices drop just to spite this asshole…imagine crawling into this diminutive piece of shit every morning. Or better yet borrowing the parents effeminate lime green three wheeled car for the big date. Or trying to skirt Bozeman Pass in January…two wheel action…goin’ huntin'?

Rod/Mindy Update 1

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 02:02:28 +0000

Well, I am in Denver. Now where are all of the gotdamn omelets? The Zigmeister, Rev, and I made it to lovely Colorado (in the SS due to a Dodge Dakota that showed up to Bozeman three quarts low of oil approximately a day and a half after it was slated to appear…good looking out Zig) with only one speeding ticket. This ninety dollar fine will make my total for the last two months an even four hundred dollars if you happen to be keeping tabs. I did however manage to get pulled over with a shirt on for the second time in a row, which is nice.

R.I.P. Steve

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 15:14:22 +0000

Some will remember Steve “The Croc Hunter” Irwin for his daring exploits with dangerous animals. I will remember Steve Irwin as the only dude who can give Michael Jackson a run for his money in reckless stunts involving their infant children.

Homeboy was stung in the heart by a stingray this morning. I like to think Steve stung us all in the hearts with his zaniness. Cranky.

…Why Not?

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 11:49:42 +0000

A hour or so after that last post this is where things ended up.

That’s right, a good ol’ fashioned chest shavin’. Cody had a reverse Eddie Munster thing going on with his hair which was looking like the precursor to a MacGuyver mullet which we decided to take care of. Drunk. After cleaning up the neckline, I suggested that Cody go ahead and take care of the chest hair, which for some reason occurred. Cory and I had to step in after a nipple wound showed up. Wow.

Hot Coed XXX Porn Olsen Twins

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 22:53:58 +0000

The bouncerblog.com crew has seven action packed minutes remaining of SundayFunday. I nearly spit Vinergey low-cal flavored wine out of my nose upon seeing this pic in the Janes’ boyz downstairs half bath. Word to your mother Cody and Cory.

I don’t care what your level of diversity training is, the company policy requires you to file that under humerous… (Used courtesy of Lawrence the T-1 cable installer and theonion.com)

Coeds

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 16:15:47 +0000

Good thing the A-squad was on the clock last night, huh Bozeman. Three fights that I know of were stamped out by Kyle, ShirtShop, Bouncer B.O.B., Sergeant Tim Lucas, and who the hell else knows. I am a little sore still, but probably not as sore as I imagine the dude who hit Grif and my new cracked out buddy to be today. We need some gotdamn cameras to document this stuff at the bar I swear. Especially when Grif “can’t move” at the end of the night and Waldo gets deputized for cooler stocking purposes. All is well that ends well, I suppose. The Bobcats managed to beat a Div I-A team today, which I am hoping will renew the bouncerblog.com crew’s interest in tailgating. Kiboko’s are still two bucks at the Hippo, and the internet is still awesome. Case in point: <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/v1wG9g1wjSA" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>I think the crew could use a chill night. Stay tuned.

Kevin Federline Fanclub

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 18:15:20 +0000

I will be the first to admit that K-Fed’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards was awkward. Take a look at this gem and tell me that the Federmeister is not awesome. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/atLJ2BxGIkE" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Okay.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 18:05:26 +0000

If I did believe in God, I believe God would be giving the owner of this SUV cancer or bad crops.

I am sort of confused here…is this a penitent cowboy Calvin? Maybe if penitent cowboy Calvin was peeing on Satan or a Chevrolet bow tie I would be more impressed.

Preppy

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 19:44:01 +0000

Remember that episode of Saved by the Bell when Zack Morris aka Preppy had the fast-talking teacher from the Micro Machines commercial who was apparently also a plumber? Well anyhow, Zack and Screech head to the bathroom and crank on the sinks, flush the toilets, and call the teacher to distract him…using a phone identical to this monster.

Well their ruse fails and Jesse Spano ends up writing so fast that smoke erupts from her test. I do not believe Screech’s robot made an appearance.

Notary Thuglic

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 16:45:15 +0000

Bring on the affidavits.

BFF

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 22:28:08 +0000

Hey…I know ladies…to hell with the guys…we are wearing our funny looking sweaters out on the town…sure, it may in fact be before noon on a Wednesday, but hey lets turn some heads.

It is August ninth for Baby Jesus’ sake…lose the severely outdated fashion stats grlz

Minstrel Show

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 19:36:25 +0000

Keep em coming…

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 18:23:24 +0000

I’ll take your traffic, asswipes.

Going Places

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 13:21:51 +0000

Pack your bags…we are heading to Appalachian State <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pVENWl8uBeg" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Bombs over Beirut

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 01:22:58 +0000

I stumbled across these pics on cnn.com. They are pretty remarkable.

These were taken from a Hezbollah-laden suburb of Beirut on the twelfth and twenty-second of July respectfully. Seeing as how there have been thousands of pounds more explosives dropped on the joint in the past two weeks, and moreover that the US plans to let Israel pound on these fuckers for at least another week before anything happens, I can only imagine that this is only a glimpse at the wreckage. Good thing Canadians are pretty much just beer drinking funny talkers.

Destiny?

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 22:44:14 +0000

I think I am definitely bound to wind up on Cops. Is that show still on? Anyhow, for the second Sunday in a row I ended up getting pulled over while shirtless. This week ended up better than last, resulting in a measly point-free speeding ticket. I would take that over another trip downtown any day. Or week. Since I am mostly sure nobody checks bb anymore, Kyle included, here is a poorly rendered pic for my viewing pleasure.

Legal Woes

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 19:08:19 +0000

Yep. I was arrested this weekend.

Something is Afoot.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 18:11:28 +0000

On my way home from work I spotted a) A late model accord, minus rear passenger window, with a “gone to race in a better place” Earnhardt memorial window cling, and b) A dude on a Segway I looked into Segways last week as a matter of fact. Though (already?) obscure, the sumbitches still go for at least three g’s on eBay. Maybe I get a fixer-upper and throw a set of Earnhardt wings on the side. Sorry for the lack of photos by the way…I managed to lose my LG yesterday at work.

Weddings.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 20:01:46 +0000

Throw in the Cha Cha Slide and flush a grand down the goddam toilet and that is about that.

Swanny's Favorite Things

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:58:31 +0000

I enjoy looking at an alpaca with a funny hair-do.

I enjoy when Voy crawls into a small space…

…and throws up the “M”

I enjoy going to gun shows, and therein seeing ponytails of this aggressive nature.

I still enjoy this lil’ dude’s mullet.

I enjoy eating sandwiches that are as long as my shoulders are wide.

Swanny’s Hunting Prowess

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 21:45:39 +0000

Steph, Megs, and I stumbled across this sumbitch at Canyon Ferry this weekend…sometime after a swimming competition that my landlocked ass won. Hurray.

This is about a six foot bull snake, minus head. I bravely managed to break the things neck, and then to decapitate it with my Wal-Mart purchased, four dollar machete. Thuggish ruggish. I think the blade is still in the Codymeister’s boat, and that my odds of seeing it again are slim.

Curious?

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:02:43 +0000

Just a quick one here–> I am baffled by the following: Which is sweeter?

My Silverado SS, or…

Lil’ dude’s mullet.

Hey.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 19:14:13 +0000

Sorry for the lag in posts. Not really though; I have been busy. Between my buying the SS, skipping across Canyon Ferry on Dave’s jet ski, and beautifying various yards of Gallatin County, I have not had a surplus of time to keep our fan’s thirst for nonsense quenched. Lets get up to speed. Gory shit first. Leaving the bar on Friday night, we noticed some bouncers from the R Bar hosing down the sidewalk in front of the bar. Blood everywhere, gun involved, etc. As luck would have it, the mess was from my buddy Dane. Say hi Dane.

Morrison Militia Update

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 20:39:52 +0000

Hey teens. I figured that it is due time I give the fans a photo summary of the goings on at Morrison Design and Landcape, in the beautiful Gallatin County, MT.

Figure it out for yourselves, y’all. Pump up the jam. Pump pump pump up the jam.

Apache Infatuation

Mon, 29 May 2006 17:54:24 +0000

I was looking for some more Sugarhill Gang Apache video content for my sweet MySpace profile, when I stumbled across this gem. Has anyone else noticed that bouncerblog has next to nothing to do with the Legion anymore? Griff gets punched in the head last week, Ken Marty and Bus get into an altercation regarding a big hat, and I keep throwing up retarded video posts. Something seems to be working…we ended up with 264 unique visitors in one twenty-four hour period and have crushed our previous monthly bests. Here you go teens. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eTKL8MNH95Q" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I Love this Guy

Sun, 21 May 2006 16:02:27 +0000

I would hang out with this dude.

New Hot or Not

Wed, 17 May 2006 23:38:49 +0000

I cannot keep the public waiting. At a three to zero vote, more Hot or Not’s wins the poll. Here you go. Hot or NotI did however provide one vote, and presume that Kyle and my mom were the other two. Whatever.

Recap pictures

Thu, 11 May 2006 18:27:13 +0000

Recap

Sun, 07 May 2006 10:23:41 +0000

I just returned home from an epic Yukon retrieval mission…I am hoping that 46 ounces (fl.) of V8, 24 ounces (fl.) of Mountain Dew, and 32 ounces (fl.) of Xzude sports drink will relieve me of this fucking headache.

Last night was less like this, and more like HatShop and I acting like two Down’s kids. Sorry Kyle. Sorry Bob.

Watch Out

Sat, 06 May 2006 17:12:56 +0000

HatShop and I will likely end up shirtless tonight. Watch out.

Its a Search Term Party!

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:26:29 +0000

I hate to have to trump your post JLo, **but there ain’t no party like a search term party! ‘cause a search term party don’t stop!**Whatever. Time has come, though, to let you all know some of the more assinine phrases we have encountered lately. From time to time it seems a person sees fit to fire up Google and enter a string of utter nonsense. “Show me what you are made of, Google.” Google seems to think an appropriate response to these queries is throwing up a middle finger and a link to bouncerblog.com. Thanks Eric Schmidt. Here is your handy work: freemos pizza–mo’ pizza mo’ fun. I checked this one out…we are number five on a google search for this term. Heeeeey! schweitzer fluid–This actually has come up more than once. I find it amusing to picture the poor bolo tie-wearing bastard who so desperately seeks information about Schweitzer fluid that he clicks on “Montana Bouncers in Action” as a last ditch effort. More than once. Plus, after this post, bouncerblog.com will have mentioned Schweitzer fluid three times…you are screwed, buddy. ass story–? ear bar–What bubba keg–There have been a few months where these little guys kept us interested in blogging. Thanks Bubba Kegs. beer bellies–I suppose this is easier to type than “pictures of NateDawg and Bouncer B.O.B hangin’ out”…the capitalization and grammatical marks get to be too much. slegion com–I suspect this was keyed in at the Janes’s compound at around four in the morning. “What’s Griff and Swanny’s website called slegion com?…dot gov?…look, Frank shit on the wall!” cute little rats–Bev and her boyfriend stripper bar bozeman–Josh ass shot–Bev tribute to the hoff–and… brokeback mountain the hoff–I take pride in the inevitable fact that there are some Hoff fansite webmasters seeing a decline in traffic due to my post. Nerds. leather pants–I love ’em too…but you better ask Jeeves. tony roof blog–I wonder if this exists. Maybe you should grab the domain name, ShirtShop, just to be on the safe side. hawaii bar shirtless–see leather pants working on colt .45–This is one of my favorites. I can see two sticky situations:

Questionable, but Delicious

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 19:10:05 +0000

This post is pretty much for John Swanson and Matt Zignego. Look what I found in my hand at the Legion. Sixteen delicious ounces…

My favorite Old Style moments were in Wrigley a few years back. Go Cubs! My only other experience involved Ziggy, a hastily made “Fuck Wall Drug” sign, an overnight drive across the Midwest, and an upended chew spitter. Perhaps Zig’s Mom’s Meatloaf CD as well. Go Loaf! I was under the impression that the Rocky Mountain states were out of Old Style’s territory. Maybe this is an omen that ‘06 will be all Cubby Bears.

Christmas Morning Revisited

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 19:55:45 +0000

So Grif, J-Lo, and I all admitted to our spastic tendancies regarding video games. I can aver that I had at least enough class to pick my poisons. Enjoy the video.

Either Kendall or Owen? Shit Grif, at least the two of us have age on our side or we too might have been embarassed by this bad boy. I can eliminate the Budewitz household as the scene of this crime…Biddy would have spent less time throwing gifts and more time arranging them.

Lack of Photo Content

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 15:39:22 +0000

Either we are having less fun these days, or we are forgetting to document our antics for the site. I am guessing the later is the case, as per Josh’s blood alcohol test. And this photo.

This was the result of Cody, Biddy, NateDawgg, and much PBR hanging out all night a few weekends ago. As far as I can recall, Biddy showed up with Ryan’s clippers, and there you have it. I gave Cody a Mr. T do for a short time…unfortunately my cellular phone photography skills seemed to have been slightly compromised. Anyhow…that is old news. Lets get some content.

A Few Things

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 20:23:12 +0000

First off…I am still unable to locate the correct driver to get my (new) wireless adapter up and running. Don’t hold your breath, but I may soon be blasting around town with a big ass dipole antenna on my roof wardriving. Put that shit on a geek test. Secondly, and perhaps more entertaining to most, I have uploaded some photos to my facebook account. You can check them out w/out logging in here. Jamaica Photos. Grif and I have been spitballing ideas regarding our photo gallery, so this is a quick fix of sorts. Enjoy.

I still love technology

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 13:49:52 +0000

This could easily be a clip of Grif. Or of me. Or of Josh. X-mas with bouncerblog.comMake sure you have the volume up and enjoy.

Jamaica Pictorial #3

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 16:16:18 +0000

Q) What do you do when you are traveling abroad and find your self quare in the middle of a racket? The maid accuses your traveling mates of stealing a woven tissue holder? The security guard lets a burglar into your vista? A) You suggest to Russ that he upper deck the mother fuckers.

Lordhavemercy.

Jamaican Pictorial #2

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 13:59:05 +0000

After a long day of getting robbed, blasting a dude in the head with a haymaker clear from Montana, and getting robbed once again, I personally like to throw my feet up and crack into a cool Swizzle.

J-Swizzle in the place to be.

Lordhavemercy

Jamaica Pictorial #1

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:23:45 +0000

Walking on sea water riddled tile steps with a belly full of overproof rum (rum and butt) may or may not result in a hematoma in Jamaica.

Lordhavemercy.

Adios Sukas

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 16:52:25 +0000

See you all in a week. I hope I run across a live connection on my travels, but if not…

Ol’ Bird Flu and I will catch up with you all in about a week.

Assinine Police Report

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 17:22:22 +0000

This is courtesy of the Bozeman Daily Chronicle. I hope this is a sign that they re-hired the old police report author…these things used to be hilarious. **“Two men on West College Street were pushing each other and yelling. Officers stopped them. They said they were really good friends and that their method of communication was normal in their home country.”**Where are these dudes from? I want to visit. My favorite of all time was the report that a bear was “cited” outside of town. I hope they provided the bear legal counsel.

Dancing Fat Kid

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 13:16:12 +0000

Here you go. Another stupid-assed kid clip. Pay special attention to his stocky dance move approximately 1/3 of the way through the clip. It is a crotch thrust of some sort, followed by a brief “oh shit what now” pause, finished with some lovely twirls. Enjoy.

Kendall Sighting

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 13:48:23 +0000

I can’t imagine that they caught you by surprise with this bad boy. The picture looks to be less than spontaneous.

'Stache Pics

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:44:29 +0000

Bouncer Bob…a.k.a. Larry Bird

Swanny from the Block…a.k.a Justin Justache

It's March

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 16:41:27 +0000

It is March. Happy March. Coming off our first month of declining numbers, bouncerblog.com is still going strong. Though Hatshop (I am working with hospitalpantshop or perhaps bluepaperpantshop) Tony is banged up, and Grif is second-guessing our mustache tradition, I am keeping it gangsta.

I purchased a new Rocawear backpack to trizzansfer my bizzoks and lizzaptizzop computahh. Moreover, I will be basking in the Jamaican sun in no time. With board shorts on. Anyway, I know some of our regulars have sweet trips planned…keep us in mind. Drew, I will wire you some cash to go back to the Shaft. We love content. And drunk Tony.

Montana State's New Mascot

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 12:18:19 +0000

Say hello to Champ!

Whereas Monte, the University of Montana mascot, appears in the Sports Center headquarters from time to time, MSU’s mascot Champ! has recently had a makeover to look more like Freemo.

Watch out Big Sky Conference…its Champ! Apparently Champ! is into bouncerblog.com, as he is prepared for March Moustache Madness. Good looking out.

Celebrity endorsement

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 10:46:39 +0000

…not quite celebrity status. Meet Biba Golic. The Anna Kournikova of table tennis. Definately bouncerblog.com material.

Perhaps she would be willing to breech her killerspin contract and start playing for shots of Beam and mullet stories.

Tax Time

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 17:59:34 +0000

I knocked out my taxes at the Pub Hippo this year. Did you?

For those in the dark, the Hippo is home to the 22 oz Kiboko…cheap beer in a funny looking pimp cup. I prefer my Pub Pilsner, which I suppose to be Busch Light, with a healthy dose of Clamato. I love Wi-Fi.

???

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 17:39:07 +0000

So, I have been curious about a bumper sticker I happened to see (on a Geo) a few days ago. Green lettering on a white background: “Oh no, not another learning experience.” Am I missing something? I understand what a learning experience is, and I suppose I could see why that would be somewhat dreadful…but sereously. What is going on here? I am just curious who thought that insightful or funny enough to broadcast to other motorists. Maybe I need to brush up on my adages, but I am stuck wondering who would be rifling through bumper stickers, find that dandy, and decide that it would look nice on the ass end of his/her hatchback. Any feedback would be appreciated.

30000 lbs

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 20:40:07 +0000

I bet your average CET student could tell you that a cubic yard of crushed rock weighs roughly a ton.

Well there are approximately fifteen yards of the junk right there.

I think that is about 30,000 pounds Dave and I spread by hand. Studying remedial math would beat the hell out of this type of work.

Who Needs a Dodge?

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 13:39:37 +0000

I am sure a few of our more faithful readers (yeah, that is you John Bach…stop buying Grif and I shots of Beam) will remember this gem from a few months back.

Two Ford Fiestas in the McDonald’s parking lot. I was wondering what the odds of that occuring were exactly…pretty funny stuff. Well, I can say with some confidence that this is less probable.

When I saw the blue Pontiac Trans Sport SE at our construction job site I got a good laugh. When the second Pontiac Trans Sport SE swung on in my reaction was more along the lines of “are you fucking kidding me.” Keep in mind that contractors and construction people in general usually tend to drive trucks, and that these two dudes have their goofy looking vans pulled into the lot with authority. Get real.

406ers

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 12:51:04 +0000

Hey everybody. I picked up a copy of Filth and Foul’s newest album The 406ers this weekend.

I have to say that I was surpised as hell at its quality. I ended up running into Nick at the convenience store yesturday and spent some time bullshitting about the disk. It turns out that DJ Bees has gone into religion and (I kid you not) is in Haiti dealing with people who claim to be possesed. Weird. Even so, the new album has some pretty tight content and a ton of shout outs. I figured that it would be fitting to give Nick some publicity after listening to his work for the past few years and seeing his growth musically. As luck would have it, our old buddy Kellyn Brown has already beat me to it with an article in the Chonicle. Check it out…good looking out fellas.

Hooked on a Feeling

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 17:12:25 +0000

You all can thank me later for this link. The HoffAgain, courtesy of the Zigmeister. David Hasselhoff is now apparently a music video star in addition to a world class actor. Wow buddy.

Even Worse Than the Leather Pants Kid

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 17:42:03 +0000

First off…big shout out to Shmeric. It is nice to hear from you. No big bounces of late, but it is only a matter of time before I get smoked in the face again. Stay tuned. Now to the guts of this post. Ziggy, aka Ziggy Mathews, aka Mr. Feeny’s student Corey Mathews, sent me this assinine link. I think it may in fact be more ridiculous than the “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” vocalist. [Chubby Pokemon Kid - Google Video no longer available]I am somewhat curious at my recent tendancy to give weird kids hell. Whatever.

Day Trip to Pony

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 17:02:33 +0000

Yesturday was good one. The Ohs boys, T-bone, Bailly, and I set out to retrieve a couch from Potosi Hot Springs, where T-bone works. Potosi is conveniently located near Pony, home of the Pony Bar and good times in general.

After loading the couch and setting up the manager’s DVD player (?) for some goddam reason, we set out to play bumper pool, shoot dice, tell lies, and drink beer. Here is one of Pam the Man’s four cow-dogs looking very sophisticated outside the bar. This photo is taken on Main, giving you an idea of how big Pony, MT is.

K Fed Working Construction?

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 21:31:27 +0000

Either Kevin Federline is working for Westworks Construction, or I am looking like a serious dirt-ball. I think my look is more along the lines of “I don’t recycle, and I will not likely recycle in the future.”

header?

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:54:40 +0000

I have been throwing around ideas to replace out banner for some time…trial one. My Photoshop skills are notably less refined than Drew’s seem to be, but I got very close to what I was set out to create. Kyle and I have some code to figure out, and I may have to throw in a watermarked image after all, but there you go. New header beta version 1.1.

The Future of Transportation

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 15:51:03 +0000

This is pretty amazing. robotic roachEssentially what you are looking at is a cockroach with its antennae sliced off and replaced with a set of neural stimulators. These are triggered by means of photo receptors, stimulated by different series of LED combinations. In reaction to the lights the roach moves the platform front or back and left or right by walking on the trackball. This whole mess becomes a robot with a living component. Weird stuff. So this might be your fossil fuel alternative, Biddy. Maybe your grandkid’s grandkids will be “driving” genetically souped up ostriches outfitted with brain interfaces…I don’t know. Maybe your grandkid’s grandkids will buy second hand emus for their highshool aged kids with which they can back into other emus in parking lots.

Legion Ad?

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 17:35:24 +0000

Grif did a pretty fine job summarizing the weekend. Too much fun for this cowboy…I have spent the past twenty odd hours coughing and drinking orange juice. Maybe getting punched in the chest on Saturday loosened something up. Who knows? The worst thing about being sick may in fact be daytime television. The History Channel has been playing the same three programs about the Asian front of WWII, and CNN is only interesting for about an hour. FoxNews is more conservative than Grif anymore…just kidding bro.

Swanson Family Fun

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 18:24:12 +0000

According to my mom I missed one hell of a party in Glasgow on the first. The Swanson’s apparently felt a need to feel like ass on the second…to bring in ‘06 with headaches. Five cases of beer a case or two of wine and two bottles of hootch (sp) dog-eared for my uncle Jeff. So anyhow, I think everyone was amused with their drinking ability. Mom sends me these pictures of some of the action. First off, my uncles Marc and Jeff posing to show their belly sizes. Innocent enough. Next, my dad and cousin Jay join the action. Notice the sippy cup and untouched tray of broccoli in addition to the two empty bottles of blended Canadian whisky. And here you go. The brothers bellies. I think I lucked out on the genes…Dad looks pretty good for his early fifties. Check out the lower right portion of this last pic. Someone is going to crack open the white zinfendel bottle. Out of everything else I assume. In the long run, there was only one wine stain on the carpet, which came out relatively easy I understand. Oh yeah, Julie doesn’t really recall which one of her aunts gave her a ride home.

Happy Weekend

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 19:07:05 +0000

Let’s everybody get excited for the weekend like this little dude.

This is yet another WalMart find…inflatable bean bag chair. I have no idea what this kid is trying to do here. It looks painfully awkward. I do know, however, that I could play a mean air guitar by age seven.

More Fun W/ Swanny

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 18:09:11 +0000

Shitty Photoshop is the best Photoshop

NYE 06

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 17:26:33 +0000

I think I can wish you all a happy new year without offending any readers, so there you go. BartenderNicole, ShirtShop and I ran our asses off last night and succeeded in providing Bozeman with a great deal of hangovers. Just a few quick pics from the night:

The first two show the brothers Morrison getting jiggy w/ a fine bottle of sparkling wine. ***I think I may try to throw “jiggy” in my posts until we see it in our search key word list. And often. ***

Here You Go

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 14:07:46 +0000

Try these gems on for size, will you.

Keeping it simple for our elementary school level patrons, Natedawgg was in Mexico; D was drunk as two skunks on Thursday. I hope HatShop and Grif get jiggy with the photojournalism tonight…it ought to be interesting.

Whew!

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 15:31:16 +0000

What a week! I just got back to town after one hell of a vacation. I was almost too busy to celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, which coincidentally falls very near to the winter solstice. Whatever. I started by getting back together with the ol’ gang from high school. Not much has changed for the most part.

Then Griff and ShirtShopTony did some cool ballooning.

From Alum to Ranger

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 22:07:22 +0000

This is my *first attempt at animation. Not bad for twenty odd minutes of work. It turns out that the Photoshop help index is useful. Here is my projected regression of Daryl’s facial hair as he moves from his current stage of life to that of a Montana Fish and Game warden. This tool may usher in a whole new level of obscurity for bouncerblog.com. You are all welcome.

Sesame Street

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 18:06:01 +0000

which of these things is like the others…which of these things is not the same…

*hint: the urinals are different

Saturday's Supplement

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 18:18:53 +0000

This is quite straightforward. Here are three members of the Morrison Militia enjoying the space bag.

This shot may help to explain what led to the HatShop (ShirtShop?) Dance Party ‘05

Tony had plated over a dozen Jell-o shots. I think he *ate them all.

Hatshop videos

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 12:00:00 +0000

**Update:**I figured out how to convert the Hatshop videos! You are now free to download them all and share them with your friends! (keep in mind that the quality is poor and the sound is totally screwed, but you will get the general idea) Hatshop 1 Hatshop 2 Hatshop 3

Endorsements

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 17:11:35 +0000

bouncerblog.com would like to take the time to introduce a few fine products: Fantastico! floor cleaner and Smucker’s Sugar Free Maple Syrup. Fantastico! esta buenisimo!

The syrup gets my endorsement after I powered through half of a bottle of the stuff last night during my consuming of four pancakes, four bacon slices, two eggs, breakfast potatoes (??), and HatShop’s French toast.

See You On Thursday

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 11:24:38 +0000

This is what a bouncerblog.com sanctioned vacation is like…

Catch you guys this weekend.

Pre-Finals Antics

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 15:29:15 +0000

I am Vegas bound tomorrow afternoon and quite excited to be getting out of town for a while. Between my retarded text message fighting with Paige, the Tony/Katie saga, and Grant getting popped in the mouth at the Izar Bizar…I think I am ready to blow off some steam at the roulette table. Dave and I are probably going to be the two coolest dudes in Nevada. I expect to be kicking it with b-list celebs, Martin Mull and Frankie Munez and so forth. Maybe Johnny Fairplay will be hanging out. Anyhow Hot or Not is new. Check it out.

PB&J

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 17:04:58 +0000

It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Now where you at? Now there you go! Family Guy

We Waited Bozeman.

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 17:51:11 +0000

First off, big shout out to Kellyn Brown of the Chronicle for the publicity in the Saturday edition. We did see a bit of a spike in our traffic, but not even a fraction of as much as Griff and I were anticipating at three in the morning. Sad dog :( In retrospect, I suppose that the intersection of the group of people who appreciate stupid shit like bouncing, facial hair, and computers, and the group of people who subscribe to the daily news is quite small. But I still love technology. Well whatever…I am okay with not being famous. Plus, I can put together posts such as this without the fear of offending people around town who prepare my food. For the time being I can take a few quick jabs at mullet heads without eating spit. Which brings me to the following.

The Ugly, the Bad, & the Good

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 20:21:29 +0000

I have been receiving odd looks since I moved to Bozeman regarding my growing up in Glasgow. West Dakota is pretty funny, aside from that I mostly get a lot of “Its pretty flat there, huh?” and even more “Its cold there, huh?“s. Eastern Montana does have a number of drawbacks, but is honestly not that bad. I managed to snap a few photos during my jont back for Thanksgiving with you all in mind.

I am tired

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 21:08:44 +0000

I will be giving these photos an accompanying story in a bit…just a preview to let yall know we have you viewers in mind. I need about five naps after all of this shit. Sorry for the lapse everybody. Here we go. This is Cat/Griz eve. Granted this Friday was busier than the average night, but the ladies room is always near this level of pure disorder. Kyle and I have a little mime act as to what may happen to leave things in this condition…it involves throwing toilet paper in the air and yelling “woo.” It is sort of funny at two thirty in the morning. Here are D, Griff, and I stocking the cooler after close. Two of the three recall this picture being taken. Good work Gackle. On to some actual Cat/Griz photos. Dave gets the party started with some Champagne far too early, and things just sort of play out from there. Auto-pilot as my homey Eve would say. Lets follow it up with a series of weird beard photos… …and then with Waldo’s drunk ass grabbing some zzz’s All right. Nobody really knows how exactly Dave ended up with the stamp pad from the doormen at the ticket entrance. It happened, however, resulting in a few dozen of our buddies and their buddies buddies cousins getting free passes into the Brawl of the Wild. Can you imagine the look on those guy’s faces when they realized that they botched the one simple task that was their charge? And then Voy invented a restroom. My photo journalism was lacking from this point on. I ended up on the field with a goal post, but for some reason the post is quite elusive in photography. I have some pics from Specs and from the field that I will toss in the gallery. The weekend in a photo? Right here. A big pork rind & beer thumbs up.

Greetings from WalMart

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:03:05 +0000

This afternoon found me once again at the local WalMart killing time whilst a team of half-assed mechanics swapped out the oil in my Yukon. I have been dropping approximately 1/2 pint of power steering fluid onto various area parking lots for a few months now…keep this in mind. Well, soon after entering the store from the auto service area, I came across this gem. Have you ever wondered how much it would cost a guy or gal to promptly indicate to his/her house guests of his amazing lack of class? Fifty eight bucks. Another sure shot way to indicate your udder classlessness would be to take the rug rats out to the old shopping center dressed like this…in mid-November. Yuck. So my story is really not that interesting. I did however play a few demo games on the Xbox 360, which was pleasant. Upon my return to the auto center check out area, the fella working the counter told me that he thinks I may have a slight fluid leak somewhere. Excellent sleuthing. Whoever made the decision to swap this guy out of housewares and into automotive deserves a promotion.

TGIS

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 18:29:10 +0000

I for one am looking forward to Monday. This birthday stuff is a whole load of bullshit…I don’t thrive on undeserved attention. I do however always end up overdoing things during this period every single year; ‘05 was no exception. I have been dog-sitting for my boss, and doing so with tremendous headaches each morning; Friday was no exception. In addition to this, my ear was a bit sore, due to the presence of Hat Shop’s diamond earring in it. At least Biddy put the thing in my left ear. Neither of us can really recall why this came about, but we all agree that it looks surprisingly decent considering. I worked for a handful of hours on Friday before going it to tend bar. My big plan was to keep the big day under the radar for alcohol purposes, which worked quite well for a time. The last hour or so consisted of much too much Jim Beam, resulting in another of those aforementioned headaches on Saturday. The shift at the bar was going well, until a methed-up John Travolta fella showed up and started pitching about the dance floor. Upon my asking the patron to knock his intensity level down a few notches, he became less like John Travolta, and somewhat more like a more backwoods Chuck Norris. (Note: trying to drop some names for search engine reasons. Bubba Keg Bubba Keg) Well, Daryl and I get him drug out back, he attacks Daryl, we drop him, we let him go, he again attacks Daryl, we again drop him. We had to restrain him until the policia showed up, due to the cut on his forehead. Last night was the first time in 364 days that I had thrown a fist, and likely the first time in as long as Daryl had pinged a fella’s head off of a wall. Oh yeah, as this clown was carrying on in the back seat of the cruiser regarding getting jumped by Daryl’s friends (all 160 pounds of them) he told the police that the altercation was the result of him being a better dancer than the two of us. I doubt that, sir. I have polished some serious floor in my day.

More Crass Junk

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 16:27:26 +0000

This one is courtesy of Zig…enjoy. camel toads

Dreamiest Slegion Employee Poll Results

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 12:00:00 +0000

I decided to throw in the towel for the Dreamiest Slegion Employee poll. New votes have become sparse…and I was still getting my ass kicked. Final results: Katie over Hat Shop, %39 to %34, respectively. Congratulations to both of you good looking kids…I have a feeling that two of my five votes were from my mom and little sister. Enjoy the newest installment; note the fact that you creative bloggers can add your own input this time. In other news, our favorite photo submitter, Chuck Dizzle, recently informed me that his model has been alerted of her presence in our gallery. Apparently her attitude towards said pictures was less than pleased. Shouting ensued…the police were mentioned…the pics are no longer posted. We regret any hard feelings. I personally feel that the TermiNater’s guy-boobs were more offensive.

Here we go again

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 18:13:01 +0000

Last night found me tired of people and tired in general at work. I find that tailgating will do that to a guy. After having my drunken homeboy Eric relate a pointless and long-winded story about a guy not being from Townsend, I decided to entertain myself by compiling some serious Hot or Not action. Enjoy. I was throwing around the idea of tossing Albert Charles “A.C.” Slater’s and Samuel “Screech” Powers’ photos up in place of the usual Hot or Not format…maybe next time. On to the weekend in photos…Friday night was not all too exciting for Grif, Tony Toni Tone, and me. Not a ton of drama, which is nice for a change. The Montana Department of Fish and Game had better watch out. They just issued this dude a uniform. Daryl was having more fun than most on Friday. He rolls into the bar with a head of steam after closing time and starts throwing out the MadTV Stewart poses. You had better start growing your goatee brother. Saturday finds me in charge of the food/drink portion of the Morrison Design and Landscaping/bouncerblog.com tailgate. Dave found himself in Helena at the Seinfeld stand-up show. Dave’s stomach found itself brimming with wine…a reported three bottles. By the time he rolls up, this is his condition. Note: this photo must have been taken during the forty five minute span of Kyle and Steph’s tailgate tenure. Also, that hot rod in the backdrop was running the entire time. Good work. Pre-nap time at Spectators is always a shit show. Some drink conservatively, some drink like Shuga Shane. Better work. Shane wasted no time in hitting the dance floor at the Sleeg upon his arrival. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

TGIF

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 18:17:43 +0000

This will be a quick one…I am to meet the Zigginator for a beer on his way through town shortly. Just a thought: Cody Janes–> I give you a 90% chance of waking up on Sunday and recalling that all you consumed on Saturday were some of these lil’ smokies. For that, my friend, you get a big thumbs up.

WWKFD? Apparently this.

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 19:34:36 +0000

Hot or Not

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 20:35:29 +0000

Hey peeps. I am trying to give you all a weekly installment of my new Hot or Not section. Check it out; keep in mind that I am still not comfortable with the layout. Whatever. I know that the Grifmeister and I have built a small group of loyals, and the thought of said patrons calling up bouncerblog.com to find stale content makes me sick. I love you guys. Also, I am somewhat surprised at the lack of activity regarding the past weekend’s antics. I feel that some of this was due to my business and Paige’s party…aka the reason for a ton of retardedness. Kyle was too inebriated to recall his Canadian cigarette box sized camera in his pocket. Dave (my boss/homie) was too jungle juice-fruit-drunk to realize that calling a guy a “fucking fagot” may result in a fat lip. In short, this guy is not too upset that he had to be tending bar before the alliterative shit hit the colloquial fan. Word to your mother Owen.

Ridiculousness

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 21:57:07 +0000

Foremost…check out the new hot or not section. It is linkable to your right. Enjoy and realize this is gen one of this bad boy; I will hammer out the format one of these days.

Now, here is the good stuff. Zig and I have collected in the past week some nice examples of the crazy things a guy or gal can get a laugh out of if he or she keeps his or her eyes open. Ziggy, who is, at present, affiliated with the Whitefish bar scene, mentioned his run in with the largest apple perhaps ever.

Update

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 14:34:30 +0000

After three of my four Sleeg shifts of the week logged, I am becoming very tired of people. Question: Why does our society cater to the gutless? I have been dealing with officers Dunlop and Shultz of BPD regarding two separate mixes at the bar. I have two cocksuckers attempting to throw assault charges my way…for doing my job. Here I sit, typing with a crooked finger from one of two said incidents thinking that this is pure bullshit. Case one. I’m tending bar a few weeks back when a patron comes behind the bar to tell me that his drink is weak. That is trespassing my friends. I provided the dude with ample warning to relocate before removing him. He has told the police that I knocked the drink out of his hand, tossed him against the wall, and took him out back in a headlock. This is true. He has however failed to mention where he was when this happened. Case closed. Number two. Tony and I get involved with a kid regarding an ID. After being asked to leave numerous times, and being made aware of the fact that he was indeed trespassing, this all-star decides to get physical. I end up throated from behind by this guy’s buddy, we hit the ground and start going at it. If there were to be any charges pressed, it should have been on this guy…I am however not a pansy. Anyhow, somehow this all plays out to have me looking at yet another ticket. How is beyond me. I am at a loss as to why folks in general are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. There is no excuse for this nonsense in my opinion. Enough of that. I have been wrestling with my copy of photoshop, my ftp client, pjpg and JPG extensions, etc. and have not been doing a ton of posting. Look for a new section soon, however…I have one up my sleeve.

Weird Beard Weekend

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 12:00:00 +0000

Attention all bouncerblog.comers. This weekend marks the reemergence of the weird beard. Anthony has the weekend off from the country club and thus he Kyle and I will be sporting the hottest look in the facial hair grooming department. Feel free to join us at the best smelling bar west of Butte for this monumental occasion.

Good Stuff

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 16:32:36 +0000

I have a big case of cabin fever after being snowed out of work again. Check this out. Athletic Bear No idea as to when this happened, but is seems like PETA should take note.

WWKFD?

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 20:13:53 +0000

This is what Kevin Federline would do. I smell a Halloween costume.

Weird Weekend – Beard

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 19:45:29 +0000

Well here we go again. Here is the weekend in review from this blogger’s point of view. Let me first start by throwing up a thumb, as well as a crooked ass pinky to those Fightin’ ‘Cats. It appears as though there is ample enough parking at MSU to accommodate our football squad, Josh. Anyhow, the weekend looked super Thursday afternoon. jLo shoots me this sweet pic from campus. Yessir, that is a true Canadian tuxedo. Don’t get me wrong, I love denim…just not as much as this fella. editor’s note: I would like to know who made the call to throw the auxiliary dry erase board in this room. Give me a break.

You're Invited

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 14:37:56 +0000

Follow along Jonny College Student. With the help of bouncerblog.com, you can bump up the excitement level of your average tailgate. Go from this

to this

Introducing the first ever bouncerblog.com pre-tailgate wine sampling. Join the gang Saturday morning for this unprecedented affair. Details to follow.

Boy Band

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 17:50:52 +0000

All that remains now is our name (I was thinking 4-sure…but there are five of us) and a shit load of meterosexualizing. Ain’t no lie, baby bye bye bye…Bye Bye

Opening Tailgate

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 15:00:33 +0000

This Saturday marked the Montana State Fighting Bobcat’s home opener. The MSU grounds crew has provided the Cats with a terrific playing surface this season…unbeknownst to most alum and practically all coeds in attendance, Grif and Steve Sampson included.

To those nonattendees, the game is secondary to parking lot drinking…in fact, the game is often only evident when the cannon is torched after a touchdown. Pink, personalized Bubba Keg’s full of hops, skips, and goes, naked for some…Pabst Blue Ribbon for others. Interesting day, though. While I was putting together a wiring harness for my Yukon, Grif and Biddy were putting 30 Busch Lights in a cooler with Country Time and vodka. Gross…I do my best to avoid ingesting all three of those. A few hours elapse and my work flatbed trailer is the place to be for a few dozen hard drinking dudes and dudettes. Feel free to join us in two weeks. I don’t imagine we will have grown up by then.

For Sale

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 19:24:31 +0000

Tell a friend…this beast is on the market. 1992 K5 Blazer appx. 142 thousand miles, 4x4, auto everything. Unfortuanately, this whip has no engine. Make me an offer. Oh, yeah…I forgot to mention that this vehicle is equiped with tilt.

Joe’s Kindred Spirit

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 20:20:25 +0000

Okay…one more obscure post before Grif and I tear it up. So my boss and I are waiting in line at Boondoggles (gas station sandwich shop…I love grinders, subs, dagwoods, whatever) when I spot a real dude wearing the same shoes as I. This may be commonplace for some bouncerblog.com readers; this is a first for me. See, I have for the past two odd years been purchasing disposable footwear in the form of *-Mart velcro shoes. Under five dollers per unit and surprisingly comfortable. Example:

Weekend Results

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 18:08:56 +0000

I am writing this post with a sore toe. Dehydration, stress, and Johnny Carino’s house merlot seem to have onset my gout. For those of you who are under fifty years of age and have better genetic code than the Swanson clan, gout is a form of arthritis that affects me from time to time. It is essentially a buildup of uric acid in my synovial fluid, that crystalizes and becomes painful as all hell. Hundreds of milligrams of ibuprofen and a few gallons of water later, I hope to have this thing knocked down by tomorrow. Who knows though. The combination of my two jobs keeps me sweating for approximately seventy hours per week…add in the fact that I have been trying to get pre-approved for a loan and have been dealing with Bozeman PD in lieu of a fight in the Legion Friday and it is no mystery why I am having an attack. To make matters worse, I swing the Yukon into a Wall Mart parking space reserved for senior citizens and receive a nice little condescending note from an anonymous do-gooder. Thank you for that. I am not retarded, I am disabled…right Grif?

For the Kids!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 20:55:10 +0000

Well. I feel bad :( about the crass content of that last post. Let us all loosen up a bit. Are you ready kids??? :) Heyyy!!!! :)It’s Louie Anderson! :)What a funny dude?!!! ;)Do you kids like roulette??? I took this photo early in the morning after losing quite a sum of money on the roulette table in Las Vegas a while back. Unfortunatly, I was not able to meet Louie in person. :(

Sandwich Outing

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 20:56:39 +0000

Hey y’all. Quick disclaimer. I have no intentions of turning bouncerblog.com into a site wherein I publish photos of those whom I feel that I am better than. See, I just ended a sentence in a preposition; I am not without my flaws. Check this out though…as a youngster I wore my hair in the same manor as Ryne Sandburg, so I do understand that children are both impressionable and blind to their outward appearance. This is assinine, however.

Week in Review

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 20:08:45 +0000

What an interesting week in photos. I am amused for sure, but too feel slightly uneasy at the sights captured by my cellie cam. Check these out; chant some AC/DC.

Monday morning. I spot this hard-rocker hard-rockin’ an agressive mullet. You cannot see the yellow mirrored lenses on this hombre’s Gargoyles, but you can imagine. TNT! oy oy oy…TNT! oy oy oy …TNT! oy oy oy…

Tuesday afternoon. This chick has potential. Purple stretch pants…a plus in my book. Athleticism? Youbetcha. Her abnormality lies in the fact that she is smoking two cigs at once. Go easy my friend.

Meet the Reverend

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 21:59:03 +0000

So here he is. My unofficial mascot, friend, and partner in crime…The Reverend Owl Sharpton.

Owl and I go back some deal of time. We crossed paths one fair Fall evening in Bozeman proper. See the cottonwoods dropping leaves a yellow; smell the crispening air. See me cutting a wide swath through a back yard; smell the flat Rainier spilling from my bottle. Now you’re getting there. I may or may not have had both shoes on. Anyhow, one misdemeanor later and this badass and I have been teaming up and hitting the roads with heads of steam since ‘02. And ‘0 the memories…Butte America, Glendo, Vegas, Havasu, Chicago and every burg betwixt have experienced our shenanigans. I do not know if the Reverend is in fact Irish, and frankly I am somewhat afraid to ask. I do know he got the hat from a motorized yard flamingo…that much is certain. Check the gallery for a few of his documented outings. Not only is the son of a bitch wise, but he is elusive to boot. Now feed that pheasant.

Welcome Back!

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 16:45:54 +0000

Bouncerblog.com is most proud to announce the reemergence of the rat-tail into societal commonplace. Note the fact that Bozeman is a college town…i.e. a hotbed of uppity poser folk. Our SubaruwithblacklabwithYakimaracktotingNalgenebottles to person ratio is off the goddamn scales. Go buy some outerwear and hike the M, Bozemanites. Anyhow…

Here’s Bouncerblog.com’s cofounder at Samurai Sam’s yesturday afternoon next in line to a bonafide rat-tail sportin’ dude. I had a laugh and a bowl of yaki soba. Do feel free to email some hairdo pics to Swanson@bouncerblog.com…keep it PG though, I was raised Catholic. Joe —sorry about the poor quality of the shots and to hell with Audiovox cell phones—

Weekend Heroics

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 20:29:13 +0000

Long story short…fight breaks out, Swanny hops the bar to swoon the female patrons, Griff wears one in the grill, Beam is consumed. Was “Billie Jean” playing during this altercation? Quite likely.

Contact

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 16:41:57 +0000

* Email ~~~~ joe[at]swantron.com * Twitter ~~ @swantron * Resume ~~~ Here it is

Hello World!

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 04:49:13 +0000

We’re live and crackin….check back soon, and often

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