Improving Existing Products: A How-to Improving existing products is a snap! Start with a product. Here, I used this product, a dog poop receptacle. Pretty boring, huh? The first rule of thumb when improving existing products, is to make sure to improve upon the improvable, regardless of how improbable it is to improve appropriate items theoretically unprovable. Unlikely. Here is my improved product: Turds FTW!

FTL FTW

NAPKIN-BOT IS GLAD TO BE OF YOUR SERVICE IN REALMS OF ABSORBENCY

And here I stand, thinking that Apple fanboiz were at the pinnacle of pretentiousness…turns out there is a far worse type of consumer: I think there is a joke to be made about polishing a turd, but I don’t think this particular turd is polished. Maybe if they made it multitask or run Flash…however, this is what some dipshits at Mervis Diamond have done:

This gorgeous diamond studded iPad features 11.43 carats of diamonds, hand-set in a micro-pave styling. The diamonds are graded G/H in color and VS2/SI1 in clarity. Price tag: $19,999. Very limited quantities available. Orders will be available June 1.. Good luck with that. I’m holding out for an emerald-studded iPhone. Not. Like that? Bringing back the not.

Broke as a joke? If you need some cash in a pinch, you have several options: ~ Hit a payday advance joint (and get nailed w/ a generous fee) ~ Write a bad check (overdraft fee != good) ~ Cash advance the ol’ credit card (and pay a ridiculous finance rate) ~ Knock off a convenience store (insert your own soap-on-a-rope joke here) Or alternatively, you could hit CashGo.com, and get some loot the easy way….the easy and confidential way. MyCashGo is pretty sweet. Everything is directly spelled out…no hidden fees, no need of perfect credit, no direct deposit…basically, they get you cash in a hurry. Plain and simple. Hit the above link to test it out…they give instant approval, so you could be up and rolling in no time. FWIW, they have 50% off for new customers, so you got that going, too. Which is nice. ***Of course, you could write paid blog posts (like this) for some loot. Trust me, it is far less lucrative than it seems :( ***Also of note, MyCashGo doesn’t require any faxing of info. I propose all fax machine use be discontinued, in general. So 1992. :(

My SmackBerryz totes pwned lol

Hastily drawn.

MAXXIMUM AWESOME! **DISCLAIMER** ^ Windows XP is not awesome, and the Mini 9 is neither networked, nor running anything aside from my media player.

Green robots are the best robots. Like this gem I drew for Katie… I had to wipe out the technical specs from that document via a slick combination of MS Paint rectangle selects, MS Paint deletes, MS Paint bucket things, and MS Paint spray paint things. Pretty awesome. I think I’m speaking for everybody when I say that I hope that my green robot phase last for a long, long time. Beats drawing hot snauce bottles, nawmeen…

I don’t like vans, because they look like toasters. I don’t like toasters, because they make bread sharp and stale. I don’t like Nissan Elements, because they look like toasters. I don’t like Venn diagrams, just because. I like that shirt, though.