It’s been a while, but the Family Circus idiot kids are back with some more brilliant observations…

This site and 26outs are both running SWIZ-1.0, my new WordPress Theme. Please hit me with any questions, suggestions, etc. My Twitter has changed, too… @swantron

I grew up approximately 920 miles from the Pacific Ocean. The border between Low-Earth-Orbit and Mid-Earth-Orbit is right around 1240 miles. It is safe to say that I was closer to the ISS or MIR than I was to an Ocean. This might help to explain my eerie attraction to anything oceanic…Oceanic 815 included. Lost, FTW! Needless to say, I jumped on the opportunity to shed some light about Hawaii Photo Rental’s newly launched Maui Camera Store. Why not? Make a few bucks for some camera research…sign me up. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to superimpose the creepy sexy robot-lady in a beautiful aquatic setting… First, a bit of geography…Maui is the Valley Island…the second largest of the bunch. As the nickname alludes, there are some serious valleys in Maui…puts the valley shots from Lost (on Oahu) to shame. Volcanos? Check. Mountains? You bet. Waterfalls? Better believe it. Space Science? Oddly enough, yes. The Haleakala Observatory is over 10,000 feet above the sea on a dormant volcano…awesome. Check the view… Obviously, Maui Camera is the place to go for all photography supplies above sea level. What about said supplies below and equally at sea level? They have you covered there, too. In order to take photos like the one above, you will need to pick up a Camera Water Housing, unless you wish to render your camera useless. Observe: Maui cameras, Maui lenses, lighting, light meters…you name it, Maui Camera is your spot. For something that will be used once, why buy if you can rent? They offer reservations…hit a link to find out more. I’m pretty pumped after putting that together. Maybe we can save up some loot and honeymoon to Maui…space science and snorkeling…my kind of trip.

President’s Day is practically synonymous with one thing and one thing alone: spray paint. I knocked out this bad boy… 2ft x 3ft. Canvas w/ spray paint & acrylic. 100% awesome

Hit me up… http://www.google.com/profiles/lasverduras

I’m sure a bunch of my reader base knows that I worked for several years in the lucrative field of landscaping. I did this after getting my math degree, which, logically, makes very little sense. Truth be told, I did quite well there…paid off school, bought a couple of vehicles, chugged cases upon cases of Red Bull, and primed myself for skin cancer. You win some, you lose some…or to use my degree, the probability of one winning or losing all is neither equally zero nor one. Math, for the win. Why do I bring landscaping up? Because I accept money to write reviews, of course. Only, however, for products for which I feel I can personally vouch. After banging around in every type of vehicle setup imaginable, I can say with 100% confidence that the right accessory will make a work truck 100% less of a pain in the ass. Here is where RealTruck comes into play. In the case of Morrison Design & Landscaping, we were in a constant struggle to keep our hand tools up and running….primarily since our gear bounced around, unsecured, in the back of our flatbeds. RealTruck.com has some pretty sweet truck rack options. These would have been doubly useful for us, vertical storage for shovels, rakes, et al, in addition to lumber storage for fence jobs and tree stakes. I’m sort of jealous… Anyhow, once I switched to doing irrigation, I was constantly making service runs with my (gangsta ass) Yukon. Having rotors, nozzles, funny pipe, shovels, emitters, Red Bull cans, and whatever else you can think of rattling around my rig was a major annoyance. RealTruck can help out with this…they carry a selection of van rack solutions…would have made my problem moot. They also have ladder rack options…for thine contractors. I spent very little time working general construction, but enough time to fall off several ladders. Not a fan. Depending upon what sort of work you are doing, RealTruck has it. They have winches, mud flaps, and bedliners…something for everyone. FWIW, they also stock air intake kits and some slick Tonneau covers…for which I am a sucker.

I have previously been asked (most often by the same dipshit girl at Wells Fargo) if I knew Joe Swanson, the cop. Nope. Great name, but I’ve never met the guy. That said, it still looks weird seeing this in the Chronicle….with perhaps the most clumsy headline of all time… In Bizarro World, I suppose I am a cop. Like cop Joe Swanson, programmer Joe Swanson often rides dirty with a laptop and tactical shotgun. Cop Joe Swanson has a speed detector; programmer Joe Swanson has a speed detector detector. Cop Joe Swanson rolls with a Glock 40; (citation needed) programmer Joe Swanson rolls with a Glock 45. I win. I always do.

Happy Presidents Day. I like Taft, because he was fat. Here is what I did, on my day off from banking software.

1. Attacked our clogged kitchen sink dilemma, again. ~~Pretty glad I opted not to be a plumber, even though I rule at plumbing. Not really about the ruling, but I most assuredly would hate to be a plumber.
2. Busted out the vacuum. Pretty sure I opted not to be a vacuum-er for my profession. I’m pretty good with a vacuum, though.
3. 5.5 miles on the elliptical. Hulu is the best thing to happen to working out at home, and Nova is the best thing to happen to Hulu. I learned about deciphering Mayan writing today. It was pretty awesome.
4. Did a little spray paint art…a.k.a. “Man Art” It will eventually be a samurai…pretty manish.
5. Currently, doing a little blogging, with Smokie on Pandora in the background. It’s a wrap.

What do Glenn Beck, Dennis Miller, and Dr. Laura and I all have in common? An opportunity to tell our followers about Goldline, that’s what. I bet Glenn’s going rate is significantly higher than mine, but I’ll gladly join that roster…you would be a fool not to take an opportunity to promote a good thing, like gold. If I was a smarter man, I would have jumped on the gold bandwagon before it hit four-figure prices. My grandpa had a stash of gold coins…I’m not exactly sure why the Boomers collected gold as a savings strategy, yet the subsequent generations seem to have forgotten about gold until recently. With my mutual funds absolutely taking beatings, (down nearly the price of an oz of gold last month alone) I think the smart thing to do is to purchase something of physical value. The biggest question that I had was that of “where do you buy gold?” With Edward Jones offices on every other block, buying mutual funds is a snap. The downfall with that method of retirement planning and/or savings is the overhead. How do they keep the lights on in those 50x20 strip mall offices and their suit dresses so nicely pressed? Overhead. They take their cut before it even sees the fund…sometimes to a ridiculous extent. Easy. Goldline makes it easy to buy gold online. Very easy…hit the link to see. They have a ticker displaying the daily spot prices…makes it easy to see how much better your gold is retaining its value compared to your stocks. Pretty slick Mark my words…I’ll have a stack of gold pigeon-holed before 2010 is out. It really seems like the logical thing to do.

It could be argued that the Snuggie pretty much wiped out any credibility our nation had. Snuggie and Crocs, I suppose. Well, twist that knife handle, because somebody went ahead and invented Pajama Jeans. I didn’t misspeak. Pajama Jeans. ^^^Tired of looking like a lazy dick at KFC in sweats? Pajama Jeans are for you, friend. ^^^Getting too fat, too rapidly, to contain your fat ass with denim? Pajama Jeans are Cotton/Spandex stretchy wonderment. Problem solved. ^^^Want to looks classy at the gym? Just kidding…these look 100% retarded, regardless of setting. steps on soapbox~~~ I bet these things sell like hot cakes, considering the impressive rate at which people are throwing in the towel on basic social tenets. Pajama Jeans would, maybe, make for a good national uniform bottom for the average overweight, responsibly dodging, globally ignorant, Everybody Loves Raymond-watching, American “adult.” ~~~steps off soapbox